Allyn Yonge wrote:
Many thanks to:
D-chan, for encouragement and invaluable time taken from
her own writing to pre-read for me.
Read D-chan's stories at:
http://www.geocities.com/ayongedarling/
And to Jiro Maeda for pre-reading and pointing out some
fundamental errors in my conception of Filipino fighting arts
among other things.
Strange, I always thought that was a 'ph'.
I need to get out of the office more. Heck, I don't think I've relaxed
since before Earth aquired its second moon!
Anyway, since I owed you a C&C, I hope this helps.
************************************************
Chapter: 1
Man tian guo hai
(Cross the sea by fooling the sky)
"Dammit old man, it ain't funny!" Ranma glared at
his father, convulsed in mirth on the dirt floor of an
abandoned warehouse in the Shanghai docks. A pounding
rain drummed against the metal roof, spraying through
cracks and holes, turning portions of the floor into greasy
quagmires.
"Dammit old man -- Dammit, old man
"You . . .you . . ." The stocky figure pointed a
quivering hand at his "son", before going off into peals of
braying laughter.
"You . . .you -- "You . . . you
The spacing between the periods in an elipses should be consistant-like. ;)
"Shut up!" Ranma smacked his father's bald head
with a rotting board, knowing better than to hit so hard an
object with his bare hand. He looked at the tiny, pale
appendage in disgust. Especially now. "This is all _your_
fault, anyway!"
The shift from the hand holding the board to the hand being Ranma's is a
little abrupt. Considering the flow in the latter half of the first
sentence of the prose, you might want to consider rewording that.
Then again, that's just me, and all my suggestions should be taken with a
grain of salt. :p
"H . . .how do you figure that b . . . boy," he started
to go off in convulsions again, then sobered slightly as his
son hefted a rock, sufficient to crack even his thick skull.
Pulling a dirty kerchief from around his neck he wiped
perspiration from his heavy face, then stuffed the cloth
carelessly in his pocket. "How 'bout gettin' drinky for your
ol' man," he smiled ingratiatingly, showing a shadow of the
masculine charm that had once been his pride, and his
downfall. When his son made no move to honor his request
he fumbled in the rotting trash that covered part of the floor
until he came up with a heavy jug and drank thirstily.
Whoops!
H . . .how -- H . . . how
Just spacing with the elipses.
that b . . . boy," he -- that, b . . . boy?" He
More elipses fun, but more importantly, the dialog trailing into the
prose with no speech indicator.
ol' man," he -- ol' man?" He
Another forgotten speech indicator.
"Criminy pop! Would you lay off that stuff?"
Ranma's voice cracked, a fact which almost sent his father
off again. "That's what got us in trouble in the first place.
We were doin' alright until you pissed off----"
Criminy pop! -- Criminy, Pop!
Missing comma and capitalization.
"Sur . . .ely you don't blame _me_ for our present
troubles," Genma replied, with such exquisite diction that it
was nearly impossible to tell he had consumed enough
alcohol to kill ten ordinary men.
I'm not sure about that elipses... I would terminate the first space
after 'sur', but that's just me.
"I don't see no other fat thieving drunks around
here." Ranma replied nastily.
here." Ranma -- here," Ranma
This time, there IS a speech indicator.
"Show some respect boy," Genma made a hasty
swipe at his son, age and drink throwing off his aim. He
missed, landed hard and started blubbering.
respect boy," Genma -- respect, boy." Genma
I'll skip the explanation, since this was covered above.
Genma lifted his head, his breath heavy with the
smell of cheap rice-wine. "Ah, boy," he boasted blearily,
". . .you should have seen me when I was your age. I was
magnificent. No man could stand against me in those days,
no woman resist me." He puffed out his chest, which still
remained several inches less than the girth of his belly. "But
that was before . . .before . . ." He started crying again.
. . .before -- . . . before (And since this one terminates a sentence,
the final elipses should be trailed by an additional period.)
"It's OK pops," his face tightened as he thought of
_her_, the woman who had turned his big, brave pop into
this drunken wreck of a man. "I'll take care of you." And
I'll never let another woman hurt you, he though grimly.
I'll never let one get her dirty claws into me, neither.
OK pops," his -- okay, Pops." His (The spelling on 'okay' is just my
suggestion; I think the two letter version looks clumsy, but it actually
is correct to use it the way you have it. The other two corrections
aren't just opinion. (I think. ;))
"Tha's my boy. My good . . .boy!" He tried clumsily
to hug Ranma, causing the other to squeal and fall back.
