C&C please.  First fic since that semi-marathon series of June, it 
feels strange. :)

Roehl Sybing
"And every word is nonsense but I understand" - Counting Crows, 
Anna Begins

Infinite Deferral - http://www.infinitedeferral.com/
---
Only Human
An Ah! My Goddess Fanfic
By Roehl Sybing (indef@infinitedeferral.com)

Chapter Five: She's Got A Way

Keiichi was having one of those mornings.  The kind that appeared 
when the day before was so hectic and stressful that he could 
barely recall the details so quickly after waking up.  His head 
rested between his arms, his face just an inch above the surface 
of the table, as his ears picked up sounds that barely resembled 
words from those around him.

"Some more tea?" Belldandy asked.

"Yes, please!" Skuld replied.

Half-exhausted, Keiichi couldn't be sure at all, but from the 
sound of it, Belldandy was as happy as ever.  Her sisters sounded 
happy, too, so there seemed to be absolutely no reason that 
Keiichi should be unhappy.

"Don't mind him," he heard Urd say as she patted his head in a 
teasing manner, "He's glad that you're home."

"So am I!" Belldandy said.

He had this feeling that he should be relieved, but Keiichi was so 
tired that he was thankful that at least his head was firmly 
attached to the rest of his body.  He began to recall what 
happened just before he collapsed onto his bed so late at night.  
There was an argument of sorts, in which Belldandy was quite 
insistent.  Urd also had her voice raised as loud as possible 
then, causing Keiichi to be in the room where he experienced a 
level of ferocity that he had never before seen in Belldandy.  
Then...Skuld stormed out of the room...crying.  Through all this, 
Keiichi still could not recall why.  He did remember that they all 
made up at the end of a very long heated discussion, and called it 
a night.  What was it?  What had he forgotten?

Then, Urd snuck it in. "So, how about we give the Almighty a call 
today?"

"No," she replied, unflinching.

Keiichi lifted his head from the table. "Good morning," he said, 
with all the memories flooding back.

"But sister!" Skuld said, "It won't work unless you agree to it!"

"I don't want it to work," Belldandy replied, "THIS is what I 
want!"

Before he could say anything - before he could think about what to 
say - the conversation had deteriorated again into argument.  More 
polite this time, more cordial this time, as Belldandy held her 
ground while her sisters did the same, only now trying desperately 
to prevent a repeat performance of last night's debacle.
Keiichi was having one of those mornings.
---
It resorted to Belldandy unexpectedly isolating herself in her 
room, at the first opportunity that Urd and Skuld began to 
instinctively argue between each other.  Keiichi returned just 
upon their realization that they had let their sister get away 
from them.

"Belldandy?" he asked, pressing against her door.

"Please," she replied from inside, "Not now!"

Keiichi stepped back for a moment.  It hurt for him to hear her 
plead in such rare frustration.

"I-I just want to talk, can we--"

"I can't!" Belldandy said firmly, "I want to, but--"

Her voice trailed off, leaving Keiichi with only questions.  It 
was almost a given that she would want this, to be returned to 
normal and have her powers back.  Not just because it is who she 
was, but that the past few days had obviously been so stressful 
for her.  The emotions, the impulses, the physical pain...she 
couldn't possibly want to endure more of it!

Keiichi pleaded some more, either to come in or for her to come 
out.  His attempt to draw closer to her was in vain, but it 
invited Urd into the hallway to observe.

"No luck, kid?"

He shook his head. "I've never seen her like this!"

"Maybe," Urd suggested, "Maybe if you told her that it's what you 
want, she'll go along with it."

Keiichi flinched.  An instinctive reaction, but he was totally 
unprepared for what Urd was asking. "Uh," he said 
hesitantly, "Yeah, maybe."

"'Cause, you know, making you happy is what makes her happy, 
that's all."

"Long as she's happy," he said, shrugging his shoulders, slowly 
backpedaling away from Belldandy's door.

"Keiichi?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing?  Tell her now!"

He stopped.  Of course Urd was insistent, she was her sister.  
Difficult as it seems at first glance, she loved her.  She wanted 
what was best for Belldandy.  She wanted...what she thought was 
best for Belldandy.

"Keiichi!" she commanded.

