Once Ranma was silence, Hotaru clenched her fists and violently shook
her head. "No!" she cried, and she looked Haruka dead in the eyes,
"What are you doing here?! Why did you come here?"

Woohoo!  Go Hotaru! :-)

The girl does have a spine! ; )

In an instant Haruka was in Ranma's face looking him directly in the
eyes. "You bastard! What gives you the gal to even *think* about asking
that question?! You want to know what you did!? I'll tell you what you
did!"

gal -> gall

I know, I know... ^_^'

Ranma scoffed. "Haruka, you couldn't beat me if I was blind folded, my
arms were tied behind may back, you couldn't beat me!" Suddenly, a

Bit redundant there.

Yep... Under redundent, see redundent...

thought raced through Ranma's mind, and he added, "Hell, ya'd have ta
transform ta give me a decent workout!"

Good heavens!  A deduction!  I'm a bit surprised, actually. :-)

That's not as much a deduction as it's being an asshole... Insults are
something Ranma is VERY good at...

here's something Omake I wrote based on an offhand comment from another
reader... I think it covers things nicely...

*********

Well, Ranma IS the master taunter. That french guy from Monty Python has
nothing on Ranma.

French Taunter: "I fart in you generial direction you silly transexuial
Japanese
person!"

Ranma: "You're just jealous because I have to literally fight of legions of
hot girls, while all you are hairy unwashed French chicks. Hell, I just have
to get wet, and then I'll have more pussy than you'll EVER get..."

French Taunter: *sniff*sniff* "I hate you in real life!"
**********

^_^

Hmm.  It seemed like maybe Haruka backed down a bit easy.  But then she's
the Sailor of Never-say-die-Never-back-down.  Any time she admits a

mistake

is going to seem out of character. :-)

Hotaru hit here with a doozie. Haruka said some very ignorant stuff, if she
knows what good for her relationship with Hotaru she'll behave. She would
have to be a TOTAL freckin' retard not to back down...

Seems to me that that may have been a good point for them to reveal the
truth about 'Ranko', but obviously you have some plan for that in future.

Yes. I hope to build up the Haruka/Ranma and Haruka/'Ranko' relationships a
bit before I she finds out that her new bestfriend and sensei and the dirty
son of a bitch who knocked up Hotaru are one it the same.

Makes for better drama ^_^

I suggest removing most of the Ranko/sister references to avoid trying
attention to it until then.

Actually, I'm going to be building on the diffrences from Haruka and
Michiru's view of both of them (I have to start working on the detals of the
Ranko/Michiru Ranma/Michiru relationships)

I'd also expect Haruka to hit the roof about
Ranma telling 'Ranko'--how trustworthy can he be if the first thing does
after learning their secret is tell somebody else?

I might add some detail to that, but not that much. It can be easy be
explained or avoided.

Thanks for your time (and what do you think of the revision?)

- Sama



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