Congratulations! This is a significant improvement over the first
draft. 

--- TaitekiKagato@aol.com wrote:

Standard Disclaimer: Ah! Megami-sama (Oh! My Goddess) belongs to
Fushima 
Kousuke; a wonderful writer, and owner of an awesome imagination.
Without 
him, this fic wouldn't have been possible.

You may want to include a note that this fic is based on the OAV,
since it relies on behavior which is specific to the (more easily
pushed around) OAV Belldandy. 

    "It's begun..." Kami-sama said with obvious distaste, before 
reaching for the phone. 

I like the fact that you showed his reluctance at doing something
like this. So many other fanfics in the "Trials" genre might as well
begin with the line "One day Kami-sama was bored and so he decided to
ruin Belldandy's and Keiichi's lives."

    It had quieted down quite a bit since Skuld and Urd had left, 
Belldandy reflected as she resumed stitching. Her sisters had come
calling 
not too long after she'd arrived, and ended up staying much longer
than 
planned. They'd left recently, ostensibly to return to Asgard so
they could 
'assist with a bug problem caused by an update to Yggdrasil.' Upon 
returning, however, Urd had found her suspension lifted, and Skuld
had found 
her training period complete. Urd's power was returned, and Skuld's
power 
was officially recognized.

    After assisting with the World Tree's infestation, they'd
returned 
to give their sister the good news. Belldandy had been happy for
them, and, 
although she'd not tell them, lest they'd see fit to stay, but
she'd been a 
little sad to see them leave. However, Urd's promise to return in
the not-
too-distant future "so it doesn't get too dull" had helped
Belldandy's 
resolve.  Keiichi had silently hoped it would stay 'too dull' for a
while. 

These paragraphs feel a little contrived, but they get the job done. 

    Skuld had been tempted to stay, but, over the time she'd spent
on 
Midgard, she had realized that Keiichi wasn't all that bad, for a
mortal. 
Not that she would ever tell him that. Still, she promised to
return, so she 
could make sure he was treating Belldandy as one should treat a
goddess.

    Belldandy looked around at the now-empty temple, 

If this were the manga, of course, there would still be 2 robots, a
large booster demon, several dozen miniature ninjas, and a small
demonic cat living in the temple. Another good reason to specify the
OAV reality. ^_^

<SNIP the death scene>

I liked the way you handled Belldandy's reaction to Keiichi's dying.
Heartrending, but balanced. So far, this fic is much better than most
"something horrible happens to Belldandy and Keiichi" fics. I will
definitely be following this one.

Brian Welch

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