. . .boy!" -- . . . boy!"
fall back -- fall back (extra space)
"Don't _do_ that!" Onna-Ranma rubbed his breast,
shooting an angry glance at his father.
"I'm sorry . . .sorry," Genma wept, blood shot eyes
taking in his "son's" petite form, flowing red-hair falling
below her softly flaring hips and amply filled tunic. "I'm
sorry, m'boy."
. . .sorry -- . . . sorry
Why shift from 'him' to 'her' so suddenly?
"Married?" Tendou Nabiki almost dropped the dish
she was drying. "Are you kidding? I can't get married now.
I want to get into a good college."
Married?" Tendou -- Married?" Tendou (extra space)
"I'm sorry to disagree with you father," the eldest
Tendou daughter put in, "but I really think Nabiki is too
young to be thinking of marriage," Tendou Soun directed a
speaking glance at Kasumi, who returned his gaze calmly.
"and I'm much too busy preparing for my own exams. Of
course, we will submit to your will, as dutiful daughters
should." Soun pulled at a collar that was suddenly much too
tight.
Hmm.
marriage," Tendou -- marriage." Tendou
And:
calmly. "and -- calmly. "And
will, as -- will, as
A little sudden. The collar pulling might work better in a new paragraph
along with something more to explain the significance of it. (though one
could GUESS, it's a bit stilted the way it is....)
Soun turned gratefully at the sound of his youngest
daughters voice, relief at being rescued from Kasumi's
"dutiful obedience", turning to dismay as he noted the heavy
walking stick in her hand.
daughters -- daughter's
obedience", turning -- obedience" turning (Uneeded comma.)
"Oh, my baby," tears gathered in his eyes. "You've
hurt yourself again. Kasumi," he turned back to his eldest,
"go get her medicine. Nabiki, run call the doctor----"
---- Why four hyphens? If I remember correctly, an emdash is only
composed of two. I could be wrong, though.
Wouldn't be the first time. ;)
"I'm on it, pop," Nabiki was already heading for the
phone, even before Soun finished speaking, while Kasumi,
her calm slightly ruffled, had opened the refrigerator and
was pulling out a plastic box containing an assortment of
bottles and small glass vials.
pop -- Pop
"Would you cut that out," Tendou Akane
interrupted with fond exasperation. "Nabiki, put down the
phone. Kasumi," she limped forward, taking the box from
her sisters hand and returning it to it's place, "finish the
dishes. I'll help." She grabbed an apron from the counter-
top. "You wash, I'll dry."
out," Tendou -- out?" Tendou
sisters -- sister's
it's -- its (So that's where the extra -'s- went)
"I'm fine, daddy." She shrugged, "I just
overextended a little on a spinning high-kick. No big deal."
She grinned, an expression that seemed to light the whole
room. "But I really blasted that concrete block. Wham----
boom!" she pulled her hands apart sharply. "Nothing but
dust."
daddy -- Daddy
shrugged, "I -- shrugged. "I
I'll only comment on it once more, but the '----' emdash thing again.... ;p
"I don't think it's safe for you to be doing such
strenuous things," Soun said worriedly. His spine firmed as
he came to a sudden decision. "I forbid you to use the
doujou anymore!"
Very sudden. This feels a bit forced -- too much action, not enough setup
to show us what all the action is opposed TO.
"I . . .I know baby," Soun hugged her back. "It's
just that I worry about you."
I . . .I -- I . . . I (I'll leave this one as a global suggestion and not
keep bringing up each instance -- a simple search will show all of them.)
"I didn't have a drop," Genma retorted, offended
dignity in every line of his corpulent frame. "except for a
little warm sake. Strictly for medicinal purposes," he
hastened to add. Those few dozen cases of beer didn't
count, he thought. Beer wasn't really _drinking_.
"except -- "Except
add. Those (extra space)
Swinging down the road, he easily matched his
son's pace, puffing only a tiny bit. He wasn't in prime shape
by any means, but several weeks of running for his life had
burned most of the liqueur from his system and added
muscle to his middle-aged body. "And you better be glad I
did. . If we're going to remedy your . . .errr . . .
situation-----"
body. "And (extra space!)
