Allyn Yonge <allynyonge0000@netscape.net> wrote:

     "Tell me pop," Ranma asked sourly as he watched

GENMA: Tell you pop? Okay, pop. I repeat: pop.

RANMA: Now tell me goes the weasel.

(You need a comma in order for "pop" to be identifying who Ranma is
speaking to, which is what you clearly want. "Pop" should also be
capitalized here, as it's being used as a name.)

"Tell me, Pop,"

Soun and Nabiki clear the center of the doujou. Akane was
off in the opposite corner, meditating or something while
Kasumi plated Akane's waist-length hair into a single heavy
braid. "are all your friends insane?"

"Are
(caps for new sentence)

     "Don't be sarcastic boy," Genma slapped his

sarcastic, boy."

ungrateful son on the head. "all you've got to do is----"

"All

     "Beat the crap out of a girl." Ranma's face twisted in
disgust. Ripping someone off for a little cash was one thing,
but he didn't hit people who were helpless, and in his mind,
girls were right at the top of _that_ list, just behind babies,
old people and the feeble minded. "I am not going to do it

feeble-minded.

pop." Ranma hissed in the voice he saved for cons and other

it, Pop,"

     "Now listen, boy," Genma dragged Ranma out the

boy."

doujou door, and away from prying ears. "you don't have a

"You

     "That's anyplace that's not a bar." Ranma drawled

bar," Ranma

     "Ungrateful whelp," Genma smacked him on the

whelp." Genma

head again. "Besides, you'll be doing her a favor by beating
her." Ranma looked a little skeptical at that. "Look boy, it's

"Look, boy, it's

better _you_ beat her now, than let her keep thinking she can
do martial arts and she gets into a fight with someone who
will _really_  hurt her." Sensing his son wavering he went for

wavering, he

     "Oh hell yeah," Ranma was insulted that Genma

yeah."

would have any doubts. "but I'm not gonna hit a girl.

"But

Specially not a cripple." He'd rather take his chances on the

'specially

     "You don't have to _hit_, hit her," Genma argued
persuasively.

Is "persuasively" his own judgement, or Ranma's?

     "She's a girl," Genma pontificated, as if revealing the
secrets of the universe. "she's probably done a little light

"She's

sparring, maybe won a few powder-puff contests, and now
she thinks she's a martial artist."

No Shampoo in this continuity, I take it? (Or at least Ranma hasn't met
her yet?) This line of, er, reasoning, wouldn't go very far if the two
of them had spent the last month running away/hiding from her.

     "Right, boy," Genma sensed victory. "All you have to
do is keep her from hitting you," Ranma snorted derisively at

you." Ranma

the thought of anyone, especially a girl, laying a hand on him,

him.

"and hit her a few times. Nothing hard," Genma hastened to

"And

     Ten minutes later Ranma was revising his estimate
upward. Again. Shaking feeling into his hand he watched

hand, he

      *Crap! Iron Belly Shang*, who would have thought
a nothin' girl from a nothin' little doujou would know
something like that. Or would have _trained_ herself  hard
enough to master the technique. He'd meant to tap her
lightly in the stomach, to knock a little of the fight out of her.
It felt like he'd punched a fire hydrate. He massaged his

hydrant. (Hydrate is a chemical.)

RANMA: Fire hydrate. You get it by mixing fire and water, and heating to
two hundred degrees.

AKANE: So it felt like punching water vapor?

RANMA: Um....

       But he'd  been trying to "not hit, hit her", he

Suggest: to "not hit" hit her,
(or)
to "'not hit' hit" her,

(The comma in the middle there makes it seem like there's an implied
"but", as in "Don't do something, stand there!")

     Akane shuffled to keep Ranma in front of her, using
small sliding steps that were designed to keep him from using
a leg sweep. He thought momentarily about attacking her left
leg, the one with the knee brace, but dismissed the thought
immediately. It wasn't like he was _really_ fighting her. And
crippling his baby girl probably wouldn't win him any points
with old-man Tendou.

old man

     Landing clumsily from his back flip, he automatically
crabbed to the right to put some distance between them, as
his conscious mind caught up with what he'd done and
wondered if he'd killed her. Panting heavily from shock and
favoring his injured leg, he watched, astounded, as Akane
regained her feet, slowly and with much less grace than
Ranma.

Suggest: than he had.
("he" is already referring to Ranma, and in fact this bit of narration
is from Ranma's POV.)

