Subject: [FFML] Re: [FF] [IY] Follow Suit Prologue and Chapter One
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
Date: 9/18/2002, 10:52 PM
To: "Nikholas F. Toledo Zu" <nftzu@pop.mydestiny.net>
CC: <ffml@anifics.com>


The Zu wrote:



Prologue
- A Hand with a Void -

      The pain woke him up.

'pain awakened him' (Sounds better, IMO)



      He hoped, for the first time in a long while, that the pain was
lessening, that the events of two nights ago were finally beginning to
have a noticeable effect on his hereditary defect. But no! This time, it
felt as though the skin was peeling back, ripping at the seams. He could
almost smell blood and bone burning from his palm, as it often seemed to
exude, but it was him, his blood, his bones. The tingling was fast
becoming a tremor, and he knew, HE KNEW, that it wouldn't be long.

Nice way to start things out.



      The sudden realization permeated his being and filled him with
calm. Enlightenment comes at the oddest time.

      When did it happen?

      When did the six people in this room suddenly become 'family'?

Vol 15. page 6, panal 4.

Well, he did ask. :)


      He hissed between clenched teeth as another bite in his hand
wrenched him from his ill-timed musings. One thing was clear: he was not
going to let his family suffer the same fate that awaited him.

He'd never let them move into the villa on the French Riveria. Instead they
would get the wooden shack in Siberia.


      The sky was a rich purple hue interspersed with streaks of indigo
blue. Cocks crowed in the village, and the day was beginning.

village, signalling the beginning of the day. (or something like that sounds
better IMO)

 The monk
limped hurriedly through the tamed forest, knowing that time was not on
his side.

      The world around him passed in a green blur, punctuated by sharp
red stabs that urged him to push even just

recommend dropping 'even'

      What if, his crazed and addled mind ventured, what if the future
held some cure for him? Some way that he could be rid of curses, and
demons, and women who carried hulking boomerangs that couldn't figure out
their feelings in time, and somehow build a life for himself?

      'No, I don't think that'll happen.'

Not unless the series has stopped making money. :)


      Why was he even trying? Why was he even fighting it?

      Because if she was there, she would be screaming at him to fight
for his life. And he was not one who would try and disappoint a lady,
especially one that would fight alongside him.

      He felt the prayer beads shatter under the strain of holding his
Kaza-ana in check. Blood spurt

spurted



---

Follow Suit
by Nikholas "elfSwitch" F. Toledo

a light-hearted Inuyasha continuation fic of 13 tricks

Oh yeah, been real lighthearted so far. :)

Very nice writing and mood setting. I applaud you.


---

Chapter 1
- Fourth Best Opening -


      Hajime woke up.

      He sat up, in bed, of course, and was breathing heavily. Sweat was
beading all over his naked chest, and his hand flew to the light-tap
bedside lamp.

      His room was still, of course,

Just used 'of course' in the last paragraph. I'd dump this one.

      "Nothing," Kagome easily replied. "Just thought I'd want to see the
water flow into the furo. It's strangely therapeutic, you know?"

      "There-a-where?"

Heh



      "Ne, Kagome. Why are you up so early?"

Does Sango usually rise so early as well?


      Kagome paused for a moment, as if thinking of what she was about to
say next. "I dreamt I wanted to take a bath, so here I am."

As good as reason as any. :)


      "Inuyasha." She could no longer fight back sobs. "I- I failed him."

---

      Breakfast at the Higurashi household has

had


      Kagome stepped into the dining area, and added kindling to the fire
of Shota's embarrassment. "And the year before, he was so nervous, his
bed had this big, wet--"

      "Kagome!" Shota nearly flew at his sister, wanting to somehow stop
the photo album of his childhood's worst memories from opening to another
page.

These are the sorts of actions that lead young Shotas to snap and kill their
families. :)


      "Morning Mom,"

Morning, Mom

She greeted before calmly sitting across her irate
brother. "Don't worry Kohaku-kun, after that summer crash course i put

I

you through, you'll do fine."