"Curse, pop. It's a _curse_. It ain't no goddamn
'situation'."
pop -- Pop
"Errr . . .yes. But in any event, to get back into
Qinghai, we're going to need money, for . . .presents----"
Qinghai, we're -- Qinghai, we're (extra space)
"Please, son,"Genma affected a pained look. "You
simply _must_ learn a little tact."
son,"Genma -- son, "Genma (So that's where the extra space came from.)
"Oh, like _you_ ever learned any." Ranma couldn't
believe what his old man had gotten him into. Even if it did
actually sounded like a workable plan, which was
frightening in itself. The idea that Saotome Genma could
conceive of _and_ execute any action more complicated
than removing the cork from a wine bottle went against the
laws of nature. Pop was smart, Ranma knew, he just lacked
staying power.
itself. The -- itself. The (Or maybe it just fell down here?)
"I dunno pop, it just seems too easy, the way you
say it."
dunno pop -- dunno, pop
"You don't?" Genma asked, surprised. "I thought everyone loved N'Sync."
(Nah, that's too low for even this Genma.)
"It's _not_ easy," Genma growled. "You're going to
have to use a little charm, m'boy," Genma warned. "none of
your rough talk, be polite ----"
be polite -- be polite ('nother of them roving spaces)
"Jeez pop, all I've got to do is sweet-talk some bitch
an' get her to fork over a little 'love token'." Ranma
snorted derisively at the thought. "Then you turn it into cash
an' we split. It's not like we ain't . . .haven't done this
before." He looked over his shoulder at his father. "
Besides, girls love fixin' stuff," his lip curled at the thought,
"learnin' me manners and how to talk right an' stuff just
makes 'em go all mushy."
Jeez pop, -- Jeez, Pop,
"Jeez pop? Is that like Christian Rock?"
" Besides -- "Besides (they're multiplying....)
"Pay attention, boy,"Genma cuffed his son
affectionately on the head, "it's more involved this time.
You've got to act your part for weeks, maybe months. And
it's not something small like a ring or a broach or a yatai.
It's a house and a doujou." Ranma nodded, only half
listening. "And _this_ time, you've got to marry the girl."
boy,"Genma -- boy," Genma (another missing space!)
"This?" she dumped a final measure of a blood-red
powder into the blender, cracked two eggs and dumped
them, shell and all into the machine, then set it to puree.
"This is my new and _improved_ mega-anti-oxidant super-
protein fruity-fizzy."Soun winced as the abused machine
clattered and bounced across the table, occasionally spitting
nasty mucilage-like bits from under the lid. Happily ignoring
the occasional splat of . . .something . . .hitting the wall
Akane counted down a full minute before she hit the off
button. With a sucking sound she pulled the lid free and
poured a glass full of moss-brown, chunky gelatinous glop.
It settled sullenly into the glass, an occasional bubble
rupturing the crust as dissolved gasses boiled to the surface.
"Do you want some?" She thrust the glass at her father,
who fought an urge to scream like a girl and run.
_improved_ mega -- improved_ mega (extra space)
fizzy."Soun -- fizzy." Soun (Missing space!)
of moss -- of moss (and another).
I'll leave this extra space as the last I'll remark -- you can just
search for two spaces and replace them with a single place to fix them.
"Ahhh . . ." Akane wiped her mouth daintily and
swivelled to look at the wall clock. "Kasumi should be on
her way home from yobiko and Nabiki . . ." she chewed her
lip in thought. "It's Tuesday?" Her father nodded. "Then I
_think_ she's negotiating space for the pachinko machine
she just refurbished."
Is 'yobiko' a proper noun? If so, it should be capitalized.
. . ." she -- . . . ." She (extra period to terminate the sentence;
capitalization)
"Mrs. Taniguchi's Tea Shop is hardly a gambling
den, daddy." Akane finished what remained in her glass with
a gulp, then poured what was left in the blender into her
empty glass. "Nabiki says that tea drinking widows are the
back-bone of the industry. Their husbands are dead, children
are grown, so they spend a lot of time and Yen on pachinko
and slots."
daddy -- Daddy
Yen -- yen
"Slot machines daddy." She hurried on before Soun
could start on a tirade. "Nabiki knows what she's doing.
And she makes a good living at it. In a couple of years she'll
probably own a couple of parlors outright, instead of just
leasing space for her machines." That was the wrong thing
to say, as Soun's face clouded over.
machines daddy -- machines, Daddy
tirade. "Nabiki -- tirade. "Nabiki (Suggested -- it works the way it is,
too.)
"I should have been able to support you all . . ."
Soun disagreed. "but I . . ."
