I'd like to thank everyone who's sent in C&C. I appreciate it.

you're welcome...I think.

However, on another note: The URL listed in my sig is not, repeat, not my 
website. It belongs someone else and is there as part of the attribute for 
the qoute. However, I do reccomend going to said URL if you have a few hours

to kill.

roger that.

My website does not yet exist.

Same here.

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is the creation of Naoko Takeuchi and all such
rights 
belong to her. No money is being made from this and no such intent should be

infferred.

What about insult? (Not that I can talk. Once my SM fic is posted I'm

pretty sure I'm going to meat with an unfortunate Yakuza accident thanks to
Ms. Takeuchi.

###
Amy Lynn went to bed at around ten at night and rose with the sun. It was, 
she had concluded some time ago, the most efficient use of her time. She did

not waste time lying in bed, but rather immediately gathered her things and 
marched down the hall to the tub, which she filled with water. Dipping her 
finger in the water, she held it there for a moment. Roughly sixty five 
degrees, she decided. It was not yet hot enough for the ground, and
therefore 
the pipes in it, to retain heat overnight. Perfect, she decided, and pulled 
off her sleepwear.

[Que porno music]

Ten minutes later, she was out and towel drying her hair. Not bothering with

a robe, she walked back to her room and donned underclothes, a t-shirt and 
jean shorts. Returning to the bathroom, she picked up her hair brush and
went 
to work on her hair.

10 minutes. It's nice to see that you had Amy stay a while in the tub and

take her time.  This shows that she is human after all and not totally
machanical in her thinking.

Normally, she would have been done in thirty seconds, but today she paused, 
and examined herself critically in the mirror.

Again, showing her human side. This is good. Reminds the reader that yes

she is still a normal teenage girl dispite the mindbashingly high I.Q. and
fetish for lab equipment.

Her hair was black, but in bright light, it seemed to turn blue. Her face
had once been
described as "like a doll's". Her skin was pale, setting off her blue eyes.
Her jaw was 
slightly square, a legacy of her father, judging by the one picture she had 
of him and the few times she had seen him after her parents' breakup.

Pulling off her shirt, she turned sideways and examined her profile in the 
mirror. She was in reasonably good shape. Walking everywhere, especially 
through snow in the winter time back in Saint Paul had seen to that, but she

lacked the curved, yet firm tightness of Bunny. Again, she felt the 
irrational surge of jealousy.

**Meanwhile Molly stood outside the window on the roof with her cam corder.
"Man Bunny'll pay a fortune for this.  So will Rayleene's Grandpa."

"But then again," her rational mind pointed out, "Bunny was raised on a farm

and as such, her figure came from simple combination of genetics and a 
lifetime of hard work that no reasonable exercise program could duplicate." 
She would never have a figure like that and there was little point in 
worrying about it.

I could so hack this into a lemony moment.

Amy Lynn pulled her shirt back on, 

Much to Molly's frustration

finished her hair and walked down the hall 
to the kitchen. 

She had just finished breakfast when there was a knock at the door. Going to

see who it was, she found herself face to face with Molly and Bunny. Both 
girls wore T-shirts and jeans, Molly had on sneakers, and Bunny wore work 
boots and what appeared to the same work shirt she had on yesterday. Amy
Lynn 
also noted that the "machete" was actually a very large knife.

"Hey," Bunny said with a grin. "Moll and I were gonna go down to the creek
an 
 do some fishin, an we thought mebbe you'd like ta come along."

Still think you should replace 'like ta' with 'wanna'

"Mom likes to buy furniture that can be assembled and disassembled at will,"

Amy Lynn replied. "I think it's a habit she picked up in the Army."

yeah sure it was the Army.  I still say it was moving around to avoid

detection.

"C'mon," Molly said with a grin. "Let's get ta work."

Ami wondered why Molly winked at her but shrugged it off.

*****************
While neither Amy Lynn nor her mother were mechanically inept, Bunny's 
affinity with tools was astounding. In the space of three hours, the blond 
had already put together both couches and the large computer desk. Even now,

she was humming to herself as she used a screwdriver to put together the 
first of several bookcases. 

[Que sounds of an pneumatic socket gun from downstairs along with other
assorted shop noises.]

In her room, Molly and Amy Lynn were slowly emptying boxes.

This sentence sounds like their in Molly's room. Switch the names and it
should be okay.