But she showed little sign that his attack had any
effect.

attack had had any

     "Can you continue the fight," he directed this

fight?" He 

question to Ranma.

     "Uhhhh . . .yes?" Ranma answered, not sure what
Tendou-san wanted to hear and deciding on the truth.

SOUN: DING! The correct answer, for five points!

     "Can you continue?" This directed toward his
daughter, who answered with a short nod, never taking her
eyes off Ranma.  It reminded Ranma of the time in Kolhapur,
India, when he'd been running from some villagers under the
impression that Genma owed them three hundred thousand
Rupee. While fleeing for his life he'd stumbled across an old
mossy-back water-buffalo with one calf and no sense of

water buffalo

humor. The buffalo had the same look in her eye then, that

buffalo had had the

then that

     "Whether you are hurt is not the issue." Soun began.

issue, Soun

     "Be . . .silent." Soun spoke sternly and Akane's
mouth snapped shut, a hurt look passing briefly across her
face. "You will marry when I say, and to whom I say!" Soun

"You will marry when I say, and whom I say!"
(or)
"You will be married when I say, and to whom I say!"

grated, pain wenching his heart at the look on his daughters

wrenching

daughter's

     *oh crap* Ranma thought, watching Akane's face

*Oh crap,*

close up. As a martial artist (and son of a chronic drunk)
he'd learned to read body language very well indeed. And,
unless someone did something, in about half a second Akane
was going throw Soun's threat back in his face and walk out

was going to throw

     "Great fight, Tendou-san." Ranma interrupted,

Tendou-san,"

     Ranma grabbed her by the arm, shutting her mouth
with shock as he dragged her toward the door. "Excuse me."
He muttered to Soun, in passing.

"Excuse me," he muttered
(Assuming that it's the "excuse me" that he muttered here; if it's meant
to be something separate, then it's correct as is.)

     "Clown?" Ranma was insulted by the injustice of it
all.  He was trying to keep the stupid girl from saying
something she would regret. Something he'd regret too, if
she queered his and pop's scam. Fortunately, traveling with

Pop's

Genma had given him plenty of practice in pouring oil on
troubled waters.

RANMA: Lucky Pop and I spent that time working aboard that ship for
Exxon.

     "I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot." he
began, smiling his best 'no hard feeling's smile', adding just a

feelings
(no ' as it is neither a contraction ("That feeling's hard to
describe.") or a possessive ("Fortunately, I know what this feeling's
name is."))

I'd also take "smile" out of the quotes, as it is in fact literally a
smile.

     "The only wrong foot, was when you deliberately

foot was

     "Shrew? Shrew!" Akane growled. "I'm a shrew
because I call you a liar, a fake. Probably a pervert too!" she

She

     "Hey, I had my hands all over you in there," he

there." He

jerked a thumb back toward the doujou, "was _that_

doujou. "Was

     "That was different,"Akane huffed, "we were

different," Akane huffed. "We

     "Man, that's just stupid. You mean unless a guy is
tryin' to beat your brains out he's perverted if he touches
you?" This was scary. She was starting to make his old-man

old man

     "No, you're stupid now," Akane started to relax

"No, you're not stupid now." Akane
(you obviously meant to have him say)

slightly. "you must have _always_ been stupid, 'cause to do

"You

     *Her wrists . . .they're so tiny* He thought, amazed

tiny,* he 

at how little and helpless she felt in his grip.  A sudden and
unaccustomed surge of protectiveness welled up in him.
Which was probably why he didn't sense the pile-driver knee
rocketing toward his groin, until it was almost too late. At
the last instant preternaturally quick reflexes allowed him to

instant, preternaturally

     "You can be married tomorrow afternoon." Soun

afternoon," Soun

     "That's right," she ignored his "oof" of pain when

right." She

she stepped on his stomach on her way up. "blame _me_ for

"Blame

     "Who would want to?" Ranma shouted, forgetting
the purpose of their being at the Tendou's. "You crazy ----"

Tendous'.
(There are more than one Tendou.)

     Ranma rolled his eyes. No one in their right mind

No one in his right mind

     "Oh Saotome," Soun turned to Genma. "What a

"Oh, Saotome."

     He was right. All of his fathers friends _were_ insane.

father's

     "Thank you Tendou."

you, Tendou."

