I accidentally deleted the copy of the original, so I'm using Michael's
as a base.

Setsuna laughed lightly, and said, "Let me guess... Martial Arts
{ :}Homemaking?"

I liked Martial Arts Catering better.  It's your choice though.

Agreed.  Matrial Arts Homemaking comes in when he cleans the house top
to bottom in 5 minutes.

Hotaru froze in place and began to mutter a few curses, then growled

and

twisted around, meeting Setsuna's gaze with a venomous glare. "No,

you can'{

:}t! There are no damn sandals! I was buying pregnancy tests! Now

are you

happy?"

Setsuna winced, as Hotaru's angry tone heightened the already

blazing agony

of her hangover. "Um, sorry, Hotaru-chan. I... I, didn't know."

I really liked that exchange.  It really throws Setsuna off stride

when she

can't know everything that's going on.

Not only that, it's a really abrupt change in attitude for Hotaru.
_She_ lied to _them_ about what she was buying.  It doesn't seem right
(to me) for Hotaru to get that angry.  Now, if we accept that Hotaru's
pissed, Setsuna's reaction works for me.

I'd have her more exasperated than angry, personally.  Along the lines
of "I didn't buy sandles, I lied to cover up the fact I was buying home
pregnancy tests."

Hotaru has permission to reveal her Sailor Saturn identity, but that's
going to make keeping the other Outer's identities secret more

difficult.

With anyone but Ranma, Usagi's identity would be at risk as well.

I personally find it amazing that in the entrie series the only non-Team
member who knows who everyone is (who isn't a baddie) is Prof Tomoe.
Whether or not Ranma knows is irrelevant from that POV.  What makes it
interesting is how he'll react to Hotaru being in danger (as his fiancee
_and_ the mother of his child) as well as his natural chauvanism(sp)
when it comes to the SM situation in general.

"You mean to tell me a klutz like odango-for-brains is the leader of you
all?"

"Arrogant old {witch : ghoul}..." grumbled Ranma from underneath the

wooden implement

of feminine retribution.

If he's comparing her to Cologne, he HAS to call her to a ghoul.

Setsuna sighed, and turned to Hotaru. "As I was saying, he's a good

kid, but

{need : he needs} to be house broken. I think you can pull it off...

oh, and you two

{house broken : house-broken) (In my dictionary, anyway.)

should cut down on the lovey-dovey crap in front of the others. It

might

expose you before *you* tell them," Setsuna's eyes and she looked

into

Hotaru's "and you know what kinds of conclusions they would probably

come

to."

"Lovey-dovey crap?"  Sam, work on your character voices a little.  That
does not sound like something Setsuna would say.  "Overt displays of
affection" seems more her style.

"Oh, and you should really sign the back of that thing. You don't

want to

get ripped off," she added.

At this point an attempted mugging would be a relief.  It'd at least

let

him work off a little of his tension.

I'd say a youma (daimon? I'm not sure which series you're placing this
in) attack would probably make Ranma's day right now.


I find this particular chapter of interest because of how Setsuna treats
Ranma.  She's pissed at him, but appears accept his attempts to do the
right thing for what they are.  She's being surprisingly understanding
of the situation.  I also find it particularly interesting how you've
referenced Ranma's power level - Setsuna more or less states that
Ranma's the equal of Senshi on hos own.

Good work, Sam.  I've been going through your previous works, and I must
admit, you're really improving as a writer.

--
Chris Angel
http://yggdrasil.org


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