Well, it only took me about eight months this time to decide that it's
been too long since I posted a chapter of this story. I've had this one
done in about the form you see it here for months, and though I still
don't quite feel like it's as good as it could be, I also don't think
hanging on to it for any longer is going to improve it at all.
Therefore, I welcome and encourage any feedback on how the rewriting
effort is going, as well as suggestions for improving this chapter. I'm
also open to accepting new prereaders, since most of the ones who've
been prereading this story have become unavailable or disinterested.
Note that I'm now using my hotmail address for all correspondence, as
the RC Books service is terminating their free POP3 access... *grumble
grumble*

Previous chapters can be found at
http://nidoking.anifics.com/NewChoice.html , and if you want to compare
this to the original version, you can find it at
http://nidoking.anifics.com/DeadlyChoice.html . To highlight the major
changes to this version: The opening fight scene actually has some
fighting now and should make a bit more sense, Shampoo's
counterproductive action at the end of the chapter is now her own idea
rather than Cologne's, and the entire investigation into Happosai's
apartment has been redone (a third time!) so that it should be neither
offensive nor illogical. Can't believe I didn't do it this way the first
time. As always, I've also upgraded the descriptive style throughout.

Hope you enjoy it, and that it won't take me this long to get through
chapter 5!


Ranma 1/2 -- A Deadly Choice
Chapter 4: The Search for Kodachi Begins!

    Tatewaki Kuno's wooden blade dug into the flesh of Ranma's neck as
the upperclassman climbed out of the Tendos' backyard koi pond, ignoring
the water that dripped from his clothes and the fish that he'd managed
to net in a fold of his shirt. "Return my sister to me this instant,
Ranma Saotome, if your life holds any worth to you at all!"
    Ranma sighed with exasperation. "Kuno, how can I put this so you'll
understand? For one thing -" he grabbed Kuno's bokken between his finger
and thumb and easily swung the point aside "- I really don't consider
you a threat. For another, your sister isn't here."
    "You dare lie to me?" shouted Kuno, yanking his sword out of Ranma's
grip. "I saw you taking her with my own eyes!"
    "If your sister WAS here, do you think I'd have a moment's peace?"
asked Ranma. "Of course not! She'd be all over me with that insane laugh
of hers even before you could wave that stick in my face!"
    Kuno let his sword fall to his side as he considered Ranma's words.
"It is true, my sister would never be able to restrain herself while the
two of you resided in the same house..." The bokken sliced through the
air millimeters beneath Ranma's nose. "Which means that you must have
bound her within! Oh, my poor sister, helpless and unable to move at the
hands of this evil one! Fear not! I shall free you from this prison!"
    Ranma tilted his head to avoid the clumsy, fury-powered swings of
Kuno's bokken. "Clue-a-gram for Kuno! Your sister ain't here!"
    "Silence!" ordered Kuno as he moved toward Ranma, pressing a
ferocious attack. "Stop playing the coward and fight back!"
    Akane, now fully clothed, leapt from her bedroom window to land
behind Ranma. "Ranma, you have to fight him, or you'll just be dodging
forever!"
    "And if I do beat him," countered Ranma, sidestepping a series of
attacks, "he'll just attack me again as soon as he recovers. This won't
be over until I can convince him that fighting me won't accomplish
anything."
    Akane rolled up her sleeve. "If you won't hit him, then I will!"
    "Stay outta this, Akane!" barked Ranma. "This is between me and
him!"
    "I agree, Akane Tendo," Kuno said without pausing his attack. "Only
by defeating Ranma by my own hand will I both rescue my dear sister and
prove myself worthy of a date with you!"
    "You'll never beat me, Kuno," said Ranma, taking another step to the
side.
    Kuno continued to move with Ranma, swinging his bokken with
increasing fury but still failing to hit his mark. "And if you refuse to
fight me, you cannot win!"
    'What is he planning to do?' Akane thought, watching Ranma's
movements carefully. He seemed to be moving somewhere with his sideways
steps, but if he kept going in that direction, he'd hit... "Ranma, watch
where you're going!" she shouted. "You'll fall into the pond!"
    "I know!" he shouted back. "He can't hit me then, can he?"
    "So, you are attempting to run away from our fight!" said Kuno,
completely misinterpreting Ranma's intentions. He swiveled around to
stand between Ranma and the koi pond. "There is no escape, cur! This
fight will end in bloodshed, and it will not be mine!"
    The dining room door slid open to admit Kasumi. "Excuse me,
everyone!" she called to the fighters in the backyard. Noting that
Kuno's sword was not currently swinging, she continued. "I don't mean to
interrupt your battle, but we have a visitor who'd like to speak to
Ranma!"
    "Battle?" asked Ukyo as she followed Kasumi into the dining room.
"What battle?" Her eyes settled on Ranma and Kuno as they resumed their
fight. "Oh, no! Hang on, Ranma honey!" She hefted her oversized spatula
and charged for the door, shrieking a battle cry fit for a true warrior
princess.
    "Stay back, Ukyo!" warned Ranma. "I can handle this myself!"
    Ukyo stopped short only a few feet away. "Oh, it's just Kuno. Never
mind, then." She holstered her spatula. "You definitely don't need my
help." She watched the kendoist take a few more swings. "Although... you
don't seem to be making much progress."
    "He's not trying to beat Kuno," Akane explained in a worried tone.
"He's trying to make Kuno see reason! He wants to TALK Kuno out of
fighting!"
    "In that case, all the help I could give wouldn't be enough!" said
Ukyo. "What's gotten into your head, Ranma honey?"
    "He's been like this ever since he got home last night," Akane told
her. "I don't know what to do!"
    "I see," said Ukyo. "Don't worry. I think I know what to do."
    Meanwhile, Kuno continued to fight in total ignorance of Ukyo's
arrival. "Stand your ground, knave, that I may slay you and recover my
sibling!" he demanded.
    "Kuno, do you honestly think attacking me is going to get you your
sister back?" Ranma asked.