"What?" he asked, still frozen.

"Keiichi," she said, moving up to him with suspicion, "Am I 
mistaken, or is it that--"

"I don't want to lie to her, Urd!" he blurted out suddenly.
Now he did it.  The damage was done, and it stunned her.

"Oh, ho-ho," she said, "I see now."

"Urd," Keiichi pleaded, "It's not my call, and--"

"What kind of a man are you?" Urd demanded, "Are you afraid that 
she will hate you?"

He gasped, but quickly recollected himself.  For once Urd had got 
it wrong.  Had this been another place and time, her comic 
ignorance would have been amusing.  Yet...

"You're wrong," he said, confidently shaking his head.

The two of them stood there in silence, as Urd narrowed down the 
possibilities until there was only one reason that Keiichi would 
not do as she asked.

"That's quite unlike you," she said, "Being so selfish like this."

"Urd, hold on, now--"

"Can't you see my sister is in pain right now?"

"Only because you are forcing her!  I haven't done anything to 
upset Belldandy!"

"Well, you have to do something!  She's obviously not thinking 
clearly!"

"Says you, I'm not so sure."

"Of course you're not sure!  You don't know what it's like being 
like us.  I know what it's like to lose my powers, and I won't 
have that for Belldandy!"

"Fine," Keiichi cried before storming off, "You talk to her.  It's 
not my decision!"

Urd was left in the hallway in front of the door to Belldandy's 
room. "Ooh, that little worm!" she said to herself, before 
marching out as well.

The sound of the wood floor creaking underneath footsteps came 
from inside the room, with Belldandy sliding the door open and 
taking a look out into the hallway.  She looked towards the 
direction where Keiichi had gone, and gave up a soft smile, one of 
relief.
---
Keiichi worked on the upkeep of his motorcycle to try and cool 
down his temper, heated up after a round with Urd.  But he 
understood.  For the moment, he could not believe himself.  Maybe 
he wouldn't be able to convince Belldandy to change her mind, but 
perhaps he was being selfish too.  He tried to convince himself in 
his head that Belldandy returning to normal was best.  He was even 
able to concede that at the end of the day that it might very well 
be true.  In his heart, though, Keiichi wanted other things, the 
most important of them being an ounce of doubt, some evidence that 
it was wrong.

The wrench in his hand moved as far as it would go, and before 
Keiichi knew it, he was tightening a bolt on his motorcycle with 
needless force.  Lost in thought and worry, the wrench gave way, 
right after he had succeeded in stripping the bolt so that it 
could not be removed.

"Oh, dammit," he said quietly, gathering his bearings in the real 
world.  From his position on the ground, he searched for the 
wrench that had skipped some distance away from him.

"Here you are," Belldandy said, once picking the tool off the 
floor.

"Thanks," he said.  Keiichi took it from her before he realized 
who it even was, and went back to work for half a moment before 
stopping himself.

He turned around, and smiled, saying again, "Thank you."

That was the face he missed, the glowing smile of Belldandy that 
had been absent within the temple all day yesterday.

Instinct drove Keiichi to his first question. "You seem tired 
lately.  Are you OK?"

Belldandy nodded as she sat down on the seat of his motorcycle, "I 
think so, yes."

"Where did you go yesterday?"

"I just walked around, searching for answers."

"And did you?" he asked.

"Yes, I did," she said confidently.

"Well," he said with curiosity, "Tell me about it!"

She looked away, up and into the sky, watching a bird soar through 
the air. "I found a flyer yesterday," she said, "There's a fair in 
town."

"Now, don't change the subject," he said.

"I'm not!" Belldandy replied, "Take me there, Keiichi.  Please?  
I'll tell you everything."

The goddess reached for Keiichi's hands, and eagerly held them 
tight.  It naturally made his heart grow wings and start to fly, 
but given everything he had to be just a bit more cautious.  On 
any other occasion, Keiichi would not have hesitated for a number 
of heartbeats.  Still, the choice would have been the same.
---
"So, what are we doing here?"

"Anything we want."

"I don't understand."

"Here, no one can disturb us."

"Yeah, I know, but here--?"

