Anand Rao wrote:

Heart of the Immortal

By: Anand Rao (jouve25@hotmail.com)

Ranma 1/2 is owned my Rumiko Takahashi

For previous chapters, go to
http://tannim.anifics.com/Heart_Immortal/Immortal.html

This is definitely a rough draft.

Chapter Seven: Lost Boy, Found Sempai
--------------------------------------

Ranma sat and stared at the spiral.  

What spiral?  Does he have one chalked on the dojo floor?  

Ryoga let go of Ranma and 'playfully' decked him across the face.  "Oh
Sempai, you're such a kidder!"  He laughed.

Sounds to me as though Ryoga really is being playful so there's no need
for the quotes.  

"How was I supposed to get to school without you're help!"  Ryoga protested.

your help

Akane tried hard not to feel too proud of herself.  The kick held little
power, failing to even knock Ryoga off his feet, but it was the first time
she had successfully completed that particular technique.

If it really had little power, then she didn't do it right.  It would
be more accurate to say it had little effect, since Ryoga's hard to 
budge.  

Ryoga, Akane discovered, was a great sparring partner.  She liked Ukyo, but
the chef's fighting style was too refined, too. . . feminine.  Ryoga was a
bruiser of sorts and matched Akane perfectly.  

Delete "of sorts".  

Ryoga, in turn, was soaking

up as much training as he could while he stayed at the Tendo dojo.  He had
been there for almost a whole week, and was amazed that he had not wandered
off and gotten lost.

It's not that amazing.  Ryoga only gets horrendously lost when he's 
swept away by emotion and stops paying attention to his surroundings,
or he's travelling for a relatively long distance.  As long as he stayed
within eyeshot of the house and didn't get upset, he'd be fine.  

Ryoga smiled again as a bruise started form on his jaw line.  As Akane

to form

Ranma gave her a cool look.  "Laugh it up, Akane, your nightmare is just
beginning, you spar with me next."

delete "your nightmare is just beginning".  

"We all know that Akane-san and I have no chance against you by ourselves,
so how about if we both fought you at the same time?"  He gave Akane a
questioning look.

Boot to head!  Naaa-naa!  Boot to the head!

The two students nodded their heads in agreement, properly chastised.

I prefer "chastened".

"You get to train with him every day!  It's. . . only a matter time before I
get lost again."

of time



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