In a message dated 8/22/02 5:26:24 AM Eastern Daylight Time, Kyhdin@aol.com
writes:
Amy Lynn was not the sort to make mistakes. She carefully analyzed each
decision she made with the utmost logic and care. Invariably they turned
out
to be correct.
Except, of course, when dealing with such chaotic, illogical things as
other human beings. That's why she preferred computers.
"You're a Pervert!"
"I didn't decide to be gay!"
"You married me, for God's sake! You obviously like women, so how the hell
can you stand there and tell me you didn't decide to be gay?!"
Well, it happens, but I don't think Dr Mizuno is in the mood to listen.
In her room, sitting on the floor, knees pulled up to her chest, door open
slightly as she listened to her parents scream at each other, Amy Lynn
privately admitted to herself that taking her father up on his offer might
have been a mistake.
Maybe make the door "ajar" instead of "open slightly."
"This isn't about me, Janice! This is about Amy Lynn! She needs both her
parents. Whatever else I may do, she's still my daughter and I want to be
part of her life!"
"She's my daughter, Michael! You gave up all those rights ten years ago!"
"Not the right to be part of her life! I didn't fight you on custody
because
I didn't care, but because you're a hell of a lot better at being a parent
That...didn't sound right. Sounds like he *didn't* care. Maybe: "I
agreed to give you sole custody, not because I didn't care, but because..."
And...I dunno. If he *did* care, he *should* have at least fought for
visitation rights. But I suspect that his "discovery" of his orientation was
also his discovery of his past life. Under those circumstances, I can
understand why he would have wanted to have Amy and her mother as far from
him as possible.
then I am. I don't know the first thing about raising kids! But I didn't
give up on the right to be a father! You sent back every, letter, card,
Birthday
and Christmas gift I ever mailed to her. You shut me out of her life,
Janice.
You!'
Ouch. Maybe he was also hoping that distance would let Janice cool down.
"She's not becoming a degenerate pig like you! I refuse to let her be
swept
into your disgusting little world!"
Err...huh? Okay, somebody's been reading too much of Jesse Helms'
propaganda.
**************
Sighing to himself, Malachite entered the small cabin on the plantation
grounds that he shared with, Zoicite, his clothes fading away to be
replaced
with his general's uniform as he dismissed the illusions that allowed him
to
walk amongst humans.
Hmm. Does he have other "distinguishing" marks besides his uniform, or
is it just the clothes that would make him stand out?
He sighed again. It had been too long since he had... he pushed the
conclusion of his meeting with Janice out of his mind. She had agreed to
let
him spend time with Amy Lynn, that was the important thing, what they had
done before that was irrelevant.
Break off that last "what they..." line as a seperate sentence. Suggest
"Everything else was irrelevant."
Moving into the bedroom, he began to remove his cape, giving only a brief
glance to Zoicite, who lay on the bed, naked. "Hello, Love," Malachite
said
absently, hanging his cape up.
Ah. So Mike fills Kunzite's role in this alt?
Zoicite said nothing. Turning to look at the bed, Malachite realized his
lover was staring at him with a strange look on his face.
Sug: "...with a strange expression."
"Jeddite told me about your meeting," the younger man said. "A family?"
The
younger man slid off the bed and came over to Malachite. "You never told
me
about a family."
Is this spelling of "Jeddite" deliberate? The actual mineral (and canon
General) is Jadeite, IIRC. It's actually referred to as "a combination of
Kunzite and (something)ite," in a geology book i read once. Gave me a giggle.
"A remnant of my human life," Malachite said, undoing the collar of his
jacket. "Nothing to worry about."
"Good, good," Zoicite said, leaning against him. "I'll talk to Jeddite and
the next Youma will be sure to pay them a special visit. They'll be dead
in--URK!"
Heh. OTOH, Mike had better be careful -- Beryl would not be happy if one
of her Generals shows loyaltly to any "cattle."