By this moment, Urd and Skuld would have long found out that they 
were gone.  That's alright, Keiichi thought; if yesterday was any 
indication, it would be difficult to find him and Belldandy.  And 
amongst the various, bustling crowds at the local fair, the two of 
them blended in with all the rest.

The area was nestled inside a park, with only the tallest rides 
and attractions - and an occasional balloon that had been let go 
by a child - rising above the trees.  At the heart of the 
fairgrounds sat a small lake, surrounded by a dirt path that made 
for a lovers' paradise, a place for couples to share their 
affection within a scene of beauty.

"Keiichi," Belldandy said, "What's wrong?"

He gave a quick look around at all the romantic pairs around 
him. "Nothing, I just--" Keiichi said, before looking back.  
There, at the edge of the lake, on a patch of green grass, sat 
Belldandy, with her hand outstretched.

"Come here," she said, "Sit down."

Confidence welled up in the goddess' eyes as Keiichi saw a side of 
her that he had seldom seen when it came to the two of them.  As a 
goddess, a sister, and at times a fighter, Belldandy often took 
charge with wisdom and resolve.  As his partner and best friend, 
things were always a bit more innocent, and a whole lot simpler.  
Today, however, seemed to be a very different day.

Keiichi sat down right next to her, hand in hand. "Is this what 
you wanted?"

"Mm-hmm," Belldandy replied.

He smiled back at her, liking where the whole situation was 
going. "So," he said, "What was it that you were trying to tell 
me?"

The goddess clutched his hand a little tighter.  They both looked 
down, and then at each other.

"This is what I want," she said.

Keiichi smiled, not quite knowing how to react to such feelings.  
All this time, he was still no good at it.  He searched for words, 
and images of the morning came to the surface.  The breakfast, the 
argument, the clash with Urd...

The words let themselves out of his mouth. "Are you sure?" he said.
Belldandy broke their contact, pulling her hand towards her.  She 
looked at him strangely, saying, "What do you mean?"

He caught himself, mouthing the words to make sure he had said 
what he thought he said.  A look of dumbfoundedness played all 
over his face, as he stumbled for yet more 
speech. "I...I...well..."

"I thought you understood," Belldandy said sternly, "Or at least 
that you respected what I wanted."

"Yes, I do!" Keiichi replied, "It's just that...your sisters, 
they're worried that--"

"Do you believe them?"

He was taken aback, "What?"

"Do you believe them?"

Belldandy looked at him.  She glared into his eyes, searching for 
honesty, and Keiichi couldn't betray her. "I-I don't know."
Disappointment was read all over the goddess, and quickly she shot 
up and turned away.

"Even you don't understand what I'm going through!" she cried, 
right before storming off.

Keiichi heard his own labored breathing.  For the very first time, 
their relationship was treading through unsteady territory.  No 
relationship was perfect, of course, but that was no consolation 
to him, as he quickly followed after her.
---
One after the other, Belldandy and Keiichi zig-zagged through the 
pairs of lovers down the path, and his chase after the goddess led 
them back onto the main fairgrounds.  Belldandy's newfound 
mortality, however, made the pursuit rather shortlived, as she was 
the first to stop for air after a winded run.

Belldandy pressed her hand against an upright surface, feeling the 
beating of her heart with the other hand.  Keiichi was not far 
behind in catching up to her.

"Belldandy," he said once he drew near.

The goddess still searched for breath, saying, "I'm sorry."

"I probably shouldn't have--"

"No," she replied, looking up at him, "I was overreacting.  I 
guess I still need time to sort everything out."

Keiichi returned her smile once she stood upright again, but still 
showed concern. "Is this what you really want?"

"Yes!" she replied with great resolution, despite her emotions 
being all jumbled.

"But why?" he asked, "You must be suffering, trying to adapt to it 
all.  And you can be a goddess again, so why--"

"Does it go away?" Belldandy replied, "The suffering, does it go 
away?"

He paused before giving an answer. "Well, yeah," he said, "But you 
don't have to put up with the trouble."

"I want to."

"Why?" Keiichi asked again, insisting on a real response, "There 
must be something."

