Despite a desperate struggle to contain my pet (insert clip of
crocodile hunter rolling in the swamp water with crocodile)
the story has grown larger than I planned.  Therefore:

Moving right along - an explanation for the expanding fanfic theory:

Owed to The Fanfic Salesman
(because the first person
   to buy it is the author ;)

"Just sixteen chapters,"
   the fic salesman said when I'd begun
"Only sixteen payments
   and your fanfic will be done."
I should have known right then
   he was lyin' like a dog,
Cause now it's seventeen chapters
   and an epilog!

Welcome to the next-to-the-next-to-the-last chapter of
Ashes.  It has been fun, though slow.  Now we get to the
funner part.  :)

James and the Bluejay
jeeades@wanderway.com
Earlier chapters at http://www.wanderway.com/cinder/ashes.htm


Disclaimer at end of chapter:  In addition, no gerbils have been
harmed in the writing of this fanfic - especially since they have
developed their own school of martial arts:  gerbil-fu.


                     ASHES - A Cinderella Story

                          Chapter Fifteen

                  As Your Last Chance Slips Away



   The pattern's all, I'm telling you
   Doesn't matter if you're blue
   Your heart sashays in between
   We'll cut a rug with old Fifteen.


I CAN'T GET NEXT TO YOU:

In a tiny garden in Nerima, which was a tiny part of Tokyo, which
was a tiny part of Japan, which was a tiny part of the Earth,
which was a tiny part of the Solar System, which was a tiny part
of...you get the picture...a tiny portal appeared.  Out of the
portal struggled a very peeved demoness.

"I can't believe how much trouble it was to get back to this
place!  You'd think those jokers in their pearl palaces upstairs
had the place guarded!  I swear I wasn't this weak as a
youngster!"

Mara dumped an armload of her beloved gimmicks onto the garden
path and selected a Sniffer from the mound.  She switched it on
and remarked with satisfaction, "Ah! There he is, broadcasting
loud and clear, very excited.  If he keeps that up, I'll find him
again, easily!"

She was not so successful with another device, a compact
formation of cloud molecules which skittered away from her when
she tried to board it.  "Curse my youthful condition!" she
railed.  "I no longer have the concentrated will to control this
blasted thing!"
 
An inventory of her remaining tools improved her outlook. "This
holding tank is for my prize," she crooned, cuddling a blank wad
of dark stone. "Power-ups, in case of emergencies; snoops, to
watch out for those meddling goddesses; and best of all, my
secret weapon!"  She lifted a radio permanently tuned to a
24-hour polka station.

"Am I ready!  Of course I'm ready!"

Her demonic laugh was interrupted by the sniffer.

"Eh?  He's disappeared again!  Wait!  This time he's left a
single spark of activity, which I can trace!"

The trace signature on the screen caught her eye and she looked
at it sharply. "Odd," she said. "That spark reminds me of
something I seen before...I can't believe it!  He's created a
magic wand!  What kind of a pig IS this?"




YOUNG GIRL (Get Out of My Mind):

At the school ground, Nabiki was bargaining with Hiroshi and
Daisuke when they heard music blaring from a loudspeaker.  A
group of students charged by, wearing sideburns, scarves and
sequined uniforms.  Across the school ground rolled a clangorous
refrain from the speakers:

   "You've asked me what I want to do,
   you've wondered from the start...."

"Now, that's new," mused Nabiki.

"Ahh, that's heavenly music!" exulted Daisuke.  Nabiki merely
raised an eyebrow at him, indicating her opinion of his taste.

"Yeah, the competition," growled Hiroshi, too immersed in his own
woes to offer more, as the loudspeaker began again.

   "I'll tell you what I know is true,
   I have to win your heart!"

"Who _are_ those students?" Nabiki wondered.

"Members of the Furenken Rock'n Roll Club," Daisuke supplied.
"They gather at break times to admire rock and roll songs."

   "Oh, I want to be a rock star!
   That's all I've got to say...."

Hiroshi jerked about, wiping his sleeves and shirt front in near
panic.  Seeing Nabiki and Daisuke staring at him, he stopped and
gave them a rueful grin.

"What's gotten into you?" Daisuke asked.  "They're just playing
Rock Cliff's new song!  I have it on tape here, if you want to
listen.  It's the one he put out trying regain his lead from you
and Primrose."

"Your lead is safe."  Nabiki shuddered.

"Sorry," Hiroshi said, straightening his belt and regaining his
composure.  "That what I used to say whenever I wanted to turn
into Cinderella, 'I want to be a rock star.'"

Daisuke chewed his lip and said, "You're taking a chance, telling
me that, old pal.  Aren't you afraid I'll use it on you?"

