Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Mon, 19 Aug 2002 05:18:47 +0400 "Kinnison, Myron N. AZ2(VF-103)"
<kinnisonmn@vf103.navy.mil> wrote:
C&C appreciated, flames ignored, MST's and other such ribbing taken in jest
and all good fun. (I {pitty : pity} he who cannot laugh at himself.)
Ami Mizuno was not having a very good day. It wasn't because it was
the first day of her sophomore year of high school; that didn't bother her
at all. It wasn't that her classes where particularly hard; on the contrary
they were astoundingly easy. No, what made this day so bad was seeing Ryo
with his new girlfriend Mai at lunch. She could handle being dumped, every
girl went through it at least once. But to just be dismissed, like some
serving girl. He stated no other reason than that they were simply "No
longer compatible." Like their relationship had been nothing more than some
equation {: he : they} had been working on. Even after two weeks, it still upset her to
no end and to see him today, happily accepting sashimi offered to him {from : by}
the robust little brunette made Ami want to cry out to the heavens.
The class bell rang signaling the {days : day's} end. Ami closed her physics
book and {once :} slowly headed for her locker. She filled her backpack with
the books she needed along with her journal and prepared to go home. She
closed the locker door to find Minako leaning against the other lockers.
The blonde was looking at her with a wide Cheshire grin. Beside her was
Usagi.
In most Japanese schools, all that would be in her locker would be her
outside shoes. The books would be in her classroom, satchel, or home.
The others would probably wait for her to put on her shoes before snaching
her or one of them would swap her shoes.
"I'm having a sleep over tonight, want to come?" Usagi asked.
Minako knew Ami was still feeling very down about Ryo. That's why she
caught up with Usagi at lunch and mentioned it to her. The sleep over had
been Usagi's idea though. Minako had just wanted to talk to her and see if
she was okay. She watched now as her Ami fidgeted.
You need to be especially careful to indent paragraphs since you aren't
putting an empty line between them.
The four girls headed down the steps and towards the front door. As
they turned the corner Ami froze. There in front of her, sweetly kissing
Mai beside her locker, was Ryo. He smiled at Mai, then turned and walked
away. When he saw the girls he nodded and smiled, then continued on down a
side hall as if nothing was amiss. The {Girls : girls} turned to look at Ami, She was
standing as still as a statue in the middle of them. Then, before anyone
could react, She turned and bolted away.
My understanding is that public kissing is much less common in Japan.
Perhaps they are holding hands and/or laughing together.
He was tall. Ami guessed almost six {foot : feet}. The dark blue uniform
blazer draped his athletic frame in an all-together attractive manner. He
had a gorgeous smile that was set upon a face {strait : straight} from the pages of a
shojo manga and framed with a crown of wavy, light brown hair that was
handsomely cut. But what caught Ami's attention most was his eyes. They
were soft, round and seemed to smile warmly at her. Ami found herself
starting to blush lightly.
Ami watched him as he walked up the stairs and around the corner.
She didn't even {here : hear} her friends as they caught up to her. As she shook
herself out of her daydreams, Ami turned around to find three very
mischievous looks aimed at her .
Why is he going up stairs if he is going to his ride? They were probably
already on the ground floor since Ami started at her locker.
They had never done much together{: ,} but she had enjoyed what they had
done. An errant tear slipped down her cheek. * God, why do they make these
movies so long? * She asked herself as the second tape of the movie droned
on. Finally, as her emotions threatened to get the best of her and bring
with it the torrent of tears she was forcing back with all she had, she hit
upon an idea that would allow her to step away long enough to collect
herself.
"Usagi, do mind if I borrow your computer? I need to see if anybody
replied to a post I placed {Yesterday : yesterday}."
"I do not know {Tomoe Sama : Tomoe-sama}. Perhaps the objects you fused the Daemons to
weren't strong enough." Eudial offered up.