*****************

And so, having no way to gracefully refuse, Amy Lynn left a note for her 
mother and followed Bunny and Molly down the steps to where a Great
Dane--the 
same Great Dane that Amy Lynn had seen at the general store yesterday--sat 
beside an old pickup truck that had to be a good twenty or thirty years old.

The maker's logo was written across the grille in dirt-covered chrome and
the 
truck's colors were red and patches of primer gray. The back window had 
several stickers on it, but she couldn't see what they said. A dirty pink 
rabbit hung from the rearveiw mirror.

I like the Bunny rabbit, that's cute.  I still think you should describe

the stickers.  NASCAR or NRA and possibly BASS.  If not at least one with a
rebel flag and or a reference to Dale Ernheart.

"All aboard," Bunny said as she got in. Molly and Amy Lynn got in on the 
other side. Molly in the middle, Amy Lynn by the window. Immediately, she 
began to feel around for the seatbelt.

"You have a driver's license?" Amy Lynn asked as Bunny turned the key in the

ignition and the engine growled to life. 

Ahh Ratty a$$ old truck with a big bore small block...Oh yeah that's red

neck. Makes me feel like home.

Bunny grinned cheerfully. "Nope." She stomped on the clutch and shoved the 
shift backwards, forcing Amy Lynn to grab whatever she could to keep from 
flying forward and banging her head on the dashboard. "No seatbelts, 
neither," she continued, seeing Amy Lynn now franticly looking around.

Needs more blind panic.

"Pa cut them out. Said we didn't need 'em." Wrenching the wheel, she swerved
the 
truck onto the road, shifted again, and floored the accelerator.

*****************
Bunny's driving skill seemed to be best described as "Pick a direction and 
try not to hit anything. Oh, and use of the brake is forbidden." For fifteen

minutes, the truck bounced, rattled and jerked across the fields. Several 
times, at least during the time when Amy Lynn could still think through the 
fog of sheer terror, the wheels actually left the surface of the Earth as 
Bunny steered it one-handed over the grassy fields at speeds better suited 
for high-speed aircraft. The entire trip, she kept up a stream of chatter 
about anything and everything; livestock, produce, even the weather. 
Occasionally, she would gesture with one or both hands, even looking away 
from the windshield, but always looking back and grabbing the wheel just in 
time, it seemed, to avert disaster.  Finally, she brought the truck to a 
screeching halt at the top of a small hill.

I think you can still get more out of this scene. It's begging to be

delved into.  

Molly looked slightly queasy, but Amy Lynn was sitting stiffly, her face 
white as a sheet and an expression of sheer terror on her face. Her hands 
were white knuckled as they held onto the edge of the seat in a death grip.

This is good.

"Amy Lynn?" Molly asked, touching her arm. With a shriek, Amy Lynn jumped, 
slamming her head into the roof and then grabbing it in pain.

"Where...the hell...did you learn to drive?" Amy Lynn said between clenched 
teeth as she gripped her head as though if she didn't, it would crack open 
like an oyster.

I like this description a lot better than before.

"Pa taught me. 'Course, I don't drive recklessly like he does."

Amy Lynn let out a whimper.

Why was she reciting physics formulas in her head again?

*****************
"Feeling better?" Molly asked as she took the canteen of water from Amy
Lynn.

**Ami replys by immediatly emptying the contents of her stomach.

"Yes,"�Amy Lynn replied as she leaned against the side of the truck. The two

girls were sitting side by side on the ground. "I'm glad you had you had 
those headache pills with you." Nearby, Bunny knelt in the dirt beside bush,

digging with a trowel.

"Oh, I carry them everywhere," Molly replied. "Especially when I go fishing 
with her. Bunny's a good person, but she tends ta drive like she's in that 
car on Knight Rider. Still, you won't find a better friend anywhere."

I like that joke but I think a NASCAR ref would be just as funny.  Or a

Dukes of HAzard one as well.

"How can she drive like that?"

"Around here, you learn to drive as soon as your feet can reach the pedals, 
and as long as you don't hit anything or anyone, nobody cares," Molly
replied 
with a shrug. "Personally, I prefer to stick with my dirt bike. Think you
can 
stand?"

"Yes," Amy Lynn replied as she stood on shaky legs.

"Hey, guys!" Bunny called. "I found some worms, we got bait!"

"Don't worry," Molly said. "You get used to her driving eventually."
Together 
they walked over to where Bunny was waiting.