"Doesn't work anymore," Hiroshi said glumly. "Thanks to Basho."

   "`Cause if I was a rock star,
   we could Rock and Roll, all day!"

Nabiki eyed him as the loudspeaker sputtered into silence.  She
said, "So, this Basho is solving your problems, too?  What do you
use to turn into Cinderella, now?"

"I'm not saying," Hiroshi said, while turning a pale magenta.

"Man!  Who's the little cutie?" Daisuke pointed over Nabiki's
shoulder.

A chill fled down Nabiki's spine when she saw a young blond girl
picking her way across the school-yard, using an enigmatic,
dead-black device to plot her course.  It was leading the girl
directly to them.

"I'm not sure," Nabiki said, stirring uneasily.  "She looks
familiar, yet...."

Hiroshi was also watching the girl and he, too, had seen
something about her to make him uneasy.  He slapped Daisuke on
the back and joshed, "She's too young for you, Dummy!"

"Hey, you gotta plan ahead!  She's going to remember the guys who
make a good impression on her.  Let me tell you,in a few years
that is going to be one very hot chick!"

Recognition had flared in Nabiki's eyes and she began to breath
faster, an ancient reaction developed by humans to deal with
danger - fight or flight.  

"Underclassman, you have no idea _how_ hot,"  she said.

The girl kept coming, head down, until she bumped into Nabiki.
Jumping back, she shouted angrily, "It's you! Curse you and your
sea-water, anyway!"

"This ought to be good," Nabiki drawled. "Haven't I seen you
before, say, in a black cloud?  What's your name?"

"My name is Mara, and you've interfered for the last time!  Now,
I'll...." the underaged demoness stopped to stare at the lump of
metal in her hand, which had begun whistling.  She blinked and
took a good look at Nabiki.

"You!...you've had the wand!" she shrieked.  She dropped the lump
of metal to the grass and reached toward Nabiki.  "Give it to me!
That thing is mine, I tell you!  Mine, mine, mine! I have to have
it!  It's the only thing that'll shorten my durance vile!"

"'Durance Vile'?" asked Daisuke.  "Is that a new group?"

"It means....," Mara blinked at him.  "Say, you look kinda cute."

Daisuke, taken aback, looked to Hiroshi for support. "I look
cute?" he asked.

"No comment," Hiroshi said, backing warily away.

"But I don't have time for that!" Mara dismissed Daisuke and
focused her attention on Nabiki.  "Where is it?  Where IS it?"

Nabiki folded her arms and replied stonily, "I certainly don't
have anything magical." 

"That wand is mine!  I deserve it for what he did to me!  This is
all his fault!  It is because of him I am so limited, so
confined, so...so...."

"So immature?" Nabiki suggested.

"Yes, I am so y...WHAT DID YOU SAY?"  Mara bounced up and down in
anger.  "I want it!  Why don't you have it?"

"Do I really look cute?" Daisuke called.

Mara stopped her tirade long enough to wrinkle her pert nose at
him and snort, "Well, sort of.  Average cute."

"Ouch," said Hiroshi.

Mara shrugged and turned away.  Suddenly, she pointed and
shouted, "Now, there is CUTE!"

"Uh-oh," Nabiki said.  While Mara's attention was elsewhere, she
scooped up the Sniffer, wound up and threw it as hard as she
could, like a shot put.  The dead-black device arced over onto
the concrete sidewalk where it bounced, shattered into smaller
lumps and melted into the ground.

Akane brushed past Mara, calling back over her shoulder, "Fine!
Just see if I care!"

"Problems?" Daisuke asked Ranma, who was following.

"stupid tobboy coog," whispered Ranma in a tiny voice.

Akane raised her own voice to a yell, "I even followed the
recipe!  You see how much good it did?  You still won't eat
anything I make!"

"I can't believe it," gasped Daisuke. "Ranma, sampling the
goods?"

Ranma replied heatedly, although in a very small voice, "id said
coog in aluminum!  not alum!"

"Oooo!  Muscles!  You're cute!" Ranma's outburst was choked off
by a squealing young girl who was clinging to his neck.  He froze
in panic as Akane drew near.

"Isn't he a little old for you?"  Akane frostily demanded.

"You should be back in your middle school, Honey," Ukyo said.
She had been on her way to class when she stopped to lend a hand.

With Akane's help, Ukyo pulled Mara gently loose from Ranma and
deposited her a safe distance away.  They guided Ranma toward a
drinking fountain where they could try to wash off the alum
pucker without triggering his curse.

Nabiki dashed away, searching for the place where Akane had
dragooned Ranma into tasting her cooking.  Daisuke and Hiroshi
continued on toward their first classes, leaving a blond waif
standing lonesome and unfulfilled in the middle of the school
grounds.

