Finally got around to reading this.  Nice story.  Others have already said pretty much everything I would have; I just want to clarify a certain obscure grammer point.
 

[Use "all right" or "awright" instead of "alright". Awright is commonly used
in Japan and is acceptable in dialogue. The word "alright" is verboten under
all known circumstances. Reasoning as to why we cannot have "alright" right
along with "already", is a deep, dark piece of arcana known only to
etymologists and grammarians.]

This I can answer.  "Already" and "all ready" mean two completely different things.  "Already" means "previously"; "all ready" means "everyone prepared".  "All right" and "alright" have the same meaning, thus the former is preferred.

Defender of the Light
Elite Mage
junior member of the Inner Circle of the Mages Council

Contrary to popular opinion, magic and science do mix.

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