Would have posted it to the refuge, but I didn't see Rough 4 posted in
there. We're not feeling the luv, Bri. :p
Did a multi-pass C&C. I think it's good enough to get by without deleting
1/5 of the fic. ^_^
his arms, he nodded his thanks to Keitaro. "Where to, Kanrinin?" he
asked dutifully.
If everyone else is quoted as using the honorific suffixes, then it should
be Karinin-san. At least, that's what I recall from watching the anime
(which was, admittedly, awhile ago, and I could be misremembering).
"Kintaro is so wonderful -- pity he left before I could speak to him
about his service to the dojo."
Hmm...you're not setting up the story to have Kintaro learned his kempo
from Tsuruko, are you? Wouldn't be possible, unless GB's noodle shop
experience is consdered to have happened after this.
But I never did _anything_ to your sister."
"Such a pity," Tsuruko sighed. "But, he speaks the truth. Now,
I thought she was after the other Oe, not this one.
"And you never have to worry about being treated differently by
me,"
the
woman continued, unabated. "Even better, we can go shopping together all
the time, now!"
"Oh, joy," Ranma intoned, slumping.
"There are lots of benefits! You and Keitaro can probably trade
clothes
-- you couldn't do that while you were seeing a girl, now could you? Oh,
wait, I guess _you_ could...." Mitsune trailed off, frowning, and
touched a finger to her lips. "Err... anyhow, I just wanted to tell the
two of you that you have my full support, and that Keitaro was right; us
girls are all in good hands, because neither of you will ever take
advantage of us."
Strange line justification issues here (and throught the rest). I fixed
the rest, but left this as such, so you could see what it looks like.
"Yeah, you see, I'm, um, what's that word? _Not_ gay?"
That's two words.
"I was a girl at the-- Oh, hells," Ranma growled,
hells -> hell
"Oh, Ranma," Tsuruko piped up, waving her free hand at him. "I
believe you're interested in men, as well!"
I wasn't able to quite understand the nuances of this line, or the
following few. Perhaps it's explained the the LH manga (which I have
never read). You seem to be implying that Tsuruko is male, which is
counter to her description throught this fic.
"Hmm.... Naru said that Keitaro was strange," Suu assessed. "And
Keitaros are very out of the ordinary, but not very delicious."
Naru said that Keitaro is not delicious? How would she know? :p
Reminds me of Twoflower's AMS lemon where Keiichi is caught with Belldandy
in his room after she's granted him his wish, and the Motor Club guys come
back, and are questioning what he's done. Belldandy leaps to his defense,
stating that he's "Charming, handsome, strong, and tasty. Can't recall
what it is called atm, but it was quite good.
"Ack!" Keitaro protested, closing his eyes. Naru was wearing
nothing more than a rather thin nightgown, nearly transparent, and a
pair of white cotton panties. "Um, Narusegawa, why aren't you wearing
anything?"
This confusion on what should be patently obvious only supports the
assertion that Keitaro IS gay. :p
"No!" Naru yelled suddenly, tears forming in the corners of her
eyes. "I can't! I... go away, Keitaro! Leave me alone!"
She must really be upset about that test. :p
Motoko leant nearby, pressing her ear to the door, and closing
her eyes to concentrate.
Did you mean to say leaned? I believe leant is in fact a word, but I
don't believe it's in common use.
"Well, whenever I get stuck on a test, I just ask myself how
Narusegawa would answer the question."
Didn't she sort of fail the last one?
Her ruminations were interrupted at the base of the stone steps,
as Ranma landed from the nighttime darkness, seeming to practically
appear from nowhere before all the girls, a spreading ring of dust
radiating from beneath his bicycle-tires' point of impact.
Bicycle tires? If this is based off the cycle race ep, I don't want to
think about the terms of the bet with Happosai. ^_^;;;
She sighed, wondering how far Mitsune had spread that story before
shaking her head.
So, why doesn't Ranma just correct Naru now? "No, actually, we're not
like that. Go ask other people if you dont believe me. If fact, if you
want, I'll prove it to you now."
"Oh, eh, Naru's a very nice girl," Keitaro said absently,
rubbing at a bruise and wincing. "She's really quite gentle."
"Just a violent maniac." I'm surprised that Ranma doesn't pick up the
similarity.
The repair men were competent, and only really seemed to be marking out
areas that would need attention, excepting the men who had already dug
up the yard to expose the old inn's plumbing.
Since your subject here deals with the competency of the repairmen, then
you're saying that they were competent except for those who were digging
up the yard.
"Some things are more important than school," Tsuruko noted
coolly.
Baths are more important than school? :p
"Kumite!"
That sounds like a fanfic SM general to my non-Japanese understanding
self. Please use english. ^_^
<snip>
I keep thinking that if Happosai had just gotten a quick glomp in
somewhere...that would probably have ruined the mood you were attempting
to set, though.
Anyway, nice job again. I'd had my suspicions when you'd set up that
Ranma/Keitaro rumor last chapter only to seemingly dispel it so quickly.
Poor Naru. ^_^
-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble. A few more shots, then
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode. Ducking around a corner,
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of
my Anime supplier.
One look at his face and I knew that I had been betrayed. "Tell me,"
I insisted. He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance. Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao," he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...
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