"I'll get you both for this!" shrilled Mara.  "You haven't heard
the end of me!  I'll...."  She sputtered to silence as she
spotted a far-off wandering samurai sauntering along the path,
his trusty kendo blade ready should a heroic rescue become
necessary.  The threat in her voice evaporated into a thrilled,
"...Ooooooo! Tall! Dark! Handsome!"

"It is beneath a samurai's dignity to consort with juveniles,"
spake Tatewaki Kuno as he beheld her adolescent face shining
with puppy love.  "Still, I am touched by your devotion.  For
your memoirs, I shall deign to part with this monogrammed
kerchief.  You may crush it against your scant bosom, cherishing
it until that far day when your winsome gawkiness might somehow
blossom into a radiant beauty!"

Mara melted, sighing, "Oh, Studly Sir!  I shall adore this cloth
as if it were a lump of flesh ripped from your heart!"

"Er...right," Kuno blinked.  He recovered to murmur, "Truly, t'is
but a gesture of noblese oblige."  As he paced away, he kept a
wary eye on her lest she follow, but she was too smitten to move.
Mara only stared after him with hearts in her eyes.  Eventually,
she turned to look for her Sniffer, but it could not be found.

The traveling samurai wandered on until he happened upon a
deserted picnic site.  "Ah!" he exclaimed, "A sublime feast and,
by the duck painted on the side of the bento, prepared by the
beauteous Akane!  Surely she has been practicing her culinary
arts in anticipation of the day she can present me with her
greatest achievements!

"Dare I take a peremptory taste, with the chance that I might
lessen the wondrous surprise she has planned for me?" The noble
samurai debated, then decided, "Yes, I should prepare my palate
for the future ecstasy which shall be mine!"

"id is eggslent," he shortly continued, in a whisper.  "although
pr'haps in need of a smidgeon of seasoning.  (coff)  but hold?
what is this?  a tender note, a blushing poem which she were too
shy to deliver personally?  (hackhack)"

Holding up the plastic wafer and observing its fanciful designs,
he continued, "but no!  'tis merely a child's playing card, a
commercial buffoonery to gull wayward youths into squandering
their coin!  rubbish!  my darling akane would not be attracted by
such frivolity!  (wheeze)  this came from that wretch saotome,
who was hovering about my princess!"

And, so saying, he flung the card to the winds.

Caught by a thermal, tossed by the breeze, the colorful rectangle
fluttered along, leaving in its wake an echo of birdsong and
bellchime, until it settled at last onto the branches of a tree.

A hand reached up to lift it from the palm branches, and a voice
spoke, "Wot's dis?  I do believe my old peepers gotta be
deceivin' me if dis ain't a gen-you-wine tradin' card fo de
Magical Slipper game!  Why, dis t'ing is valuable!  It be de
perfect prize fo de talent contest dat I'm about to announce!"




HIROSHI (Do you Believe in Magic?):

Daisuke poked me in the ribs and said, "Hey, Hiroshi!  How's your
girl friend?"

"I saw her again, last night, but it was only a dream.  We were
at the airport and she kept crying and saying goodbye."

"Dream lover, eh?  Woowoo!"

"It's not like that!  I lo...like her, that's all!"

"All right, underclassmen!  Be quiet and pay attention!" Nabiki
said from behind us.

"What for?  Old Hawaiian Breath just has another scheme to
embarrass Ranma," I said, looking about the gym floor. The gym
was in 'auditorium' mode with seats pulled out and lined up in
front of the stage.  Students were sitting in those seats and,
supposedly, paying attention.

I looked again.  They _were_ staring at the stage.  In shock.  I
glanced back over my shoulder at Nabiki.

"A talent contest?  To see who gets to sing the new school song?"
Nabiki asked as if unsure what she had heard.

"That's what the principal said," Daisuke replied.

She shuddered.  "I've heard his song.  Believe me, you don't want
to be so lucky."

"Bad?"

"Awful.  'I worship each grain of sand upon which you stand. My
precious school, how wonderful your buildings shine with the
unrepressed adoration of us, your students, as we project our
faithful hearts toward your noble, sun-struck goal, the pinnacle
of our hearts yearning.'"

"Man!" Daisuke blinked.

"Yup." She nodded.

"You said it.  Bad song."

"You don't know the half of it.  That was only the first line."

"Aloha, Kiekes and Wahines!  We gonna do a good job on de
wunnerful new school song!  We gonna have us a bodashus contest,
and it be fo' de wahines, only!"  There was a general round of
applause from the male students.  "And da wahine wot sings de
greates' gets de gran' prize!"

"And what is that?" Ranma called from nearby.

