Well, just before I get in to my actual C&C, I'll introduce
myself.  Don't want to sound like some upstart punk, do I?

My Name is Andrew.  Andrew 'Starf0x' Majik.  I am a second
year sudent as Windsor uiversity in Canada.  Even though I
haven't published much work, I have written quite a bit,
and perhaps I'll reach in to my archives some day and get
some of that stuff out.  Put it hear.  Who knows.

I'b been lurking on this mailing list for about a month os
ro now and now believe that I have enough to say to warrent
a C & C.

On to Foxheart!

Skyrocket, VERY nice work.  I very much enjoyed this story.
 I'm a huge LH fan, and am a big Shinobu fanboy so seeing
her taking a stong screen presence was a huge plus for me.
 the internal debate approch anf working from Shinobu's
point of view at points was rather clever.  I think you
might want to play up the whole Point-Of-View aspect in
your next chaper, if you are looking perhaps to examin the
situation you place your characters in.  Perhaps using the
same sequence of events, but seen from Mitsune, Naru and
perhaps Shinobu's point of view, as each would see
Keitaro's actions in a single situation quite differently.
 

I like the way you portreay Mitsune as well.  You make her
out to be a much more intellagent and insightful character
then she is shown in the Anime.  Is she perhaos more
insightful in the Manga I'm wondering now?  She's a woman
after my own heart in this I would say.  perhaps you might
want to use a few refferences to psychology within her
diolouge.  I mean, what would it do to poor Keitaro is,
after studying Freaud for an hour she suddenly starts
talking about the subcontous or penis envy.  or Anal Vs.
Oral or Penial personalities?  Or haveing Naru attempting
to explain Labido to the poor boy.  I don't know if your at
all knowlageable with reguards to Psychology and
psycological thyories, but it might be interesting.
 Esspesaly if you show Mitsune to not be the lay-about she
seems to be, but rather to be holding up a front.

I can't wait to see what you come up with next.  I'll be
watching for it, that's for sure.  All of my sugesgtions,
as you are probbobly more then aware, are just my ideas and
do not reflect anyone but my own little head.  These arn't
what you 'should' do, but only what I would do in your
situation.  The reason I say this is because I don't know
how much you have or have not done and hate to sound pushy.


Heh, I guess what they say about Canadians is true.  we are
too polite for our own good.

That's my 1.4C American
Andrew 'Starf0x' Majik

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