Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Wed, 21 Aug 2002 09:00:42 -0400 DB Sommer <sommer@3rdm.net> wrote:
Kasumi turned from the stove to watch her mother as she sat on the porch,
fiddling with {some mechanical device : something : some device} on her lap. For a change, Kachiko was
wearing a shirt that reached down to her waistline. However, it was still
highly risqu�, since it was sleeveless and had a neckline that hung both
loose and low. To make matters worse, the material was white, and Kachiko
was obviously not wearing a bra underneath. If she was hit with an errant
spray of water, an event that happened all too often at the Tendou
household, the shirt would become semi-transparent, and then the whole world
would be able to see...
"Oh, really?" Kachiko gained a wicked gleam in her eye. "Does that mean
you'd rent me that long, cylindrical, battery-powered object you have
stashed in the back of your sock drawer?"
That made Nabiki freeze. Slowly, she said, "If the price was right."
"And how much would my silence about its existence be worth?"
The ironic thing is that what Kachiko saw was Nabiki's emergency
flashlight. The other long, cylindrical, battery-powered object was behind
it.
The sound of a knock on the front door reached the upstairs bedroom. {Employi
ng : Employing} a speed only seen when Happosai homed in on a girl's breasts, Kachiko was
out of the room and at the front door before Akane had made it to the top of
the stairs. Kachiko took one moment to double-check her appearance, patting
down the skirt so not a wrinkle could be seen. Satisfied with the results,
she opened the door.
Nodoka froze like a deer caught in the path {: of} oncoming headlights. It took a
moment for her to snap out of her stupor and find her voice. "I beg your
pardon. I am Ranma's mother."
Perhaps Kachiko wasn't the best judge of ages above thirty. It wasn't like
she gave it much consideration. Once a person hit thirty, it was all
downhill from there as far as she was concerned. And she certainly had no
interest in anyone over the age of thirty. That was way too old to be a
friend or romantic interest, in her opinion. So why would someone in their
thirties care if a person made a guess at their age and it was five or ten
{: or sixteen} years off? At that point it didn't matter anymore. It was splitting hairs.
Old was old.
I think Ranma's still sixteen at this point.
She only had enough time to blink twice before reaching the height of the
leap and falling back down to earth. The landing was feather light, as she
found herself held in another's arms in almost the same manner that she was
holding the child.
Except she's not going to complain about an inappropriate touch.
Hiroyoshi rubbed his eyes, sniffled, then leveled an accusatory finger at
Kachiko. "That woman touched my bottom in a way that made me uncomfortable."
Kahiko was right. That kid is a definite sociopath who will make
everyone's lives miserable.
The man detached a baton from his belt. Sparks of electricity leapt from the
tip as the device crackled noisily. "{We're : We's} da morons dat was formally
members of da special forces and got da firepower and combat training ta
beat up perverts like youse. Okay, guys, let's bring some law and order back
to dis district!"
They arrived at the house before Ranma could come to a decision. He let the
matter drop, convinced Kachiko wouldn't want to talk about it in front of
others, and that his interest might be misinterpreted by everyone else as
something other than casual. Best to forget about the whole thing rather
than allow it the chance to further complicate his life.
Well reasoned and far too late.
"Thank goodness." Nodoka doubted if she could have approved of a such a
pairing. She stated firmly, "You must be more careful in the future. I'll be
sure to get you some rubbers before the next time."
"Aw, come on Mom."
"A raincoat with a hood would have been more useful."
"..."
Kasumi looked at the picture in question. It was a photo of the two of them
side-by-side in matching aprons. Kasumi noted they were quite the mismatched
pair, one so much {older : younger} than the other, wearing as much food on her clothing
as what was in the bowl. There wasn't even much of a family resemblance. The
only thing that was similar were their smiles, which were exactly the same.
It was one of Kasumi's favorite pictures, which made the current situation
seem all the more depressing. "Yes," Kasumi said, quietly.
I think the following clause refers to Kasumi being covered with food, so
it would read better if she was the one mentioned before it. Of course,
there's nothing that says Kachiko can't be a mess and Kasumi neat.