[FFML] [fic][CCS] Alter Egos

Aishuu Offers
Alter Egos
A Card Captor Sakura Fanfiction
Shitsui@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: All hail CLAMP. Enough said.
Author's Notes: For Ari, a happy 24th. I love you,
neesan. In all honesty, I owe her a fic of her
choice- this is just to acknowledge that special day!
So neesan, choose what you want, and I'll whip you up
something... and no, don't let Lyra convince you VIRGO
is the way to go- I do Yami and Furuba and CCS and
other CLAMP stuff...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
PROLOGUE
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The first time I met Tsukishiro Yukito, I immediately
liked him. I like most of my clients, but there was
something about Yukito that was special.

Yukito sat in my waiting room, reading a college
text. I glanced at the title, and wasn't surprised
that it was a translated copy of Paradise Regained by
Dante. Many of my clients tried to establish
themselves as more than they were by dragging in heavy
books or magazines, or wearing different clothing than
they normally would. It was part of the game, and
what they didn't realize was that their little
pretenses told me quite a bit about them. Still,
something about Yuki told me that his reading choice
wasn't a fa�ade.

I raised my eyes to study him, to gain a better
impression. He was dressed simply, in khaki pants and
a pale tan shirt, and a watch was on his left wrist.
His shoes were clean, but not new, and he had a
leather bag beside him, one which had seen use, but
like his shoes, was in good condition. His hair was
an odd gray, and his eyes were a golden amber, which
radiated quiet knowledge and good will. All in all, I
had the impression of a young man who was friendly,
most likely popular, and successful. I wondered what
had brought him to me.

"Tsukishiro-san?" I asked, even though I knew who it
was. I made a point of scheduling my new clients
separately from other appointments, since most people
didn't want to be seen going to a psychologist's
office.

"Katashiwa-sensei?" he asked, sounding a little shy
as he looked up from his book, sneaking it into his
bag.

"Call me Imiyo, and I'll call you Yukito," I said.
"If we're going to be working together, it's better
that we're friends," I said, smiling at him. It was
the first step in the long process of establishing
trust.

"Thanks, Imiyo-san," he said.

"Would you like to come into my office?" I said.
"And you can tell me why you came? Usually I get
referrals." Which was the truth. My fees were steep,
and it took most people quite a while to realize that
sometimes an expensive counselor was worth the money.
I wondered why Yukito had chosen me, out of everyone.

"Yes, please." He picked up his back, and rose to
his feet, following me as I led him to the office. I
was careful not to let my eyes linger openly on him,
though part of me was very tempted to. Still, he
could be paranoid, which was something I saw quite
often.

My office was in comforting shades of off-white and
green, decorated with various primitive art that I had
collected from around the world. I only liked it
somewhat, but it often served as a conversation
starter. Yuki settled into the chair that was
situated directly in the sunlight, something I noted
with surprise. For some reason, I thought Yukito
would have chosen one of the darker seats- he seemed
to be a person of starlight, despite his sunshine
colored eyes.

I checked myself, wondering why I was being so
fanciful.

I arranged myself in my counselor's chair. It was
just a bit larger and more comfortable than the other
chairs in the room, giving me dominance. A small
mind game, but then that was what my job was about.
"So, Yukito-san, do you want to tell me a little bit
about yourself? Or do you have any questions for
me?" I asked, throwing the ball into his court.

He blinked at me. "Aren't you going to evaluate me.
Kata- Imiyo-san?" he asked.

I gave him a slight smile in return. "No, you're
here under your own free will. You're paying for
this hour, so you can choose how you want to spend it,
within reason. I have some clients who come here
just to rant about how lousy their month's been.
Other people like to debate philosophy. Most people
who see me are depressed, have some life problems, or
a mental disorder, but I've been trained to deal with
quite a lot."

He looked at me, crossing his hands over his lap.
"I-" He paused, taking a deep breath. "I recently
had my world view changed. It's rather
disconcerting."

I nodded. I'd dealt with many people who'd lost
their faith and felt unable to speak to their clergy
about it. "Religion?" I asked, though Yuki seemed a
little young to be experiencing a crisis of faith.

"No, it's more complex." He stared at one of the
Native American dreamcatchers I had on my wall, his
eyes lingering on the white feathers. "For as long as
I can remember, I was an average high school student.
Then one day, I met Kinomoto Touya, and his little
sister Sakura, and my life changed."

