Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Fri, 19 Jul 2002 19:54:21 -0400 (EDT) Frederick Herriot
<fherriot@yahoo.com> wrote:
They stare at each other, then Ranma draws her arms around Ataru
as they allow fatigue to wash over them. No {words need further : more words need : further words need}
be said...
"Their meeting our fathers, then getting married and having
us," Tomomi chuckles. "You can imagine it, can't you? Switching
from being {indentured :} slaves in a society that went out of its way to
ensure they stayed that way to being adopted parts of a nominally
'free' society?"
"Long enough," Akane nods. "Everyone, you are all aware, of
course, of the false {ordination : proclamation} Tatewaki Kunou made sometime ago, an
{ordination : proclamation} he reaffirmed yesterday afternoon, concerning people
wanting to date me?"
"Hai!!" her classmates nod.
"Since I came here to school today and having found that none
of the so called 'Hentai Horde' had come to challenge me as Kunou
dictated, I hereby, with all of you as my witnesses, declare Kunou's
{ordination : proclamation} NULL AND VOID!!!" Akane's voice picks up to emphasize
her point. "From this day until the day I graduate, I swear, on the
memory of my late mother, that I will not submit myself to anything
he forces on me EVER AGAIN!!!"
...then stops on feeling *something* ominous pressing on her
right ear. Shuddering, she turns to see Ataru staring
dispassionately at her, his right hand now holding what looks like
a black automatic pistol with {an extra : a} battery charger under the
barrel, her right eye looking straight down its gaping muzzle. "What
do you think you're doing?" he asks.
Some distance away from where Tampopo Kamekichi once held court,
there is a large ladies boutique called Esmerelda's. The
proprietress of this place, a fortysomething Londoner named Esmerelda
Stevens, had come to Tomobiki after the First Tag Race. In a short
time, almost EVERY girl of high school age in Tomobiki came to look
on Esmerelda's as THE number one "in" shop. Whatever trends in
fashion that burst across the pop scene got first airing here. You
can get almost ANYTHING, from day {ware : wear} to kimonos, from sports gear
to lingerie and swim wear, coming to Esmerelda's.
There must be other suitable botiques outside Tomobiki. Perhaps a mention
that Ataru's sisters come here to spite the Tomobiki crowd rather than
hiding from them might be in order at some point. Especially since Ataru
has made such a strong point of wanting to avoid all contact.
"How many was that?" Sakuya asks.
"I counted six," Karen reports.
Actually, he was thinking about the likely price.
"As soon as we're done, I'll make something more substantial,"
he turns back to the kitchen. "Fortunately for me, I was programmed
with all of Shirayuki-neesama's culinary knowledge, so it should
turn out fine."
Wasn't Shirayuki just starting to learn to cook two years ago? Some of her
early efforts weren't exactly four star.
"Sakura's fiance was once a student of my grandfather's,"
Chikage explains. "Tsubame-kun was one of Grandfather's {more :}
'brighter' students."
"*We have no self-designation at this time, Ane-kun.*"
Chikage gazes on the others. "Do you have any suggestions?"
"Whatever you think is best, Chikage-san," Shinobu shrugs.
The sorceress' eyebrow arches. "Amazing."
Larry, Moe, Shemp, Curly, Joe. Hey, she does have an odd sense of humor.
Nabiki looks sadly at her. "Face facts, {sis : Sis}: it's over between
you and Ranma-kun. Let him go. He's chosen someone else. In a
funny way, I can understand why that came about. Accept it and get
on with your own life, Akane-chan. REALLY accept it -- before it's
too late."
She sighs. "At the expense of your child's happiness, {sir : Sir}?"
she wonders. "You're right. I do care for Akane-chan. I care for
her very much. And because of that, seeing her hurt hurts ME too.
And if you keep this up..." she shakes her head. "Sir, all I see
coming out of that is what just happened. Nabiki and Kasumi ready
to walk out on you once and for all, Akane caught in a pit she can't
get out of...!" A shrug rolls her shoulder. "No one wins in that
case, Tendou-san. No one at all."
Yuka squeezes her eyes shut. "If you don't care for Ranma-kun,
Sayuri-chan, that's your choice," she turns away, moving to step out.
"I choose at least to understand there {are : is} more than one side to any
argument. And besides, in a week's time, it'll be {mute : moot}.
Ranma-kun'll be gone. And I, for one, will choose to wish him all
the best. I think that after all the garbage he's been through
since he came here, he deserves it."
"No, no! You don't understand," he shakes his head. "Ranma,
that person on Lan's ship now {IN PART is : is IN PART} Lum. There's a whole new
side of her being. That's how the Crossing Over works. Didn't
Nokoko-oneechan tell you about that in Sanctuary?" Seeing Ranma nod,
he sighs. "And even Lan is gone, Ranma. She's in the same position
as the being born from Lum."
"Hai, with some help," she nods. The SCAA would no doubt want
to ensure things were squared {off : away} before moving to allow the Izumo
sisters a chance to live their own lives. "Are you angry?" she then
asks.
Karen perks up as a funny warmth seems to surge through her
body, then she finds herself gazing out the window at the surrounding
cityscape. What was that? Standing, she poises herself inches away
from the thick safety glass, trying to pick out the details. She
knew where some of the more important locations in Tomobiki are
{sighted : sited}. Before they met up with their brother, the sisters had been
walked through a detailed model of the town by Negako. Yes, there
was Tomobiki High School. The large expanse of green and asphalt
black/grey interspersed with European-style buildings and
military-like structures was the Mendou estate. Off to the far north
was a sea of trees around a more traditional mansion: the Mizunokoji
estate. There was the shrine where that Sakura woman, the one who
cursed poor Onii-chan when she tried to rid herself of some nasty
disease demons, lived. There was the house Onii-chan lived in. The
Miyaki home. The small empty restaurant Tampopo-san once used for
her establishment. All the other schools: Sanrinbou, Shakkou,
Taian, Butsumetsu, Butsumetsu Girls...
The remainder of the day progresses quietly for Ataru, Ranma
and the sisters. Much to Ranma's surprise, none of the sisters
make any comment about the healed bullet wound on Ataru's shoulder.
She does note the looks of concern from Hinako and Kaho. And Ranma
heard a "Kusu!" from Aria when the young Parisian stared intently
at Ataru one time. But it goes no {father : further : farther} than that. No doubt, the
sisters believed that since Ataru didn't seem really bothered by it,
they shouldn't panic about it either.
After a quick visit to the Tomobiki Pizza Emporium, the most
popular eatery in town now that Tampopo's had moved away, for some
take-out -- yes, even Shirayuki liked the idea of taking a break from
the kitchen {ever : every} so often -- the gang makes their way back to Nerima.
Sitting beside Ataru as they watch the scenery, Ranma can only smile.
Another day was coming to an end, one where she didn't have to deal
with insane martial arts challenges, jealous fiancees, clueless
rivals or anything else. Considering that, she shudders as a tinge
of disquiet touches her, then she senses Ataru gazing concernedly
at her. They look at each other, then she kisses his cheek. "I'm
okay," she whispers, then leans against him, {they :} holding hands.
Since you mentioned several characters and situations from Girl Days, you
might want to add an acknowledgement to it along with a URL
(http://www.sofaspud.org/main/fanfic/girldays/) so others can find that
very funny story.