. . ." -- . . . ." (fun with elipses!)
"But I lost, daddy," Akane said softly. "I lost. No
one remembers the losers, only the winners." She gripped
his hand. "I promise I won't let you down again."
daddy -- Daddy
"Oh, baby . . ."Soun said helplessly. "That's not
what I meant----"
. . ."Soun -- . . ." Soun
"I'm home!" Kasumi called from the front door.
"And I brought take-out . . ." she stuck her head into the
kitchen and paused as she felt the heavy atmosphere. "I
thought we'd have a treat tonight," she continued blithely,
deliberately ignoring the look on her fathers face, and the
way Akane was clenching her fists until the knuckles were
white, "so I got dim-sum."
. . ." she -- . . . ." She
fathers -- father's
"Hey, where is everyone?" Nabiki called cheerily as
she burst into the house, only a few minutes behind her big-
sister, "Something smells . . .good." she faltered
momentarily on entering the kitchen and seeing her father's
troubled face. Kasumi made a brief gesture behind her back
and Nabiki went on breezily, holding up a package wrapped
in newspaper. "Mrs. Taniguchi got in new produce today,
so I let her pay off her losses in hamachi and ebi."She
grinned. "The old lady just can't resist the sound of those
little steel balls."
big-sister -- big sister (?)
Not sure about this one.
"Oh, how wonderful," Kasumi took the package of
yellow-tail and shrimp from Nabiki. "Well have a real feast."
wonderful," Kasumi -- wonderful. "Kasumi
ebi."She -- ebi." She
Soun opened his mouth to correct her, then stopped.
Maybe it would be better to wait and see . . .Yes. Better to
wait . . .
Both of these elipses appear to terminate sentences, so they should
contain four periods, not three.
Xiao li cang dao
(Conceal a dagger in a smile)
Interesting.
"Ahhh . . .Ranma m'boy," Genma panted a little as
he was dragged in his son's wake, "don't you think we
should slow down a little?"
"I don' like th' look of th' sky." he jerked a thumb in
the direction of some heavy low-hanging grey clouds. "I
wanna get under cover."
sky." he -- sky." He (also, you might want to clarify which 'he' this is.)
"Well then," Genma huffed, "why don't we repair to
a shelter closer to hand." He pointed his free hand toward a
row of small shops lining the street.
hand." -- hand?" (Not sure how you meant that)
"We ain't stoppin' 'til we reach th' Tendou's."
Ranma groused, tightening his grip on his father's arm. The
bar scene affected Genma like chumming for sharks,
except a shark had better table manners.
Tendou's." Ranma -- Tendou's," Ranma
except a shark -- Reads a bit clumsily. I would reword that, but that's
just me. :/
Kasumi tried to repress a guilty little tingle of
pleasure. When father's old friend and son had shown up
out of nowhere, she had been prepared to be polite, nothing
more. Despite her father's apparent hopes, she really
preferred _older_ men. But Ranma was so _yummy_
looking . . .
. . . -- . . . . (terminates a sentence)
"Oh, no I couldn', Kasumi-sama." Ranma replied,
smiling.
sama." Ranma -- sama," Ranma
He's got skillz. O_o
"I _really_ couldn' eat anymore," Ranma protested
with a grin. "Or, at least I shouldn'."
"Ah, Tendou my old friend," Genma sighed from his
place beside the Saotome patriarch, "you are indeed a lucky
man to have two such lovely and accomplished daughters."
Extra newline between those paragraphs?
"What . . ." Genma was on top of the world. Good
food, old friends . . .he took a deep, refreshing draft, from
his mug . . .cold sake . . . He ignored the angry looks
Ranma was shooting him, when no-one else could see. The
unnatural boy had missed a couple of bottles from his
emergency stash and Genma was enjoying the moment
while he could.
sake . . . He -- sake . . . . He (four periods because it terminates
yadda-yadda-yadda.)
no-one -- no one (I think. Not sure about that, though. Judges?)
'unnatural' boy? Kinda vague. Maybe unnaturally... and then some quality?
Ranma cursed softly to himself. Things had been
going pretty good up to now. This really _was_ a plush
layout, with lots of cash potential and he had the two girls
eating out of his hand. A few weeks, that was all it would
take, and then they could take the money and run for China.
Although Australia would be better for Genma. He didn't
_think_ the old man had any outstanding warrants there,
and he could catch up after he took care of his problem.