     "Akane," Soun turned to face his daughter, "don't

"Akane."

daughter. "Don't

     *Oh, _that's_ a big help daddy.* Nabiki thought
sarcastically.  Ranma was suddenly looking _much_ less

help, Daddy,* Nabiki
(and you can probably drop the "sarcastically," as it's rather obvious
anyway)

attractive.  Bad enough to have Genma for an in-law. The
thought that Ranma would _become_ Genma----a slight
shudder ran through her.

     " . . .as the father is, so the son will be." Soun

be," Soun

I think you're kinda beating the joke to death here. IMO, it'd work
better to leave it short and somewhat implied. You've spent enough time
showing us how utterly disgusting this version of Genma is that the
reader ought to pick up on it pretty easily.

     "Akane . . .Akane dear," Kasumi said worriedly as

Akane, dear,"

     *Oh hell* Ranma quickly reviewed his repertoire  of
disarming procedures and hoped there was a good hospital
nearby . . .for both of them. It always looked so easy in the
movies. But unarmed against a knife? That was a sucker's
game, unless you were fast and ruthless. And lucky.
Ranma was a big believer in luck.  It was always bad, unless
you were dealing the cards from your own deck. Rule of the
road Forty-seven: *Luck flows to the man who doesn't need

Rule of the road forty-seven:
(or)
Rule of the Road Forty-seven:

to win.*

Did you mean doesn't need *it* to win?

      He could break her arm, while she punched a hole
through is heart or carved him a new smile in the same

through his heart

amount of time. The Saotome-Final-Technique had been

Saotome Final Technique

developed for _just_ this sort of situation. . . . Rule eighteen,
*He who runs away----lives* Fighting another day was

lives.*

     "Akane?" Soun's eyes got wide as he saw the blade
in his daughter's hand. "Now Akane, you don't want to do

"Now, Akane,

     "This is what I think of marriage to _you_!" She spat,

she

     "Owww!" The man in question rubbed the back of
his head.

     "Kasumi?" Nabiki stared bug-eyed at her sister who
was rubbing her hand and wincing in pain.

Two rubs in two consecutive paragraphs. May want to reword one of them.

     "Ranma?" Kasumi knocked softly on the guest room
door the next morning. "Ranma . . .chan?" She tried,

she

     Quietly she opened the door, and realized why no
one had answered her knock. Uncle Genma (as she'd been
instructed to call him) was sprawled on his back across two
futons, his wide-open mouth emitting a noise that reminded
her of the time a naughty little boy had put two tom-cats and

tomcats

a small dog in a dryer at the coin laundry.

     She'd put up a clothes-line the next day.

KASUMI: I thought they'd let me back into the laundromat. *sigh* The boy
disguise didn't fool them, I guess.

     Kasumi frowned slightly. If the oaf . . .Uncle Genma

KASUMI: Have we made it clear to the readers what a disgusting,
repulsive, and generally evil person this world's Genma is yet? I
suppose I'd better emphasize it some more, just to be safe.

      She made a mental note to see about putting up a
screen. That might cut down on the noise on his side of the
room.  And she'd better find another futon so he didn't have
to sleep on the floor. Walking softly across the floor the bent

floor, she bent

     *Pectoralis major. A large, fan-shaped muscle that
covers much of the front upper chest.* her professors voice

chest,* her professor's voice

droned in her head. *Its main use is in moving the arm across
the body* She knew the function, but no one had ever told

body.*

     *Latissimus Dorsi, Rectus Abdominis* she traced the

*Latissimus dorsi, rectus abdominis.* She
(You might well want to capitalize all these muscles, as they're kinda
sorta proper names, but then you need to do it the same way in all the
other paragraphs.)

path of each muscle, envisioning their function, the
associated nerves and blood vessels. *external abdominal

*External

oblique, tensor fasciae latae . . .* My goodness, martial
artists certainly had wonderful definition. *gluteus maximus.

*Gluteus

The strongest muscle in the body and covers a large part of
the----*

     "Ummmm . . .Kasumi?" Ranma's voice squeaked a
little. "W . . .what're you doin'?"

     *----buttock*

*----buttock.*

RANMA: I mean besides that!

     "I see." And she did, his blanket having fallen to the
floor. "Well, I just wanted to tell you that breakfast will be
ready in about thirty minutes. And the furo is free, if you
want to wash first."

