allyn yonge wrote:

As I wandered in the direction of my classroom I
wondered who that pigtailed girl was. There was so
much going on at Furinkan that I didn't pay attention
to. I wasn't exactly popular. I was too busy with
dealing with schoolwork to really care. Wrestling was
more fun than these weirdos anyway.

@@Now here, I lose you for the first time. It appears you're trying to setup the fact that Futaba had been at Furinkan for a semester, yet never heard of Ranma

What I don't get is the mystery of why the author wants Futaba to be at the
school for a year before the start of a story.  What is gained by it?  
Futaba acts in every way like a new student, totally ignorant of the most
obvious things going on at his school, and nobody else knows him either.  
So why have him be there at the school for a year instead of starting a new
school year at a new school? And bear in mind that since he's a high school
jock either he was in the Akane attack crowd, or he was a lone dissenter from
that idiotic fad.  In either case, he'd still know _exactly_ who Akane is.  

@@cute. BUT more believable if the teacher told Futaba to
put the pictures away and sit down. I realize you've got to
get Futuba in the hall, but IMO, this calls for something more
drastic. Show the teacher as very rulebound/puritanical? Or have Futaba
do something more drastic. Futaba throws the pictures back to Hiroshi, who ducks and pictures hit teacher?

Then the teacher wouldn't give the pictures back.  

I wobbled a bit, and then regained my balance to come
face-to-face with a beautiful girl, same green hair as
the boy who stood behind me, grinning like a maniac,
and a body that could start-and win-wars.

@@ "body to start and win wars" is cute.
Not real keen on "green hair". That's an anime dodge to make
it easy to tell characters apart. IF you must use it (and sometimes it does simplify thing. I use "redhead" often) when you get into 'unnatural' colours like 

  
Futaba-chan really does have green curly hair in every single colour 
illustration of her in the manga.  And in the black and white drawings
her hair is obviously lighter in tint, although possibly blonde.  
It isn't like Ranma, where the hair is just as dark in female form.  
This doesn't make a lot of sense with the science fictional premise, 
since hair isn't alive, but the women turn blond as males and 
Futaba's father becomes a red-head.  

But it might be worthwhile to have someone comment on Futaba dying her hair
green.  "Show biz folks.  Go fig."  It's not unknown for real Japanese
schoolgirls to die their hair bizarre colours, though.



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