With a speed fueled by a cold anger that, in retrospect would terrify him
Extraneous comma.
with its intensity, Malachite's hand shot out and grabbed the younger
man's
neck. Real fear filled Zoicite's eyes as he grabbed Malachite's wrist,
trying to release the pressure on his windpipe. "Not a finger will be laid
on them,"
the white-haired general said very softly. "Remnant or not, my blood flows
in the child's veins." Dark Energy flowed from Malachite's fingertips,
energy
that could turn Zoicite's head into a pulp and was restrained only by
Malachite's will. "Listen to me, Zoicite, until I determine the child's
Sug: Period after Zoicite, or maybe a colon.
powers, if any, she and her mother will remain alive and unharmed."
Malachite tightened his grip. "Understand me?"
"Y-yes!" Zoicite gasped out.
"Good." Malachite released him and continued undressing. "Now let's get to
bed , shall we?"
Whoa. Mike has definitely got a cold-blooded streak. Now, the question
is: was he just telling Zoicite a story the other General would accept, or
does Mike really have feelings for Amy and Janice (beyond ownership)?
**************
The next night, an hour or so after her mother had gone to bed, Amy Lynn
sat
at her desk constructing a wireless modem out of a an old ham radio, some
short wave receivers, and a CB set she had found in the clinic's garage.
It
was more in the nature of something to do then any desire for a faster
connection, but the idea had come to her while washing the dinner dishes.
Tee hee! Problem is, 9-meter band radio is going to have a *terrible*
data rate unless she can do some really fancy compression/encoding tricks.
And even then, there would have to be an identically-rigged server on the
other end for her to connect to.
It's a cute scene, though, and perfectly Amy. Heh.
DSL worked by sending a signal along fiber optics at a different frequency
then
phone calls, so perhaps there was a way to do it with radio waves as well
since they moved at the speed of light. However, determining that
frequency,
if it existed, would require lots of...experimenting...and probing....with
meters, and tools, and...a pleasant tingle ran through her.
.....
Y'know, if Amy ever stops redirecting (there's a psych word for this, but
I can't recall it) her sexual energies into science, this fic is gonna go
Lemon faster than Bubblegum Pink!
(starts "Rock You Like A Hurricane" on WinAmp with an innocent expression)
After a few more minutes, she took notice a rattling sound against her
window. Curious, she set down the improvised soldering iron and went to
see
what was making the noise.
*Improvised* soldering iron? You mean the poor girl doesn't even have a
*Radio Shack* within reach? Oh, my poor, sweet Amy! <sob!>
Standing on the ground was Bunny, Luna by her side. "I'm gonna go Possum
Huntin," the blonde called. "Wanna come? Molly said her mother needs her
ta
unpack a delivery."
Huntin'. Needs the apostrophe. Also, I don't think possum should be
capped. And...I'm not sure, but I think it's *supposed* to be 'possom -- the
apostrophe represents the missing 'o', as in opossum.
"Okay," Amy Lynn replied and ducked back into her room.
Sneaking out? They've corrupte Amy so soon? <grin> OTOH, what *else*
is there to do in Juuban Hollow on a Saturday(?) night?
A few minutes later, she left the house and crept down the stairs wearing
the work shirt, jeans, and boots Bunny had loaned her for the farming
assignment.
Um? I thought the boots had been left at the clinic by a patient.
Unless you changed it.
Stealthily, the two made their way to the road where Bunny's truck was
parked and climbed in. For once, Bunny did not drive in her usual
fashion...
not until they had left town, anyway.
Ah. So it's already established among the girls that Janice would
disapprove of such late-night adventures.
At least she turned on the headlights.
....
.........
Bunny: "What're y'all staring at? Ain't you evah seen a girl use
Russkie army-surplus night-vision goggles befaw?"
**************
At the very edge of the woods, Bunny parked the truck and grinned at Amy
Lynn, who seemed a bit pale, but otherwise okay.
I'd lose that last comma.
It's interesting how Amy seems to be adjusting to Bunny's driving style.
"How do you hunt opossums?" Amy Lynn asked trying not to think of what she
had just been through.
