Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Sat, 24 Aug 2002 04:34:29 EDT Kyhdin@aol.com wrote:
Sighing to himself, Malachite entered the small cabin on the plantation
grounds that he shared {with, Zoicite, his : with Zoicite. His} clothes fading away to be replaced
with his general's uniform as he dismissed the illusions that allowed him to
walk amongst humans.
The next night, an hour or so after her mother had gone to bed, Amy Lynn sat
at her desk constructing a subspace transciever out of a an old ham radio,
some short wave receivers, and a CB set she had found in the clinic's garage.
The one TV station she could get in Juuban Hollow had run a Next Generation
Marathon the other night and the show's repeated use of subspace had piqued
her interest. Then her mother had made lasanga last night, which when
smeared liberally on antennas tended to boost both their reciving and
transmitting ability. Once it had congealed, that is.
Left over lasagna, that's an evil thing to do with nature's most perfect
food. Does it help in the RF as well as the subspace bands?
Standing on the ground was Bunny, Luna by her side. "I'm gonna go possum
{Huntin : huntin}," the blonde called. "Wanna come? Molly said her mother needs her ta
unpack a delivery."
Bunny Lynn grinned and reached behind the seat. "With this." She drew out a
rifle. Amy Lynn knew a bit about guns, but had never actually held one {b
efore : before}. The rifle was old, but well taken care of. Reaching back behind the
seat, Bunny removed a roll of duct tape, a backpack, a pair of flashlights, a
box of bullets, and two pistols, which she loaded with bullets she took out
of her shirt pocket. She tucked one into the waistband of her shorts and the
other one she handed to Amy Lynn. Then she turned on one of the flashlights
and taped it to the rifle. "C'mon."
Amy Lynn had once met an old woman who sold dream catchers up by Lake
Tskykeputchy in Minnesota. The woman had been normal in every respect except
that she was convinced that the rocks in a small pond several miles into the
woods had teeth and that their bite changed you into a half plant, half
animal creature not unlike a demented squirrel. She claimed when she was a
little girl, she had watched her entire class change and then run off into
the woods. That encounter had sparked a brief interest in American myths. In
the space of a week, Amy Lynn devoured every book on it in both the Saint
Paul and Minneapolis public Library system.
"Public" and "Library" should be both capitalized or both lower case. I
don't know if they share a single library system.
She had only gone perhaps a few hundred feet when she came upon a clearing
which held a large pond at its center. In it, a woman dressed in clothes that
seem to made from moonlight battled a monster out of nightmares. It was at
least eight feet tall, with a birdlike beak and three eyes in a triangle.
{It's : Its} skin was green and knobby, and claws sprouted from it's four-fingered
hands. {It's : Its} hair was long and green and ram's horns sprouted from the side of
its head.
The woman was dressed in a one piece white gown that came to her knees with a
belt made out of silver mesh around her waist. A tiara encircled her forehead
and her hair came down past her shoulders, which were protected by golden
plates. Her calves were covered by golden yellow shin {gaurds : guards} and she wore
heavy boots. Golden bands encircled her wrists and she carried a sword in
each hand, the one in her left longer and heavier then the one in her right.
Behind the monster, a great black wolf circled, lunging in to try and sink
its teeth into the monster's hamstring.
"What is it?" Amy Lynn asked, her fingertips tingling slightly as she picked
it up. It was colored ice blue, about the size of a writing pen, slightly
thicker, and {toped : topped} with a loop of gold. Inside the loop was a thin slab of
crystal.
Amy Lynn did as she was told. "Mercury, Grant Me Strength!" Cold, wonderful
cold rushed into her and she felt her clothes vanishing and more cold sliding
over her limbs and body like velvet. When it cleared, she was wearing a
sleeveless, legless bodysuit. Blue boots covered her feet and white gloves
covered her forearms. The exposed part of her arms and legs was covered with
a light blue fabric that she instinctively knew was light as air and harder
then any metal. A tiara encircled her forehead and from it hung a tinted blue
visor. A continuous stream of data ran up the right side and in her {hand, : hand} she
held a sword.
She looked back at the clearing, her feet twitched and then she was back at
the clearing's edge, the wind of her movement fading. The {Monster : monster} had Bunny
pressed up against a tree with one hand and had the other hand raised to
administer the killing blow. It regarded her for a moment, and then looked
back at Bunny.
"No. But Mom probably knows I'm not in bed by now, I'll get yelled at either
way. Here or at home. Here, she might be a little less loud about it." With
that, Amy Lynn stepped boldly through the bushes and crouched at the edge of
the crater. Here she could see the sides were {smooth, : smooth} like glass and cold to
the touch.
"Mom{: ,} what did happen here?" Amy Lynn asked, hoping to divert her mother's
attention from the fact that she was out and about. "It looks like a
meteorite landing."
"That's what we thought," said a gravely voice. Turning, Amy Lynn saw a tall
man with a mane of brown hair. He wore a green T-shirt and black pants. "But
the sides are too smooth, and {to : too} cool. If you ask me, something exploded
here."
"Mebbe it was {Spacemen : spacemen}," ventured a man standing nearby. "Or demons or
somethin."
Mother and Father are speaking to each other...somewhat. It's a start, I
guess. Got caught being out when {mom : Mom} had already gone to bed. She took away
my laptop for a week. I can deal with it though.