"Dis 'yere bona fido 'Magical Slipper' game playing card! It say
it good for t'ree wishes!"

"That's mine!  Gimmegimmegimme!" cried the young girl named Mara.

Principal Kuno looked down toward the source of the outburst and
said, "Well, lookie here who we got!  You be de kieke, and I be
the big kahuna, here!  Dis here be a prize fo' de talent contest.
De student wat win the contest gets dis playin' card, but you
ain't no student!"

"That is no ordinary game card, you fool!  It's magic, and it's
MINE!" Mara made a gesture and pointed toward the stage, as if
throwing something.  There was a tiny puff and a whiff of sulfur.
"Blast it!" she growled to herself, "My powers are weakened!"

"Who's the chick?" inquired an observing student.

"Somebody's little sister.  Sure has a temper," replied another
student.

"Yeah, but she's cute!"

"Every girl's cute to you, Loser-kun!"

"Dis little gal say de card be magic!" announced Kuno.  "How we
find out it if dis be true?"

"I'll prove it!" cried Mara, jumping up and down.  "I'll show
you!  I know just the thing to wish for!"

"A magic card?" Akane wondered out loud.

"It's gotta be a phoney," said Ranma.

"But still - imagine what you could do if it were real!  You
could get rid of your curse!"

"First, look who has it," Ranma pointed out.  "Anything that
chump has his hands on is rigged.  Second, nothing says it's
really magic."

"Dat right!" Principal Kuno called and again asked, "How we gonna
prove dis card be magic?"

"Make a wish, you idiot!  That'll prove it!" cried Mara, bouncing
up and down in the aisle.

"Wot I wish for?" mused the principal, "I t'ink I wish dat...."

"No!" cried the audience, frantically.

"Wot?"

The audience roared, "No!  Don't wish for that!"

"But - why can't the big kahuna get to wish for wot he want?"

"It makes it too easy, ya big lunkhead!" shouted Ranma.  "Admit
it.  Ya wanta chop off everybody's hair.  But, if everyone gave
in without a fight, where would be the challenge?"

"Hmmm.  Dat's so," admitted the principal, fingering the card.
"But first, we gonna prove dis card be magic or not!  I wish we
was on da beach!"

Immediately the floor became white sand with waves curling upon the
shore.  Palm trees waved gently in the breeze.  Ukulele music
played softly over tables groaning with platters of fresh fruit,
nuts, poi and roast fish.

"What th -" Ranma stood, transfixed.  "We're actually on a beach!
Could he be telling the truth?"

Nabiki, tasting the lemonade from a cocoanut cup, said, "What's
the matter, Akane?  You're practically foaming at the mouth."

"What's the matter?  He has a real magic card!  He could do
anything!  He could stop crime or end poverty!  Why didn't he
even do something useful, like repairing the school buildings?
Oh, no, not our principal!  He has to have a luau!"

"The only thing I see wrong with the arrangement is, he has it
and I don't," Nabiki replied with furrowed brow.  She took a sip
of the lemonade and made a face.  "He fulfils the requirements,
too."

"If it's really magic, I can be cured!" Ranma said.  The wheels
were going around in his head, in typical Ranma fashion, doing
martial arts spins and whirls, as he speculated aloud, "If I
could get that card, I could free myself of the curse!"

"Oh, it's real enough, Ranma," Nabiki grumbled.  "I know that for
a fact.  What I don't understand is how he found it."

"You knew about it?" Ranma turned on her. "You had a way to cure
me and you didn't tell me?  How'd you get it?"

"Hey, easy!" Nabiki fended him off, "It's not that simple!  To
tell you about it, I would have had to reveal who gave it to me.
What kind of a girl do you think I am?"

"A money grabber!" Ranma retorted instantly.

"Well, I value my sources."  Nabiki held out a hand.  "Fifty
thousand yen, please."

Ranma raged, even as he went through his pockets, "Whaddya mean?
Why should I pay you fifty thousand yen?"

"For the name of the person who gave me the wish card, of
course."

"You know I don't have that much!"

"Oh.  Well.  Guess you'll never know, then.  Wouldn't do much
good, anyway.  He's no longer in the business."

It was my turn to accost her.  "Is this true?" I demanded,
shoving aside the empty palm she displayed.  "What do you mean,
'no longer in the business?'"

"Hey, Hiroshi!" Ranma called, "Don't worry about it!  This ain't
yer concern.  Nice to see ya show some spine, though."

"Do you mind, Ranma?" Nabiki turned a disdainful eye toward him.
"This is a private conversation!"  To me, she said, "Standard
rates?"