Sug: Comma after "asked"
Bunny Lynn grinned and reached behind the seat. "With this." She drew out
a
rifle. Amy Lynn knew a bit about guns, but had never actually held one
I'm not sure -- do you hunt 'possum with a rifle, or a shotgun?
And...I dunno about Amy's ignorance. You might want to give her an
encyclopedic knowledge of the *technical* details of firearms, but not have
any hands-on experience. I just have this *cute* image of tiny little Amy
picking up a massive assault rifle and famialiarizing herself with it:
"Well, according to the book, this is the safety, this is the magazine
release, this is the bolt advance..."
before. The rifle was old, but well taken care of. Reaching back behind
the
seat, Bunny removed a roll of duct tape, a backpack, a pair of
flashlights,
a box of bullets, and two pistols, which she loaded with bullets she took
out
Strongly suggest: replace "bullets" with "ammunition." But then again,
maybe they just say "bullets" in Juuban Hollow. Only us fancy-edjumicated
DamnYankees ever use big words like "ammyoonition," after all.
of her shirt pocket. She tucked one into the waistband of her shorts and
the
other one she handed to Amy Lynn. Then she turned on one of the
flashlights
and taped it to the rifle. "C'mon."
Copying Bunny, Amy Lynn tucked the pistol into her jeans and grabbed the
flashlight. With Luna in the lead, the two girls set off into the woods.
Er? I don't object to Amy having a gun, but since she's never held one
before, her quick acceptance is a little *too* quick, IMO.
**************
Amy Lynn was no stranger to the wilderness. You couldn't grow up in
Minnesota
and not be familiar with it, but it was different for some reason. Maybe
it
was the lack of a campfire and conversation, or maybe it was the just she
was in a different place. She had heard stories on the net about strange
things
you'd find if you went far enough into the American South. Old Native
American relics, cursed places, witches, and places where slaves had died
in
the most brutal fashion possible and their ghosts still lurked, waiting
for
anyone foolish enough to trespass into their grief.
"The Blair Youma Project."
Then of course, there were the modern bogeymen. Space Aliens, Crazy old
men
and secret societies. Of them all, Amy Lynn was worried only about the
hermits who might be out in the woods and the pistol in her jeans lessened
that worry considerably.
Mmm...that rings false, to me. In my experience, having a gun isn't
going to make you feel safer unless you're experienced and comfortable with
firearms. Otherwise, it's going to nag at you like a sore tooth. I'd
suggest Amy should be a bit more apprehensive about it, and doing some
serious advance planning for how/when to use it -- and more importantly,
how/when *not* to use it. Planning and forethought are Amy's stock in trade,
anyhow.
Amy Lynn had once met an old woman who sold dream catchers up by Lake
Tskykeputchy in Minnesota. The woman had been normal in every respect
except
Just asking: is that a real lake? And HOW do you pronounce that?
that she was convinced that the rocks in a small pond several miles into
the
woods had teeth and that their bite changed you into a half-plant, half
animal creature not unlike a demented squirrel. She claimed when she was a
little girls, she had watched her entire class change and then run off
into
the woods. That encounter had sparked a brief interest in American Myth.
In
the space of a week, Amy Lynn devoured every book on it in both the Saint
Paul and Minneapolis public Library system.
Cap "Public."
"There's not much you c'n do wit Possums, 'course," Bunny said, breaking
into Amy Lynn's thoughts. "Ma has a recipe for possum stew, but without a
decent
tater ta toss in there, it don't taste vera good. Gotta admit though, aint
nuthin better then some warm possum gloves when it gets cold."
Capped "Possum," and missing apostrphes again. Ain't needs an
apostrophe.
"I've never used a gun before," Amy Lynn said.
"Guns is easy," Bunny said, pulling her own pistol. "See this?" She
indicated the barrel of the pistol with the barrel of her rifle. "Point
this at
whatcha wanna shoot, and then pull this thingy here." She curled her finger
around
the trigger. "Nuthin simpler." She shoved the pistol back into her shorts.
"Nuthin' simpler."