      Kohaku forced a smiled. "H-hai. Arigato, Kagome-neechan."

      "Isn't it your first day in your new high school as well, Neechan?"
Shota said around his fish.

      This time it was Kagome's turn to look a bit squeamish. "Ah, yeah."

      "Oho! Seems like everyone's here." Ojisan walked in and sat down.
He was followed by Sango, who just finished with her early morning
sweeping. He perked up and patted the space beside him. "Sango, my girl.
Why don't you take a seat right here."

here?"



      "Can you please pass the pepper?"

      The person on his right reached over with a beefy hand to hand him
a largish silverware shaker.

      "Danke," he intoned as he liberally flavored his Salisbury steak
and eggs with seasoning.  He passed the shaker back.

      "OJ?"

"Guilty as hell," the person confirmed.


      "If the master says we eat with him, we eat with him. Now shut up
and wait for him to ask for-"

      "Mustard?"

      "Quick! That's your cue!"

The man pulled out a gun and shot the master.

"Wrong cue," his associate informed him.


---

      Spring came early this year.

      Kohaku heard people commenting on how beautiful the sakura were,
which prompted him to stare pensively at the few trees that dotted the
paved road, littered with their blossoms.

      Everything seemed to be happening so fast. He felt like he was in
danger of loosing

losing

 sight of who he was in this strange place, in this
strange time. He looked at his sister and believed that she shared the
same sentiments as well.

      "Ne, Sango-neesan, " Shota tugged at her sleeve in mid-stride get
her attention. "Aren't the sakura pretty?"

      "I don't know." Kohaku replied in her stead, "I like the momiji
better."

Shota; I agree. She was a hot little number in Blue Seed.


      "H-hai."

      At Shota's frantic waving, and the girls' gentle prodding, Kohaku
walked on to take on junior high school.

Junior High spit the little bastard out the next day, having sucked out his
soul, as junior did to every teenager that dared stride its halls.


      'Hmmm... never knew there's a seven eleven

capitalize since it's the name of the business.

 here... A school, an
all-girls school perhaps? Wish summer was here, those long skirts are a
definite turn-off. Oh, a pet shop, wonder if they sell one of those
pythons that grow to 15 feet. Better yet, if the snake comes with a girl
in a two piece bikini...'

      Kamo, of course, remained blissfully unaware of the inner ramblings
that went on in his ward's head. If he had known that the young master
was not paying attention to the road, but to the surroundings, he would
have been quacking his head off.

      But then again, there were times that he was still hard press to

pressed

quiet, especially when it involves

involved


      - sped past her, where it took a quick turn into the corner she'd
passed.

      She only then realized that she'd taken the top of a trash
receptacle, and was planning to let fly.

---

      "Oh," Hajime glanced at the rearview mirror and frowned at the girl
who was holding something suspiciously like a garbage can cover as if she
was planning to practice a discus throw, "THAT young lady."

Heh


      Yes. Nobunaga Takeda has always been a stickler for punctuality.
Especially when it comes to checking out the prospects for the new school
year. "Why, who came? Maiko Yuki?"

changed tenses there.


      "No." Takeda

No,

 answered distractedly, zeroing in on a fairly
attractive freshman who was just outside the gates. "But she on the other
hand will do just fine."

      "Man, I'll believe you when I..."

      The two gentlemen-pervert

perverts


      "Oh, oh, come now, my dear Sango-chan." Michiko slid to the ex-
exterminator's side. "Hard to imagine that you haven't had at least ONE
boyfriend. I mean..." Michiko stopped in mid-thought when something
suddenly clicked into place... "Oh! Oh... oh. Maybe you DID had a

have


      This was the point when Sango did something that no self-respecting
Tai-jiya would ever do when faced with an adversary or... an old comrade.
Her eyes rolled over to the back of her head and she fell dead faint.

Nice work. Hope to see more. Defintely did well in setting the mood,
especially the beginning.

D.B. Sommer





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