Still only a month behind. And threatening to catch up as well:

----------------

WuFei 1/2

Ordinarily I have no interest in this sort of fusion/xover, but given it's
WuFei, I'd like to see the fifth wheel suffer.

     [holds composure]
     [loses composure]
     IT ISN'T FAAAAIIIIIRRRR!!!!!
     Please remember: this is an Alternate Universe,
so the events with which you are familiar may or may
not occur; and secondly, this fic's only reason for
existing is to make you smile.

Good. It's not the sort of thing that can be taken seriously fused together.

 > Part the First: "I'm a WHAT?!"

Yaoi fangirl bait, like all the other pilots. Deal with it

I *hate* irony.  Karma is *not* fun.  And I only hope
my situation is providing humour to the Buddha,
because it definitely is not funny from *this* end.

Ah, first person. Working as well.

The training ground looked like nothing so much as a
cheesy martial-arts movie set.

Nah. Too primitive. If the poles were near some buildings, or the ponds were
burning, then it would. :)

"No, NO, sir!"  She wrung her hands, a gesture I've
always felt to be singularly useless.  "This training
ground has been closed for over three hundred years!

Girl: Mind you, we still leave the training ground signs up, rather than 'Do
Not Enter: Hazardous Material', but it has been shut down.

The woman knelt at the edge of the pool, stretching
out a pole for me to take.  I couldn't criticize.

Odd choice of words there.

"Even if I jumped into the 'Spring of the Drowned
Man'?" I asked desperately.

"Especially if you do that, sir.  You would become an
hermaphrodite when splashed with cold water, then."

Well, he'd be half-way back to normal. :)

I did manage to ensure I was in the various washrooms
in our safehouses at times when the other four were
not likely to be there.  Of course, they noticed my
excessive body-modesty.  Yui and Barton forbore to
comment.  They, at least, respected my choice, and I
have reason to believe Barton shared it.

Whereas since it didn't involve killing anything, that meant it didn't
involve Heero, at least as far as Heero was concerned. :)

Maxwell didn't bother asking.  He seemed to take it
upon himself to 'cure' me of my 'shyness' - by forcing
me to share intimate quarters with him.  If there was
a limited number of bedrooms

were (I think)

"I won't," he promised, suddenly grinning again.

A bad sign, to be sure.

Yui was at the laptop, typing, when we entered the
room.  He looked up, saw us, and produced a piece of
paper, which he handed to me.  "A mission for you," he
said, in probably the same tone as he would have said,
"Congratulations, you've won the lottery."

Or "I have a broken leg,' or 'it looks like rain' since he spoke in
monotone. Probably thought in it as well.

"It's different for me," he said.  "You..." and he
looked up, staring me straight in the eyes.  I
swallowed hard, not recognising

recognizing.

If I didn't know better, I'd say Maxwell thought I
was a girl, was trying to hide it, and had now set
himself up as my protector.  And if I was right...
well, I definitely needed another cup of tea.

Oh, you'll need something stronger than that.

It started when we all started

It began when we all started (that way you don't use 'started' twice.)

meeting up again after

The walk to wherever we'd managed to stash the
Gundams outside whichever town we were in was usually
over two hours, and murderous.  Earth is a nice place,
but as far as I'm concerned, ecology is something that
can happen to other people.  The further away the
better.

But I was talking about 'Fei.

Oh. Didn't realize it was a POV shift until then.

All together now: Du~uo is an i~idiot....

Heh

Yes, yes, I know, girls can do anything etcetera.
And 'Fei was certainly capable of dishing out the
damage.  I'd seen her do it often enough.  But letting
her go off into danger by herself was not an option.
I guess at heart I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy.

True.

I could, possibly, say that life calmed down somewhat
after Duo and I came to our accommodation over our
names (though it would be truer to say that I merely
accepted that Duo was going to call me 'Fei', whether
I willed it or no,

Yep

 and that he meant no disrespect by

it).  That, however, would be a false impression.

OZ scaled back some of its operations.

Only because of the power shift. You see, once the new world order is
established, OZ will become their target, and you'll have a whole lot more
targets to shoot at soon. :)

Barton and Winner, having found their Gundams to be
as complementary as their personalities, began taking
all the officially joint missions that we were sent.
It was a pairing nobody could fault - Winner's Gundam
is primarily defensive, with a heavy emphasis on
armour and close-range weaponry, while Barton's
specializes in long-range attack and fast strikes,
sacrificing armour for speed.

And doesn't have crap for close up action, as I recall. Once he runs out of
ammo, that's it.

I was female at the time, having run afoul of Yui's
water-glass (again), which may be why I thought the
way I did.  Women are more devious than men, and OZ's
strategy, devised by that hellcat Une, was more
devious than I had ever encountered before.

Heh. Nice to see he's sexist still.

It was the spare parts where we ran into
difficulties.

Naturally enough, the first thing we set out to
utterly ruin were the fabricating machines.  They were
easy enough to sabotage - resetting all the tensions
and erasing the tech manuals, then rewriting the data
files so they *appeared* correct but were anything
but.  Duo had fun.

Hehe. Very cute.

Five hundred grammes of thermite made a very pretty
explosion in the cupboard where they were storing
nuts, bolts, screws and connectors.  Lining the small
metal bits up into projectile formations also took
care of several larger pieces stored in the rooms
around the cupboard.

And some people say that we have anger issues.

Nah. They know how to deal with anger.

His grin grew wider, if possible, and he said, too
calmly, "Shinigami is here, to deliver Justice,"
before opening fire.

His eyes were cold as he lifted his fingers from the
triggers.  The last body jerked a little from the
impact of his last round.  With no trace of the grin,
he said flatly to the hot corpses, "*Nobody* touches
*my* girl."

Hehehehe. That might make the shit fly.

"Oh?" Duo said, in an interested tone of voice,
leaning a little forward.  "What sort of things?"

Heh.

I smiled with relief.  What he had said back at the
base was being glossed over, and soon he would put it
behind him and move on.  Why this should be
disappointing to me was a mystery.  Undoubtedly due to
being female at the time, I decided.  "An example?
Well... when my body is female, chocolate is utterly
delicious and, if I have been reading articles on
bodily health, I will eat granola."

Duo blinked, and said, "Women are *insane*."

Heheheh

The page glanced at us, his eyes widening, as I gave
him my blankest stare.  He blushed, and said, "Um...
well... good night, sirs!" and fled.

Duo waited for a count of three before collapsing
onto one of the beds, howling with laughter.

Hehehe. So wouldI.

To return to the subject, the file of the Girl Gundam
Pilot being cornered by the Big Bad Would-Be Rapists
and then being rescued by Her Heroic Gundam Pilot
Boyfriend (one of the less lurid descriptions, from
one of the first sites where the piece was archived)
soon became one of the most-seen files in cyberspace.


It would only be a matter of time before Yui, Barton
and Winner saw it - much less Master O and Professor
G.

That would make things interesting, yep.

Cute little piece. Glad I read it. Very amusing in a lot of places, though I
don't know how far you could really carry it. I approve, though.

D.B. Sommer



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