At this point, I have to assume they're carrying double-action revolvers
(which makes sense) -- otherwise, there would have to be some discussion of
safeties and hammer-cocking here -- I just can't imagine Bunny carrying
around Glocks.
At that moment, Luna stiffened and then growled, staring off into the
woods.
"A possum?" Amy Lynn said, reaching for her pistol.
'possum
"Ain't sure," Bunny said, an odd note in her voice as she switched off the
flashlight taped to the rifle. "You stay here. C'mon Luna." With that, she
and Luna disappeared into the trees.
Heh heh. Plot development coming up!
It's skin was green and knobby, and claws sprouted from it's four-fingered
hands. It's hair was long and green and rams horns sprouted from the side
of
it's head.
its, not it's.
The woman was dressed in a one piece white gown that came to her knees
with
a belt made out of silver mesh around her waist. A tiara encircled her
forehead
and her hair came down past her shoulders, which were protected by golden
plates. Her calves were covered by golden yellow shingaurds and she wore
heavy boots. Golden bands encircled her wrists and she carried a sword in
each hand, the one in her left longer and heavier then the one in her
right.
Huh. Sounds Greek, aside from the dual swords. What kind of swords?
(Don't mind me, I'm a sword geek).
Behind the monster, a great black wolf circled, lunging in to try and sink
it's teeth into it's hamstring.
Ah. So, Luna (and Artemis?) aren't just advisors in this alt -- they've
got combat roles (and transformations too, it seems)
"its," not "it's". the possessive form doesnt' use an apostrphe.
With a backhand swipe, the monster slammed the woman against a tree and
then
moved in for what had to be a kill.
With a boldness that surprised her, Amy Lynn stepped out of the trees and
aimed the pistol at the monster. She pulled the trigger several times,
each
one causing the monster to stagger. Then, suddenly, instead of the sound
of
gunfire, she heard only a faint clicking.
Yep. Gotta be a double-action revolver. A semi-auto wouldn't behave
that way (or at least, the slide locking open would be really obvious).
That's what you have to love about Amy (in any alt) -- she may be a shy,
sheltered academic, but she never *freezes* when crises happen. Her brain
keeps working.
Uh-Oh.
Amy Lynn turned and ran back into the trees, only to be sent flying as the
ground exploded underneath her. Grunting, she hit the dirt path, bouncing
and rolling for several more feet before carefully picking herself up as
behind
her, she heard another roar.
Good thinking on Amy's part.
"Amy Lynn!" An woman's voice said. Amy Lynn looked around. There was no
one
around. "Amy Lynn!" came the woman's voice again. "Over here." Looking in
the direction of the voice, she found herself face to face with the great
black
wolf she had seen moments earlier. A crescent moon flared brightly on it's
forehead and it was though a veil had been lifted from Amy Lynn's eyes.
The
wolf became Luna and with a horrified start, she realized the woman in
white
back in the clearing had been Bunny.
Hmm. But what was Luna doing while Amy was shooting the Youma? I'd have
thought she'd take advantage of its distraction to go for a hamstring. Maybe
the monster kicked her away?
"L-Luna? What's-"
"There's no time!" Luna snapped. "You have to help the Moon Priestess."
"Help? How?" Amy Lynn asked, faintly aware that she was having a
conversation with a dog and therefore, must be losing her mind.
Sug: "...and must, therefore, be losing..."
Using her snout, Luna rolled something across the dirt to her. "With this."
"What is it?" Amy Lynn asked, her fingertips tingling slightly as she
picked
it up. It was colored ice blue, about the size of a writing pen, slightly
thicker, and toped with a loop of gold. Inside the loop was a thin slab of
crystal.
"Never mind that!" Luna half-shouted. "Hold it up and say, 'Mercury, Grant
Me Strength'
Hmm.