    Kuno hummed to himself as he considered Ranma's question without
letting his barrage of sword blows flag. "Yes!" he decided. "The sword
of truth shall -"
    The business end of Ukyo's spatula smashed into Kuno's face,
knocking him to the ground, unconscious, before he could describe the
intended noble exploits of his weapon. "That," she said triumphantly as
she re-sheathed her own weapon, "is how to talk Kuno out of fighting."
    Ranma stared down at the fallen Kuno and nodded thoughtfully. "I
guess that would work too."
    "I suppose a 'thank you' was too much to expect," Ukyo said glumly.
"Anyway, what the heck were you thinking? Since when have you ever NOT
wanted to pop Kuno a good one in the face?"
    "Well, whether she's here or not, Kodachi is missing," Ranma pointed
out. "And even if I don't like her all that much, I'm still kinda
worried about her. I want to find out exactly what happened to her."
    "Why would you care?" asked Ukyo, careful not to put the emphasis on
the word "you".  "I say good riddance!"
    "Because if I don't get her back," replied Ranma, "I get to wake up
every morning to THAT." He pointed at Kuno's dozing form.
    "Good point," Ukyo admitted. "I guess maybe I shouldn't have hit him
so hard, huh?"
    "What are you going to do, Ranma?" asked Akane. "You can't reason
with Kuno."
    Ranma scratched his head. "I dunno. He's definitely no
conversationalist. But pounding him isn't going to work either."
    "Here, let me try something," offered Nabiki as she stepped out of
the house.
    Akane turned to stare at her sister in disbelief. "Nabiki? You want
to help us? Why?"
    "As amusing as this little show is, it's not helping my digestion,"
Nabiki explained. "Whatever it takes to get you people to take it
elsewhere..." She dealt Kuno a sharp kick to the head. "Time to wake up,
Kuno baby."
    Kuno shook his head and groggily sat up. "What place is this?" he
asked sleepily, looking around. "The Tendo Dojo? For what purpose could
I have come -" His eyes fell on Akane. "Akane Tendo! Of course! It must
be that I came hither for a date with you!"
    Akane pounded him on the head. "Idiot! You came here because your
sister was kidnapped!"
    Kuno leapt to his feet. "Correct! I came to smite the infidel, Ranma
Saotome!"
    Ranma sighed heavily. "Haven't you had enough yet, Kuno?"
    "Never!" shouted Kuno, brandishing his bokken. "I will have had
enough when my sister stands before me, and not a moment sooner!"
    "Then why don't you let Ranma help you find your sister?" suggested
Nabiki. "Let him put that mindless determination to good use working FOR
you instead of AGAINST you."
    Ukyo hummed, impressed. "Good idea."
    Kuno glared at Nabiki in indignation. "Accept aid from the very one
who stole her? Perish the thought! My honor will never allow such an
alliance!"
    Nabiki shook her head in disgust. "Which is more important, your
honor or your sister's life?"
    Kuno scratched the back of his neck with his bokken as he considered
the question. "Such a difficult choice... I must not trivialize this
decision, lest the scorned party be offended at my slight."
    "It was a rhetorical question," Nabiki interrupted. "I'll rephrase
it: if you don't let Ranma help you find Kodachi, you'll probably never
see her again."
    "Blackmail!" shouted Kuno.
    "It's not blackmail; it's an arrangement of convenience," corrected
Nabiki. "You get help finding Kodachi from someone with an ounce of
brains, and Ranma goes along with it to avoid having to put up with you
any longer than necessary. Isn't that right, Ranma?"
    Ranma nodded. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,
right?"
    "Who are you to speak of enemies?" demanded Kuno. "It was you I saw
fleeing from my sister's bedroom in a shower of her own rose petals!"
    "But how could that be?" asked Akane. "Ranma was here all night!
Mousse -" She quickly broke off before she could betray her own secret,
but Ranma was already deeply contemplating.
    "Somebody must be trying to frame me," he decided. "Somebody
disguised themselves as me in order to make it look like I kidnapped
Kodachi."
    "Who would want to do that?" asked Ukyo.
    Ranma shrugged. "Beats me. I've lost count of the number of people
who hate me. But there must be better ways to get revenge than sending
Kuno after me..."
    "Do you continue to insult me?" asked Kuno. "Then certainly I cannot
conspire with you!"
    "Hey, I'm not thrilled with the idea either!" Ranma retorted. "But
we're gonna have to work together if we want to find Kodachi, like it or
not!"
    "Not!" shouted Kuno. "A most bitter negative, I say! Tatewaki Kuno
works with no one!"
    "No one?" Nabiki asked slyly. "You wouldn't be saying that if it
were AKANE asking you..."
    Kuno's eyes lit up as he got completely the wrong idea from Nabiki's
remark - just as Nabiki had intended. "Akane Tendo, you would help me
locate my missing sister? Oh, what a joyous day!" He lifted Akane up and
spun her around in a mock dance. "Surely the kidnap of my sister was not
a curse, but a blessing to bring the two of us -"
    Akane kicked him in the face and wiggled out of his grip. "I never
agreed to go along with you!"
    Ukyo grabbed Akane's shoulder and dragged her aside. "Akane,
remember what happened to Ranma yesterday," she whispered. "Someone
needs to watch him and make sure it doesn't happen again."
    The agreement was halfway out of Akane's mouth before her suspicions
brought her up short. This was the type of chance that Ukyo would
normally leap at. Besides, Kuno wouldn't annoy the chef nearly as much
as he would Akane. "Why can't you do it?" she asked suggestively,
praying that Ukyo would take the bait. "I'm sure you'd have a good
time."
    "I've got a restaurant to run," replied Ukyo. "Besides, didn't Ranma
say he wanted you to care about him? I know he'd appreciate you making
this sacrifice on his behalf."
    "And why would you be interested in helping me?" asked Akane.
    "It's not about you," said Ukyo. "It's for Ranma's sake."