Just a few weeks, and the old-man was about to blow it,
because he couldn't stay away from the booze.
old-man -- old man
"Nonsense," Genma disagreed heartily. "Sake is the
water of life. It fires the blood, quicken's the eye, makes
glad a sad heart----" he grabbed Soun's cup and tossed the
tea over his shoulder into the yard. "It honors the
spirits," he poured a generous splash into the now empty
container. "you wouldn't want to anger the spirits!" he
laughed, a little too loudly, at his own joke.
"you wouldn't -- "You wouldn't
"Friend Tendou!" Genma said over-loudly, "Friend
Tendou! Surely you are not going to let the women of you
house dictate to you." He shot Kasumi a venomous look
that caused her to recoil slightly.
"Now then," Genma relaxed slightly, satisfied that
he'd put the girl in her proper place. "let's honor the spirits
and toast the joining of our houses." He took a generous
pull from his bottle, not wanting to take any chances with
the spirit world himself. "With Ranma's talent and your
doujou, the Musabetsu kakutou Saotome-ryuu will be world
famous in no time." He thrust the cup of sake at Soun.
"It's my doujou." a quiet voice interjected from the
corner, opposite and slightly behind Soun.
doujou." a -- doujou," a
"It's my doujou," Akane repeated, dipping a slice of
yellow- tail into a bowl of sauce and popping it into her
mouth. Immediately her eyes teared and her whole body
broke out in a sweat. Picking up a small bottle she dumped
another three ounces of Habanero concentrate into the
sauce, bringing the Scoville rating to six million units, or
about three times that of police pepper spray. With a small
moue of pleasure she reached for another piece of fish.
yellow- tail -- yellow-tail
I would suggest dropping the long explanation about just how hot Akane's
food is -- it reads like a textbook, and really jars an otherwise good
flow for the story.
"How will Ranma make the Musabetsu kakutou
Sao . . .Tendou-ryuu," Akane carefully copied Genma's
slip, "the greatest in Japan?" She popped the fish between
her lips, shuddering from the endorphin kick as a ball of fire
exploded in her mouth.
Still doesn't add much to the story the way it's presented. I think you
probably want to keep it, since it's so central to establishing how
tough Akane is, so maybe instead of scrapping it it could be reworked
more subtely -- to aid the story flow.
"When I win the All Japan Tournament, the doujou
will have all the students we need," Akane countered, taking
a small sip of tea, her other hand fisted against her side, out
of site from the others. Ranma, however, noticed the slight
quivering of the muscles in her arm . . .
. . . -- . . . .
"Heh," Genma reached over and patted her
avuncularly on the shoulder, his hot, alcohol saturated
breath making her nose wrinkle in disgust. "you don't need
to fill your pretty little head with pretend games. My Ranma
will make sure you're taken care of."
disgust. "you -- disgust, "you -OR- disgust. "you
A single word, so cold and hard Ranma was
surprised it didn't draw blood. But the old man was a little
thick when he'd been drinking. It was about time he tried to
shut pop up. The only problem, when Genma was drinking,
the only sure way to close his mouth was with a club. Not
the best way to make a good impression on his future bride,
whoever she might be.
problem, when -- problem: when (I'm not sure about this one.)
Kasumi paled a little at the sight of the slender
pieces of wood, quivering upright. Something she'd seen
only once before, after her mother's funeral.
Well, customary with all offerings -- I'd have thought she'd see it on
occasions when she visited her mother's grave... but I'm rambling.
Believable, I suppose, just a little out-of-the-blue.
Soun, not having a table in the way, moved even
faster than Ranma, stopping Genma with a deceptively
gentle looking hand to his chest. Genma ooffed, and sat
down suddenly.
Since 'oofed' isn't a real word, I'd put it in quotation marks. But
that's just me. :p
"Genma, my old friend," Soun said mildly, "I'm
certain Akane is sorry for any accidental insult." Soun
placed his other hand on Akane's leg, feeling the steel hard
muscles relax slightly under his touch.
steel hard -- steel-hard (?)
"Yes . . .yes of course." Genma stuttered, rubbing the
back of his head nervously. "I only meant . . ." he trailed off,
wondering what he could say that wouldn't make things
worse. "Ummmm . . .I only meant that . . .uhhhh . . .we have
an agreement, old friend," he fell back on his original
argument. "I've worked and sacrificed for ten years,
dedicating every waking hour to make Ranma the best
martial artist in the world . . ."
. . ." -- . . . ."