     "Geee, thanks Kasumi. I'll be down in a minute." He

thanks, Kasumi.

flashed her a boyish grin as he helped her to her feet.
"Uhhhh, sorry 'bout almost clobberin' you."

RANMA: Next time I'll *actually* clobber you.

KASUMI: Thank you!

     "It's not a problem, Ranma. I've grown up around
martial artists." Smiling to show there were no hard feelings,
she bowed and left the room.

Exercise for the reader: Insert your own quip here, putting "hard
feelings" together with Ranma's you-know-whats having been uncovered a
few paragraphs above.

     "And?" Nabiki looked critically at the fish to see how
it was cooking.  Then she checked to see if every thing else

everything

was ready . . .raw eggs to break over the rice, pickled plums
 . . . where was the kombu? Cooking was her least favorite
thing, next to a root canal. But if she _had_ to do something,
she wanted to do it well.

     "He has dimples."

NABIKI: Then he'd better not eat with us. It might be contagious.

     "Not these you didn't." Kasumi murmured, plucking

didn't," Kasumi

the jam-jar from where it was hidden behind a large can of

jam jar

     " -----his butt?" Nabiki's voice went up a notch as
Kasumi described her mornings adventures as they walked
toward Fuurinkan.

Furinkan.

     "What're you guys talkin' about?" Ranma called over
his shoulder from his position atop a fence.

KASUMI: Butts.

RANMA: Oh. Yeah. One thing I'll say for Pop, at least he doesn't smoke.

     "Huh," Ranma lost interest. "Why do I hafta go to

"Huh."

school, anyway?" He decided to bring up another grievance.

Suggest:

Ranma lost interest. He decided to bring up another grievance. "Why do I
hafta go to school, anyway?"

(Presumably he made the decision to bring it up before actually
*bringing* it up. :P)

     "Because it's the law," Kasumi answered calmly,
feeling her face heat again as Nabiki winked at her,"and
because it will be good for you to make new friends." And
get you away from "Uncle" Genma, she thought.

KASUMI: Have we made it clear that--

NABIKI: YES! We HAVE!

KASUMI: Just asking.

     "I'm a martial artist," he did a flip and started

artist." He

     "Hark . . .the Beautiful-Angel-of-the-Morning, the

The Beautiful Angel of the Morning, The
(Capitalizing this is reasonable if Kuno is using it as a name for one
of the two, but you'd only hyphenate it if using it to describe or
specify something else: "Oh my, I did wear my
Beautiful-Angel-of-the-Morning dress today without even thinking about
how Kuno would react." Also, I could be wrong, but while you can leave
uncapitalized small words like "the" in the middle of capitalized
titles, they have to be capitalized when they're at the beginning.)

Light-that-Warms-the-World," a figure clad in the style of a

Light That Warms the World." A

Saxon Warrior of five centuries earlier sprang from a side

I've little doubt you know what a fifteenth-century Saxon warrior's
costume looked like, but I don't, and I wouldn't think Ranma would, so
you might want to just describe some of the most noteworthy features of
the costume instead of telling us what it is.

street. "how the common detritus of this sad world is uplifted

"How

     "Who th' hell is that?" Ranma demanded, leaping

>from the fence to put himself between the Tendou sisters and

the raving lunatic.

Suggest: the babbling idiot.
("Raving lunatic" to me suggests a louder, more in-your-face kind of
thing, which Kuno is certainly more than capable of but hasn't exhibited
*yet.*)

     "Common Detritus," Nabiki gestured at Ranma,

Detritus," Nabiki said as she gestured at Ranma,
(You may or may not want "Detrius" capitalized, depending on whether
Nabsy intends it as a name for Ranma, or just a description.)

"meet the Velvet Avenger." She indicated the silk and leather
clad figure.

silk-and-leather-clad
(This is where you *do* want hyphens, since you're using this entire
phrase to modify "figure.")

     "Nay, you have it not aright," the figure bounded

aright." The

KUNO: And-a one, and-a two, and let's-a party 'til we puke-a.

over Ranma's head to land in front of Kasumi. "For the
vision of an Angel hath revealed to me mine new name----"
With a flourish an enormous bouquet of roses, a brilliant
cobalt blue in colour, appeared in one gloved hand. "For you
. . .a trifling token of natures bounty in appreciation of your
own sterling beauty, from the hand of . . .," the figure paused
dramatically, "Samurai-kamen, of Saint Hebereke's Academy

of . . . ." The figure paused dramatically.
(or)
of . . .," the figure said, paused dramatically, and continued,
(Or something like that. I could be wrong, but I don't think you can
break a line of dialog in the middle of a sentence without using an
explicit "said" or other such attribution.)

