Wedding Plans; Or,

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Chaos



"I have something to say," Nabiki announced before Akane could
drag Ranma off toward school. Everyone but Ranma turned to
listen; he used the moment to grab an extra bite. If anyone had
looked, they may have noticed the fathers anxious curiosity
peeking.

"What?" Ranma huffed after Akane smacked him on the back of the
head.

"Pay attention," his iinazuke hissed. Ranma blinked then looked
up. Nabiki's evil grin doubled in size, making Ranma suddenly
feel very nervous.

"You two," the middle Tendou began. Ranma and Akane blinked in
unison. "I have never seen two people so obviously in love while
making themselves absolutely miserable at the same time," she
called out. Genma and Soun nearly went into shock. This was not
what they were expecting.

"There is no possible way," Nabiki went on before her last words
could take full effect on the two youngest in the room. "No way
at all, in fact, that you two could ever be married by the end of
today!" The couple in question stared on in wide-eyed fear. "No
force on earth could force you two to admit your true feelings
for each other!" she continued, really getting into her speech
now. Both targets began shaking their heads no and waving for her
to stop. "No kami or oni could get you two married before
sundown. I dare say even fate couldn't get you two happily in the
same room, let alone the same bed!" Both Ranma and Akane where
now standing, waving, and shushing franticly. "Between both your
would-be suitors and rivals, even Kami-sama himself couldn't
arrange for you two to get married without destroying half of
Tokyo."

Nabiki paused for a breath. Ranma and Akane turned to gaze at
each other in abject fear. Nabiki opened her mouth to continue
when the two began screaming loud enough to wake the dead. After
about five minutes of pure screaming, they bolted out of the room
in opposite directions.

"That wasn't very nice," Kasumi said, as she put down her book on
delayed pressure points that Dr. Tofu had lent her.

"Maybe, but you have to admit today is going to be fun to watch,"
Nabiki responded. She shot her father a quick wink before
scooping up her lunch and school bag. She would have to hurry if
she wanted to adjust the betting pools in time.

Today was going to be very interesting.

=====

'Almost there. Almost there.' Ranma could see the school gates
ahead. He glanced back and gave a sigh of relief. "Lost him. Man
that guy just wouldn't give up." While Ranma was not one to run
from a fight, he had decided the Saotome Final Technique was
definitely in order today.

About three blocks from the Tendou house, Ranma had run over a
traveling salesman. Not seeing Akane or Nabiki around, he had
thought he was safe. Then the man revealed that he made and sold
jewelry. Rings being his specialty, he decided that what Ranma
needed was a set of rings he had just finished that morning. It
had taken twenty minutes of non-stop running, zigging and zagging
down every street and alley. The high road would not offer
protection since that was where he ran into the guy in the first
place.

At the gate, he paused briefly to catch his breath. He wasn't
about to look out of breath because of some non martial artist.
When he finally looked up, he nearly jumped out of his skin.
Akane did jump a good meter off the ground. She was covered in
rose and white colored petals. Full flowers stuck out of her
uniform and hair.

"Don't ask," she pleaded. Ranma nodded. "Also, I get Kuno."

Ranma was about to argue that point but, after seeing how upset
she was, wisely decided 'better him than me.' Stepping through
the gate, the two marched up the isle toward the school. When
they reached the half way point, out stepped the rising star of
the Nerima kendo world.

"Beware the ides of march, for it does mean your demise at my
hand," Kuno began.

"Isn't it May?" asked a girl who was watching from the top floor.

"You know Kuno. Our little April fool," Nabiki, standing next to
her, quipped.

"You, foul sorcerer, have seen your last day. Have at thee!" With
that, Kuno lunged forward. Akane shot a glare at Ranma to make
sure he remembered whose fight this was today. But before she got
to meet his attack, Kuno was kicked to the side.

"Did he call you Saotome?" A strange man appeared out of no where
and confronted the couple. "Then you must be the lovely Akane
Tendou," he continued on before anyone had a chance to answer.

"And just who are you?" Ranma huffed, stepping slightly in front
of Akane.

"Complements of the house!"

Something dark flew straight and very fast at Ranma. He didn't
have time to move Akane to safety, so he threw his arms up for a
block. An elbow in his gut sent him out of the way just before it
could hit him, leaving Akane to take the blow meant for him.

"That's it, your dead!" Ranma roared as he jumped up from the
ground. His battle aura flared into place.

"What kind of stupid attack is this!" Akane shouted.