    "For Ranma?" Akane repeated. The mention of his name brought out the
memories of the strange way he had been acting since the previous
afternoon. For all that it was disturbing, he had made her think quite a
bit, questioning her own feelings for him. Sure, he was arrogant and
often downright rude, but hadn't she come to forgive him for that? And
what about Ukyo's advice? As much as it hurt to admit that her rival was
right, she was in a bad spot. To watch Ranma as Ukyo had suggested would
be... what? What was so objectionable about it? Ukyo was entitled to
good ideas. Could Akane let her pride prevent her from doing what needed
to be done? Could she let her pride hurt Ranma?
    A voice broke through her meditation. "Come on, Akane," Ranma
whispered, leaning over her shoulder. "If I can put up with a tomboy
like you, you should be able to put up with Kuno."
    "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU AT ALL!" Akane shouted as she put the back
of her fist through his face. That was pride! But even as she shouted
it, she realized that it wasn't quite true. She did care about Ranma,
despite his flaws. Of course she had to go along with him to keep him
out of trouble. But first she had to come up with an excuse to accept
Ukyo's advice without appearing to agree with Ukyo.... Sighing, she
managed to calm herself. "But, if I don't go along, you and Kuno will be
fighting here all day," she said at last. "So I guess I'd better go with
you."
    "Great!" said Nabiki, slamming her fist into her palm triumphantly.
"Now, you'll want to start by searching at the scene of the crime."
    "'You?'" repeated Akane. "Aren't you coming with us, Nabiki?"
    Nabiki shook her head. "Sorry, but the Kuno mansion isn't exactly
the venue of choice for someone who values her life as much as I do. You
three can have just as much fun without me." She held up a finger.
"Besides, I can sense a profitable situation in the vicinity. Business
before pleasure, right?"
    "Just make sure you take a break for lunch," Ukyo reminded Ranma.
"After all, I came all the way here just to invite you back to the
restaurant today. I want the lunch you missed yesterday, with interest."
She winked slyly at him.
    Ranma swallowed hard as he edged nervously away from Ukyo. "Sure
thing, Ucchan. Wouldn't miss it for the world." He turned to the others.
"So, shall we go?"
    "Yes!" shouted Kuno, raising his bokken to the sky with one hand and
grabbing Akane's wrist in the other. "Off with us now, Akane Tendo! Our
destiny awaits!"
    "This is a search, not a date, you moron!" Akane yelled as he ran
for the front gate, dragging her behind him.
    "You unhand her right now, Kuno, or the deal's off!" Ranma shouted
as he chased the departing pair.
    Soun took a sip from his teacup. "It's always nice to see them
working together, eh, Saotome?" Genma turned his head at the sound of a
splash coming from the bathroom, and the subsequent emergence of Ryoga,
who charged into the backyard and leapt over the garden wall. Soun
didn't even bat an eye.
    "I wonder if Ryoga wanted to help in the search too," said Kasumi.
"But he wasn't going in the right direction..."
    Nabiki ignored her older sister and her father as she crouched
beside the koi pond, where Mousse had finally managed to climb over the
rocks to reach dry land. "Say, how would you like some hot water?" she
offered.
    Mousse emphatically quacked his approval.
    "Well, that depends," Nabiki said with a cruel note to her voice.
"How much money will you have on you when you return to human form?"
*************************************************
    Hikaru Gosunkugi paused in his reading to inhale deeply, once again
taking in the wonderful aroma of his latest creation. "The world smells
more delicious when everything's going your way!" he cackled gleefully.
"Today is the day! My greatest voodoo recipe is almost complete, and
with the ingredients I 'borrowed' from Kodachi Kuno, my plan can't
possibly fail!" He put his finger to his lips. "That is, unless I make a
mistake, or something goes wrong." On that note, he returned his full
attention to the book in front of him, carefully reviewing the procedure
he would follow.
    The timer beeped, briefly diverting his attention from the book
again. "Aha! They're ready!" He dashed across the kitchen to the oven,
carefully opened the door with one hand while he grabbed the oven mitt
with the other, and slid the baking sheet out. "My beautiful chocolate
chip cookies," he said as he set the tray on the counter. "Soon, you'll
have cooled enough to eat. And then, I will begin the final stage of my
plan!" He dry-washed his hands and returned to the book and materials he
had set out on the kitchen table. All that was left was to use the
pictures he'd so painstakingly collected...
*************************************************
    Kuno paused at the door to his sister's room. "We must take care in
crossing the threshold," he warned. "My twisted sister trusts not even I
with the nature of her security." He turned the doorknob and pushed the
door open, reflexively ducking the swinging boom which continued on to
barely miss Ranma and Akane, taking a few hairs off as it passed right
over their heads. "How fortunate that it was aimed for my head," Kuno
remarked casually. "Had it hit Akane, I would never have been able to
forgive myself."
    Akane shrieked belatedly. "What are you thinking? Couldn't you have
warned us about that?"
    Kuno quickly shushed her. "Please keep your voice down!" he begged.
"My father has moved in with us since the school year ended, and likely
sleeps at present. Should we awaken him, our heads will certainly be
lighter upon our egress."
    Ranma groaned. "Great. Nothing's ever easy." He crept into Kodachi's
room, keeping his eyes peeled for additional traps. The room was in such
disarray, however, that anything could have been hidden invisibly even
in plain sight. Most of Kodachi's possessions had been thrown from
shelves and dresser tops onto the floor, which was ankle-deep in black
rose petals. The lifeless stems of the rose vines that had shed those
petals covered most of the walls, except where the pins that held them
up had been torn out and allowed the vines to sag, revealing black rose
patterned wallpaper beneath. "She's obsessed," noted Ranma.
    "We have to find some kind of clue," said Akane. "Something to show
who did this, or where they might have taken Kodachi..."
    "Whoever it was, they sure took the time to mess this place up,"
said Ranma, picking up a picture frame that was half-buried in the rose
petals. He took one look at his own smiling mug and dropped it facedown.