     "Ummmm . . ." Kasumi took the flowers, gingerly
because of the rows of jagged thorns. "Thank you. They're
beautiful." She smiled and the figure staggered back, a mass
of silken hair tumbling from underneath an elaborately styled
headpiece.

     "Uhhhh . . .that's a girl . . .ain't it?" Ranma's eyes
darted back and forth between Kasumi and the newcomer.

Different Kuno than I thought. :)  Would the hair really be enough to
tip Ranma off, though? Hasn't he seen any long-haired male martial
artists?

MOUSSE: Huh? No. Why would you think that? I'm not a girl. I'm a man.
Really. I AM!

     "That's nice, Kodachi-san" Kasumi began,

Kodachi-san," Kasumi

     "Give me a quest," Kodachi went down on one knee,

quest."

drawing a European-style hand-and-a-half sword and driving

Yeah, *that's* the right way to use hyphens.

it point first into the ground and pressing her forehead
against the cross-shaped guard. "a deed worthy of your

"A

magnificence. A dragon to slay, treasure to find. You have
but to command and I will do it, for you!"

KASUMI: Go away.

KODACHI: At last! She has given me the quest by which I shall prove my
worth!

KASUMI: Oh, and there's a follow-up: stay away.

KODACHI: Even better!

     At Kasumi's hesitant nod, the other girl whirled, cape
billowing like a scarlet cloud. "Sasuki! Attend me!"

If you mean that ninja-compoop from the TV adaptation of the series, his
name's Sasuke.

     With a sound like distant thunder, eight thousand
pounds of Bugatti Royale Coup� Napoleon heaved itself

Not sure how to parse this. If the capitalized phrase is the name of the
car, you probably want to lose the comma. I think you also mean "coupe"
(two-door model) rather than "coup" (successful move, overthrow of a
regime).

around a corner, like some prehistoric monster released from

If the "like some..." is telling how it heaved itself, rather than just
a general description of the object, then lose the comma.

it's aeons long slumber, Kodachi's faithful ninja, in a turn-of-

its

Are we still in Ranma's POV? How would he know who this was?

     "Oh, go ahead Kasumi," Nabiki urged, "Ranma and I

ahead, Kasumi," Nabiki urged.

     With the beatific smile of Galahad upon finding the
Grail (while Kasumi's expression more nearly resembled a
martyr who's gotten the wrack _and_ a burning stake)

who'd
(past tense)

     "Ummm . . .that's kind of hard to say," Nabiki picked

say." Nabiki

up her book bag and started back on her way to school.
"Some people think that her nanny used to play otedama

What's otedama?

with her, using  Kodachi as the beanbag." Nabiki grinned at
Ranma. "Of more immediate interest . . .somebody gave her
a copy of Morte de Arthur . . .King Arthur and the Knights
of the Round Table," she elaborated at Ranma's blank
expression. "At any rate, Kodachi decided she was the
reincarnation of Sir Gawain and she's dedicated her life to
noble quests, deeds of knightly daring, courtly love and
saving damosels in distress. Kasumi being her distressed

damsels
(Yours could be some alternative spelling, but I've never heard of it.)

     "Don't worry," Nabiki elbowed him in the side,

worry." Nabiki

     Ranma bit back a retort that would have gotten his
face slapped in any well run whore-house this side of

well-run whore house

Bangcock.

I'll assume that's not a typo. ^_^;;;

     "But she doesn't mean anything serious, unless,"

unless--"

Nabiki caught herself . "Ummm . . .daddy used to tell her a

herself.

Daddy

     "Yeah? Well . . ." Ranma trailed off, unable to come
up with a good counter. "Marital arts meant a lot to me,
too." Freezing in winter, broiling in summer, he thought.
Blistered feet, empty belly and running from the law.

belly, and

Training until you threw up and passed out----then starting
over again.  And pits. Dark holes that smelled of damp
moldy earth and were filled  with-----! His stomach cramped
painfully as he fought not to vomit.

     "And Akane?" Nabiki looked slyly at him,
misinterpreting his sudden pallor and flush.

RANMA: Yes, they mean a lot to her too, I'm sure.

     "Uhhhhh" He fought back the memories, hoping

"Uhhhhh."

