AJ Andreason wrote:
[snip]

Glittering like so many blue gems, a thousand sparkling pools
stretch out in front of him. Thousands more stiff bamboo poles stuck

Thousands?  I thought there were only about a hundred or so?

All right, I'll change to hudreds. But thousands is so much more dramatic!
 

And also, "Thousands more" sounds a bit odd, since it sounds like it's
'thousand more poles [in addition to the other poles]' or somesuch.

Hmm. Okay, I'll rephrase. No promises, though.

into the air like the spines of an enormous porcupine, some leaning
and broken and others still stiff and new. In the distance, Ranma
could make out a little cabin set against a hill with a slow plume
of smoke rising from the chimney. The sky was an emerald blue.

 [I didn't get "emerald" blue, but then I never really understood a
"wine dark sea" either. Of course the Japanese language often fails to
make a clear distinction between blue and green, so I guess this is
entirely appropriate--all things considered.]

Hmm. I guess you could call it sort of a really vibrant darker blue,
sort of like the kind you'd get on a clear day in the mountains.

How about "saphire" blue?

Emerald, saphire... What am I, a geweler? ^_^
Okay, I'll do SOMETHING.

Thanks for the feedback,
AJ Andreason


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