I turned my pockets inside out, thinking fast.  The plan I had
counted on, such as it was, had been to find a way to free Kidori
using Ryoga's aid.  After that, I expected to be able to have my
'wish' revoked.

However, If Ryoga was no longer able to grant wishes, then Kidori
might be forever lost to the ghost in the mask, I might be stuck
as Cinderella, and I would lose all chance of having a
girlfriend. I was selfish enough to wonder which disaster loomed
largest in my mind.  "I'm broke!" I said, at last remembering our
contract, "But I am still your client!"

"Seeing as how this is pertinent to our contract...Rats.  There
went my profit.  I was hoping you'd forget that," she said.
"Okay, here's the skinny.  Basho switched him off."

"Basho."  My heart was in quicksand.  Sinking.  If Basho had
actually `cured' Ryoga of the ability to grant wishes, then there
was no way I could get free of my curse.  "That's it," I said as
I slumped to the ground. "I'm doomed.  I can't save Kidori.  I'm
stuck as a transvestite!"

"We gonna have a luau later!" called Principal Kuno.  "I wish us
back to Furenken!"  The walls of the gymnasium thumped into
being, leaving after-images of sparkling waves and clouds in the
dim fluorescent light.

"Is that thunder I hear?" asked a student.  "Where's Little
Kuno?"




HIROSHI (Kind of a Drag):

Nabiki placed a hand in front of my face to stop me, forcing me
to realize that I had been going in circles - first toward the
boy's lockers, then the girl's lockers, then back toward the
stage.

"Do you have a problem?" she asked, "You're making me dizzy."

"I have to turn into Cinderella!" I said.

"Thank you for that staggering revelation," Nabiki replied. "Why
does this make you spin around?"

"I can't simply walk into the girl's locker room!  I can go to
the boy's locker room, but I can't be there after I change!  I
can't change out in the open because I only know one phrase that
works and it...well, my costume is indecent."

Her grin was wide.  "You mean, you appear in your underwear?"

"I thought you weren't paying attention!"

"No prob.  Ten thousand yen, since this is not covered," she
said, holding out a girl's gym suit and pointing toward a nearby
shelter.  "You can owe me."

"I can do this," I told myself, slipping behind the curtain at
the end of the stage.  "After all, nothing is gained without
sacrifice.  If I can get the wish card, Kidori can be saved!"

I slipped behind the curtain and said the necessary words, 'legal
briefs'.  The curtain billowed out with a gust of air.  This was
the first time I had actually changed clothes at less than
supersonic speeds while transformed.  When I emerged, I wore a
blue girl's gym outfit and a blazing scarlet face because I had
made the mistake of looking down at the wrong time.

At least the curtain didn't disappear when I poofed.

As Cinderella, my awareness increased tenfold.  I saw someone
familiar entering the gym.  It was Mom and Pops, trailed by
Hainoko, heading straight for the stage.  I was trapped.  I
hurried to Nabiki and blurted, "I have to slip away!  Do
something to attract their attention until I can reach an exit!"

"Moi?  And why should I do that?"

"I'm trying to convince them I am an ordinary girl!  They think
that I'm haunting myself!"

"Given the circumstances," mused Nabiki, "that almost makes
sense."

"Help me, willya?" I snapped.  "Quit stalling!"

"I reiterate - why should I do that?"

I sighed.  "More money?"

"That _might_ lend some inspiration to my creativity."

"Okay!  I'll owe you another ten thousand yen!  Go distract
them!"

"My brain is working already," she said with a tight smile. "I
have the perfect wardoff."

I called her back. "I just got a very bad feeling," I said. "What
were you going to tell him?"

"Oh, only that you are ovulating right now and didn't want to be
disturbed."  Nabiki stopped in thoughtful silence and added,
"That's a very interesting shade of deep red.  I don't think I've
ever seen anyone's face turn that color."

"You're crazy!  Never mind!  I'll escape without your help!"

"Does that mean you won't pay me my ten thou?"

"When hell freezes over!"  I felt a finger prodding my shoulder
and turned to find Pops staring at me.  He looked at his
fingertip and pushed my shoulder again.

"Hey, this gal's real!" Pops said.

"Don't prod her, Dear," Mom said.

"She ain't a ghost!  We were wrong all along! You realize what
this means?"

"Yes, Dear."

"It means my boy's a real stud!  Lookit that chick!  Ain't she a
beaut?"

"She is lovely, Father.  What _is_ your name, child?"

"Cinderella." I simpered and struck a kawaii pose, trying to be
sweet, charming and inoffensive.  I even giggled.  There is no
bottom when you set out to deceive the ones you love.




HIROSHI (Too Late to Turn Back Now, Mama Told Me Not to Come):

I raised my voice to announce, "I am entering the contest!"
Suddenly I was noticed and eager students pushed me onto the
stage.