Nabiki hadn't noticed anything. " Well, I don't really know

"Well,

Akane," *Except that she's a certified whacko*, he thought

Akane."

recalling the tanto and the rope of hair she'd thrown at his
feet.  It had been  soft and real sweet smelling . . .he shook

and really sweet-smelling. . . . He

     Ranma jerked out of a pleasant daydream ( where

(where

     "Builds upper body strength." Akane answered,

strength,"

     "Oh boy," Akane flipped upright, landing just a bit

boy."

     "I kinda liked Starbucks." Nabiki reminisced.

Starbucks," Nabiki
(if her saying those words is what is meant by reminiscing; if it's
meant as something separate, then the punctuation's fine, but you might
want to elaborate on it.)

     "I'll never forget the look on the managers face when

manager's

     "It _did_ sound a bit like a monster hissing, if you
think about it." Nabiki tried to be charitable.

it," Nabiki

     "They're never going to let us back in there, though."

though,"

     "It's too bad," Akane shrugged her book bag into a

bad."

     "So . . .ummm . . .do you walk all the way to school
on your hands?" Ranma put in, a little uncomfortable with
the direction the conversation was taking and deciding he'd
find out about 'quests' later.

Hm. You had a nice build-up going here, but having it just fizzle like
this is anticlimactic. You might want to add something just before this
paragraph where Ranma struggles and manages to get ahold of himself.

     "Walking on the fence," Ranma suited word to deed

fence." Ranma

     "Well, I'm not much for jumping," Akane shrugged

jumping." Akane

out of her book-bag and handed it to Nabiki, who oofed and

May want to reword that. The image I got at first was her climbing out
of the bag itself. ^_^;;

AKANE: I studied at the Houdini dojo.

let the bag fall to the ground with a faint clang.  Ranma
looked embarrassed for a moment and was in the process of
jumping down when Akane grabbed a fence post in both
hands, "but I get the job done."

hands. "But

     "That's amazing," he said honestly. "I'm glad you
didn't get your hands on me last night." He said without

night," he

     "What! No, no . . .it wasn't nothin' like that!" Ranma
protested. "I was just lookin' . . .uhhhh . . .at your hair."
Genma would take a stick to him for being so clumsy. And
he'd deserve it. "It's . . .nice . . .short."he finished miserably.

short," he

     "The back of your neck is really sexy"

sexy."

     "I----don't----need----your----help!" She grated,

she

     "Geeez," he rubbed his cheek. "I was just tryin' to be

"Geeez." He

     "Ahhhh . . .that's alright" Ranma said mildly, holding

that's all right,"

     "I'm glad you're so understanding," Nabiki said
gratefully. "Some people have a hard time dealing with
Akane. She's a little" Nabiki looked for the right word
"intense about some things."

little..." Nabiki

"...intense

(Or something like that. Don't break dialog in the middle of a sentence
without a "said" or equivalent.)

     Ranma smiled, his face practically glowing with
sympathetic understanding. He decided to try just a little of
his 'city sophisticate' on Nabiki.  "I can't say I understand,"
*except that she's a certified whacko* "but if she takes after

whacko,* "but

her sister," he let his eyes fill with masculine admiration and

sister..." He

was smugly satisfied to see her face heat a little, "I know that

little. "...I

     Ranma, in turn, spent the rest of their walk together
consoling Nabiki and assuring her that she didn't owe him
anything. With the result, of course, that by the time they
passed through the towering stone gates of Fuurinkan High

Furinkan

Nabsy's being a bit less suspicious than I'd expect. Though I suppose
it's possible that she knows more than she's letting on, or she doesn't
care all that much given that she's not the one getting married. :)

Interesting so far. I liked the various glipmses into Ranma's altered
character that we're seeing. Though you might need to be careful about
bits of canon Ranma slipping in. His slightly Gosunkugi-esque reaction
to being touched by Akane, for example, probably doesn't fit this
version of the character, considering some of the stories he alludes to.
I'm sure there is a potential for attraction between this Ranma and
Akane -- she sincerely believes in what she does, which is probably
something he needs -- but it's not going to happen the same way as it
did in canon, IMO, and trying to show it at this point is probably
rushing it.

I liked Kasumi's treatment, BTW. Probably the best-defined and rounded
character in the set so far, IMO. Looking forward to continuing this as
time allows.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.garykleppe.org/comics.html

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