Everyone looked toward the surprised girl. Her uniform was gone,
replaced by a fairly expensive and perfectly tailored tux.

"What's the meaning of this! Who dares to defile a lovely maiden
so!" Kuno bellowed from his spot as he recovered from the opening
cheap shot.

"So sorry," The man before them bowed. "Special Attack! Innocent
Maiden Surprise!" the man yelled thrusting his hands forward.

Ranma moved to intercept the attack. When nothing happened, both
Akane and Ranma blinked in confusion.

"What foul trickery is this!" Kuno bellowed off to the side.
Everyone looked his direction. "What dark sorcererous magic's
hath Saotome conjured up to bewitch my noble personage!"

Everyone blinked.

A second man had appeared to actually perform the move the first
announced.

'A rather clever ploy,' Ranma thought to himself as a smile broke
across his face.

Kuno stood where he had moved between the second man and Akane on
his attempt to get at the first.

Laughter began to rain down from the open windows.

A gorgeous formal white wedding gown complete with vale had
completely replaced his normal kendo garb. It fit well enough
that he should have had to stand for hours for the proper
fitting.

'Better him than me,' Ranma once again thought.

"Cute, Kuno-baby," Nabiki called out as the flash from her camera
went off. "Real cute."

"Who." Ranma attempted, trying not to laugh too hard. He wasn't
succeeding very well. "Who are you?" Again, he faced off against
the first; though, he sought out with his senses, to prepare for
another surprise attack.

"We are the Four Brothers and a Sister School of Martial Arts
Wedding Planning!"

Suddenly there were five figures standing in a line. Four of them
were dressed handsomely in expensive looking tuxedoes. The fifth,
a beautiful blond, wore a long flowing formal gown. No one was
fooled. This was Nerima after all.

"And we heard what happened during your attempted wedding, and we
've come her to ensure your wedding bliss or else!" All five
struck heroic yet strangely formal looking poses.

"Now," the one in the dress stepped forward. In a regal yet
feminine voice that still fooled no one, at least not anyone who
knew Konatsu's secret, she began. "Dearly beloved, we are
gathered her to OUMPH!" A bonbori appeared in her place.

"No one marry husband to kitchen destroy but Shampoo!" Shampoo
yelled. A puzzled look crossed her face as she wondered why that
didn't sound quite right. 'Oh well,' she thought with a shrug.
'Everyone knows what I meant.'

"You would dare challenge the might of the Four Brothers and a
Sister School of Martial Arts Wedding Planning?!" The five drew
themselves into a tight formation.

"You're not fooling anyone," Ukyou yelled as she dropped down
next to Shampoo. "And there's no way we're going to let you marry
those two. Right, sugar?" Ukyou responded. The last endearment
was given more as a force of habit than conscious thought. After
Shampoo's entrance, she was a little distracted, wondering if she
had said that the way she meant.

"Airen get inside! We hold them off!" Shampoo hissed to the
stunned couple.

Ranma and Akane glanced at each other, shrugged, then hurried in
before the final bell could sound.

=====

"Okay class, we will be reading aloud today," the third period
teacher announced as he took his place at the front of the class.

"This is all you're fault, Ranma!" some lost boy could be heard
yelling from the front courtyard.

"Um, sensei?" Akane hesitated.

"Yes, Tendou-chan?" The teacher glanced over and sweat-dropped.

"Could I please be allowed to go change?" Akane stood, still
sharply dressed in the tux from earlier.

"Why are you wearing that instead of the school uniform?" The
teacher inquired sternly.

"Well you see," Akane gestured toward the window.

As the teacher went to look, so did the rest of the class. They
had only been able to hear the battle cries and were itching for
any excuse to see the chaos after two full classes of fighting.

Out on the field, five figures were squaring off against Ryouga,
Shampoo, Mousse, Ukyou, Kuno, and Konatsu, who had joined in last
period. The school field had large chunks torn away, large gashes
tore through trees, rocks, and wall.

Several of the boys turned green as Konatsu's wedding dress,
gained earlier in the fight, was replaced with a formal tux. They
had been fooled.

As they watched, a giant pig charged into the melee while a cute
girl in sun dress hopped off its back and began shouting
encouragement to a white veiled Ryouga.

"That still doesn't explain your attire, Tendou-chan."

One massive face-fault later, she responded.

"Well, none of the other teachers would give me time to go change
into my spare uniform." Akane shifted back and forth. 'So help
me, if he says.'

