--- Gary Kleppe <gary@garykleppe.org> wrote:

As promised, here's my comments on the rest ot this.

Allyn Yonge <allynyonge0000@netscape.net> wrote:

Chapter: 2
Xiao li cang dao
(Conceal a dagger in a smile)

     Ranma glanced in that direction and repressed a sigh
as he spied a brew-pub and wondered again at his father's
almost mystical ability to find ji-biru or ji-sake in the middle
of a wasteland. Genma had  once located a half-liter of
fermented mares-milk in the possession of a goat-herd, in

mare's milk

goat herd

(You'd hyphenate when using these phrases as modifiers, e.g. "Genma is
the best at finding mares-milk-flavored drinks even when they're
goat-herd-owned.")

While I agree with most of the rest of your comments, I think the
sense of this one was missed slightly.

I'd suggest "fermented mares' milk" and "goatherd" or "goat herder".
The second term is analogous to shepard, and means herder of goats as
shepard means herder of sheep.  Though Americans will probably be
much more comfortable with "goat herder".

IOW:
Genma had once located a half-liter of fermented mares' milk in the
possesion of a goatherd (/goat herder), in the middle of a snowstorm,
halfway between hell and nowhere, as they were slogging through
Kazakstan, ....

Or, you could replace the "in the possession of" with "owned by a"
to avoid the repetition of "in" and get:
  Genma had once located a half-liter of fermented mares' milk owned by
  a goatherd, in the middle of a snowstorm, halfway between ....
or, alternatively:
  Genma had once located a half-liter of fermented mares' milk in the
  possesion of a goatherd while slogging through the middle of a
  snowstorm, halfway between hell and nowhere, as they trudged through
  Kazakstan, ....

My $0.02.

-- Anand



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