Hmm. Made a good bit of progress tonight:

Glad to see you did! I've been looking forward to commentary
on this.

The section's just a _little_ too long for the straight AOL
service to post. I wonder if there's a setting nobody's told
me about to send more than 32k at a time...

Don't look at me. Never had anything to do with AOL.

And I've recently been able to sever connections, so
I'm happy now. ^_^

I read through one of the introductory sections to Douglas Adams'
"The Salmon of Doubt." It would seem that I'm not the only one
who's had trouble getting things going. Of course, comparing my
works to those of such a great as he would be rather presumptuous.

Too late. :)

Alas, 'tis true. Who else shall I compare myself with, then?

Nobody, for now. We'll save that for later. ^_^

So, I shall say that running on an empty inspiration tank is
difficult. I now understand why so many complain about being
able to write yet not come up with anything they like. Getting
writer's blocked happens to us all,

Nope. Not me yet. Sometimes I'm not in the mood. I could force myself to
write during those times, but since I'm not being paid and write only for
recreation, I don't force the issue.

That could be my problem, then. Sometimes, I've forced myself to
write when I wasn't really in the mood. My motivation was getting
the story done.

The thing is, I now realize, if I wasn't having fun with it, how
can I expect anyone else to enjoy it?

Not Ranma, though, who was still in shock from the discovery of
what some of his teachers were like.

There aren't any dominatrixes. It's not that horrifying to him yet. :)

Yeah. We'll save those for later. When the opportunity arises. ^_^

Unless, of course, they were being employed at Tomobiki or some
other random crossover cameo.

In the short time that he had

attended Furinkan, the school leadership had gone through teachers
faster than a shoujo anime villain goes through his lackies. Rei
insisted that the few more or less normal ones that had been in
before were merely substitutes who usually worked at Juuban Junior
High or over at the White Dove Academy. The young man hadn't thought
to ask why elementary and Junior High teachers had been assigned to
work at a High School. Actually, he'd also decided not to ask about
a lot of what was going on.

Probably for the best.

Indeed. I think I may have been trying too hard to write this
chapter without proper plotting. I mean, I've plotted, but the
plots are too general in some areas and too specific in the
wrong areas.

Of course, that would have been long before the oddity of the
Jusenkyo curse came into play. Actually, he remembered that someone
_had_ asked him that very question a long time ago--some fanged guy
that was always whining about bread or tortillas or something stupid
like that. Hey, that was Ryouga, Ranma realized. He wondered what had
happened to his old friend and rival after Hotaru-sensei blew him
away.

Well, if she blew him away, probably nothing good happend to the remains.
:)

He'll be back. Ryouga's not that easily taken out.

...

Well, maybe he is, but we can't have any true casualties
among the main cast yet. Wouldn't be proper!

"Hey, what--!?" Ranma cried out, then turned and glared at her,
allowing all the representatives from the school newspaper, the
Furinkan Grand Inquisitor, to run off. "Rei! Why are you laughing and
pointing at me?!"

"Because you look so funny!"

Well, at least she's honest. :)

It's been noted that a bit more sympathy on Rei's part throughout
the chapter would aid her characterization significantly...

Gosunkugi gasped and scooted back a little. "Y-y-you're that
famous shapeshifting girl everyone's been writing about!"

They've been writing about Ranma?

Yup! Way back in part two, the school newspaper(s) caught on
to Ranma turning into a girl in a dress. I have a feeling
I could be handling that assertion better, though...

Usagi ran with her bookbag over her head in a failed effort to
keep herself from

drop 'herself'. It's not needed.

Got it. Looks a lot better with the change.

Usagi pouted, looking and feeling cold and miserable as she
continued to run.

"We're almost there!" Luna peered up at the teenager. "Well,
if you can't stand being all wet, then you can go ahead and
transform! Your powers can protect you from the weather."

Very convientent, that.

If they can survive in frozen arctic weather in that sort of
outfit, then surely they could take a little rain. ^_^

The cat's statement instantly caused Usagi to come to a
screeching halt, which was an odd way of doing so, because that very
adjective could easily be applied to to the tone of voice the girl
used used as she glared at her kitty-advisor and politely asked--at
a volume jackhammers would envy-- "IT CAN!? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT
_EARLIER_?!"

"Because you didn't ask' usually works there. :)

Hmm...

	Luna visibly cringed. "Er, because you didn't ask?" Just in
case Usagi didn't accept the answer, she began eyeing the terrain
for likely escape routes...

That does work a bit better. Thanks!

"We're working as fast as we can," irritably explained a
maintenance from atop a tall ladder.

Now that one was messed up. What were you trying to say?

Wow! I wrote that?! Must've been a really long night...

Hmm...

	"We're working as fast as we can," a maintenance worker
explained irritably from atop a tall ladder. He peered down at the
blonde, who seemed, from his perspective, a little too anxious to
get her precious hot water. "So what? You'll have to take a cold
shower for P.E." He shook his head while banging on a pipe with a
wrench. "Grow up, girl!"

