The prereaders have been sacked. Not one of them even got back to me on
this part! Line by line grammar/spelling nits are therefore welcome to be
picked.
The person responsible for the sacking of the prereaders has been sacked.
More seriously, sorry, but I was busy moving into my dorm and starting the
adaptation to college.
Not to worry - RL is always a uncertain factor in fanfiction. Thanks for
doing it now, though!
last htere a week or so ago. Second, there is big, crunchy lumps of
exposition scattered around in here. Suggestions on how to break them down,
if possible, are welcome.
I'd suggest a glimpse at the actual training, rather than mention of same.
Sigh. I was afraid of that... trying to write more extrensive training
sessions is what held this chapter up for four months (the first month is
entirely within my usual writing shedule) as I tried to come up with things
that were neither direct ripoffs of another source with the names changed,
too high-level for this point in the story, or boring. I'd wanted to do a
couple of scenes there with Linna having joined them after Nene's
reconciliation also, though one of those is getting redone for a later part
to help tie the supernatural additions to the BGC storyline. Some more of
Nene on her own would probably be a good idea, but I'm not sure how to do
it... Like I said, I got hung up on it for a while and finally decided to
try it without them just to get it written.
The exposition I was actually talking about though was when the Sabers are
sitting in the living room talking with TT. Given that you don't mention
it, I guess it flies well enough.
"I see," Nene replied. "It's certainly beautiful here, strange animals and
all. I'm glad I've gotten to see it."
Nice worldbuilding, but it doesn't go anywhere. Perhaps a second new scene
later on, where the training team has to deal with some dangerous or amusing
facet of the local biota?
I really think I need another part between 3EX2 and 4... it's the big gap
in the OVAs, from early December to March-ish, and at a minimum I need to
show Sylia certified back at full readiness and some more training time,
I'd like to do the Genaros scene I've discssed here, the Christmas Concert,
and Nene's birthday too. Back to the Kagami estate critters, I thouhgt
about having Nene bring a pet fish for someone, but they already have
Cynthia to be the cute ascot and Mazinbear to be the cute pet, so there's
not a big opening there... Thouhg I suppose I couild go with my alternate
notion and instead of Mazinbear have a tiny copy of Cynthia with chromed
butterfly wings and black hair, named Hotaru, since the Eyrie crew used
pet-sixe versions of classic super-robots in the SYmphony of the Rose. It
really is a case of convergent plot evolution, though I was still writing
the part when that bit came out.
Uncoiling the furry brown appendage from her waist, Linna let it curl in
the air beside her as she regarded it for a long momnet, before turning
back to Nene and shrugging. "I dunno," she answered. "I've always had a
tail. It helps me balance and stuff, and I usually just tuck it under my
...
Groan. You weren't kidding about the boosted power levels, were you?
Now would I kid about a thing like that? It's not going to be like,
fighting the superbuma on top of the bank and Linna goes SSJ or anything,
that's too rapid even for my taste. On the other hand, there seems to be a
lot of full moons in the sky...
Letting the towels fall, she looked over her new appearance. It was almost
as if she'd gone half way to being an albino, with shimmering, steel-blue
hair (still her old midnight blue at the tips) that gave all signs of being
her new natural color, much paler skin, lavender eyes, and rosy pink lips.
Taking note of the cooling air, she left off the examination, and snuggled
back into the fluffy bathrobe.
...
Hail, Hail, and welcome to the year 2040.
Go wash your mouth out. Seriously, SYlia's appearance and her butler
(appearing in this film a bit older as the grandfatherly stable-manager
guy) are the only things I like about Megatokyo 2040 at all... though if
they'd just changed the names and suit designs as well as everything else
in the setting, I'd probably love it, though not as much as BGC.
Hmm. Now I have this sudden image of her going to a convention and
cosplaying as
Ifurita.
Mmmm... It's a possibility... that little patch of ocean around the rock on
the Kagami estate has to lead somewhere, and swimming in the water you fade
to wherever the water is, unlike taking the bridge or flying.
It's fortunate that I had already altered our records to hide the
connections to our mother's previous marriage, or the core of the
organization might have been exposed."
<moisha> And that would just, like, suck, y'know? </moisha>
Like, totally. Oh *MY* gawd!
she liked it all the same - a little slice of freedom) while Lou, Mina,
Hyatt, Dot and herself were in normal off-duty uniforms.