I just smiled a little to show interest, even though
I knew this was very important. "They became your
friends?" I asked.

"More than that." He was quiet for another one of
those lengthy moments. When it became clear he wasn't
going to say anything else without prompting, I spoke
again.

"Can you tell me a little about them?"

"Sakura's nine years younger than me... she's in six
grade now. She's just the cutest thing you ever saw.
I always wanted a little sister, and she became mine,
even though she had a crush on me forever." He
smiled, and I heaved an internal sigh of relief. When
he had mentioned Sakura's age, I had wondered if he
had a lolicon complex.

"And Touya?"

Yukito gained a blush, but he looked straight at me
with no shame. "He's my boyfriend."

Ah. We had a winner, I thought. Yukito was
homosexual, and having problems adjusting, I thought.
He was very effeminate, and his delicate features
made me wonder if people hadn't accused him of being
gay all his life. I began to run through all the
support groups I knew, and the standard therapy forms
for it. "Did your family and friends accept you?" I
asked.

His eyes were vulnerable. "Those that know haven't
been much of a problem. Well, except for Yue, but..."
Yukito seemed to retreat for a second before focusing
back on me. "We're quiet about things. If people
ask, we don't lie, but there's no reason to join the
gay rights movement. We're happy with things the way
they are. Sakura and Kinomoto-sensei have been
tremendously supportive, and I think that we may be
ready to get more serious, someday soon. We've
talked about moving in together after college is over,
but To-ya wants to stay with his sister as long as he
can. Their mother is dead, and she really looks up
to him."

I noticed that he wasn't talking about his family
anymore. "And your family?" I asked.

"I don't have any..." he said.

I nodded. Had I been of the old school of
counseling, I would have furiously been scribbling
notes; I would, later, make a summary of the session,
but I was among those who believed that people became
uncomfortable when they felt their every thought was
being recorded. I was tempted to push, but this was
just the first session, and our rapport hadn't been
established yet. "Is it your relationship with Touya
that has changed your thinking?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No, it's-" he hesitated again,
took a deep breath, and sighed slightly before meeting
my eyes squarely. "It's Yue."

"Who's Yue?" I asked.

"Yue is my other self," he told me. "I'm his false
form. Until tenth grade, I didn't exist. He created
me to hide himself."

I mentally took a step back to think on what he said.
From the look in his eyes, he was being sincere, and
telling the truth as he knew it. "Do you want to
explain to me a little about this?" I asked, stepping
carefully.

Yukito seemed troubled, and some of the good humor
fled from his eyes. "I... Yue is the true form of
this body. He uses me to hide away."

A while ago, counselors would have labeled such
statements as crazy. Now there was another diagnosis:
dissociative identity disorder, more popularly called
multiple personality disorder. It was rare for a
person to realize they had it, and even rarer for them
to come out in a first session the way Yukito was.
Part of me wondered if it was a hoax, but my instincts
led me to trust him.

There was something about Yukito that made a person
want to believe everything he said.

"I assume you came to me to discuss Yue?" I asked.

He nodded slowly. "I've been reading a lot of books
lately, but... I need to be able to talk to someone.
I wake up with blank spaces in my memory and no idea
where I've been, and friends tell me about things Yue
did that I can't remember. It's scary- and..." he
lowered his thick lashes, breaking off.

"I've only dealt with a few multiples before. I
think you need to see a specialist if you want to work
on integration therapy-" I suggested. One of the most
popular therapy techniques was to merge personalities
together to create a whole consciousness, something I
had never helped with and had only researched lightly.
I certainly didn't want to start with Yukito, who
was already a rare case.

"No!" he said, sounding almost frantic before calming
down. "I mean... that won't work," he added a more
politely. "Yue and I will never be co-conscious... or
merged. The best I can hope for is coexistence."

"How do you know about Yue?" I asked softly. I
wondered if there had been any sort of communication
between the alters at all.

"Touya and Sakura told me." His eyes fell onto the
artwork, again lingering on the feathers of the
dreamcatcher.

The pieces fell into place, about why they were so
important. "Does anyone else know?"

"A few people... Sakura's boyfriend, her best friend,
and..." he trailed off.

"And?" I prompted.

"I'd rather not say. I'm still not sure what to
think about it."

