-----Original Message-----
From: ffml-bounce@anifics.com [mailto:ffml-bounce@anifics.com] On Behalf
Of Defender of the Light
Sent: Saturday, September 14, 2002 4:22 PM
To: allyn yonge
Cc: ffml@anifics.com
Subject: [FFML] Re: [C&C] Lure the Tiger from the Mountains 2



--- allynyonge0000@netscape.net (allyn yonge) wrote:

Hi,
comments @@

Suggest offsetting the parenthetical phrase more with a longer pause:

behind Soun -- *like a retainer in a samurai movie*, came the unbidden
thought -- and held

(or)

behind Soun (*like a retainer in a samurai movie*, came the unbidden
thought) and held

@@Actually had it the second way and "corrected" it during a revision.
@@@@

The former way, IMO, would be better, simply because it is best
not to use parenthesis.  Though, technically, there should not be
space around dashes.  So it should look like this:

behind Soun--*like a retainer in a samurai movie,* came the
unbidden thought--and held

However, the presence of an asterisk immediately following the
dash makes that look bad.  I'm not entirely sure what the rule is
in such cases, or even if there is one.  So do it however you
want to, but please be consistant.

Also note that I've moved the comma after 'movie' inside the
asterisk.  This is the way direct quotes should be punctuated,
and applies even when using a delimiter other than quote marks to
indicate something other than speech.

Well, if it is a thought, then perhaps "behind Soun -- like a retainer in a
samurai movie, came the unbidden thought -- and held" would work well
enough, no need for the asterisks.


--GF



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