Amy Lynn did as she was told. "Mercury, Grant Me Strength!" Cold,
wonderful
cold rushed into her and she felt her clothes vanishing and more cold
sliding over her limbs and body like velvet. When it cleared, she was
wearing a
sleeveless, legless bodysuit. Blue boots covered her feet and white gloves
covered her forearms. The exposed part of her arms and legs was covered
with
a light blue fabric that she instinctively knew was light as air and
harder
Um...if the bodysuit is legless and sleeveless, where is the blue fabric
covering the "exposed" parts coming from?
then any metal. A tiara encircled her forehead and from it hung a tinted
blue visor. A continuous stream of data ran up the right side and in her
hand,
she held a sword.
Sug: "...up the right side of the visor..."
She looked back at the clearing, her feet twitched and then she was back
at
the clearing's edge, the wind of her movement fading. The Monster had
Bunny
pressed up against a tree with one hand and had the other hand raised to
administer the killing blow. It regarded her for a moment, and then looked
back at Bunny.
Not sure "monster" should be capped, here.
Raising her hand, Amy Lynn fired forth four ice spikes, one from each
fingertip, which flew across the clearing and sank into the creature's
hide.
Raising her *free* hand, maybe? I can't see her firing spikes from the
fingers of the hand holding the sword.
Roaring, it tossed Bunny aside like a rag doll and lunged for her, only to
smash into a tree as it's target darted aside. Like a whip, her sword
flicked out, leaving a gouge as large as a man's arm in the beast's side.
She > raised
the sword high to bring it down on it's neck, when it's arm moved,
striking
her hard and sending her to crash down next to Bunny.
Sug: "She raised her sword for a decapitation stroke, but the monster
moved faster, sending her crashing next to Bunny with a sweeping blow from
it's good arm."
"Who?" Bunny asked, trying to stand.
"Never mind that!" Amy Lynn said as the monster leapt high into the air.
"Roll!"
Yeah -- survive now, talk later. <grin>
They rolled in opposite directions, the monster landing where they had
been,
Sug: "...directions and the monster landed where..."
dirt flying as its impact left behind a crater. Rising from it's crouch,
it
began to move towards her slowly, it's breathing ragged.
Its, not it's. And used too many times. Sug: "Rising from its crouch,
the monster began to advance on (Amy? Bunny?) slowly, breathing raggedly."
Standing, she reached out to the cold of the pond and called it forth,
encasing the monster in a block of ice. Her hand tightened into a fist...
Okay, so it turned away from Bunny towards Amy. Need to make that clear.
and everything went white as the loud roar of an explosion filled her ears.
Hmm. That's different. "Merucry Ice Vise," maybe? <grin> Her powers
are definitely more offensive in nature than canon-Ami's are.
When she could see again, she was lying on her back in some bushes,
staring
up at the stars through a gap in the trees. Then Bunny, dressed in her
usual
clothes, loomed over her. "You okay, Amy Lynn?"
"B-bunny? What happened?"
"There's no time for that!" Luna snapped. She indicated the bushes with
her
nose. "Look!"
"There's no time for that!" seems to be Luna's stock phrase. <grin>
I'd suggest "pointed" instead of "indicated."
Peering through the bushes, Amy Lynn saw that they overlooked a huge
crater.
Sug: "...that they were near the edge of a huge crater."
It was a good twenty or thirty feet deep and perhaps a quarter of a mile
Crater size issue addressed in another post.
wide. A group of trucks were nearby, some marked with the insignia of
Black
Mountain Plantation. In the light of one set of headlights, she saw her
father and mother standing side by side talking with another man that she
vaguely recalled being pointed out as the county sheriff and the tall
Sug: comma after "sherrif"
black-haired young man she recalled Bunny arguing with during that first
day.
Both men wore the uniforms of the county sheriff's department.
Pointing out that the county sherriff is wearing his deparment's uniform
is probably redundant. Maybe just point out that Darien(?) is wearing it.
Interesting to note that Mike and Janice are together and not fighting --
are they concerned over Amy?
And how long will it take Mike to get suspicious of Amy?
"What are we going to do?" Luna whispered. "Bunny's truck will be heard if
it starts up and there's no way to push it out of here without being seen."
Not to mention that anyone searching for victims (or perps) will find the
truck for certain.
"We face the music then," Amy Lynn said softly. Going back to where she
had
been laying, she picked up her pistol and tucked it into her jeans.