Most of the girls were still asleep. Rei was lying across Makoto's feet,
snoring quietly, and Chibi Usa was sprawled out along the bed. Over in the
window Ami could see Artemis's prone form asleep on the windowsill. Now
mostly awake, Ami put her glasses on and headed down stairs. She found Mina
sitting in the kitchen, still in her nightshirt, watching Michiru cook
breakfast. Off in the living room she could {here : hear} Usagi on the phone with her
mom and Haruka watching highlights of last {nights : night's} soccer game and scratching
Luna behind her ears.
"Hey, isn't that the guy you bumped into yesterday?" She pointed a
few {blocks : doors : feet} down the street. Sure enough, there he stood. Looking confused
yet utterly handsome. The girls collectively swooned as they saw the boy in
question. He was dressed in tight fitting jeans that brought out the
details of his legs in very attractive ways. His white cotton dress shirt
was unbuttoned and untucked. It flowed in the slight breeze revealing a
simple black T-shirt beneath it that was stretched {taught : taut} over his
pleasingly built chest. He was standing on the corner with a small booklet
in his hand. A look of bemused confusion played across his face as he
glanced between the street signs and his book.
Eric and Ami went into the living room. He retrieved a couple of drinks
from the kitchen while she sat down and took out a note pad and a couple of
books. She was halfway through writing out a small chart when Eric
returned. For the next several hours Ami went over the basics, discovering
that he did have a grasp of Japanese fundamentals{: ,} but seemed to get lost
somewhere in the more advanced application of the language. She also
discovered through small talk that both his parents were military and
currently deployed at sea.
"[My mom is a Lieutenant in the Navy. She's stationed on an
amphibious ship in Australia. My father is a Gunnery Sergeant in the
Marines. He won't be back for another 5 months.]" Eric picked up another
slice of the pizza they had ordered earlier.
Is his father on embassy duty in Tokyo? There were some ships based in
Japan, but they were in Yokosuka and possibly Sasebo which would be a bit
distant for living in Juuban.
The next day at school, Mina, {Mako : Makoto,} and Usagi grilled Ami at lunch
for all the details of her tutoring of Eric.
Ami choked on the sandwich she was eating. "Mina! He just a
friend," {She : she} replied after regaining her composure.
"Yes, I think that I{, :} am ready." It sounded almost like a question.
Eric dialed the phone and a short time later A dinner of {Ramen : ramen}
noodles and stir-fry, was delivered by a cheerful, Chinese girl with
lavender hair.
Gratuitous Ranma reference or do all Chinese delivery girls have lavender hair?
"It hasn't changed since my last report. The probability hasn't
changed; it's still a 50-50 chance. But I think that this is still our best
shot considering how heavily guarded the other one is.
"Is that your personal opinion?" He asked.
"Based on my observations, yes." She hesitated slightly. The eggs in front
of Prof. Tomoe moved slightly. They didn't look like normal Daemon eggs.
{The : They} where slightly larger than normal, pulsing from within with dark
{enrgies : energies}. She turned and left quickly. Once alone, Tomoe smiled slightly.
He foresaw no problems with this new plan. He picked up one of the eggs and
examined it.
"We're all behind you Ami." She said with a smile. The other girls
agreed. They may have teased her about it{: ,} but they all really did want her
to be happy.
"Looks good to me." Luna replied. Normally she didn't get too
involved in this part of the {girls : girl's} lives but Usagi had mentioned that Ami
needed as much of a confidence boost as she could get so she felt she should
lend a hand, or paw as it where. Usagi stood up and walked over to her
shorthaired friend.
Ami sat back in the seat of the dark blue Honda {beat :}. She wasn't
sure of where they were going but Eric said it was a nice place that his
parents had taken him to when they first moved here. So far things were
going pretty okay. Relaxing a little, she looked over at Eric.
