You wrote:

Hello!

Though this is an original story, it contains characters created
for Operation: Reality Check, an old Sailor Moon fic of mine.  I'm
trying to do something different so that I won't be less of a
burnout when I write Chapter Six of Only Human.  Assume that no
further chapters will be posted on FFML (unless Gary et al. says
it's cool).

You can post original stuff, as long as it's anime flavored.

Chapter One

The pressure-sensitive plating on the floor was no match for anti-
grav apparatus, but the xeon sensors in the wall would've picked
up her equipment if it weren't for the feedback mirrors quietly
installed to keep the alarms from going off.  After that,
everything else was easy.

Andrea scouted the inner vault for other booby traps that could be
waiting for her.

I'd drop after 'traps', since it's uneccesary.

 There were no valuables yet to lift from the

area, but it was always good to plan ahead, better still to test
out what she was up against before game time.  Especially if she
could grab a peek of where they will

would (I think)

 keep the ultimate prize.

Thirty-six hours from now, the object of Andrea's desire will

would

"Sir," the ensign said, lifting the object from the floor with a
pair of gloves, "It looks like a component to a feedback mirror.
Someone's been in here."

The manager stood up, "You see?"

"Ensign," Jake insisted, "Are you sure it couldn't have broken off
from something else in the room?"

And it just happened to fall in front of the sensor? Either he's an idiot or
being lazy if he belives that.

"His staff has been receiving threatening letters and vid
transmissions that all point to one man that has a bullseye on
Carey.  He's tried three times at three different campaign events
over the past two weeks.  Either he's a terrible shot or he's
trying to terrify Carey into submission, 'cause our suspect's been
getting closer and closer with each attempt.

Hmm. Odd.

Hacker One grinned, "Postnet.  Old U.S. Postal Service coding.
Mixed in with code 39.  It's a composite.  It means nothing.  It's
made up for us techies to recognize it's obscurity.  The Syndicate
LOVES to show off."

A fatal flaw in most.

Then it hit him.  It struck him hard.  A quick chop between his
shoulder blades.

I saw it coming. :)

Intruiging. Almost more of a teaser than anything else. It flowed well, and
I was able to follow it along easily enough.

D.B. Sommer



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