They spent the rest of the afternoon fishing. No fish were caught, but Amy 
Lynn did get a rather nasty sunburn and a stern lecture from her mother
about 
skin care.

*****************
Molly proved to be correct and as the days became weeks, Amy Lynn got used
to 
Bunny's haphazard driving. Often, the trip was just into town, and the two 
girls spent time in the general store, listening to the town's old men argue

and swap stories as they sat on front porch. She even got to meet Rayelene 
Hino, daughter of the county judge, who lived with her grandather, who was 
the preacher at the local church.

This last sentance seems a little awkward.  Try losing the second 'Who' and

see how it sounds.

Rayelene's grandfather was a tiny man, scarely over five feet tall, but he 
had a boisterous laugh, and you couldn't help but like him. He and Amy Lynn 
spent several hours one day debating theology--debate he won, much to Amy's 
chagrin.

Needs an 'a' in front of debate.

Rayelene, on the other hand, was intense as the heat from a raging fire, 
which tended to set teeth on edge, especially Bunny's. According to Molly, 
the two depised each other with an almost unholy passion and whenever they 
were together, you could cut the tension with a knife. Rayelene knew the 
Bible backwards and forwards, more, it seemed, out of a desire to prove 
something rather then any particular article of faith.

hmmm. sounds like another  pair of plot lines here?

More interesting to Amy Lynn, however, were the rumors of a blond-haired 
woman who roamed the woods near the lake whenever the moon was in the night 
sky accompanied by a black-haired wolf, searching for something. When she
ask
ed Molly and Bunny about it, however, neither one could tell her anything. 
Later, when Amy Lynn gave it some thought, she realized Bunny had looked a 
little worried and even uncomfortable. The next day, however, a heat wave 
struck and Amy Lynn forgot all about it.

Subtle as a truck their aren't we?

Several weeks later, school started and Juuban Hollow's forty-five or so 
children, ranging in age from six to seventeen, gathered in the school
house, 
a dilapidated scructure on a hill west of town. It was a single room and run

by Miss Haruna, a tall, imposing woman whose manner was almost as intense as

Rayelene's.

That's not a good thing.

After Amy Lynn, two other new students were introduced. One was Mina, a
hyper 
blond girl whose hair was tied with a red ribbon. In several ways, she 
reminded Amy Lynn of Bunny.

Oh...My...GOD...

The second student was Lita, a tall, amazon-like 
girl who looked as though she could lift the schoolhouse off its foundation 
if she felt like it.

Zena, Warrior Senshi...

Once Mina and Lita had taken their seats, Miss Haruna got down to business. 
"The state says that this year, those of you who are aged fourteen through 
seventeen have to study the life cycle of plants and animals. The folks over

at Black Mountain Plantation have agreed to let us use their facilities as 
part of this. So in two weeks, class will meet two days a week at Black 
Mountain where you will spend the day tending and careing for a small herd
of 
sheep, twenty four head of cattle, and a small, one-acre field of various 
plants, including cotton. At the end of the school year, I expect each of
you 
to tell the class what you learned." A few groans and complaints were heard 
throughout the room. "I know most of you have have spent your lives raising 
plants and animals which is why I expect A's all around as you will help the

others with what you know. Any questions? No? Good. Open your math books and

turn to page fifty-one."

As Amy Lynn did so, she noticed two things.

The books had been printed nearly forty years ago.

They would be studying Long Division.

"Oh, no..." Amy Lynn whispered.

Yes Ami.  Welcome to HELL!!!!!!!!!

*****************
Black Mountain Plantation was a huge estate that covered most of the county 
east of Juuban Hollow. The main house, was in fact the mansion Amy Lynn had 
seen when she and her mother first arrived in town. The owner, Ms Abagail 
Beryldane, was a recluse and her four managers did most of the work. 

Amy Lynn sighed and pulled on her work gloves. The brown leather was shiny, 
having been purchased the previous day from Molly's mother. Amy Lynn was 
wearing a straw hat to keep the sun off her face and neck, one of Bunny's 
work shirts, old jeans, and a pair of work boots with paper in the toes to 
make them fit. The boots had been left in the clinic by a previous paitent. 
For a moment she reflected that the only thing of hers that she was wearing 
was her hat, underwear and socks.

Okay!  You're just screaming form me to lemonize this aren't you.

Sereously I like that. But concidering how practical and logical she thinks,
when she's alone in her rroom during the dog days of summer. What's she
going to wear? Hmmmm.

