And moving on:

"Who wrote the 106 volume story Nanso Satomi
Hakkenden?" asked Keitaro.
A) Bakin Takizawa
B) Saneatsu Mushanokoji
C) Soseki Natsume
D) Shikibi Murasaki
E) Masao Kume?"

or F) Chuck Wienberg

Keitaro felt the pressure starting to mount. "Umm, F. Because the answer
that sounds like the least likely is usually the correct one.

North American geography. Which of the following is
the largest of the Great Lakes?
A) Lake Huron
B) Lake Ontario
C) Lake Michigan
D) Lake Erie
E) Lake Superior?
"Lake Superior," replied Keitaro.
"That was easy. Now do me."

Keitaro's nose erupted in the worst bleed ever.

"Baka!" Naru said, and kicked his unconscious form in general principal.

"I borrowed some of Kitsune's books the other night,"
Naru replied, the pride in her voice clear. "She
doesn't do it as much now, but she really liked to
read when she was in high school. She's got quite the
collection of stuff stashed in a box in her closet."
"Really?" said Keitaro. "I never would have pictured
her as the reading type. I guess everyone has layers
to them."
Naru's head tuned

turned

Damn, that's a tough one, " muttered Keitaro. "I know
that Omaha is in Nebraska. I don't think it's
Lincoln?I'm pretty sure Wichita is in Kansas but I
don't think it's the capital?So that means?"
"It means?" prodded Naru.
"Um, Smallville?"
Naru momentarily went stiff with disbelief. She
quickly recovered and proceeded to hurl the geography
book at Keitaro, taking great satisfaction at the
sound it made as it smashed into his face.
"You idiot! The answer is Topeka! Smallville is
Superman's hometown!"

So she's secretly an American comicphile, eh? :)

"Naru, let's make a promise to each other right here
and now," said Keitaro, earnestly.
"A..A promise?" gulped Naru, wondering if the Hinata
House's manager had taken her praise to mean something
deeper.

I'd keep the POV strictly Kei boy's. I think we have a pretty good idea of
Naru's mindset after the gulp.

"Good luck to both of us!" wished Naru.
"To our double entry!" responded Keitaro.
The pair then spent a few seconds mutually reveling
in the moment. Then Naru suddenly realized Keitaro was
holding her hand. She jerked it back and blushed.
Keitaro, after coming to the same realization about
one second later, also blushed.
To shake off the embarrassment Naru stood, stretched
and adjusted her glasses. "I guess we've studied
enough for one day. Let me go back to my room and
change and we can

so we can (sounds better to me)

 can head out. We should have a few hours

to find the others and enjoy yourselves

ourselves

 once we get

there before the fireworks start."
"Sounds good," nodded Keitaro.
With that, Naru turned and headed for the door. But
just as she reached the threshold she stopped but
didn't turn around.
"Keitaro?"
"Yeah?"
"If try

If you try

 and peek at me while I change this time I'll

hit you so hard it'll put you in orbit. Around Saturn.
Got it?"
Keitaro gulped. "Got it."
As soon as Naru's footsteps vanished down the hall
Keitaro flopped back on the floor and exhaled. "It
worked," he chuckled to himself. "Kitsune was right.
People who play the long odds do win big.

But usually they don't win, or the odds wouldn't be long. ^_^

I took a

risk by asking Naru to make a promise like that but it
worked. Now, if I'm right and she is the girl from my
childhood, then we've double promised each other we'll
go to Tokyo U together. And no power in the universe
can top a double promise!"

Yes, folks. He really is that naive. :)

her face.
Still stunned by the lovely vision before him, it
took Keitaro a moment to pull his thoughts together.
"You look?great!

drop the '?'

 That outfit really suits you!"

"Really?" asked Naru as she did a small pirouette to
examine the kimono. "I admit, seeing the others in
their outfits made me remember how nice it is it get
dressed up like this once in a while."
Wow, Naru looks amazing in that outfit, thought
Keitaro.

I'd revise this part, since we already know how he feels. No need to overdo
it.