"Maybe they were trying to cover their tracks? Bury the clues?"
    "There has to be something!" protested Akane as she pushed a pile of
Kodachi's possessions and rose petals off of the bed. "Just keep
looking."
    "Perhaps in the closet," Kuno wondered aloud, sliding the door open.
A boxing glove on a spring popped out of one of the shelves and smacked
him in the stomach.
    "Ah, ah, ah, dear brother!" laughed Kodachi's voice from the depths
of the closet as Kuno fell to his knees, clutching his stomach in pain.
"You know better than to pry at my private possessions!"
    Ranma carefully reached around the door and pulled out a tape
recorder, pressing the stop button to silence Kodachi's insane cackling.
"Nice work, Kuno. Keep sniffing out those traps for us."
    "Hey, Ranma, take a look at this!" called Akane from the far side of
the room where Kodachi's dresser stood. "One of the drawers isn't quite
closed!"
    Ranma waded through the rose petals to the dresser and stared at the
slightly ajar top drawer. "Hmmm... maybe there's something important
inside."
    "I would not advise touching that drawer," said Kuno. "Yon
compartment houses my sister's most nether garments, and she protects it
most fiercely."
    "And how would you know that?" Ranma asked casually.
    Kuno cleared his throat. "Never mind that!" he snapped. "I simply
cannot allow the opening of that drawer!"
    Ranma shrugged and returned his attention to the drawer. "There's
gotta be a clue in there..."
    "Ranma, I have an idea," announced Akane. She handed Ranma a
gymnastic ribbon. "I found this lying on the floor. You can use it to
open the drawer from across the room."
    Ranma quickly wound the end of the ribbon around the handle of the
drawer and stepped around the bed. "Everybody duck," he warned. "We
don't know what will happen." Akane obligingly crouched next to him,
while Kuno scrabbled his way under the bed. Once he was satisfied that
everyone was as safe as they could be, Ranma gave the ribbon a sharp
jerk, pulling the drawer out in a single smooth motion. He heard a
series of loud snaps, followed by the soft sound of the drawer landing
in the thick pile of rose petals, and then silence.
    "I wonder what kind of trap that was," whispered Akane.
    "Mousetraps," replied Kuno's muffled voice from under the bed. "It
seems that this area too is off-limits."
    Ranma peered over the bed. "Then there were no traps on the drawer?"
    "It was already open when we got here," Akane reminded him. "Maybe
someone already set them off."
    "Hmmm..." Ranma stepped around the bed to examine the fallen drawer
and its contents. However, the only things on the floor in front of the
dresser were the drawer itself and the ubiquitous rose petals. "That's
weird. The drawer was empty."
    "Empty?" repeated Akane. "Why would she keep that drawer empty?"
    "Maybe she keeps her panties somewhere else," suggested Ranma. He
strode to the dresser and opened the remaining drawers one at a time.
"Nope... no... no panties here." He picked the empty drawer up and slid
it back into its place. "This was her panty drawer, all right. But
there's nothing in it now."
    "Do you think whoever kidnapped Kodachi stole her underwear too?"
asked Akane.
    "It's a possibility," agreed Ranma. "Which pretty much narrows it
down to one stinky old goat."
    "But Happosai doesn't look anything like you," Akane noted. "How
could Kuno mistake him for you?"
    "It was - ungh!" Kuno grunted as he hauled himself out from under
the bed, the mousetraps affixed to his clothes and skin catching on the
bed frame with every movement. "It was not Happosai I saw; of that I am
certain!"
    "I admit it's a long shot," said Ranma, "but I can't think of anyone
else who'd risk the booby traps to clean out Kodachi's panty drawer.
Even if Happosai's not the one who kidnapped her, he must have been in
here pretty recently. Maybe he knows something, or spotted a clue while
he was here."
    "Well, it's the best lead we've got right now," conceded Akane. "I
suppose we could try to find him..."
    Kuno finally managed to pull himself to his feet. "I reiterate:
Happosai is not the one we need to find!"
    "If this lead doesn't work out, we'll have to keep searching
Kodachi's room," Ranma pointed out, pulling the mousetrap off of Kuno's
nose and handing it to him.
    Kuno rubbed his aching nose tenderly. "Very well. Then let us be off
to see Happosai."
    "It's not that easy," said Akane. "He left a few days ago and didn't
tell anyone where he was going."
    Ranma nodded. "We'd have to find him first."
    "Would that loyal Sasuke had returned from his search for
Kodachi..." mused Kuno.
    "I HAVE returned," announced the squat ninja from the doorway, where
he was kneeling with his head down. "I've been looking all over the
house for you, but I never dreamed you'd be in Mistress Kodachi's
bedroom!"
    "We're looking for clues to who kidnapped Kodachi," explained Akane.
    Surprised by the unexpected voice, Sasuke's head snapped to
attention. "Akane Tendo? You're here too?" His eyes scanned the room.
"And Ranma Saotome!" He stood up and looked inquisitively at Kuno. "You
didn't tell me you were expecting guests, Master Kuno!"
    "Must I apprise you of my every decision, Sasuke?" Kuno asked
impatiently.
    "Oh, no, Master Kuno!" said Sasuke, nearly banging his head on the
floor with fevered bowing.
    "We ain't got time for you two to play Upstairs, Downstairs," said
Ranma. "We have to find the old freak!"
    "Old freak?" asked Sasuke. "But I thought you were searching for
Mistress Kodachi!"
    Kuno sighed. "Yes, 'tis true that we seek my sister. But we are led
to believe that her whereabouts might be known to the one called
Happosai."
    "Ah, yes, him." Sasuke nodded. "I had the chance to encounter him as
I searched the city earlier."
    "Then you know where he is?" Akane asked excitedly.
    "He's renting an apartment in Juuban," replied Sasuke. "I could lead
you there, if you'd like."
