Very nice story, but one minor note:
Clow Reed, in the cartoon, seems to be (in the *few* episodes I've seen
which starred him) mature and wise, not the irresponsible fellow you've
written. That of course is easily fixable, if you include a comment
indicating that Clow is still fairly young, perhaps in his late teens
(old enough to be good at magic, but young enough to be irresponsible).
Perhaps something like:
At that very moment, the lab's owner, a 19 year old man, was seated
at the desk, ....
I'm sure that over the course of your story, he'll grow up :)
PS: My email server claims that "Nidoking" <Nidoking@RC_Books.zzn.com>
is an invalid email address! Any chance that you could get it changed
to something like Nidoking@rc-books.zzn.com? (That is, a hyphen instead
of an underscore? I *think* such a change would make it work.)