Belldandy gently touched his cheek, smiling softly at Keiichi.  It 
took her a moment to frame the words together. "It's--" she 
started to say, "It's because of--"

Suddenly, a dust cloud kicked up in front of them, at the exit of 
an attraction of which all the children stormed out.  They acted 
as rowdy as children should, running right through and past 
Keiichi and Belldandy, in the way of the next ride.  An instant 
passed before the crowd of children were out of reach, but not 
before the goddess toppled to the ground amidst all the commotion.
Keiichi looked down frantically, "Belldandy!"

"Ouch!" she said instinctively.  She sat herself up on the ground, 
and felt the tinge of pain on her hands and legs.  A bit of dirt 
concealed a very slight flesh wound on the upper part of her 
cheek, but patches of red could not be hidden as it showed itself 
on her left knee.

"Oh, no," Keiichi said, kneeling down, "You're hurt--"

"Stop!" Belldandy cried as she covered her knee with her hands, "I 
can handle it."

"We should probably get it looked at," he insisted.

"No," she mumbled with a hint of pride, "I can take of myself."

"Belldandy..."

"It's OK, really!"

Keiichi conceded, despite what looked like a not-so-everyday 
bruise.  As he extended his hand towards her, the least he could 
do was help her up.

"I'm fine, I said," Belldandy replied to his gesture as she tried 
to pick herself off the ground.  As powerful as she once was, she 
was determined to at least rise from a bad fall, the simplest of 
tasks.  But a quick gasp, and a rough landing back onto the dirt 
offered her some humility.  At the moment, and much to her dismay, 
she was quite incapable of helping herself.

Belldandy winced, saying to Keiichi, "You must think I'm--"

He left his hand extended, despite her feeling the slightest bit 
embarrassed and expecting unintelligently a laugh or 
two. "Everyone needs a hand up once in a while," Keiichi said 
softly, "It's part of being human."

The goddess looked up at him, focusing on his outstretched hand, 
washing away all of her refusal to submit to dependence.  She saw 
her pride at that moment as arrogant, and dismissed it, taking 
Keiichi's hand instead.  A lesson she could not learn on her own, 
a sense of humility returned to Belldandy at a time when she was 
most seriously tested.
---
"She said that?"

"Yes, and that's when I slapped her."

"Belldandy!"

"I know.  I'm not proud of it at all."

"Well, I can't believe she said that to you!"

"That doesn't matter.  I shouldn't have, and yet, afterwards, 
there was this feeling...of..."

"Of what?"

"I think it's...satisfaction."

They reached the front of the line of the food stand and took what 
they needed for a lunch break while sitting on a nearby bench.  
Most of their time at the fair involved a lot of walking around, 
with an occasional children's ride thrown in for amusement.  As 
far away from the temple, from her sisters, and from a phone call 
to the Almighty, as possible.  That suited her just fine.

On the surface, and for the moment, it was the same old Belldandy, 
who enjoyed the simple pleasures of life, who easily took joy in 
everything she did, and who made every moment that Keiichi 
experienced with her worth living.  Her smile, her eyes, and 
everything about her made it difficult to tell what she had been 
through lately.  It was Belldandy, without a doubt, the goddess 
that Keiichi loved.

Yet, to hear her speak was nearly frightening as it was 
fascinating.  It was not just listening to Belldandy say that she 
almost enjoyed hitting Sayoko for a few unkind words, though that 
was what really made Keiichi that he was getting in over his head.

To Keiichi, she was the same, and she was very much different, but 
none of it explained why Belldandy, for whatever reason, would 
want to remain as she was.  Only that, beneath the surface of her 
behavior, she had acquired a rough edge that made being around her 
a little more...complicated.

"It's not true," Keiichi said, "What Sayoko said, it's not true."

"Uh-huh," Belldandy replied, "I know."

Distracted and unconvinced, she broke away from him, walking 
towards one of the attractions.  Keiichi was certainly dismayed; 
for all of his persuasions and reassurances to ease her doubts, he 
was not reaching Belldandy.  He clenched his fists in frustration, 
trying to restrain himself as she walked about with the impression 
that she was out of her element.

He walked around Belldandy and stood in front of her, pleading to 
her, "I don't care what anyone else says!  I love you!  I love no 
one else but you!"

Belldandy smiled weakly, and looked away, saying, "The way things 
were, you can't be happy forever.  I know that now."

"What are you talking about?"