"Good luck. It said I'm going to have lots of good
luck this year."

~*~

Keitaro took a deep breath and focused. Before him
was the enemy, the one he'd vowed to vanquish.

Some sort of shooting carnival game, no doubt.

"Come on, Keitaro," pleaded Naru. "Just admit defeat.
This is a fight you just can't win."
"No way! If I can't win then I am not a man!"
"You barely qualify as a man now," muttered Naru
under her breath.
Keitaro felt the weight of his weapon in his right
hand. With this instrument he would fell the one
before him and show Naru what he was really made of.
Some inner instinct told the ronin that now was the
time to strike. Keitaro hurled his weapon forward?
?and missed utterly.

Actually I'm now assuming the '?' are supposed to be ellipses that got
changed somewhere along the line by some program.

"Ya sure the prescription on those glasses is up to
date, kiddo?" asked the gaunt man who stood behind the
counter of the carnival booth.
Keitaro whimpered. Since arriving back at the temple
almost an hour ago he and Naru had been having a good
time. They taken

had taken

in the attractions, had some shaved

ice,

got matching tattoos, pierced their nipples (though Naru hadn't let him
watch her piercing)

"Give it up, Keitaro," signed Naru. "You've been at
this for over fifteen minutes, have already blow

blown

The carnie let out an impressed whistle and nudged
Keitaro in the ribs. "You're a second year ronin and
ya managed not only to get a hot little number like
that for your girlfriend, but you're living together
to boot? What's yer secret, kiddo? If I could get a
sweet little thing like that for myself I'd dump that
frigid scarecrow I call a wife in a New York minute."

And since they're in Japan, shouldn't it be a Tokyo minute? :)

He then turned began to walk away. As he did he
casually tossed the ball back toward the booth over
his shoulder. The ronin stopped dead in his tracks a
second later as the sound of half a dozen milk bottles
falling to the ground filled the air. Keitaro whipped
around in disbelief.

Heh

As he did so the woman groggily raised herself up off
the grass and looked at him. "Huh? Wha? Oh, hey,
Keitaro! Fancy meetin' you here," slurred Kitsune.

Figured as much

are a little on the bold side." The fox-girl's grin
now turned amazingly seductive. "You know, Keitaro,
I've always thought you were kinda cute."
Cute?! Did a girl really just call me cute!? Keitaro
thought as his heart began to pound.
"In a nerdy, hopeless loser sort of way, that is."

Then she has a more or less realistic view of him, except for the 'cute'
part. :)

Kitsune's kimono was now rather loose. Plus, with the
way she was moving towards him, he was getting view of
his housemate's ample bosom that bordered on indecent.

"Com on,

Come

 > "Carpe dium time, Keitaro," whispered Kitsune,

softly.

Which means: The free show means I don't pay the rent again. :)

Good God, what do I do now? thought the ronin.
It was at that moment, in a puff of metaphor, that
three tiny figures appeared on either side of
Keitaro's head.
The two figures on Keitaro's left looked exactly like
his friends Haitani and Shirai. The only difference
was that this Haitani and Shirai wore devil costumes
complete with tails, horns and pitchforks.
The sole figure that appeared on Keitaro's right, in
contrast, looked just like Shinobu. Only this Shinobu
wore a pure white gown, had wings jutting from her
back, a bright halo over her head and a golden harp in
one hand.

Heh. Nice casting.

"What this hell are you waiting for, idiot!"

idiot?

 shouted

Shinobu. "Kitsune's clearly had to much to drink and
doesn't really know what she's doing. I know you're
not the type who'd take advantage of her like that."
"It's true, I can smell the sake on her even from over
here," admitted Keitaro.
 "Don't listen to Little Miss Goody Goody," snorted
Devil Haitani. "So what if she's drunk? Kitsune's half
drunk all the time and nobody questions her ability to
make decisions then.

Hehehehehe. Actually that's pretty sound evil reasoning.