Sug: comma after "music".
Umm...is keeping the pistol a good idea? How will Janice react?
Granted, she's not the Japanese Dr Mizuno, so maybe she won't turn an
eyelash. But she'll probably want to know where Amy got it... and why it's
empty, if she discovers that.
"Amy Lynn, you shore 'bout this?" Bunny asked.
"No. But mom probably knows I'm not in bed by now, I'll get yelled at
either
way. Here or at home. Here she might be a little less loud about it." With
that, Amy Lynn stepped boldly through the bushes and crouched at the edge
of
the crater. Here she could see the sides were smooth, like glass and cold
to
the touch.
Hmm...so was the blast a result of the Youma, or of her "Ice Vice"? Was
the ground frozen smooth, or converted-to-glass (hot!) smooth?
"And what do you think you're doing here, young lady?" Standing, Amy Lynn
faced her mother. Doctor Anderson had thrown some pants and her white lab
coat on over her nightgown and strapped to her hip was the black metal of
her service pistol.
Nit: technically, the pants would be *under* her nightdown...unless the
gown is bunched up in a very uncomfortable fashion. <grin> Heh. This
almost borders on mild fanservice (assuming Janice looks like canon Dr.
Mizuno).
Question: if Janice keeps her service pistol that handy (it obviously
was fairly quick-to-hand), why didn't she ever teach Amy to shoot? Or, more
importantly, teach her basic firearm safety? Keeping a gun in the same house
with a minor who *hasn't* at least been taught the basics is almost
criminally negligent.
"Mah fault, Doc," Bunny said stepping up beside Amy Lynn. "Ah invited Amy
Lynn to go Possum Huntin wit me and we heard the explosion. Wut happened
here anyways?"
Capped 'possum, capped huntin'
"Catch anything, Buns?" asked the dark-haired deputy?"
Extra "?" after deputy.
"Shut yor mouth, Shields, 'fore I shuts for you!" Bunny snapped. "An don't
call me Buns!"
An' -- needs apostrophe after to represent the missing letter.
Wonder why she reacted so hostiley to his question -- it seems like she's
made at him for more than just the "Buns" nickname.
"But it suits you so well."
Bunny's faced turned red with anger.
"You sayin' Ah'm FAT?!?"
"No, just...hippy."
"HEY! Ah ain't nevah listened to no Beatles music in mah life!"
"Mom what did happen here?" Amy Lynn asked, hoping to divert her mother's
at
tention from the fact that she was out and about. "It looks like a
meteorite landing."
Amy would probably say "impact" rather than "landing." The latter
implies a controlled descent. And Amy's very precise about such things.
<grin>
"That's what we thought," said a gravely voice. Turning, Amy Lynn saw a
tall
man with a mane of brown hair. He wore a green T-shirt and black pants.
"But
the sides are too smooth, and to cool. If you ask me, something exploded
here."
Hmm. Who's this guy? I thought maybe Nephrite, from the hair...
Sug: "That's what we thought at first," said...
"Like what?" Doctor Anderson asked. "I've spent my entire adult life in
this
nation's military and I've seen every kind of explosion there is. Nothing
Her *entire* adult life? I thought she was in a civilian practice (the
one that got shut down under criminal charges) before the beginning of Ch 1.
Or is she including Reserve time? And is she still *in* the Reserve?
exists that would make a crater this big and not leave some kind of
radiation." She picked a Geiger Counter off the hood of a nearby truck.
"And
Actually, quite a few things could make a crater that big w/o radiation.
But we're talking high-end milspec ordnance -- a 500lb bomb couldn't do it,
or even a 2000lb. But that gets back to the crater-size argument.
even if it was a meteor or something, it doesn't explain the glasslike
surface of the sides and presumably the bottom."
And that glassy texture is directly at odds with the crater being cold.
Someone should point that out, unless the "glass" is actually a coating of
ice.
"Mebbe it was Spacemen," ventured a man standing nearby. "Or demons or
somethin."