I nodded slowly. "I'm here to help you, Yukito.
Still, if you want to learn to co-exist with Yue, you
should be aware that not all the therapy will be easy.
Some of it might even be painful..."

His smile returned, though there was more sadness
than anything else in it this time. "I know... you're
going to want to find the cause of my split."

I nodded slowly. "It does no good to treat the
symptoms without at least trying to look for the
cause."

"Understandable... but sometimes the cause cannot be
found."

I let that go... there would be time to pressure him
later, if he decided to continue with sessions. "I'd
also like to meet Yue..." I said.

Yukito laughed, a surprisingly bitter sound from such
a gentle face. "Yue won't want to meet you."

"Why? Doesn't he want to get along better with you?"

"He sees me as a tool, Imiyo-san. If anything
happens to me, he'll just create another false form."
His eyes were still on the feathers, and I wondered
what he found so fascinating. Most people were drawn
to color, and the stark whiteness of the feathers was
anything but.

I glanced at my watched, noticing that we had run
ten minutes over- something I rarely did. I had a
good time sense, and managed to keep things on
schedule usually, but Yukito had entranced me. I
resolved to schedule him as my last client, should he
continue to come. "Yukito? I hate to do this, but
the hour's gone. I have to get home and walk my
dog... she's a therapy dog."

Yukito glanced at his own watch. "We ran late. Do I
owe you extra?"

"I charge by the session, not the minute," I chided
him gently. "Speaking of sessions, do you want to
schedule another? Or is therapy not for you? If
you want, you can think on it and call my secretary
whenever you feel more comfortable."

"I'd like to continue," he said softly. "I need
someone to talk to. And I like you."

"I think you like everyone," I said, rising to get my
appointment book so we could work out the time for
next session.

"Not everyone," he murmured so softly my ears almost
missed it.

We arranged to meet in a week, and exchanged small
talk as he headed out the door. With a sigh, I
stretched slowly before turning on my tape recorder.
My secretary, god bless her soul, would make notes
from my dictation since I was a lousy typist.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
September 6.

Just had the first session with patient Tsukishiro
Yukito. Yukito is a young man in college, no family,
and homosexual attractions which seem to be no cause
of conflict. Boyfriend is Kinomoto Touya, and Touya's
younger sister, Sakura, seems to play the role of
younger sister to Yukito as well.

The interesting thing about Yukito is he claims to
have a case of MPD. Usually I would be skeptical of
such openness, but instinct leads me to believe him.
I asked to meet "Yue", his alter, and Yukito was not
able to produce him. This leads me to more favorable
opinion, since many MPDs do not perform on command,
contrary to talk show circuit opinion.

A homosexual alter in charge of the body, one who has
only existed since tenth grade. I wonder what had
inspired the creation of "Yukito" and if Yue, who
Yukito called the core, is the true core. I doubt it;
the first split should have occurred much younger, and
I would wager that there were more personalities
Yukito isn't aware of.

One interesting thing is that Yukito claims to be the
"false form" of Yue. This wording is of interest to
me, as Yukito is a very intelligent young man who has
done his own research on the condition and would know
the proper term should be alter.

Preliminary diagnoses is probable DID. Yukito should
also be monitored for depression. No immediate
referrals are being made, as Yukito has already denied
integration with Yue. I will start to research
support groups for DID in the Tokyo area, particular
young adults.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

END PROLOGUE

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Notes:

This is a companion piece to "The One True Thing."
Obviously, it�s going to be a stand-alone and have
about five parts... like I don't have enough projects!
Other things are winding down, though, so I felt
entitled to this.

MPD/DID is a much-debated condition. I wanted to do
this on Yukito because of my psychological background,
but remember: the existence of MPD/DID is in debate,
much less its therapy!

Questions? Comments? I hope I kept this simple
enough to follow... and yes, this will walk the shonen
ai side with T/Y/Y in there.

Thanks to Morgan, because she inspired me. I admire
her work, and getting a nice letter from her was a
cheering moment for me. And yes, this will contain
Yue... and maybe avoid the Yue bashing she hated! I
like feedback, especially thoughtful feedback!

=====
Heroes rise, heroes fall Rise again, win it all In your heart, can't you feel the glory? 
<A href="http://www.midnightrevolution.org/gundam">http://www.midnightrevolution.org/gundam</A>
<A href="http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quicksilver/">http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quicksilver/</A>

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