Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Tue, 9 Jul 2002 23:22:27 +1200 R E <ranma_e@hotmail.com> wrote:
Ranma stumbled, throwing his arms out in front of himself to soften the
landing as the ground screamed toward him. Flashes of green and brown
filled his eyes, his breath catching in his throat as he braced for the
impact - but as suddenly as it had appeared, the ground fizzled out of
{existance : existence}, leaving a gaping chasm in its wake.
There ought to be a suitable spel chekour available for Commonwealth
Engligh under Outlook Express. This would have been caught under either
version.
She shook her head, dismissing the unwelcome reminiscence. She became
aware of the distant chirping of insects, but the sound was quickly pushed{
:}
out of her mind by the two questions buzzing back and forth in her brain.
She would keep her promise, once she had slept some more. As soon as she
could shake off the {oppresive : oppressive} tiredness that dogged her. She did not know
how long she had slept for, but she did not feel as if she had rested at
all.
Several hours passed before Ranma emerged, bleary-eyed, from the small room
in which she had slept. She yawned, still tired, and {glenced : glanced} around to see
exactly where it was she had been taken to. The last thing she could
remember was swimming, and a tingle of excitement in her stomach at the
sight of a distant shoreline.
Sunlight streamed into the large room before her. Tatami lined the floor,
which was dominated by a large table placed at its centre. Several empty
sake bottles lay strewn across the table, and beyond it lay a {dishevelled : disheveled}
Shampoo, curled up against the wall, asleep.
"She shouldn't be drinking sake," Ranma commented, angry memories of her
father's all-too-frequent drunken escapades surfacing in her mind. He
introduced her to sake four years prior, and she had never developed a
taste for it. Aside from the unpleasant taste, the thought of her father's
foolish drunken behaviour was a sizable {deterrant : deterrent}.
"She understands the meaning of honour. She threw her life to the wind
to pull yours back to safety. Truly the most profound {privelege : privilege} any
servant can hope for. You should be proud of her."
"What?" she asked, {irresistable : irresistible} curiosity parting the bleak cloud that hung
over her. She opened her eyes and looked upon Shampoo. "What do you
mean?"
Her life. Her. That thought alone was an endlessly {unconfortable : unconformable}
distraction. How on Earth was she ever going to cope with being a girl?
"It's fine," Ranma replied. Meditation? She had never really believed in{
:}
it. The only "meditation" her father had ever demonstrated was usually a
result of a late night drinking binge, and was always followed in turn by
a very grumpy, hung-over Genma the next morning. "I was just thinking."
Despite the considerable burden, Shampoo smiled at Ranma, her eyes carrying
a pleasant look about them that was {irresistably : irresistibly} infectious. Despite her
weighty thoughts, Ranma found herself mirroring the smile. She had long
since given up on convincing Shampoo to stop calling her "Master", and
Shampoo's mood had improved exponentially because of it. Shampoo had been
smiling more and more often, and her light mood had made the trip much more
bearable than it had initially been.
Ranma looked on in silence. She knew she should have felt grief, sorrow,
pain, but she could feel nothing. Somehow she was numb, utterly {detatched : detached}
from the suffering that had been inflicted upon the village. She knew it
was a hideous, terrible thing. She wanted to feel anger, outrage, to
charge into the ruins filled with righteous {venegance : vengeance}, but she could not
summon up the emotion. There was only a void, nothingness where there
should have been substance.
"I don't think he's got the guts," Ranma remarked offhandedly, glancing
over her shoulder to {surrepticiously : surreptitiously} wink at Shampoo. "He's all talk."
As well-trained as the soldier might have been, he was not prepared for
Ranma's lightning-fast dodge to one side, nor was he prepared for the
{imapact : impact} of Ranma's fist on his sword-hand. The explosive pain of his wrist
snapping took him completely by surprise, sending his sword tumbling out of
his grasp. These surprises were nothing, however, compared to the sight of
Shampoo's bare foot closing in on his face.
Ranma squinted as she lay alongside Shampoo amidst a thicket of bushes.
The pair watched over a tiny {emcampment : encampment}: two tents and a small fire marked
the centre of a small clearing amidst the surrounding trees. Three
soldiers, dressed identically to Totoshi, sat around the fire. Ranma could
hear conversation and laughter, but was unable to resolve the muttering
into words.
Glancing over, Ranma saw Shampoo had duplicated her success on the other
soldier, who now lay unconscious at the Amazon's feet. Shampoo dusted off
her hands, a {guesture : gesture} which appeared almost comical and brought a smile to
Ranma's face. Strange, she thought, what you find funny sometimes.
Ranma sighed as she watched the Amazon, unsure of what to say, what to do.
The girl had finally begun to come to terms with what had happened with
Genma, and now this had happened. It was obvious that Shampoo simply could
not cope with the consequences of killing another person.
Shampoo seems awfully squeamish for that time period.
Tying the soldiers up without the prospect of handing them over to someone
for safekeeping doesn't make any sense.
"I ... I came from the Ryukyus," the girl explained, her voice weak. "I
had been {traveling : travelling} for days, and I came across a village. They let me stay
for a night, and then ... then ...."
I've had a few people commenting that they would prefer I concentrate more
on Ranma and Akane rather than telling Ranma's back story. That's a valid
point, but I feel that what is happening with Ranma and Shampoo isn't just
backstory. I'm trying to tell two stories at once: Ranma's story, and
Akane's story. The two stories have many similarities, but many differences
as well, and I feel it's important to keep telling Ranma's story. It was
always my intention to do this, and while the Ranma / Shampoo storyline
won't carry on forever, there will be other glimpses into Ranma's past that
will explain how she became who she is.
Whether it is backstory or not, we need to eventually discover how Ranma
came to be the way she is when Akane meets her.