Better?

Ranma met up with Rei at the doors to the lunch room. "Any
luck finding hot water???"

Only need one question mark.

Yeah, you're right. Fixed it.

"Ooooh," many in the large room awed, scribbling it down on
their notepads. "I'm jealous," one noted.

Rei winced, thanking her great, sainted morning bowl of lucky
charms

Lucky Charms

Ah, yes. Brand name...

"Rei..." Ranma muttered, glaring at her. She desperately
searched his mind for a decent comeback. "Yeah, well, 'wicked but
beauteous sorceress,' why don't you use your magic to..." She paused.
"Umm, to, like, something or other."

Ranma without an insult in mind? How peculiar.

I couldn't think of one. Anyone got a suggestion for an insult
that has to do with magic, sorcery, and fumbled applications
thereof?

When Rei selected a table,

"While' instead of 'When' perhaps?

Yes, while works better...

Ranma walked toward the lunch line.

She hunted around her dress in search for her wallet. A funny thing
about the curse was that there was often no telling what would
happen to any particular item about her person once she got splashed.
Once, she had left a pen in her pocket. When the curse got activated,
it turned into a long, white quill and a vial of ink, which wasted
no time in spilling out and getting all over everything.

Heh. Cute.

If you're going to have a curse that changes everything into a
legendary ancient princess version of it, might as well make mention
of it.

As if with a wave of her arm, Haruka unfurled a large, western-
style meal, complete with a knife and fork, a steamy steak, mashed
potatoes, and a pair of large, soft, buttery dinner rolls.

Not too shabby.

I figured that Haruka'd be the one to plan the romantic meals. ^_^

"Mmm, thanks a lot, Haruka. I mean, I'd hate to go without
lunch." Ranma paused. "Uh, you don't _have_ to be feeding me like
that."

Haruka stayed close--perhaps a little too close--to the smaller
girl. "Why, Odango, you're quite welcome. And don't worry about it."

Heh. She is trying hard, isn't she?

Hoo-yeah... Some of the angles on this story may not be working
all that well in this draft yet, but I think this one did.

"They just can't get enough of your good looks," Haruka noted.
Softer, she added, "Nor can I..."

Heh. Here's where Ranma learns the truth.

Question: Do you think it'd be funnier if he were to take notice
and start backing away, or should he remain clueless to Haruka's
advances?

"Saint Heberke. That is all you need to know."

"Oh. Why?"

"That's a secret."

Ranma: That's not really an answer.

Hmm...

	"Saint Heberke. That is all you need to know."

	"Oh. Why?"

	"That's a secret."

	"That's not really an answer."

	"Isn't it?"

	"No."

	Michiru's smile wavered, and she tapped her fingertips against
the table in an effort to hide her frustration at her failure to be
properly enigmatic. "In that case, I would like to ask you a few
questions."

	Ranma rubbed the back of her neck. "Okay..."

	"You are supposedly a competent martial artist?"

Better? Or it still needs work?

Haruka slapped her forehead, the noise of which echoed
throughout the entire room. "Just HIM?!"

Ah, but whatever else one says about Genma, he knows martial arts.

Indeed. That's something a lot of people seem to downplay...

And in this case, the girls have never really seen 'em fight.

And, once I get in the mood to write it, Genma will do some
very impressive moves in front of the Cardcaptor Sakura cast,
just to show some contrast in the dialogue and action.

Rei looked up at the dainty female, then glared back at the
paper on the table, seemingly angry that the insufferable material
hadn't finished itself yet. "NOW, huh?" She put down her pencil and
placed her hands together, index fingers extended. A small flame
appeared at her fingertips. She pointed it at Ranma. "You REALLY want
to learn it NOW?"

Heh. This is a mistake.

Never approach an irritable, busy person and ask them to do
something else immediately. ^_^

Ranma looked at the ki-flame. Somewhere at the back of her
brain, she remembered something she had read about ki-attacks, a long
time ago: they hurt VERY badly when they hit. "Or later!" she added,
backing down. "Later's fine! Really!"

Hmm. Not much happened in this one. Felt more like a set up chapter.

Yup. It's just a part of the chapter that looks like it's going
to be nearly on NETTG's size scale, unless I can figure out some
way to fix that.

I've had this problem with macroscopic chapters lately... Any
suggestions as to how to fix that?

Or do we want huge chapters?

Did
get
some nice Michi-Ranma dialogue there in the second half of this, though.

Thank you very much. That was one of the scenes I was really looking
forward to doing, so I'm glad it turned out at least marginally well
in the draft.

Prose flowed well. Nothing much more I can say.

Thanks for the review! I appreciate it.

I'll get back to work on it, then.
----------------------
Benjamin A Oliver
boliver@U.Arizona.EDU
http://rakhal.com/florestica/ben-oliver/index.html

        "We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
         We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
         Your humor will adapt to make us laugh.
         Resistance is and always has been: Futile."


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