Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Tue, 16 Jul 2002 16:56:24 -0400 Sam Vilsmeier <syp104@email.psu.edu>
wrote:
Ranma gulped, and whipped his sweaty palms against his pants as he entered
the lobby. Here he was, entering a {Love Hotel : love hotel : *love hotel*} with a girl he had only really
known for a day. Of course, they had already had sex, they were planning to
wed, and she was carrying his child. The shit had hit the fan, and he really
couldn't say that he minded.
He slowly gazed upon his mate. Her dark pink flush perfectly accented her
severe coloration, making her look beautifully exotic, like the descriptions
of Snow White in those western fairy {tails : tales}.
It looked like she was nervous. {What ever : Whatever} she wanted to tell him was really
weighing her down. She was afraid of rejection, and of being alone. She was
trembling with fear, and he didn't like it one bit.
The beautiful young woman flushed an even deeper crimson when she realized
that Ranma's affectionate gaze was upon her. Hotaru {slowly :} looked down
demurely and {slowly spoke up : spoke softly}. "Ranma, we need a room," she said.
Decoration aside, the room was spartan, just a counter, two doors, a
key-rack, and bloated swine of a man on a swivel chair, who was currently
entertaining himself with a "Tentacle High School" {Manga : manga}.
It's got good articles.
The fat manager slowly lowered his manga, {looked : looking} somewhat perturbed about
the interruption. In a dull and somewhat disinterested tone he asked, "Which
room?"
Ranma slowly looked down at the counter. Under the plastic surface {was ere : were}
pictures of each of the rooms. He had never expected this to be so
impersonal... like ordering take out, but he could understand the need for
privacy.
Quickly deciding on something plain, Ranma spoke up. "Err... Number Twelve?"
Supersize it please.
Ranma dug into his pocket{ and pulled out his lucky wallet :}. Shifting through
his lucky blue "Wombat Fury Z" wallet, he withdrew four 1,000 yen bills and
gave them to the attendant.
The two {youth : youths} quickly {exited : left} the lobby. The main hallway was the same dull
shade of pink, which their faces were now matching. They quickly rushed into
their room.
Hotaru slowly opened her mouth, but was then remembered a old rumor she had
heard the girls at school talking about, a rumor about {Love Hotel : love hotel} rooms
holding hidden surprises. While she knew that was probably nothing more then
paranoid foolishness, it was best to be sure.
Hotaru felt her knees go weak. There was no way out now, no turning back.
There was only the horrible truth behind her existence. Would Ranma reject
her because she was nothing more than the Death Star in a mini-skirt?
That's a nice turn of phrase which again shows how self-conscious she is
about her perceived role.
Hotaru {winched : winced} as she felt her resolve weaken once again. "I'm... I am
afraid Ranma. I'm afraid that you'll reject me once you know the *truth*."
As the corona of mystical energy faded{, :} Sailor Saturn {: was revealed}. This was the moment
where her fate would be decided. In a weak, unsure voice, she said, "Ranma,
I'm a Sailor Senshi"
Ranma stood in place, dumbfounded by this news. Hotaru slowly began to lose
{he : her} balance as fear began to swell in her heart. So this was it. She just
knew it.
{A after : After} a long moment, Ranma opened his mouth and said, "Whoa..."
The nosebleed was a nice touch.
Hotaru's words were so low that no normal person could hear them, but {Ranma : Ranma's}
senses were far from normal. "Why would I do somethin' stupid like that?"
Ranma sighed, and shook his head. "No you're not. You're not a weapon, {our : you're}
just Hotaru."
Hotaru smiled brightly. She hadn't given him enough credit, had she? The
truth was slowly starting to dawn on her. Ranma would not reject her, no
matter how weird and freakish her powers might be. He was {to : too} kind a
person... and far more jaded to the strange and unusual then any human being
should ever be. He didn't care if she was a Magic Girl. He didn't care if
she could end the world. He only cared that she was Hotaru.
Good thing she doesn't turn into a cat.