"I wouldn't mind." Akane smiled. "But class has already started."
Akane's shoulders slumped. "Besides, I doubt you'll have too much
difficulty with your attire, considering your iinazuke hasn't
seen fit to wear the required uniform all year."

Yuka and Sayuri jumped to restrain Akane from attacking the poor
teacher.

Ranma only flinched. Again. That was what the two previous
instructors had said. His days of ignoring the school dress code
were over. The strategy that had allowed him so much leeway had
relied heavily on quiet acceptance. Now someone had actually said
something, three instructors in fact, and the day wasn't over
yet.

"And since," the teacher continued, unaware of how close he was
to a thrashing, "you two seem to like to attract attention to
yourselves." The rest of the class was still watching the fight
outside. "You two may go first."

"Yes," Akane droned while wincing at the chastisement.

"Now stand up here and read this aloud."

They were each handed a three by five and stood where there were
told to.

"Good, now you begin, Ranma."

The young Saotome, for his part, flushed slightly from
embarrassment, but it helped that everyone was looking out the
windows in stead of at him.

"I, Akane Tendou.."

"Opps!" the teacher called out. He quickly switched the two
cards. "Now continue."

"Why 's our names on here anyways?" Ranma asked plaintively.

Akane began looking through hers as well.

"Just read it, or you won't pass."

"Uh, okay. I, um, Ranma Saotome, do hear by."

"Hey! These are wedding vows!" Akane screeched.

"What!" Ranma dropped the small card like it was a plate full of
Akane's cooking.

"Just read it, boy!" someone bellowed from the closet in the back
of the room.

"Pops! What are you. no, I should have guessed." Ranma spat.

Akane blinked.

A sign popped out from under the door reading: No one in here by
us fur-coats.

Akane stiffly marched back and tore the door open. Out spilled
two men, no make that one man and a panda. Behind them on a
tripod was a Sony cam filming the whole thing.

"Why I ought to." Ranma began cracking his knuckles.

"Never mind, let's just get out of here," Akane interrupted by
grabbing a hold of a certain pigtail and began dragging her
iinazuke out the door. She paused to shoot their instructor a
disappointed look, then they were gone.

"Is that a cat wearing a wedding dress?" one random student
puzzled.

"I didn't even know they made them in that size," a second
responded.

=====

"Ranma! Ranma! It's okay! No more cats, see?" Akane yelled as
they landed on some roof.

A full body shiver worked its way down then back up Ranma's body.
Then he took a deep breath.

"You can put me down any time now," Akane said, though without
any real anger.

"Huh? - Oh!" Ranma was suddenly standing about a meter away.

Akane shook her head at him, while she gave him a playful smile.

They had been heading out the front when Ranma had been
confronted by the image of Shampoo in a wedding dress. Of course,
she had been a cat at the time. She had spotted him and Akane and
leapt at him. Fortunately, depending on your point of view, a
bouquet of flowers had embedded itself in the ground pinning her
long train just as she jumped, stopping her about fifteen
centimeters from his face.

Ranma practically teleported away, taking Akane with him. After
several minutes of high-speed roof-hoping in his arms she had
finally gotten him to stop.

=====

Meanwhile, in a room not to far away.

"And now, if anyone here should have any reason these two should
not be wed, speak now or for ever let them hold their piece."

Suddenly, the roof gave in. Shrieks and screams echoed up and
down the hall.

Once the dust began to settle, everyone began to look for the
source of the disturbance.

One short, and obviously well-endowed female emerged coughing
from the center. She was quickly followed by a second short
haired figure wearing a tux. Both strangers looked up too see
their impromptu audience.

Quick nervous eyes flittered about the crowd. Then, the two
slowly glanced at each other. The two began screaming loud enough
to wake the dead. After about five minutes of pure screaming,
they bolted out of the room.

"Wherefore art thou Ushiko-san?" could be heard from under one
pile of roof.

"Wherefore art thou Umao-san?" came from under another pile.

=====

It was late evening before the two finally returned home.

Nabiki was sitting with her abacus, as she was deciding how much
to charge everyone tomorrow to find out to whom they where now
married. Soun was crying about how his little angel would never
be married while Genma was drinking. Kasumi was smiling, but it
was an extra happy smile.

Akane and Ranma stumbled in and crashed in the living room.

"Are you married yet?!" "Did you two get married?!" both fathers
jumped up and shouted.

"Wha-" was Ranma's response.

"No way!" Akane yelled.