Somethin'
"There's no such thing as any of those, Mister Furnuckle," Doctor Anderson
said stiffly. She faced the sheriff. "If you'll excuse me Myron, there
appears to be no need for my services and I must take my daughter home.
I'll
"excuse me, Myron, there..."
meet you back here in the morning."
"Shore thing, Janice, the Sheriff said absently, scratching his head as he
stared into the crater.
Bunny said "Shor" earlier, the Sherriff says "Shore." Deliberate
inconsistency?
"Come along, dear," Doctor Anderson said stiffly. Amy Lynn sighed and
followed her mother.
Yow. So much for distracting her mother....
**************
For the second time in as many days, Malachite was angry and the dark
power
in him was practically begging to be released.
Jeddite grunted as he hit the wall, propelled against it by the raw power
bolt Malachite threw at him.
Oh, Mike's *pissed.*
"You, idiot," Malachite seethed. "What in the hells possessed you to give
a
Extra comma. Or maybe "You...*idiot,*" Malachite seethed...
youma that much power? Now the humans are going to be getting nosy. On top
of that, we now have another one of those blasted Priestesses to deal with."
Priestesses? Interesting. Sounds even more Greek. Although wouldn't
Amy be Geek? <grin, duck, and RUN>
"W-we can handle them," Jeddite gasped out as a collar of dark energy
clamped around his throat.
Another bolt smacked the blonde general across the face. "The goal was to
find Empreya's jewel before Serenity's spell could gather all six
together,
Epreya, or Emperyia? Just curious.
All six what? Priestesses? Or pieces (a la the Rainbow Crystals)?
Old Boy," Malachite drawled. Jeddite felt the icy hand of fear clamp his
gut.
"Old Boy" probably shouldn't be capped. I suspect you were trying for
italicization, there.
Unlike most, the white-haired man's anger made him calmer and almost
relaxed
so when he became so calm he seemed to be completely relaxed, it meant
that
he had lost his temper...and Malachite was the most powerful of the Four.
A bit awkward. Suggest: "Unlike most, Malachite became outwardly more
and more calm as his anger increased...so for him to be acting this totally
relaxed could only mean that he was right on the edge of losing his temper.
And Malachite was the most power of the Four."
"That way we don't have to fight them. But perhaps you missed that when we
first gathered after being awakened from our human lives."
"N-no, Malachite. I didn't. I just wanted to be sure we could be rid of
the
Moon Priestess once and for all. She's interfered enough, her and that
strange man in the tuxedo. I honestly wasn't expecting Mercury's chosen to
show up."
"If I had, I'd had given the Youma a flamethrower, too."
"One more screw up, Jeddite, just one more...and I'll have your head on a
pike." The collar vanished and Malachite strode out of the room.
The plot thickens. Mike definitely seems to be in charge among the Four.
Although if he alienates the others enough to unite against him, can he
handle all three?
****
Entry #138
Mother and Father are speaking to each other...somewhat. It's a start, I
guess. Got caught being out when mom had already gone to bed. She took
away
my laptop for a week. I can deal with it though.
Nothing like being terrified for your daughter together to ease tensions
between a feuding couple. <grin>
And wait until Amy discovers that her visor's adaptive ECM suite can be
programed to hack into sattelite-based internet systems. Still not as fast
as a T1, since the bottleneck will be on the *other* end of the system, but
still better than AO--I mean, USA DirectConnect.
Something else happened tonight. But I'm not sure I can talk about it yet.
I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to talk about it...
"So I'll write about it instead. Mother, if you're reading this, STOP
NOW. I really, really, really mean it."
"Okay, fine, here it is: Bunny and I are now lovers."
Yeah. *That* oughtta throw Janice off the scent if she suspects
anything. <grin>
--
David McMillan, Imagineer at Large.
Chief Systems Analyst and Integration Engineer, Exotic Technologies Division,
<Censored> GmBh. Mecha and Weapons Design Specialist.
"Agent Mulder? My name is Neo. I believe I may be able to show you part of
the truth you've been searching for. I should warn you, however -- it's not
what you think."
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