"At least like this, there's a chance I can--"

"Stop it!" Keiichi replied, being the most insistent he had been 
in quite a while, "You may have your doubts, but I don't!  What do 
I--"

"Something more from a woman," Belldandy mumbled to herself, the 
sound of Sayoko's voice still fresh in her mind.

"What?"

She remained silent for a moment, then turning her head to Keiichi 
and pointing up, saying, "Let's go on this ride."

Keiichi's jaw dropped.  He knew not how to react, but finally gave 
up trying to win any argument, if one existed at all.  He looked 
up at the roller coaster pointed out by Belldandy.

"OK," he said.
---
Belldandy's sudden desire to do something impulsive slowly 
disappeared as she and Keiichi waited in a moving line for the 
mini-roller coaster.  She watched the passengers zoom by, moving 
up and down and turning in all directions at an unnerving pace.  
In her stomach was that feeling again.  Fear.  Adversity.  But for 
as long as she could remember, Belldandy had never backed down 
from anything in her life.  It is only now, in her current state, 
that she had felt this threatened.

"This is safe, right?"

"Yeah, it should be," Keiichi replied, "We've been in races more 
dangerous than this."

"I know," Belldandy said, "But this is different."

"What do you mean--oh," he said.  He looked down at the makeshift 
bandage that covered the goddess' knee - a reminder of her 
mortality - and understood that, without the powers that made her 
a goddess, things were quite different.

"There's nothing to be afraid of," he said, "That's all part of 
the fun."

Another wave of riders raced past them as they continued to wait 
in line. "See?"

"What if the restraints don't work?  Or it stops in the middle?  
Or there's--"

"Alright, alright!" Keiichi said, laughing but all the while 
trying to comfort her, "I guess there are risks.  That's why some 
people don't ride roller coasters, it makes them afraid."
Belldandy asked curiously, "What about you?  Don't you have any 
fears?"

Keiichi's head dipped down, "Yeah, I guess.  To tell you the 
truth...I'm afraid all the time."

"Really?" she asked, tilting her head, "Of what?"

"Of losing you," he thought, not saying it but smiling at her to 
avoid the question.

More riders zoomed by, but this time Belldandy and Keiichi were in 
the next group to get on board, just as soon as the ride was 
emptied.

The goddess looked at him again, "I guess if you face up to your 
fears..."

"It's the only way," Keiichi replied, taking Belldandy by the hand 
and leading her into the seat next to him in one of the cars.

"Just relax," he said, "I'll be right here."

Belldandy nodded as the ride jerked forward and started on its 
way.  All this time, a gut feeling deep inside of her made her 
hesitant to follow through on her desire, but it was too late to 
turn back as the restraints kept her firmly planted to the seat.  
She would have to take what was coming to her.

The first bump in the track was easy, a quick rise up and a sudden 
drop offered a chance to elevate Belldandy's heartrate and 
anxiety.  Her pulse quickened and she let go a nervous laugh to 
let Keiichi know that she was still there.  She felt his arm wrap 
around so that his hand could hold her shoulder, and a slight 
sensation, a feeling of security, enveloped her as another climb 
in the track led to a more precipitous decline and an unsure, 
angled turn to the left.

The ride sped up from the pace to which the goddess had just grown 
accustomed.  The pressure began to mount as she and Keiichi looped 
around a steep turn.  Suddenly, another drop in the track, and it 
seemed that this roller coaster ride could not get any more 
turbulent.  Either that, or Belldandy couldn't bear another second 
of it.  She wasn't sure.

Yet, she opened her eyes again, after ducking down for a brief 
second to shut it all out.  The car evened itself out, and 
Belldandy realized that she had just sped past another rise and 
fall in the track, all without her noticing.  As the sight of the 
track in front of her flashed by, the anxiety in her stomach had 
suddenly disappeared.  Her breathing was still rapid and her heart 
was still racing, but the goddess ignored it all.  She could focus 
on the ride in front of her, and Keiichi by her side, and in 
confronting her adversity Belldandy was no longer afraid.  Of 
course, the roller coaster could still be unsafe, her seat could 
give way or the ride could come to a sudden halt.  But there was 
no use in worrying about it now, and even as helpless as she felt, 
Keiichi was holding her close, ever present to the end.