Dot? Matrix?
R. Dorothy Wayneright, not for 'tude or circumstances, but because she's
got the look, and there's an IC reason for her to be so pale when 33S
models are supposed to look like a normal, or at best exotic, human being -
it goes back to Doctor Bloodsucker again, having had his sick little fun
with her and causing permanent damage to her circulatory system. If I could
come up with another anime girl that's not from the series I'm actually
using parts of otherwise I'd probably replace Dot, since I don't really
have a handle on how R. Dorothy acts (aside from the Eyrie
characterization... dang it, they grab all the best stuff first...) any
more than I do Dot Matrix. To put it bluntly, she's not going to be a major
character, the extra sexaroids are there to add versimilitude to the escape
by dying heroically before they'd even be onscreen in BGC canon.
loaded into the Orca II and delivered to Earth, with only a short layover
It was Orca IV, IIRC.
Noted.
"Well, that's the best I could comme up with... We're lovers with roses,
not soldiers with guns, but it may be the only chance we'll have. If anyone
has better ideas, this is the time for them, while our pilots are here."
Damn, but I like that song.
Agreed... it's about the only thing I listen to Hurricane Live 2033 for,
that and Angel and Devil's Kiss
"Nothing says love like high caliber weapons," concurred Mina cheerfully.
If you really want Mina to be a Minako impersonator, then she shouldn't
have gotten that right.
I thought that was messed up enough as it stood... how about "a blossoming
explosion" then?
Recording the human's rambling story mainly in the hope that it might
somehow assist in peicing together some part of its scrabled archives, the
badly damaged Royal Guardian sat silently and continued repairing itself.
Yeah! Niichigo!
Niiiiice doggie. Gooooood doggie. I like doggies... you like me, don't you
doggie?
Be sure you tune in next time, when Sylia resurrects a long-lost part of
her daddy's legacy to combat the Griffon. No, not Katsuhito Stingray, her
*biological* father. Only on Bubblegum Disaster!
You better be planning to use the one from the Animate Series.
It's a wuzzle, part 90's movie version, part animated series, and part
unrelated computer game that happens to look similar.
Badass Linna! Yay! I feel kind of sorry for her future boyfriends, though.
I never really saw Linna as the abusive type, and anyone who gets grabby or
abusive themselves deserves a little punishment in return.As for control in
certain other situations... don't examine this too closely.
If it makes you feel any better, with the same stroke that I allowed for
Linna's backstory, i allowed for there to be other Sayajin survivors of her
own age and lack of programming besides the actual Dragon Ball cast, who
live on another planet off in space.
Mina, Hyatt, and Dot - yes, these are 20-something versions of Minako of
Sailor Moon, Hyatt of Excel Saga, and R. Dorothy of The Big O in cameo
Dorothy? Oh.
That's kind of disappointing, actually. Ms. Matrix really does fit the
pattern a little better, and not just physically. After all, she did have
to play 'games' in canon.
Um... I really hope you aren't talking about the kind of 'games' that
spring to mind when talking about things sexaroids are required to do,
here, since Dot is from a kid's show anmd all... not that I know much about
Reboot, but I know about what northAm cartoons are like. Further
elaboration could well bring me around on this, though.
Senshi... All in all, a bad scene, even if it might eventually give me the
option of using the attack phrase "Venus Special Beam Cannon, FIRE!"
All that you need to create that line is to have Mina think she's, hmm,
a "technological reincarnation of Aphrodite" who is unfortunately required
to make do with mechanical appendages to attain her true powers.
C'mon. Tell me you can't see Minako thinking that.
Possibly, but she's not going to be around long enough to meet Piccolo and
have him teach her the attack.
_Dykstra's War_ is by Jeffery D Kooistra, published by Baen Books.
I need to buy that sometime.
I was going to say 'Not if you go to the Baen website', but then I
remembered that it's in the Webscriptions selections, not the Free Library.
Even so, it's a good deal if you don't mind reading it off a screen - for
$10 you get five or six professional novels, and the authors actually get a
BIGGER share than when you buy a physical copy. It's not a great classic of
modern literature, but it is entertaining, and it ties up the powerset I
want to give Sylia and Niichigo in a nice little package. Now, if wecould
only get the actual math to work in our world... ;?)
- CD
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