" I don't know Artemis. I don't think so but..." She trailed off
not sure what else to say. The two pondered for the greater part of the
evening. Each tossed up suggestions and possible theories, none of which
seemed likely. He wasn't a youma, of that much they were sure. He didn't
have an evil or malicious aura about him. He couldn't be {: a} palace guard; they
had all died when the castle fell and even if he was, Luna would have sensed
it. Yet neither could deny that Luna's feeling was not a fluke or a
coincidence. Both cats began to have an uneasy feeling about Ami's new,
bishonen boyfriend.
The restaurant was empty save the staff and two {: other} couples. She noted
one was a boy with black hair pulled back and braided and a girl with
charcoal hair cut short and close to her face. The second couple consisted
of a young man with short red hair and a girl with long black hair. Her
eyes looked overly serious for a girl so young. The jacket beside the
redheaded boy said "dorm president." Ami took in and processed all of this
without dropping her outward appearance. She smiled at Eric and answered
the question by translating a difficult kanji on the menu for him. She
excused herself and went to the restroom.
I recognize a Greenwood reference and suspect another Ranma one.
The next day the girls met after school at Usagi's house. Ami told
Usagi and the others of the daemon she saw. Luna and Artemis traded dark
looks at each other. First Eric and now {Daemons : daemons}, something was up. After
listening to everyone they all agreed to keep on their guard for the next
few days and see if anything turned up. After everyone left Ami went to
take a shower. Her mind worked busily while she washed. Something wasn't
sitting well with her, but for the life of her she didn't know what it was.
She stepped out of the shower and dried herself off.
*Does Tomoe know who we are? Or was it just coincidence that one
was there? * She wrapped the towel around herself and went back to her room.
Turning on her computer, Ami sat down and began searching her databases for
anything that might help her figure out what was up. After half an hour her
mind began to wander. This was new for Ami. Usually when she sat down to
do something she was almost single-minded in her effort to do it. Now,
however, she found her mind wandering to Eric. As hard as she tried, Eric's
face would slip into her mind, smile beaming brightly on his lips. She
blinked and shook herself out of her daydream.
I didn't think the senshi knew who Tomoe was until very near the end.
She looked at her friends. Not one had a single mark on them, not even so
much as a scratch. Feeling worried she looked back to Eric, who now stood
beside her. In the back of her mind, she could hear him reassuring her that
everything was all right, that he'd protect her. His image faded from view
like a reflection in a disturbed pool. Ami was watching as the last traces
disappeared when she noticed an enormous shadow grow from behind her. She
turned {herself :} to face the newcomer.
This is a fic I have had in my head for years. Originally it was
set in R and was a lemon between Ami and Minako. I hated the finished
product so it never saw print. About a year and a half ago as I was
wrestling with {writers : writer's} block on my {ranma : Ranma} fic (admit it, we all have at least
one {ranma : Ranma} fic, it's mandatory.) when my friend Sarah (Kitty_Cat_Luna)
suggested I start on something new to take my mind off of it. I did and
this is the result. I took my old story and stripped out all of the things I
hated. Once done I realized that I had the decent makings of a story. With
prompting from {kitty : Kitty} I started writing for no other reason than to see {were : where}
the story was going to go in my head. I hope you enjoy it. My marriage and
my career in the {Military : Navy : military} have made for some slow writing every now and
again but here it finally is, ready for mass consumption. (Though Antacids
may be required.)
I chose to break up Ryo and Ami because after the two episodes I saw
with him in {it : them} I decided somebody as sweet and adorably cute as Ami does NOT
deserve to have such a neglective boyfriend. But then again this is just
chapter one...
Thanks to all of my pre-readers for helping me out with my {hidious : hideous}
{grammer : grammar} (espec. My wife Christy and Larry F for being the "{grammer : grammar} Nazis"
that they were). This story wouldn't be half as readable without you guys.
Big thanks to Kitty_Cat_Luna for keeping me driven to write as well
and to AZ2 Donald Hederson for allowing me to steal off with his laptop so
many times. Thanx guys. You all were a huge help. And last but {absolutly : absolutely}
not least, Naoko Takeuchi for providing us all with such a rich and
wonderful story in {wich : which} to let our imaginations wander.