"Now, now, Akane," Kasumi tisked. "You no you shouldn't lie to
you're father like that."

"But we didn't!" Akane half-yelled and half-whimpered.

"I know all about it."

"Know all about what?" Nabiki interrogated.

"Yeah!" Ranma seconded.

"Your marriage, of course."

"We are not married," Ranma and Akane exclaimed in stereo.

"Then what is this?" Kasumi asked as she held out an official
looking paper. "This arrived this morning."

Ranma and Akane both grabbed it at the same time. Miraculously,
the page survived.

"Who's Tahashi?" Ranma inquired, after the couple had stared at
the page for over a minute without blinking.

"Isn't she the school secretary?" Nabiki asked from her position,
looking over both their shoulders.

Akane and Ranma looked at each other. He blinked. She blinked.
They both blinked again, for good measure.

* * * Flash Back * * *

The first Wednesday afternoon after Ranma had started school.

Several huge piles of papers sat haphazardly stacked around the
living room.

"Hey, Pops," Ranma called from somewhere behind the stacks. "If
ya got me in school already, then why am I haven' ta do all this
paperwork?"

"Boy, don't question me. Just get to work!" Genma exclaimed just
before Ranma tossed him into the koi pond. He would have jump up
and retaliated, but if he taught the boy his lesson right now, he
might wind up filling out the forms. That was not something he
planned on doing.

"Hey!" an outraged cry came from another area of the paper
mountain. "If I have to help you do this, then you better get
over here and work!" Akane growled. "Why do I have to be the one
to do this anyway?"

"Well, he is your fiancee," Nabiki quipped on her way through the
room. "And he doesn't know our mailing address or medical plan."
She wasn't about to get trapped into it either.

"Grrr, if you want my help, you'd better get to work, Ranma."

"Okay, okay." Ranma flopped back down and signed his name on the
indicated line. He had stopped reading the forms hours ago.

Akane turned exhausted eyes back to the page in front of her. She
frowned at the page.

"You forgot to sign this one."

Ranma glanced at the page in question.

"Nope, signed it right there."

Akane tried to blink her eyes clear, then looked at the page
again. There were spots for two signatures. Through the paperwork
headache, she realized that the second space was for her to sign.
Just why the school cared or needed to know about their
engagement she didn't know. Not that after Kunou blabbed it all
over the school it was much of a secret. She shrugged it off and,
putting signature to page, slipped it into the return-to-school
pile.

* * * End Flashback * * *

"You signed this?" the young couple accused each other at the
same moment.

"B-b-b-b-bu." Genma babbled incoherently to anyone that would
listen.

"You were marred this whole time?" Soun actually managed to say,
visions of all the failed plans and resulting damage running
through his head.

Nabiki was just rolling on the floor laughing.

"This isn't funny!" Akane protested; to which, Nabiki laughed
even harder.

"Wait!" Ranma called out desperately. "If this was signed back
then, why'd ya only get it now?"

"Oh, that's easy," Kasumi replied with her gentle smile.
"Apparently, after Mrs. Tahashi notarized it for you, she mailed
it from the school. So, Your copy was mistakenly sent to the
school where it was filed with your school records."

Both nodded as one.

"She came across it while moving the student files to a new
cabinet. When she couldn't find you at school today to return it,
she decided to bring it here. Wasn't that so nice of her?"

"Yeah." Ranma agreed.

".nice," Akane finished.

=====

The characters of the Ranma 1/2 universe are the creation and
possession of the brilliant Rumiko Takahashi. They belong to
Rumiko Takahashi and her licensees (Shogakukan Inc., Kitty-Fuji
TV, Viz Communications Inc.)

Umao and Ushiko are both characters from Kimagure Orange Road and
belong to Matsumoto Izumi and his licensees (AnimEigo, Shuukan
Shoonen Jumpu, Toho Co. Ltd. Studio Pierrot.)

No copyright infringement is intended.



AN: This was may answer to how those two would possibly wind up
married and all the chaos, martial arts, poor planning,
interferences, and roof hopping it would likely entail. All of
which ending up as unnecessary.

Any suggestions to improve the ending will be welcome. As is, I
think it may be a little weak. Anyway, hope you enjoyed my
attempt at WAFF. Now to head back to my regularly scheduled fics.



kit                 http://jeruind.i8.com/
=====================================
We the unwilling, led by the unknowing,
  are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful.
We have done so much, for so long, with so little
  we are now qualified to do anything with nothing


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