"Wait!" cried Ranma, "I still don't trust th'old bastard!  I
ain't decided, yet!"  Akane unceremoniously poured a glass of
cold water over him and Ranma-chan grumbled, "I guess I decided."

"Den come on up!" Principal Kuno called.

"Just a minute!"

"Who dat say, 'just a minit'?" called the principal.

Akane struggled through the crowd surrounding the stage.  "I'm
entering, too!" she cried.

"Why are you doing this?" Ranma-chan gruffed as Akane stood
between us.

Akane gave him a sweet smile.  "Because I've heard you sing."

"I don't sound that bad!"

"No, you sound very good...as long as you have someone to back
you up."

"Hmmph! I suppose you think you can do better?" Ranma-chan
crossed her arms and looked away, "Besides, y'ain't got the chest
for it."

"I do too!" Akane glared, then restrained herself. "This is
important, Ranma!  No matter which one of us wins, we'll both
make the same wish!  And after all...it _is_ singing, and I've
had more training in singing than you have."

"Don't mean you'll win!  I'm gonna be goin' all out!"

"Good!  Maybe this time you'll take me seriously!"

"Kanes!  Wahines!  Dis does my old heart good...." The
principal's announcement broke into their rapport.

"He has a heart?" Ranma-chan muttered under her breath.

"...cause I got anuddah prize fo' the winnah!  An' dats the
reason de contest is fo' de wahines, only!"

A curtain slid aside.  Basking in the glare of the spotlight was
the tall, handsome scion of a long list of glorious ancestors,
the epitome of perfection in kendo skills, resplendent in his
nobility.

"I refuse to be slopped off like a mere token in a bagatelle!"
snarled Takewaki.

"An' de winnah gets to date my bodashus son!"

"Never!" cried Takewaki, "Again, I refuse!  I will not be...my
fair Akane?  My precious Pig-tailed girl?  The mysterious but
alluring Blue Venus?"

"Argggh!" cried three female voices as one.

"My Akane!" cried Tatewaki.  As he rushed to grab her, Akane
responded with a dropkick.  To our surprise, Kuno landed on his
feet, still on the stage.

Tatewaki turned his attention to the next selection on his menu.
"Pig-tailed Girl!"

Ranma-chan leaped to meet him, feet-first.  Tatewaki's backward
somersault dropped him upright and ready to lavish his noble
affection upon his third choice.

"How'd he do that?" Ranma wondered.

"With my protective auto-stabilization guard!" announced the
youthful blond girl we had seen earlier.  She swung onto the
stage beside Kuno and indicated a device attached to Tatewaki's
belt.  "No one shall harm a hair on my...."

She stopped to stare at me.  She screeched, "I've seen you
before!  You're responsible for my condition!  You will pay for
that!"

"Mara?" I asked, "Do I know you?" I looked closer and felt my
warning senses going ballistic.  Oh, yes.  Add a gray mop of
hair, a sagging monstrosity of a face, and a couple of hundred
years, and you had her.  A demoness.  The hairs on the back of my
neck prickled in alarm.

Tatewaki had his own agenda.  He shrugged her off and came toward
me, calling, "My Mystery Girl!"

"Harlot!" shrilled the demoness as she tried to hold him back,
"How dare you trifle with the affections of my darling
Tatewaki-chan?  I shall never forgive you!"

"Darling...." Ranma-chan halted, stunned.

"...Tatewaki-chan?" Akane finished her exclamation.

"I thought she had the hots for Saotome," Nabiki added.

"My adorable Blue Venus!  Know this, that I, Tatewaki Kuno, the
peril of Furenken High Kendo and also of an azure disposition,
the Blue Thunder, adore thee.  I love you, my mysterious
darling!"

"Try and dodge this spell, you sweetheart stealing bimbo!" the
demoness shouted.  She threw something at me which looked like
smoke and smelled like burnt insulation.

"Ack!"  Now I knew what it was like to be zapped by Miss Hinako.
My arms were leaden.  I could hardly stand.  I was in trouble.
There was no way I could enter the competition in my weakened
state.

As I drooped there, a strange, dumpy little lady pushed past me
onto the stage.  "I warned you!" She yelled at Nabiki, and began
throwing white rectangles out over the audience.  "These were
'borrowed' from your purse, last night, while you were feeding
your face!  Now, you'll both pay!"  The dumpy woman laughed as
she pointed at me.

Yup.  I was in trouble, big time.  As puny as she was, she could
whip me with one finger.  But, surely she didn't expect me to
fight her!

She didn't.  My problems doubled as two mounds of lard and muscle
bounded onto the stage and uttered their war cry.

