Well, I don't know if it is a demon of the week fic or a self-insert.

Could

be both! At any rate, I've been laughing my ass off at it.

Self insert? Well, gee, I've never exactly seen myself as a six inch,
color-blind, mallet-weiling midget, but if you say so...

Sorry. Hot out. Low on energy.

[You oughtta try Houston about now!]

Yeash! No, thanks. I'm the cold weather type. One of the reasons I live in
Montana.

Agent of Chaos
Chapter III: Architecture, and Annoying the Gods

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 and all asociated do not belong to me, but anyone
caught using Who W. Weird, Agent of Chaos, midget extrodinare, will answer
to my sister. Watch out! She bites!

[Er, associated rather than asociated.]

Oh, I hate spelling.

Mr. Weird grinned like a pint-sized hyena, and banished the Evil Purple
Monster from the Beyond with a wave of his hand. There was a hollow

popping

sound, and then a rush. Ranma looked back to see that the unconscious
remainder of his minions had disappeared.

[Oh, thank goodness! I thought I was going to be ill for a moment there.]

Yes, saved us all.

"Ranma Saotome," Weird stated thunderously, making his way toward the
martial artist. "Now that that's done, we must confirm our contract in the
traditional way. With a handshake."

[Replace the comma after the word "way" with an em dash, make that a small
"w" in the word "With".]

Good idea. Will do.
<snip>

"Okay, okay, jeez!"

Slowly, like he was expecting to get it bitten off, Ranma stretched his
hand toward the travel-size Agent of Chaos. Rumbling with impatience, Mr.
Weird took it--at least the pinky--and shook it heartily.

 [Use "as though" rather than "like" in this context. Such usage of the word
"like" is acceptable in dialogue, but not in narrative. Replace "he was "
with "he were".]

Yes, it does sound awkward. Much better that way.

A sudden fierce light bloomed around their hands, quickly traveling up
around Ranma until it covered his body. He tried to jerk back, but Weird's
grip on his little finger was implacable. Instead, he pulled hard on Mr.
Weird, trying to shake him off, and Mr. Weird pulled back, glaring and
sputtering indignantly.

So it was, in a brilliant halo of light, began the first Anything-Goes
Pinky-Wrestling competition.

[Make it "So it was that" and lose both commas, or re-word the sentence with
"So it came to past that the first..." or some such.]

Hmm... not a bad a idea. A little biblical perhaps, but I'll definitely
change something.
<snip>

There was a rush of air and an enormous roar as a straight shaft of
lightning shot out of the clear air, and with stunning accuracy, showered
its affection down on the midget. And, in defiance of physics, it arced

from

the little man's feet to the ground, ignoring Ranma completely.

[I suggest "clear sky" instead of "clear air". The word "air" badly overused
in this paragraph.]

Okay. Hate when I miss that. Rotating my phases of desription is something I
try to do constantly, and yet some STILL escape me...

For a moment, Ranma was a little offended. After all, he was just as good

as

everybody else, wasn't he? Didn't he have the right to be electrocuted

like

your average person? What was so wrong with him?

Ranma paused mid-thought. It had suddenly occurred to him how stupid it

was.

[Bwahaha! Bwaha! Bwaha-ha-ha! I _liked_ this one!]

*bows* Thank you, thank you...

<snip>

"Hey, deep-fried!" he demanded, pointing an accusing finger at the little
gnome. "What exactly did you do to me?"

[Excellent Ranma-ism! Excellent. I like this one so much I may try to steal
it.]

Feel free. 90% of my ideas are up for grabs, and the rest is if you just ask
first.

<snip>

Akane gaped, but Ranma snapped "A mess that YOU caused, ya'--"

[Needs a comma after the word "snapped".]

Will do.

"Why would you fix it for us?" Nabiki cut in, her eyes narrowed. "What's

in

it for you?

"Why, my dear lady," Weird answered, ignoring Ranma, "Why completely

destroy

a place that is such a wonderful nexus of chaos as this is?"

Nabiki considered it a moment with a flat expression. "Point taken."

"This means... we don't have to repair it ourselves?" Mr. Tendo asked,
already near tears.

Akane sighed. "Yes, daddy. We don't have to fix it--I hope." She glanced

at

Weird, who looked offended at her lack of trust.

"I'm offended at your lack of trust," he said levelly, then stuck his nose
in the air and sniffed.

[Well, at least he did not find your lack of trust disturbing, Nabs. That
could have been truly nasty.]

Hmm, maybe for later. The fact would be particularlly funny because, after
all, it's a bit tough for a six-inch man with big red combat boots to be
very imposing. Besides, he doesn't breath hard enough.
<snip>

"Yes, well," Mr. Weird hedged in his deep bass, looking oddly nervous, "I
thought it'd be a nice change, don't you know? I mean, didn't the other

way

get so boring? What is with the interest in rightside-up around these
parts?"

[Well, maybe he did find you lack of trust disturbing, Nabsy.]

It's hard to be evil enough to do that when you get cowed by a woman who's
worst weapon is cheating you in a business deal.

He paused, thinking about what he had said. Then he burst into laughter,
pointing and snickering at the group of them with an outstretched finger.
With a final "Ha HAH!" he vanished in a puff of acrylic pink smoke.

[You want to know what is terrifying to me? I can almost envision "acrylic"
pink smoke, that's what!]

You know, I'm not even sure what "acrylic" looks like. It just kinda fit the
sentance. *shrugs* Go fig.
 <snip>

Glittering like so many blue gems, a thousand sparkling pools stretch out

in

front of him. Thousands more stiff bamboo poles stuck into the air like

the

spines of an enormous porcupine, some leaning and broken and others still
stiff and new. In the distance, Ranma could make out a little cabin set
against a hill with a slow plume of smoke rising from the chimney. The sky
was an emerald blue.

 [I didn't get "emerald" blue, but then I never really understood a "wine
dark sea" either. Of course the Japanese language often fails to make a
clear distinction between blue and green, so I guess this is entirely
appropriate--all things considered.]

Hmm. I guess you could call it sort of a really vibrant darker blue, sort of
like the kind you'd get on a clear day in the mountains.
<snip>

Hurry every chance you get, AJ. I'm eager to read the next one.

Don Granberry.

Well, I'm six pages (unedited) into the next chapter. I like to keep them at
about eight pages, so it should be out in the next couple days, the muse
willing.

Thanks a lot!
AJ Andreason




             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'