So this was it, her rejection. {S :} He was going to cast her away. To damn her
to a live time of {loneness : loneliness}. She clamped her eyes closed and tensed up,
trying to prepare herself best she could for the crippling emotional blow.
Usagi would be agast if she realized how lonely and afraid of rejection
Hotaru is.
Hotaru chuckled to {her self : herself} in total disbelief. She had told him that she
was a Senshi. She had told him that she could end all life on Earth. He was
not casting her away? He was only complaining about her state of dress
during her transformation! This was the big reaction that she had feared? It
couldn't be. There was no way in hell that someone could take this so {easly : easily}!
Ranma's eyes narrowed and he grabbed her by the shoulders, giving her a firm
shake. "No Hotaru, it wasn't you, it was me! If any one here is a freak, it's
me! I turn into a goddamn girl! That's a lot worse then a magic girl
transformation, and I don't care if ya can destroy a planet! That's old {new : news}
{to : ta} me!"
Hotaru's smiled relaxed as she lost herself in Ranma's arms. With a sigh of
contentment, she {wisped : whispered}, "I love you."
Ranma smiled and stared at the {Love Hotel's steeling : ceiling}. Well, he was right.
She was more energetic in her Senshi form, MUCH more energetic.
His fianc�es. He better stop thinking of them like that. He had a fianc�e,
and that was Hotaru. She was carrying his child and would soon be his wife.
They {jut : just} had to make it official.
Then what? Then what would he do? He would still {would :} have to deal with the
other fia... girls. If the way the *last* wedding {the blew : had blown} up in his was any
indication was any indication of things to come, this would not be easy.
Of course he didn't really know what love was. He never had any definite
experience with it, at least in the romantic sense! He though he loved
Akane, {be : but} now he was not sure. He knew he loved Ucchan, or at least used to,
but that was as a friend and sibling.
Ranma blushed. Man Hotaru was cute when she smiled. He had always {though : thought}
Akane's {: smile} was cute, but she didn't hold a candle to Hotaru. She looked even
cuter, especially with that Senshi tiara on. It made her look like some kind
of princess.
Ranma sighed, {he : he'd} really screwed {to : the} pooch this time. "Hotaru, listen to me,
and listen to me good." Hotaru began to open her mouth, but was shushed by
Ranma. "I said that I don't know if I love ya, not that I don't like ya. You{
:}'re really cute, your really nice, and you've treated me better then almost
anyone I've ever met!"
Hotaru gazed upon the ring and smiled. They were engaged! So much had
happened to her in the last few days. First, she found out that she was
going to become a mother, and now she {is : was} going to become a wife. She
silently swore to herself that her children would grow up with the happiness
that she and Ranma both {didn't : hadn't} had.
"Ranma, I would like to, but I'm hungry, I want you to meet my best friend,
and..." Hotaru blushed bright red in embarrassment. She moved up to Ranma,
and continued in a low voice, "I'm starting get a little {sour : sore}... much more
and I will have problems walking."
Ranma opened the door and the two continued back onto the street. "I want
you to meet my friends too... My mom would love to meet ya, and {If when : if we} can
hunt down the baka, I wanna introduce you to my best bud Ryo{... : --} Oh, shit!"
Ranma exclaimed as they turned the corner that led out of the ally way.
Hotaru's blood froze in her veins, and a big blank smiled made it's way to
her face. "Hi... {Papa : Haruka-papa}!"
Since Ranma seemed to recognize the individual, I expect that it's Haruka,
not Professor Tomoe or Sailor Uranus. If the Outers are now tied in with
the Inners' comunicators, she probably heard where Hotaru was from Minako
and is not pleased. She should have some idea Ranma's skill level from the
Nerima Review and her workout with Ranko, so she'll want to transform
before taking him on. That will give her a pretty puzzle since she
won't want to share her secret identity with Ranma.
Can Ranma dodge an Earth Shaking while carrying Hotaru?
Notes: The scene after Hotaru's transformation is very rough and I'm not
exactly happy with it. I will be thankful for any and all {sugestions : suggestions} and
ideas.