"Aha!  And now we have you!"

"I'm toast," I whimpered.

It was a good thing that my superbly conditioned body could
absorb an enormous amount of pain, because my superbly
conditioned body was absorbing an enormous amount of pain.

The sumo brothers slung me from one end of the stage to the
other.  They swatted me back and forth like a badminton
shuttlecock.  They shot hoops with me.  Then they flipped me
disdainfully off to the side, gave each other high-fives, and
swaggered off the stage in triumph.

I wound up lying on my back, my head hanging over the edge of the
stage, wondering why no one was watching the massacre.

They were all looking at photographs, while Nabiki was yowling
under her breath about 'revenge'.

Daisuke pounced on one photo and exclaimed, "There's a cute
redhead - I thought so!  Ranma-chan!  What a figure!  She looks
great!"

Another student cried, "Shampoo, by the beach!  What a doll,
VavaVoom!"

Third student: "Do people actually say 'Vavavoom' any more?"

Yet another: "Of course not, you idiot!  This is hyperbole!"

Third student, looking around: "But, I don't see her anywhere in
the gym!"

Another student: "Even Nabiki looks good!  And Akane-chan,
sunbathing - hubbahubba!"

Yet another: "See?  I rest my case."

Daisuke: "Who's the blonde?  Nice bod, the face is hidden, but
that's about all.  Man, she's underdressed!"

Another student: "That's the skimpiest bikini I've EVER seen!
She's nearly naked!"

I sneezed, feeling a chill which did not come from air
conditioning.

"Yo!" came an upside down voice, and an upside-down Ranma-chan
leaned up at me.  "Did'ya want me to lend a hand?"

"Naw," I wheezed.  "I had everything under control."

"Why didn'cha just blast'em?"

"Too weak.  I got zapped by a spell."

"Oh.  Funny, y'got chi rollin' offa ya.  You could'a
'matabashiki-ed' them!  All ya needed was the confidence."

I groaned and tried to lift my hand.  My fist fell to the stage
floor with a thump.  "I'm a little low on that, right now,"  I
said.

An upside down Basho appeared and glowered happily at me. "Master
Hiroshi!" he exclaimed, "I have succeeded!  You need never have
to worry about inadvertent changeover again!"

"I don't have to - what?"

"Watch!"

 -poof-

I lost no time in getting upright and checking myself out.  I was
male, in a boy's uniform underneath the gym shorts which I
hastily removed.  Full strength, which was not much, but it was
all mine.

"What have you done?" I wailed.

"Oh, there is no need to thank me," Basho said as he preened
himself.  "I merely used a proscribed method to protect you from
loose words, but it was for a good cause!"

"You've got to change me back!  I have to save Kidori!"

He gave me a scandalized look.  "But that's impossible!" he said,
"I never learned that portion.  Besides, why would you want
something that is obviously not good?"

"Hiroshi-chan!"

"Mom?"

"Darling, what is this?  I never realized that you were
interested in this kind of a girl!"  Mom was holding up one of
the pictures of me in a bikini.

"Heh.  What kind of a girl, Mom?"

"Why, a career girl, Hiroshi-chan!  This changes everything!  Of
course you have my permission to date her!"

"You'll never see her again," I said, with such a stricken look
on my face that Hainoko guessed the awful truth.  "Basho took her
away," I elaborated.

"That girl was Hiroshi," said Hainoko.  I didn't object.  No
point in hiding the truth, now that it was all over.

"Why, dear!" Mom said to her, "I didn't realize you wanted to go
into acting!  You have such an imagination!  But you must
emphasize the right word when you want to make the audience
believe a line like that.  You should say, 'That girl WAS
Hiroshi.' See?"

"But it's true!" Hainoko said, looking to me for support.  I
nodded at her, feeling miserable.  "Hiroshi changed into her!  It
was a wish!"

Mom hugged her.  "My dear Hainoko!  You'll become an actress
yet!"

"I don't wanna be an actress," Hainoko grumbled as she struggled
to get free.  "I want to be an accountant."




GIMME THAT OL' TIME ROCKN'ROLL:

On the stage, life went on.  Principal Kuno was saying, "And de
theme o' de contest be 'South Sea Serenade'!"

"We are the Furenken Rock and Roll Club!"  A small but strident
group of students pushed forward to announce, "We demand equal
time!"

The spokesperson was dressed in a sequined shirt, tight pants,
and a scarf.  He struck a pose, pointing at the ceiling with an
exaggerated hip projection as he said, "Too long has our glorious
artform been ignored!  It is time for beautiful music to flood
once more upon the land!  The theme of the show should be
Rockn'roll, and we believe that's true!"