    "Hold your tongue, Sasuke," ordered Kuno. "I have a better idea. You
will lead us to this Happosai's apartment."
    "A brilliant suggestion, master," agreed Sasuke with a deep bow.
    "Don't you ever get tired of sucking up to him?" Ranma mumbled under
his breath.
    "Very well, then!" said Kuno. "Hie we to Happosai!" He strode boldly
toward the door, only to vanish into a trapdoor that opened beneath his
feet, screaming all the way to the bottom.
    Principal Kuno poked his head into the room cautiously. "Aloha! Me
think me hear noise in here, and look what me find! It be Ranma Saotome
and his lil' wahine, Akane Tendo! How ya been, keiki?"
    "We really don't have time to chat," said Akane, glancing longingly
at the trapdoor. "You see, Upperclassman Kuno..."
    "Oh, me poor lil' Tacchi!" wailed Principal Kuno, instantly bursting
into tears. "He done run off left his poppa behind! And Kodachi gone
too! What me to do?"
    "Oh, don't cry, Master," urged Sasuke. "Your son and his friends are
looking for Mistress Kodachi as we speak. I'm sure they'll find her in
no time!"
    "Me hope so..." bawled the Principal. "She didn't even stop for a
haircut befo' she left! What she gonna do wit' hair dat long?"
    A hand reached up out of the trapdoor and grabbed the floor,
followed shortly by the rest of Tatewaki Kuno. "Good morning, father,"
he said breathlessly. "Out for a morning trim?"
    Principal Kuno adjusted his sunglasses. "Tacchi boy... you ain't
gonna go look for ya sista wit' ya hair lookin' like dat, are ya?"
    "Father..." Kuno began as he tried to edge his way past the large
man who was blocking the entire doorway.
    "Actually, I think I could use a haircut," Ranma offered.
    Akane's eyes bugged out of her head. "WHAT?"
    The Principal clasped his hands in joy. "Ya mean it?"
    Ranma nodded. "Yep." He sat in a chair beside the wall and flipped
his pigtail over its back. "Just make sure it's nice and short."
    "Oh happy day!" cheered the Principal. "De keiki finally learn ta
appreciate de short haircut!" He gleefully produced an electric razor
from some mysterious location about his person and skipped over to the
chair. "Now, where ta begin?"
    As the razor descended, Ranma slid under it and off of the chair,
which flipped backwards into the wall along with the entire floor around
it, tipping the Principal into the mysterious space behind the wall.
"That should keep him busy for a while," Ranma announced triumphantly,
wiping his palms together. "Now, let's get the heck out of here before
we find any more traps!"
    "Don't worry, Master Kuno!" Sasuke shouted to the now-empty wall.
"Once we find Mistress Kodachi, I'll come back to rescue you!"
    "Hurry up, lil' Sasuke!" the Principal's voice echoed as the party
quickly vacated Kodachi's room. "Me don't much care fo' de dark!" A few
moments passed, during which the Principal got no response. "Aloha?
Anybody dere?" He sighed. "What me wouldn't give for a nice cold pina
colada..."
*************************************************
    "And so they're on their way to see Happosai?" repeated Cologne,
recapping the last part of the report. The dark cloud in front of her
shifted slightly in response. "Good. Then they aren't even close to the
truth." She hummed her satisfaction. "In that case, forget about the
orders I gave you before. I want you to keep Ranma away from the
restaurant today."
    "Understood," said the cloud. It swirled around the kitchen once
before flowing out through the cracks around the back door. A few wisps
of black smoke hung in its wake even after it had gone.
    Cologne waved her staff to disperse the last lingering traces of the
cloud. "This could turn out to be very interesting," she said to
herself. "Thanks to Kodachi's disappearance, they've forgotten all about
son-in-law's strange behavior. If our luck holds out, they may not
realize what's happening until it's too late to prevent it. And of
course, the next kidnapping is a guaranteed success..." She chuckled.
"Who would have ever believed that a simple book could be the key to
winning son-in-law's heart?"
    The door to the restaurant opened a crack. "Great-grandmother, is
demon gone?" Shampoo asked timidly.
    "Of course, dear," replied Cologne. Shampoo slipped into the room
and closed the door firmly behind her. "What do you want?"
    "Shampoo want make sure plan work. Want make sure Ranma will love
Shampoo."
    Cologne frowned. "I'm not sure that's wise just yet. We don't want
to make anyone suspicious."
    "Why you worry so much?" asked Shampoo. "You say Ranma not know
about what we doing to him."
    "He will rationalize all of his behavior internally," Cologne
explained, "but those around him might realize that something is wrong,
and if they do, they may come to us for answers." She shook her head.
"No, I'm afraid that you had best stick to the plan as we agreed for the
time being. We'll wait a bit longer before testing the waters."
    "But-"
    "No buts, Shampoo," Cologne interrupted, climbing to the top of her
staff to pat Shampoo on the head. "Just have patience, child. Ranma will
be yours soon enough."
    Shampoo snarled inwardly as Cologne hopped out into the restaurant.
"Have patience, she say. Shampoo already wait so long! What if book no
work? Then what happen? Shampoo only want make sure before we waste any
more time on useless plan!" She sighed and turned toward the kitchen
door... then turned back to the string of fish sausages that had caught
her eye on the way. "If nobody find out, then it okay, right?" Stifling
the traditional nonchalant whistle, Shampoo grabbed the fish sausages
and a bucket of cold water and slipped out the back door.
*************************************************
    Happosai eagerly turned another page. "Now that's the stuff!" he
cheered, bouncing up and down in joy on the bed. "This book may very
well be my ticket to true happiness. After all, who needs panties when I
can have THIS?" He cackled gleefully as he pored over his new book.
    His cackling died instantly, however, at the sound of voices in the
stairwell. "Are you sure this is where the old freak is?" asked Ranma.
"It looks way too high class."
    "What is HE doing here?" Happosai grumbled. "I certainly can't let
Ranma find this. Imagine what would happen if he were to get his hands
on it..." He hopped off of the bed and shoved the book under the
mattress. "You'll be safe there, my treasure."