The final turn in the track revealed a very steep uphill climb, 
most surely to be followed by the biggest, and most exciting, drop 
back to where they all started.  Belldandy took one deep breath 
and held on tightly to Keiichi, not with uncertainty, but 
anticipation.
---
The ride stopped at the beginning, and as all the other riders 
began to leave so that others can take their places, Keiichi 
looked at Belldandy.  During the whole time, he was trying to keep 
his own stomach in check.  For him it was thrilling, if only 
unsettling enough for him not to do again too soon; it must've 
been too much for her to tolerate, but at least it was over.

"That was...wonderful!"

"Huh?"

"Let's do that again!" Belldandy said eagerly.

A stunned Keiichi looked at her, "You mean you liked it?"

"Well," she replied, trying to get it all out while catching her 
breath, "It was so terrifying at first, and for a moment, I didn't 
believe that I would make it, but...it just became so exciting!"

"Yeah," he said, "I guess that last turn did everyone skip a beat."

"No, that's not it!" Belldandy cried, naturally helping Keiichi 
away the roller coaster, "I was afraid, like never before.  And 
then...I wasn't!  I faced my fear, and it disappeared.  It's a 
wonderful feeling!"

He nodded his head, happy for Belldandy, but unable to say it as 
he rested partly on her.  Perhaps he was more uncomfortable than 
he thought.

"Let's come back later to do this again!" she insisted.

"Unh," Keiichi groaned, "Don't be so hasty!  Oh, no, I think I'm 
gonna..."
---
"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Belldandy said, "This 
is what I want!"

They had returned to the lake at nightfall, and sat with everyone 
else on the grass, with a perfect view of the fireworks above.  
All the while, Keiichi tried to reason with her, "You won't have 
your powers.  You won't be able to fulfill any wishes.  You won't 
be able to do your duties--"

"Right now," she interrupted, "My duty is to be by your side, and 
I don't need any powers to do that."

"Yes, but why would you want to--"

Belldandy took her hand and placed it on Keiichi's thigh, much to 
his surprise. "I get...a feeling," she tried to explain, "When I 
do something like this, there's a feeling, and I think I like it.  
I've never felt it until now, when I'm...human."

Keiichi gasped, as Belldandy's hand pressed against his thigh.  He 
knew what she was feeling, as he also experienced it.

He asked jokingly, "You won't run out on us again, will you?"

The goddess laughed, and shook her head, "I'm still frightened by 
it all...these new emotions can be so powerful.  But I just need 
to conquer these fears, and I'll...maybe I'll be able to truly 
make you happy."

"You never needed to anything more to make me happy."

Belldandy leaned forward, "Not like this.  Not like..."

Keiichi focused on her lips, drawing closer for a kiss.  He 
couldn't possibly disappoint her, so he held her chin before 
making his move.

"Wait!" Belldandy cried, and broke away.  She giggled 
nervously, "I'm sorry!"

"It's OK, it's OK," Keiichi replied.  He was beginning to get used 
to being this close without actually having it.

She shied away, "I believe I still have more to learn."

"So you won't change your mind."

"No.  Does that disappoint you?"

"I just want you to be happy, that's all."

Belldandy smiled, and leaned her head on his shoulder out of 
exhaustion. "I can be.  I will be."

"So," Keiichi asked out of curiosity, "How will you explain this 
to the others?"

"I don't know," she replied, closing her eyes and yawning, all the 
while making a brief, amateur attempt at humor, "I've been making 
this up as I go along."

He laughed softly at her ability to dodge the question.  Then 
Keiichi looked up suddenly, as a flare lit up the sky and burst 
into a light pattern that amazed all those below.  The fireworks 
had only begun, and it caught his attention.

"Look, Belldandy," he said.  Yet, when he looked down at the 
goddess, she had already drifted off to sleep, after a long and 
eventful day.  Keiichi sighed, gently bringing Belldandy down to 
rest on his lap.  He looked at her as the light of the fireworks 
reflected on her delicate face.

"You're wrong," he said to her, "Nothing can make me happier than 
this.  But...you're welcome to find out."

TO BE CONTINUED.
 

_________________________________________________________________
Sent via the Interkey.net WebMi System.  http://www.interkey.net


 
                   

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'