"Hokay, den!  De theme of the show be Rockn'Roll!  Along wid a
Hawaiian Luau, wid the girls in grass skirts!  It gonna be a
martial arts rock'nroll luau!"

"All RIGHT!" crowed Ranma-chan.  "Martial arts!  I'm sure to win,
now!"

"But that's absurd!"  ranted the purist spokes-Elvis, "You can't
mix ukuleles with steel guitars!  It simply isn't done!"

"Er...there was Blue Hawaii," mentioned one of the lesser Elvi.

"The King never wore a grass skirt!" frothed the leader, "It's an
abomination of the beauty and purity of our art!"

"Is he talking about Rock and Roll?" someone else asked.

"Yes," cried the head of the Elvi.  "I mean the sacred R&R!  Not
the sweaty, physically brutal act of mayhem these martial artists
perform!"

The first student scratched his head. "There's a difference?"

The head Elvis screamed, "You will not find another girl who
would stoop to defile our glorious artform!  No one will agree!"

A purple-haired beauty puffed into the auditorium, dropped her
bike at the door and collapsed into a seat.  She roused enough to
shout, "Shampoo agree!  Shampoo beat anyone, anytime!  Will help
Airen, no matter what!"  Aside, she asked, "What Shampoo just
agree to do?"  There was a hushed murmur as Rock and Roll was
explained, then she continued in a smaller voice, "Oh.  That
anything like log fighting?"

"Count me in, too, Sugar!" called Ukyo.

"Hokay!  I got one more wish comin'!" Principal Kuno cried.

"He'll ruin everything!" cried Mara. "I'll have to throw
everything I can into this spell!" She reached deep within her
teenaged being to find the rigid discipline to project a final
link to the card, as the principal spoke one more time.

"An' now, my kiekes and kanes - th' moment we bin waitin' for!
Da Big Kahuna say, 'I wish we have some bodashus music fo' de big
contest!' Th' contest...." Principal Kuno stopped, cleared his
throat, and tried again, "...gonna be danced and pranced by
de...de... de Primrose Path!  Come on down!"

Mara closed her eyes and shuddered.  "So close!" she whispered.

The center of the stage was obscured by a thick, soft explosion
of white smoke.  Out of the clouds came the wail of a tortured
guitar, the glissando shimmer of an inspired synthesizer and the
staccato tromp of snare and kettle drums.

Through the billows, Guapo looked out over the audience.  She
called, "Hey, man.  Like, where are we?"

"Furenken High," Jupooku replied, not unsettled at all.

"Bitchin'!" decided Guapo.  She ran the rims on her drums and the
group swung into a rousing rendition of 'Peppermint Twist'.

Mara stared at her bouncing feet in horror.  "Not again!" she
wailed, "I'm immune to disco, now!"

"This ain't disco!" called Guapo, "It's...."

"...it's Rockn'Roll!" A team of scarved, sideburned, and sequined
dancers leaped onstage to finish her statement,
 
"Arrrgghhhh!" cried Mara as she Twisted across the stage.

"Who appointed her to the entertainment committee?" wondered the
first student.

Among the remainder of the students, the reaction was not nearly
so laid back. Pandemonium reigned as students pressed toward the
stage to enter the contest.

"Dis' card too dangerous to leave lying around," Principal Kuno
was heard to say.  "I gotta find some place to lock it away, some
place REAL safe!"

Jupooku hit a bass chord, the drums thumped, cymbals whispered
and then the music stopped.

All conversations ceased and a deathly quiet fell upon the
audience, as a lone figure mounted the stage platform and
addressed the principal.

"I would enter the contest!"

Hiroshi stood in numbed shock, weak and useless, unable to help.
All he could do was choke back a sob and a silent question -

"Kidori?"




END:  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Disclaimer:  The talented and beautiful Rumiko Takahashi and Viz
and a whole bunch more have dibs on Ranma et al, Fujishima
Kousuke and Animeigo take credit for associating Urd of Norse
mythology with kawaii features and a computer engineering degree,
Cinderella is an old fairy tale, which leaves me with Hainoko and
Kidori, who are derivative and probably belong to everyone. Basho
belongs to himself.  No reference to any present or past singing
group, rock star, entertainer, or agent is intended.  Not to
worry, since I don't intend to make any money off this, anyway.

Partial list of name-droppings:
*I Can't Get Next to You, sung by The Temptations
*Young Girl, sung by The Union Gap, featuring Gary Puckett
*Do You Believe in Magic, sung by The Lovin' Spoonful
*Kind of a Drag, sung by The Buckinghams
*Too Late to Turn Back Now, by Cornelius Brothers & Sister Rose
*Mama Told Me Not to Come, sung by Three Dog Night









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