"Don't let them trick you like that," warned Angel
Shinobu. "It's true that they're some of your feelings
given voice and form. But so am I. I'm the part of you
that knows that, despite her flaws, Kitsune is a good
person. I'm the part of you that cares about Kitsune
as a person and would never want to hurt her.

Shinobu-Angel: You know, the part responsible for you not getting laid.

Keitaro: You're not helping your side of the argument, you know.

 The same

way you don't want to hurt the real Shinobu or the
other girls.
"You're the Hinata House's landlord. That means the
girls rely on you to take care of their home even

home and even

 them

to a degree. If you took advantage of Kitsune now do
you think they'd ever trust you again? The real
Shinobu's faith in you as her sempai would be
destroyed. Plus, Naru would hate you forever for
taking advantage of her best friend."
"N-Naru would hate me? Forever?" said Keitaro.
"Ah, crap," grumbled Devil Haitani. "She would have to
go and use the N-word."

Heh. Cute

It was then that another figure appeared to Keitaro's
left. This figure also had horns, a tail and a
pitchfork. But this new devil hand on garters, a lacy
red bra with matching thong underwear and just
happened to look like exactly like Kitsune.

Oh, now this is going to be good.

"The answer to is

to that is

"Come on, Keitaro!" urged Devil Kitsune "The chance to
kiss virginity goodbye is right in front of you. All
you have to do it take it!"

The real Kitsune's probably but her clothes back on and walked off by now.

Devil Kitsune glared at Keitaro. "Loser! I hope you
enjoy having never been with a woman when you're
eighty!"
"I guess I won't be getting any use out of this,"
sighed Devil Shirai as he pulled out a mini video
camera. "Talk about a bummer."
"You know, just because the loser over there isn't
interested doesn't mean you have to go
home?unsatisfied," said Devil Haitani to Devil
Kitsune. "If you're lonely Shirai and I-ACK!!"

Heh.

Devil Haitani was cut off as Devil Kitsune began to
bash him in the head with her pitchfork. "Like I'd
ever do you losers!" spat Devil Kitsune just before
going after Devil Shirai.
"Mommy!" screamed Devil Shirai as Devil Kitsune began
to pummel him.
"You're a good person, Keitaro," smiled Angel Shinobu.
"That's why you're my sempai."

"Some perks," Keitaro said dryly.

and tossed one of her arms over his shoulder.
"Awww, does this mean you don't wanna have fun,
Kei-ta-ro-chan?" asked Kitsune in a singsong voice.
"You're drunk, Kitsune. I'd be lying if I said I
wasn't tempted, but I'm not going to take advantage of
you when you're like this. I'm not that sort of guy.
And don't call me Keitaro-chan. Only grandma gets to
call me that now that I'm an adult."
"Feh, it's your lose."

loss.

Just for a second Kitsune's eyes seemed to come out of
the fog of alcohol and show a hint of pain. But just
as quickly it faded and the girl was all drunken
happiness again.
The ronin then took a deep breath. Yelling at Kitsune
isn't going to help, he thought. I just need to get
her out of here. The sooner the better.
   With that, Keitaro began to walk/haul Kitsune back
toward the festival area.

Have her throw up on him. That's always fun.

Keitaro suddenly glanced at Shinobu. You know, it
never really occurred to me just how responsible
Shinobu is. She's only thirteen but she does lots of
chores around the house really well and never
complains. Heck, she's even helping me out with this
mess. I wonder if maybe we all haven't been taking
here a bit for granted.
It was then that inspiration struck.
"Actually this is for Shinobu," informed Keitaro.

Oh, that's going to do damage to her in the long run. :)

"For me!?" gasped Shinobu as she began to turn red.
Keitaro, who was blushing a bit himself, nodded. "I
won it at one of the booths a little while back. I
figured this doll is cute and Shinobu is cure

cute

"Uh oh, Keitaro's up to something naughty!" shouted
Su.
"That's not true!" protested Keitaro.

Su: I know. That's what makes you so boring.

Nice work. Actually has stayed pretty light so far. Considering the
direction you said it's going to head in, it's actually surprising. Very
nice work.

D.B. Sommer



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