In a message dated 9/13/02 6:46:48 AM, allynyonge0000@netscape.net writes:

"What?" Princess Ayeka demanded. "What do you mean, he has to marry her? 
She's not even of noble rank!"

"Um yes," said the man seated across from the enraged Princess. He was 

small and skinny, dressed in an ill-fitting robe and his hair appeared to 
have been� attacked by a crazed weed whacker. "However, the fact remains is 
that Prince Kinshoue is a direct descendant of the Emperor's Alpha Line, 
while you and Princess Sasami are of the Beta Line. As both the Prince and 
Lord Misaki have foresworn their claims to the throne, it falls to the 
Prince. But in order to legitamize his claim, Lord Misaki must marry the 
mother."

@@Nice hook. It's a little confusing who is being talked about, especially
at the end.

Thanks. I think I've cleaned it up though.

This is one of the pitfalls of writing. As author, you know exactly who
everyone is and don't realize when you haven't given enough information.
In addition, in fanfiction, you've got to balance boring the reader and 
confusing them. 
@@@@

I know. It's something I haven't quite figured out comepletely.

@@OK, you need to change description of how "she" got pregnant just a bit.
I'm afraid my mind boggles at the idea someone could manage to mistake
a "DNA sample" for lotion. (And, btw, there's a difference between a DNA
sample and a sperm sample. They look different, though it's possible
that this is not so in the future. I'd just like a little something 
different.
As written, the idea of mistaking a bottle� of lotion with a sperm sample 
and getting pregnant just killed my suspension of disbelief) 
The first thing that comes to mind is that 
"She" messes up a computer input before or during a doctor visit. Due to 
this the computer instructs the doctor (living or computerized) to 
impregnate her.
Perhaps a misunderstanding between "innoculate" and "inseminate" or
"impregnate"? 
@@@@

It was explained in "The Great Mystery". Short version: Mihoshi had an 
"unmentionable" problem and went to Washu for help. Washu whipped up some 
lotion for her but by the time Mihoshi returned for it, Washu was caught up 
in a game of Tetris and didn't see Mihoshi grab the sample she got from 
Tenchi instead of the lotion.

"Yes," Ayeka replied. "Do that."

@@Nice dialogue. Well expressed thought on Ayeka's part.
@@@@

Thanks. Its also nice how she shows her politcal fangs, something she never 
did in the Anime...any of them.

As always, Write what you want, the way you want.

Always do. But help is always nice.


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