    The expected knock on the front door came shortly. Happosai was
halfway to the door before he heard the accompanying shout. "Grandfather
Happosai? Are you there?" He froze. That was Akane's voice! His eyes
crossed the room to where his latest trophy dominated the display on his
wall. The pink panties had required extensive sterilization after
absorbing Ryoga's sweat to the saturation point, but they were still
distinctively former denizens of Akane's underwear drawer. If Akane were
to see them, she'd go on a rampage that not even the greatest secrets of
Anything-Goes Martial Arts would be able to stop! Still, she didn't even
know he was home...
    Much louder banging interrupted his train of thought. "Open this
door immediately, or I shall be forced to break it down!" shouted Kuno
from outside.
    "Calm down!" Akane urged him. "We're not here to make any
accusations!"
    "I will not be held back!" Kuno shouted. While the rhythmic pounding
grew louder and louder as Kuno put his shoulder to work on the door,
Happosai grabbed the panties from the wall and thrust them under the
mattress with the book. He then raced to the door and opened it, causing
Kuno to charge right through and fall to the floor.
    "See, I told you to be patient," Akane admonished him.
    "So nice of you to drop by," Happosai said sourly. "What brings you
this far from home?"
    Kuno was on his feet in an instant, his bokken leveled at Happosai's
throat. "Return my sister to me at once, or -"
    Happosai calmly grabbed the bokken and flipped Kuno into the wall.
"Someone else explain. I'm not in the mood for games today."
    "Kuno's sister's gone missing," explained Ranma.
    Happosai snorted. "Bah. Never cared for her much anyway."
    "We have to find her," Akane put in. "Whoever kidnapped her is
trying to frame Ranma for it."
    "Well, that narrows down the list of suspects to half of Tokyo,"
said Happosai. "Of course, I expect I'm on that list, if you've tracked
me all the way out here."
    "Bingo," said Ranma. "So, what do you know about it?"
    "Not a thing," replied Happosai. "Now, would you mind picking up
your brainless friend and leaving me alone? I didn't rent this apartment
just to bring all the distractions from home with me."
    "Then why DID you rent this apartment?" asked Akane, as Kuno groaned
and started to stand up.
    "The answer to your question, dear Akane, is clear to mine eyes,"
said Kuno. "The ancient one has something to hide from us. We must
search from top to bottom, leaving no stone unturned!"
    "You can't just barge into my apartment and start tearing the place
apart!" protested Happosai.
    "Then I wish merely to examine yon bed," said Kuno. "The mattress is
out of place, suggesting that something incriminating be hidden within."
    "You don't think I hid Kodachi Kuno under my mattress, do you?"
asked Happosai, as sweat beaded on his forehead.
    "Of course not," said Ranma, sliding toward the bed. "But something
else went missing, and it would fit just perfectly under a mattress..."
    Happosai sighed. "OK, fine. You caught me. There is something under
the mattress that I didn't want you to see. But it's mine! It has
nothing to do with Kodachi or any of you!"
    "Pray let us be the judges of that," said Kuno.
    Happosai shrugged. "All right. You asked for it." He reached under
the mattress and pulled out the least incriminating of the two items
he'd stashed there. "This book hasn't even hit the public market yet,
and most likely never will. A friend of mine asked me to look it over
before he tried publishing it. That's why I got this apartment in the
first place; so I could do my reading in private."
    "You read?" asked Ranma. "That's a surprise."
    "Well, of course!" Happosai replied defensively. "It's important to
stimulate the intellect as well as -"
    "I would see this book," said Kuno, plucking it from Happosai's
hands.
    "But you can't -!" Happosai protested, as Kuno opened the book to a
random page.
    "Aha!" shouted Kuno, jabbing his finger into the page. "So this is
what you planned to do to my -" His voice trailed off as he realized
exactly what he was looking at. His face turned bright red, his eyes
bulged out of his head, and his jaw dropped to his waist. "Gah...
gah..."
    "I tried to warn you," Happosai said, shaking his head sadly. "You
young people just don't listen." He retrieved the book and wiped the
drool stains off on his sleeve before returning it to its hiding place
under his mattress.
    "So let me get this straight," said Ranma. "You rented an apartment
way out here so you could look at dirty pictures?"
    Happosai nodded firmly. "Now, I hope you're satisfied. So, if you
wouldn't mind -"
    "Just a minute," Ranma interrupted. "We know you've been in
Kodachi's room."
    "What are you talking about this time?" asked Happosai.
    "Kodachi's underwear drawer was empty," Ranma explained. "And since
women's underwear always seems to end up in your grubby hands one way or
another..."
    Happosai shook his head. "Nope. As much as it pains me to think that
so many prime pieces are unaccounted for, I don't know anything about
them."
    Before Ranma could respond, he was interrupted by Sasuke clearing
his throat. "I know what happened to Mistress Kodachi's underclothes.
Today is Mistress Kodachi's laundry day, so I took them to be washed
early this morning." He scratched his chin. "In fact, I think they're
finished now. I should probably attend to them."
    "Why didn't you tell us that before?" Akane asked indignantly.
    "You never mentioned the reason you wanted to see Master Happosai,"
Sasuke pointed out. "All you asked me to do was lead you here."
    "So, if you're quite through..." Happosai said meaningfully.
    "Yeah. I guess coming here was a waste of time." Ranma grabbed
Kuno's wrist. "Come on, Kuno. Let's get the heck out of here."
    Kuno leapt to life instantly. "Unhand me, demon! Thou'll not take me
so easily as my sister!"
    Ranma groaned. "For the last time, Kuno, it wasn't ME you saw last
night!"
    "Ha! Even the blackest cloud cannot hide your true aspect, Ranma
Saotome!"
    "What black cloud are you talkin' about, Kuno?" asked Ranma.
