This is a comment on Donald Granberry's comments on Allyn Yonge's
story. Much of what Mr. Granberry said I will go along with, such as
the need to control shifts in POV - it's not something that bothers
me in reading, so I tend to notice it less. There is one thing he
wrote that I must question, which is exemplified in the following
comments that I have quoted from his C&C. (Note: I am not contending
Mr. Granberry is necessarily wrong; I have been unable to find a clear
answer on this one subject.)


Donald Lee Granberry writes:
 

"Ungrateful whelp," Genma smacked him on the head again. "Besides, you'll be
doing her a favor by beating her."
 
[Exclamation mark after "whelp". Failure to use the verb said, but not an
egregious one. Technically, "him" lacks a proper antecedent, thus improving
the confusion.]

"Heh . . .I'm the _best_!" Ranma cracked his knuckles. "That shouldn't take
mor'n a minute or two."
 
[Clumsy mix of gesture and dialogue.]

"It's not a problem, Ranma. I've grown up around martial artists." Smiling
to show there were no hard feelings, she bowed and left the
room.
 
[Egregious lack of "said".]

"What the heck is up with her?" Ranma stared after the huge creme and gold
monstrosity as it lumbered down the street.
 
[Nice trick, Saotome. Staring a question like that.]

" Well, I don't really know Akane," *Except that she's a certified whacko*,
he thought recalling the tanto and the rope of hair she'd thrown at his
feet.  It had been  soft and real sweet smelling . . .he shook off that line
of thought. "And I guess I don't know what to think about the doujou,
either. This is all kind of a surprise to me."
 
[Incomprehensible agglomeration of dialogue, thought, and gesture
complicated by the failure to use the verb "said". Extra space between
"been" and "soft".]

 

    The overuse of alternatives to the word "said", such as "snapped",
"growled", "whispered", etc., is a writing flaw known as "saidism" or
"said bookism", frequently to be found in fanfics and other amateur
writing. A writer is generally advised to use the word "said" unless
there is a good reason to do otherwise.

    However, I have always thought that the avoidance of any dialogue
tags, and the use of action tags instead, is not a flaw, but in fact
something to be recommended, assuming. of course, that it is done
correctly. That is to say, you shouldn't write:

    "That was quite uncalled for, Akane," he glared at her, slamming
his fist on the table as he did so.

since glared is not a dialogue tag, but writing:

    "That was quite uncalled for, Akane." He glared at her. slamming
his fist on the table as he did so.

is all right, since you're using an action tag.

    I have done a little research, but have been unable to come up with
a definitive answer as to the permissibility or desirability of doing
this. There's nothing in "Elements of Style" about it; I couldn't
find anything in either the second or third editions of Fowler's
"Modern English Usage". I only had time to briefly skim various style
manuals, including Chicago, Prentice Hall, and New York Times, but
didn't find anything relevant.

    I did find a couple of non-authoritative references allowing
it. Indeed, one source argues for this usage. An article in Paw Prints,
from the Professional and Amateur Writer's Society, had this from a
writer named Linda Goodnight:

    "I recently received a revision request from an agent. Along with her
letter came a list of structural elements that agents and editors look
for in a polished manuscript.  Some of them will be familiar while
others will be new.  All will help you fine tune.

    (Omitted)

    "Unnecessary saidism.  Ask yourself if said is necessary.  If you
can write the narrative that precedes or follows dialogue without using
it, and instead give a strong, declarative sentence by using picture
tags, then your writing will be much stronger for it.  You don't have
to delete every said, but use picture tags instead where possible. 
(Picture tags = gesture, expression, body language, or character action.)"

    I also found this from an Web article by former Star Trek fanfic
writer Macedon, entitled "The Craft of Writing":

    "Dialogue tags can be divided into three basic types:  nonexistent,
soft,  and hard.   The best of these is nonexistent,  allowing the
dialogue to stand free and clear of narrator intervention (which in
turn allows the reader to hear the dialogue more purely).   In
two-person dialogue,  one can sometimes go for half a page or more
without the need for any "he said/she said" tag.   With multiple-speaker
conversation,  that's harder and tags more necessary.   Rule of thumb:
be unobtrusive.   Sometimes action can substitute for he said/she said.
Ask yourself,  Do I really need a tag at all?"

    I freely admit that a literary agent quoted third-hand and a fanfic
writer (!) are not the ideal sources I would prefer to reference, but
these do accord with what I had learned in days long gone. If anyone has
anything to contribute in this regard, I would be interested in hearing
it.


Reid Carson
rcarson@rcarson.com


             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'