--- HARIJUBAL@aol.com wrote:

In a message dated 7/9/2002 11:21:22 PM Eastern Standard Time, 
majks@yahoo.com writes:

Hmm . . . flashbacks of Metroanime . . . and Carrotglace . . . 

This is partly in reaction to Metroanime's "Genma is the worst father
figure ever" tropes.

PREVIOUSLY:  Ranma and Akane got married and had children;  Souun
died; Gendou's brother refused to take in Shinji; Genma convinced
Gendou to let him take care of Shinji.

How in hell did Genma do that?  And what's the connection between
them?

They met in a bar.  And Genma was cheap babysitting.

                COULD BE WORSE

     The slim boy with a detached look on his face swiped his

calling card through the telephone reader.  "Yo, Auntie N!  I'm
here in Tokyo-3, but no one else is.  The place is deserted. 
You sure this is where I was supposed to go?"

why "detached" here?  I mean, regular Shinji (hereafter referred to
as 
Shinji-R) would be detached but this one would probably be more
annoyed or 
possibly bored.

He still has a little of the lack of connection.

And Auntie N?  Where's the twister?

In his own self-insert series, thank you.

make out any facial features from this distance, but she looked
to have short blue hair and pale skin.

So this Shinji (hereafter referred to as Shinji-N) noticed phantom
Rei of the 
foreshadowing, eh?  groovy.

Yup. 

     "What girl?"

Hmm . . . obviously we know what the characters look like.  And we
probably 
know the storyline that this is based on . . . 

But here's the thing; shouldn't fanfic writers at least try to
write as if 
we're introducing the characters to new "readers" who don't know
the story or 
the character designs?  I mean, obviously, it's unlikely that those

unfamiliar would stumble onto this story but it could happen . . . 

Just a thought.

Will need to actually watch the series again at some point.

now, you should be cleared for this.  They built Tokyo-2, it

was

completed--and then the whole thing vanished without a trace. 
Buildings, vehicles, equipment and all.  Good thing only

Commander

Sinclair was in there.  He was in charge of NERV before your

father."

Hmm . . . gratuitous Babylon 5 reference . . . and wrong, too. 
Tokyo-1 was, 
of course, the original Tokyo, and Tokyo-3 is where they are now,
but Tokyo-2 
is the capital of Japan. 

Oh, so the show *did* explain that at some point...

*          *          *

     "Are you sure you're not related to the Hibikis?" asked
Shinji, as Misato finally realized they'd passed the same
corridor intersection three times.

And a gratuitous Ranma reference.

The hits just keep on coming!

Shinji's met a Hibiki, so it's not completely gratuitous.

     "Hold that thought," said Misato, hitting a quick-dial

button on

her cell phone.  "Hello, Ritsuko?  We're a little lost, and--"
     There was a whooshing sound as a door opened behind them. 
Shinji turned to see a blonde woman in a lab coat, carrying a

cell

phone.  He noted that she smelled of chlorinated water, and her

coat

was a little damp.

Wait, I thought that Ritsuko was swimming in the liquid suspension
of Eva-01, 
the one that they took a boat ride across later on . . .

Nit-pick?  Me?  

Hmm...What does that smell like?

     "You're telling me you want *me* to control that

monstrosity,

old man?"

I LIKE Shinji-N's response to his father.

This is one of the big changes.

     Gendou's expression didn't change.  "Yes."
     Shinji dashed across the intervening space, leapt two meters

up,

then scrambled the rest of the way so that his face was level

with

his father's through the window.  Ritsuko and Misato gasped;

Gendou

might have blinked, but it was hard to tell behind the tinting.

Naw, Gendou wouldn't have blinked.  He'd never give ANYONE the
satisfaction 
of seeming surprised or upset.  Whenever he's in imminent danger,
all he does 
is stand there looking stoic.  Which is pretty dumb.

Shinji would like to believe that Gendou blinked.  We're going tight
third person in this chapter.

*

     It took him a few moments to get his bearings, as he wasn't
used to seeing things from this height.  A viewscreen popped on,
revealing Misato's face.
     "Okay, Shinji, the telemetry says everything is working
within acceptable parameters.  Are you ready?"
     Shinji flexed the fingers of Unit-01.  "Ready as I guess I'm
going to be, Auntie."
     "That's 'Big Sis--', er, you should call me 'Captain' when
we're on the job."

Heh.

Oh, good, you got it.

     "Aye aye, Cap'n."
     "The Angel should be coming into view now."
     Shinji looked around, and sure enough, the bulky monster was
indeed lumbering in his general direction.
     "All right, time to open up a can of whoop-ass," said the
boy as he ran toward the Angel.  He decided that a quick punch
to the gut would give him some idea of his opponent's
capabilities.

Can of whoop-ass?  I'm sure that even Ranma could come up with some
more 
original than that.  And it'd probably sound even more out of date
in the 
twenty-first century.

Part of the point.

     "Shinji, are you all right?"
     "Fine, Cap'n.  Just learned that mad martial arts skills
don't translate as well to this big purple galoot as I'd hoped. 
So, how do I summon the big flaming sword?"
     Misato blinked.  "Big...flaming...sword?"

No, no, you can't form the flaming sword unless all four Eva units
are 
combined into one super-Eva.

But since we never really have all four working at the same time...

     "All the giant robots in the cartoons have big flaming

swords! 

It's a tradition."
     "Uh, hold on a moment..."  Misato hit the 'mute' button,
and was talking to someone offscreen as Shinji got up.
     The sound came back on.  "Sorry, Shinji, no flaming sword,
but there's a rifle scaled for you about 200 meters to your

left."

You know, you'd think that Misato would already know that there's
no flaming 
sword without having to be told . . . 

Yes, yes, she should.

Comments, questions?

SKJAM!

It's good; much better than most of the Eva/Ranma stuff out there. 
I'd say 
that the set-up before the part really begins is cliched but what
the hell.  
Other than the points I mentioned, it's fine.

Thanks,
SKJAM!

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