    "The one that came to my sister's room this past eve and stole her
from me!" Kuno replied as if it were obvious. "The one which took your
very form to cover its escape! Yet I was not fooled for an instant by
its disguise, for it was truly you, was it not?"
    Happosai scratched his wrinkled chin. "A black cloud that took
Ranma's form, eh?"
    "Do you know something about it?" Akane asked hopefully.
    Happosai glared at Ranma and Kuno. "If I tell you, will you leave me
in peace?"
    "Hey, I'm not exactly fond of bein' around you either," returned
Ranma. "Spit it out already, old man!"
    "Very well," said Happosai. "It all began in China, many long years
ago..."
************************...
    Ranma smacked Happosai on the head. "We ain't got time for a
flashback!"
    "Fine," Happosai said as he rubbed his head. "The short version it
is, then.
    "I happened one day to come upon a village with very few men, not
far from the Joketsuzoku village where Cologne lived. I was drawn to the
village by the allure of so many eligible ladies, but they urged me to
leave, warning of a dangerous demon that took the form of a beautiful
woman from the village only to lure men to their deaths, spiriting them
away in a cloud of black mist. Naturally, being a martial artist, I
volunteered to destroy the monster and save the villagers."
    "The fact that they were all women had nothing to do with it?" asked
Ranma.
    "Nothing," affirmed Happosai. "So, I stayed in the village that
night and waited for the demon to come. And come it did. The villagers
had naturally understated the beauty of the human form the demon had
chosen. When I laid eyes on it, I was overcome by its devastating looks,
heaving bosom, and delightfully round hips, and very nearly succumbed to
its spell. Fortunately, I managed to keep my wits about me, and after a
very long and difficult battle, I sent it fleeing from the village,
never to return."
    "A long and difficult battle, my foot," Ranma interrupted. "More
like you tried to feel her up, and she was repulsed by the incredible
power of your perversion."
    Happosai lowered his face and cleared his throat guiltily. "Shows
how much you know."
    "So you think that demon kidnapped Kodachi?" asked Akane.
    "Not the same demon," Happosai corrected her. "But it sounds like
the same type. Of course, I don't know much about it in any case.
Cologne could probably tell you more."
    "Cologne?" Akane repeated.
    "She's the elder of a village not far from where I encountered the
demon," explained Happosai. "It's possible that she's dealt with similar
demons in the past, or the tribe's history includes some stories that
might tell you something about it."
    Akane shook her head, remembering her suspicions about Cologne. "I
don't think we can trust Cologne," she said.
    "Ah, what's the old ghoul got that I can't handle?" Ranma asked
boastfully.
    "I think she and Shampoo might be the ones making you act so -"
Akane trailed off, unsure whether it would be a wise idea to bring up
Ranma's strange behavior and risk offending him.
    Ranma, however, contemplated her partial declaration carefully.
"Right... Shampoo was acting weird yesterday too. I should probably stay
away from her and Ryoga for a while." Before Akane could ask where
Ryoga's name had come from, he continued: "So, who CAN we go to?"
    Kuno scoffed. "If you truly wish to chase nonexistent demons, there
is only one person I can fathom who might conspire with us in that
endeavor: Hikaru Gosunkugi."
    "Gosunkugi?" asked Ranma. "That creepy guy from school with the
straw dolls?"
    "Of course!" Akane cheered. "He's really into all that weird voodoo
stuff!"
    "Demons aren't voodoo," Ranma pointed out. "But I guess it can't
hurt to ask."
    "At the very least," added Akane, "he might be able to tell us
something about that type of demon that might help us track it down."
    "Then you truly think that Gosunkugi knows about the demon that
kidnapped my sister?" Kuno asked eagerly.
    "Well, it's a possibility..." Akane began.
    "Then off with us!" shouted Kuno, striding out the door with his
bokken held high. "We will wrest my sister from the clutches of the
beast Gosunkugi!"
    Ranma followed close behind. "Kuno, let me explain something to you
about 'investigation...'"
    Akane started to follow them, but turned to stare at something that
had caught her eye. "Say... under the mattress... isn't that...?"
    "What?" Happosai quickly shoved the panties back into hiding. "Just
an old sheet I keep under there for emergencies. Nothing you'd need to
worry about."
    "What kind of emergen-" Akane paled. "Never mind! I don't want to
know!" She ran for the door and slammed it behind her on her way out.
    "Well, that's the last of them," Happosai said to himself once she
was gone. "Nosy kids. I might as well just move back to the Tendo Dojo.
Obviously there's no less privacy, and I don't have to pay rent!" He
fished his book from under the mattress and opened it with shaking
hands. "Console me, my beauties! Remind me of why life is worth living
anymore!"
    The sound of heavy breathing filled the room as Happosai flipped
through the pages. He angrily slammed the book closed, reached over his
shoulder to grab Sasuke by the shirt, and opened the window just enough
to throw the ninja out before recovering the fallen tome. "Yep," he said
decidedly. "Tomorrow, I'm going back to the dojo."
*************************************************
    Nabiki did her best to turn as the dining room door slid open and
Kasumi stepped through en route to the kitchen. "Hello, Nabiki," her
older sister said with a smile. "Lunch isn't ready quite yet. I was just
about to start preparing it."
    Nabiki groaned. Of all the people to come to her rescue... "Kasumi,
does anything seem odd to you? Is anything about this situation... a bit
unusual?"
    Kasumi scanned the room carefully. "Oh dear. Did I forget to put the
placemats on the table?"
    "I was referring to myself!" snapped Nabiki, doing her best to rein
in her temper despite the blood rushing to her head. "Specifically, the
fact that I've been tied up and hung upside down from the ceiling!"
    "Oh, you're right," agreed Kasumi. "That does seem rather odd, now
that you mention it. I saw Tatewaki Kuno tied up in the backyard earlier
this morning, so I thought perhaps it was the latest fad." She smiled
and chuckled. "But that would be a rather silly fad, wouldn't it?"