The students, about twelve or so in all, trudged along the dirt path towards

the large brown field. Green sprouts could be seen forming rows in the brown

dirt.

[Youma haulin' in the crops.] "Gonna lay down my dark power,"
	*Chorus* "Down by the Beyrl side,"

At one edge, Ms Haruna stood with a man dressed in a white, button-down 
shirt, and kahkis. His white hair was tied back in a ponytail and his smile 
was friendly.

Jack Hannah?

"Class I want you to meet Michael White. He's-" she broke off as Amy Lynn 
gasped and then loudly exclaimed; "Dad?"

*****************
Father and daughter stood at the edge of the field that Black Mountain had 
loaned to the students, watching them move through the rows as plantation 
employees described each of the plants and how to care for them. One or two 
of the workers made Amy Lynn nervous in the way they moved, like they were 
shells wrapped around something...else.

"Amy Lynn...I'm sorry, if I had known you were coming to Juuban Hollow, I 
would've called, come by...done...something."

"It's okay, Dad. Mom wouldn't have come if she knew you were here. We got to

see each other again. That's what's important, right?"

Michael smiled. "Right. How are things?"

"Good...great...actually," Amy Lynn lied. "I've made a few friends and
Juuban 
Hollow is very different from Saint Paul. I just wish it wasn't so hot." She

stared out at the field for a few moments and then sighed. "Why does Mom
hate 
you so much?" It was abrupt, but the question had been weighing on Amy
Lynn's 
mind for years, ever since she was old enough to understand what 
homosexuality was.

I stole her boyfriends dear.

"Because she doesn't understand. Janice has a very simple view of things. I 
think it's because she was raised here in Juuban Hollow. Homosexuality is a 
strange word to these people. Some have probably never even heard of it."

I do like this answer though.  It shows a littlte depth into Amy's mom.  

"But Mom's a scientist. A doctor. She's not supposed to have prejudices.
Heal 
everyone who comes to her. Isn't that part of the Hippocratic Oath?"

Micheal laughed softly. "Janice never let her prejudices and opinions get in

the way of doing her job. I think that's why I fell for her in the first 
place. I remember when you were about three, a few years before I 
discovered...what I was. I took you and a picnic lunch down to the Emergency

Room where she was on duty. As she was getting ready to go off duty, the 
doors opened and an ambulance crew rushed in bearing Leslie McDaniels, the 
president of the local chapter of the Gay and Lesbian support group, who was

bleeding to death. Right then and there, Janice dropped everything to tend
to 
her. Without her skill, McDaniels would have died right there in the lobby
of 
the ER. That's when you turned to me and said 'Daddy, I want to be a doctor 
when I grow up.'"

Better tha before but the line about bleedin todeath still seems oddly

placed into the paragraph as a whole.  Try 'She' instead of 'was' in the
sentance ', who was bleeding to death.'  might want to drop the second
'right ' in the sentance as it is so close to the prevous one.

"I don't remember that," Amy Lynn said softly. "All I remember is the 
fighting and then you left."

"I know," Michael said he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I'd give 
anything to change that, but I can't."

Another man dressed in a blue shirt and khakis walked up to them. He had 
short, blond hair, a pointed chin and the coldest eyes Amy Lynn had ever 
seen. It was as though there was nothing behind those blue orbs. "This is 
Jeddadiah Wright," Michael said. "He's currently in charge of the 
Plantation's permanent work force. Jed, this my daughter, Amy Lynn."

"A pleasure," Jeddadiah said perfucntorily. His handshake was very stiff. 
"Her teacher, while pleased that she has been reunited with her father,
would 
like it if she began her project."

"Of course." Michael gave his daughter a hug. "I'll drive you home tonight, 
and talk to your mother. Maybe we can work something out."

"I'd like that." Amy Lynn said softly and walked back towards her friends.

"You're fooling yourself," Jeddadiah said. "Once we find Empreya's trinket, 
the Queen will slaughter her and the rest of the humans like pigs. You
really 
think
you can save her?"

"Shut up, Jeddite," Malachite snarled.

Ohhhh, lover's spat!

*************
Steve "Komodo" T.
                     ***
Today's Fortune Cookie: (Or: Helping People Out)
*grabs a shotgun* Live free or die!
...
*pumps the shotgun* I said "Live free or die"!
...
*takes aim* I don't think you're living free enough!
-The Fool, Avalon Forum
www.avalonhigh.com

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