" . . .sacrificing my health and comfort. All with the
knowledge that I was working toward uniting our two
schools," Genma put all that remained of what once had been
a formidable personal charisma into his voice. "I . . .I have
been too long on the road, away from the civilizing influence
of the fairer sex," he smiled at Kasumi and was gratified to
see a softening in her eyes, and those of Nabiki as well. "The
thought that it is all in vain, that our great family arts that
have survived through the centuries might, at last die out . .
.it is almost too much to endure." He let his shoulders slump
artistically and was gratified to hear a gasp of alarm from
each of the two Tendou girls. Even better, Soun put an arm
around his shoulders to support him.
'each of the two'? Aren't there three present? ;) Might work better to
underscore thatr Akane's not included in that regardless.
"I suppose that I am old and foolish," Genma's voice
was low, almost a whisper. The tone of a man who has given
his all to achieve some noble goal and has nothing left to
give. "and have outlived my time." He drew himself up, a
tired old warrior who was beaten, but not defeated. "Ranma
and I will leave in the morning," He smiled, a heart
wrenching smile. "on another training journey. There is still
much for us to learn."
I would suggest:
whisper. The -- whisper: the
And:
give. "and -- give, "and
But your milage may vary.
"Akane . . ."Soun spoke firmly to his youngest. "this
is more than an old agreement. I want to know that you will
be taken care of if anything happens to me."
. . ."Soun -- . . ." Soun (missing space)
youngest. "this -- youngest. "This -OR- youngest, "this
"Hey!" Ranma wasn't real pleased with this sudden
turn of events himself. Kasumi was a real sweetheart and
Nabiki had possibilities. But as for _her_ . . .he'd rather eat
worms creamed on toast. Looking at Akane's face screwed
up in anger, the worms were looking downright appetizing.
Long years on the road, having to deal with Genma's
mistakes, clean up after him and act the peacemaker, enabled
him to control his tongue. Barely.
Ranma's refinement as a con artist serves as a good foil for Akane's
character, here.
"I hope I am around for many years to come," Soun
was trying to convince Akane, "but life is uncertain." His
face clouded over as he recalled his wife, dead for nearly a
decade. Akane saw the change, but resisted her impulse to
comfort him. Right now she needed her anger to give her
strength to fight. Sometimes it seemed all she had left was
anger. And shame.
was trying -- tried (suggested)
" Kasumi is going to go to medical school," Soun
nodded at his eldest, "and Nabiki is planing to buy Honshu
and turn it into a pachinko parlor," Nabiki just grinned at
that, "but if something happens to me, where will you go?
What will you do?"
" Kasumi -- "Kasumi (extra space.)
"The death duties will take everything. It will all
have to be sold, just to pay the tax." Soun stressed. "But if
you marry Ranma, the law allows me to _give_ the house,
doujou and grounds as a wedding gift. Then I'll know your
future is secure."
tax." Soun -- tax," Soun
"I can't marry some stranger." She objected as her
mind started working again.
stranger." She -- stranger," she
"He won't be a stranger after a while." Soun tried to
pint out reasonably.
while." Soun -- while, "Soun
pint -- point ;)
"I'm too young." she tried again.
young." she --young," she
"Nonsense," Soun said, shuddering inside at the
thought of his baby, _any_ of his babies, with a . . .a man.
"You are both at the perfect age. You haven't gotten set in
your ways yet".
yet". -- yet."
"I won't marry a man who can't defeat me." She
countered, with absolute conviction.
me." She -- me," she
"That was just a sort of joke," Soun objected,
recalling his daughters defiant pronouncement before the
near disaster that had almost---- "You can't really mean it."
daughters -- daughter's
"Oh yes I did----do! I _do_ mean it." Akane spat.
"I'm a martial artist. If I'm going to marry someone in order
to save the Musabetsu kakutou Tendou-ryuu, he's got to be
better than I am, otherwise why bother?"
it." Akane -- it," Akane
"I agree," Soun got to his feet. Kasumi and Nabiki
looked as if someone had dropped the Tokyo Dome on
them, while Genma and Ranma looked only slightly less
stunned. "Let us go to the doujou, where Ranma," he gave
the young martial artist a narrow look, "will fight my
daughter for the privilege of marrying her."
Interesting.
Wish I had more free time to offer better comments, but I'm still kept
awfully busy. >_<
Dratted RL....
Anyway, those are my comments, for what they're worth, and I hope you
find them helpful.