    Nabiki sighed. "Okay, having established that I'm NOT dangling here
in the interest of modern fashion, do you think you could lend me a
hand?"
    "Oh, certainly." Kasumi walked around Nabiki, examining the cocoon
of ropes that bound her. "These ropes do look good on you, Nabiki. They
really bring out your figure well. Have you considered -"
    "KASUMI!"
    Kasumi blushed. "Sorry. Let me just get a knife from the kitchen to
cut you down."
    "Thank you," Nabiki whispered mostly to herself as Kasumi vanished
into the kitchen.
    The elder sister returned seconds later wielding a large carving
knife. "Now, let's see here..." She climbed onto the table and began to
saw at the ropes. "My, this is a strong rope! Where did you get it?"
    "It's Mousse's," replied Nabiki. "He turned out to be a better
bargainer than I expected."
    "You mean Mousse tied you up like this?" asked Kasumi. "Why didn't
you call for help?"
    "The day I call for help will be the day I die," Nabiki said darkly.
    "I'm not sure that's the case," countered Kasumi. "After all, if you
were dead, you'd hardly be in a position to call for help."
    "You know what I meant," Nabiki said, letting her exasperation show.
"It's kind of embarrassing..." She trailed off as she felt herself begin
to sway discomfortingly. She tried to look toward her feet, but couldn't
quite bend in the necessary way. "Kasumi, which rope are you cutting -"
    The rope holding Nabiki's feet to the ceiling snapped as Kasumi
sliced the last threads, dumping Nabiki onto the table. She landed on
her head, the rest of her body swinging down to hit the floor in short
order. "Oops," said Kasumi apologetically. "I should probably have cut
that part last, shouldn't I?"
    Nabiki groaned in pain and rolled over onto her back. "Never mind,
Kasumi. Just finish cutting these ropes, will you?"
    "Right!" For once, Kasumi set to the important task without
dithering further.
    "I WILL make you pay for this humiliation, Mousse," Nabiki swore
under her breath as her bonds loosened. "Just you wait."
*************************************************
    "Do we have to go over this again, Kuno?" Ranma asked impatiently as
the trio exited the subway station. "One more time: Why do you think
we're going to Gosunkugi's house?"
    "We seek the advice of Gosunkugi pursuant to the whereabouts of my
sister," Kuno repeated dutifully. "But he himself lacks the knowledge of
where she is, or who has taken her."
    "That's right," affirmed Akane.
    "Yet we believe that his aid will lead us to her?"
    "Right again!" cheered Akane.
    "Then we go not to accuse him of kidnapping, but to gain" - he
struggled for a few seconds - "useful information that may hasten our
search."
    "Finally," sighed Ranma. To himself, he mumbled, "The entire trip,
just to drill it into Kuno's head that Gosunkugi isn't the kidnapper!
What a moron!" At that moment, something on the edge of his awareness
tugged at his senses, but the feeling was too vague for him to put a
name to it until he felt something land on his shoulders, and a heavy
smell of fish rose to his nostrils. A necklace of fish...
    Ranma screamed and backed up against a wall as a swarm of cats
darted out of an alley to surround him, clawing at his legs and even
climbing on top of each other in an attempt to get at the delicious
treats that he was wearing. "Shoo! Get away, stupid c-c-c-caaaaa..."
    "Ranma, what are you -" Akane began before turning to see Ranma's
predicament. "Oh no! Hang on, Ranma! Don't move!"
    "Are you kidding? Where would I go?"
    Kuno hummed thoughtfully. "If memory serves me correctly, Saotome
has quite a fear of cats, does he not?"
    "We have to get rid of them!" shouted Akane. "If Ranma gets too
scared, he'll go crazy!"
    Meanwhile, Ranma was breathing heavily, not taking his eyes off of
the mass of fur at his feet. "I've gotta calm down. They're just
c-c-cats. Little fluffballs with claws... and teeth..." He swallowed.
"They're little. They're too tiny to be dangerous. Why should I be
afraid of them?"
    Akane began to wade into the clump of cats, but Ranma held up a hand
to warn her off. "It's okay, Akane," he said. "I can deal with this.
They're after the fish, not me." He calmly reached up and lifted the
necklace over his head, then casually tossed it into the next block. The
cats immediately chased after it, except for a single tabby that
lingered behind, entranced by the smell of fish that still clung to
Ranma's neck. He picked the cat up off the ground and scratched it
behind the ears. "See? You're not scary, are you? You were just hungry."
The cat licked his neck, and a shudder ran down Ranma's spine, causing
him to quickly drop the animal and back away. "Then again, maybe we'd
better go, eh, Akane?"
    Akane nodded, too shocked to do anything else. She waited until
Ranma had walked past before grabbing Kuno's sleeve. "Did you see that?"
she whispered.
    "It would appear that Saotome has overcome yet another weakness,"
assessed Kuno.
    "Yeah," agreed Akane. "Now I'M the one who's afraid."
    "Of cats?" asked Kuno, as confused as ever.
    "No, of what's happening to Ranma." Akane's voice took on an odd
chill as she explained. "Mr. Saotome once said that Ranma can never get
over his fear of cats. But if he's conquered that fear..."
    "Hey, what's taking you guys so long?" Ranma called back as if
nothing had happened.
    "Oh, Ranma..." whispered Akane worriedly. "What's wrong with you?"
    Shampoo purred contentedly to herself as she watched from the
rooftops. It seemed that her great-grandmother's plan would work after
all. Satisfied, she turned around and headed back toward the Cat Cafe.
Had she lingered just a few seconds longer, though, she would have
noticed the dark figure trailing the group below as they made their way
to Gosunkugi's house; and had she then watched it long enough to wonder
what its business was, she would have seen the even darker figure that
was following it.

-------------------------------------------------------------

AUBREY: I like Chewbacca! I want to play him!
DAVAN: No, you're a girl. You can't play a Wookie. You have to play a
girlie character like Leia, C3PO, or Luke Skywalker.

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