I'm not dead really...
BattlOhki
cabbit of Battlekrome
Miyah Miyah!!
(warning long term exposure to this cabbit
can cause Cabbititis)
webpage at
http://www.angelfire.com/anime3/Battlekrome/
_________________________________________________________________
MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos:
http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx
-- Attached file included as plaintext by Ecartis --
-- File: 3WAMST7.txt
-- Listar MIME Encryption --------------
-- Name : 3WAMST.txt
-- Desc : 3WAMST.txt
roiughbeargeu459yt957u4poh5y980425ig098whgo5b28045gb3quhpgf3qb08wg32q7fgwao
gf98f987ahgwogfwagfb89rg3wqfgbwq984hfoiq32f083qwb098fhq3w098hfq3wif4g0qwhgf
4wqghfiqgw08gfbouiwqgecwq8fcgwoaifgo8uwagfwa
<THUNK!>
Battle: if it jams force it. if it breaks it needed replacing anyway.
3WAMST 2K
-
WWWA Mystery Science Theatre 2000
-
:CAST call::
Battlekrome: Where's that diabolical laughter coming from?
Yuri: Don't know it sounds like Iso on a power trip
Leona: It could be worse though he could be a mad scientist
Aooga - Aooga - Aooga
FANFIC ALERT
10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...0 Happy New Year!
Itinerant Press Productions Presents:
----------------------------------------------
Misplaced Science Theater #2
BGC Fic/Ghost in the Shell parts 1&2 (copyrighted to Battlekrome)
Bubblegum Crisis (copyrighted to Kenichi Sonada)
Ghost in the Shell (copyrighted to Masamune Shirow)
----------------------------------------------
Battle: Well that explains a lot
Leona: What about the fact that MST is copyrighted?
Battle: Best Brain Inc. for those who forgot
[Scene: A rather comfortable looking set of rooms, deep within a secret
laboratory hidden deep beneath the arctic ice.
Battle: Superman!
However, the appeal of this room
begins to drop once it is realized that the only exit is through three
impenetrable titanium airlocks, a series of fiendish deathtraps, and a
hemorrhoidal rabid wombat named Biff.
Battle: A wombat you wouldn't even give a rats ass to
Yuri: Ooh an impenetrable fortress
ALL: NOT!
The room currently has three occupants, a
reasonably normal looking young man named Domingo Semanas, a reasonably
abnormal
tiger boy called T-chan, and Dr. Immaculate Crappums, card carrying member
of
the Brotherhood of Really Evil Scientists]
Battle: BRES?
Leona: Could be worse it could be BREASTS
Battle: What's that stand for?
Leona: Brotherhood of Really Evil And 'Sychopathic Tyrant Scientists
Battle: shouldn't that be BREAPTS?
Leona: Spelling isn't one of their strong suits
[T-chan is chasing Dr. C around the room, seemingly intent on completely
disemboweling the less-than-good doctor. Dom is apparently sleeping on the
couch].
Battle: Doctor? Doctor you say? Doctor Who?
T-chan: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FORGOT THE PASSWORD FOR THE DEATHTRAPS!
Dr.C: It's a twenty-syllable nonsense word that changes on a daily basis!
I
kept the rotation on a list taped to the command console so I wouldn't have
to
remember it!
Intercom: BRAINS! BRAINS!
SUPERFRAGALISTICSOMBOLMATICCALASTHENICALHEGEBEBERISMNAP!
Battle: Hrmm twenty syllable nonsense world Leona: ::counts::
Leona: Hey the Zombies have the code!!
Dom: [cracking an eye] I don't suppose I mentioned recently just how much I
hate zombies?
Battle: Not yet
Dr.C: [dodging around the couch] Don't blame me, they're not my zombies!
Dom: How did they get into your lab in the first place. Don't you have
death
ray lasers guarding the entrance or something?
Battle: you know for being a highly defended mad scientists fortress we got
in fairly easily
Leona: What? I'll have you know I scratched Bonaparte's paint getting us in
Dr. C: [looks sheepish] Err...I sort of let them in.
Dom & T-chan: What?
Dr.C: [defensively] They rang the doorbell! I thought that they were the
solicitors that the local hunchbacked assistants 407 sends around collecting
spare brains!
Battle: Brains... brains nope none in there
[From over the intercom comes a sound similar to what happens when you put a
cartload of fine crystal through a rock polisher, followed by the roar of a
double-barreled shotgun]
Battle: Introducing Fly Taggart ultimate marine and zombie killer
Leona: Where's Arlene?
Dr.C: What the hell?
Intercom: Goddamned stupid friggin teleporters! Why are they always lying
around the middle of the hallway? *boom* And why do they always dump me into
the
middle of a mess of zombies? *boom-boom* Where the hell am I now? This
doesn't
seem like Phoebes. *boom*
Battle: Or Demos or Hell or Earth or that Fred Base
Dom & T-chan: [dancing for joy]: The Calvary's here, we're saved!
Intercom: Damn, all this zombie killing has made me hungry. Hey, a salad,
groovy. Wonder why it's behind that airlock? [door opening] Mmm, it's even
got
tomatoes....
Battle: However this has to be Duke Nukem due to the groovy that or Ash the
chosen one
Dr. C: [leaping for the intercom] Nooooo!
Intercom: Hey, did that salad just move? What the-! Guaahh! [sound of
something
wet and messy happening]
Battle: And thus the calvary is killed by the attack of the killer
tomatoes...
Leona: ::yawn::
T-chan: Um, Mr-Rescuer-Type-Guy? Hello?
Intercom: *chomp crunch chomp slurp* Mmmm...fresh brains... Give us brains!
BRAINS!
Dom: What just happened to our rescue?
Dr. C: He opened the lab where I was testing my latest batch of biological
assassins. That fool! Now my most advanced batch of killer tomatoes is
loose
too!
T-chan: [hopefully] Maybe the tomatoes and the zombies will eat each other?
Dr. C: Or combine into some unholy amalgamation of festering corpse and
plump,
juicy fruit. You never know with evil experiments, they can go either way.
Battle: You know that tends to happen way to often to be coincidence
[The various TVs around the room flicker to life]
T-chan: Speaking of evil experiments...
Dr.C: Damn, it's found another one already.
Battle: would like to point out that you MST'ed chapter one then the
prologue
Off the dead pages this fic goes
BGC Fic
Ghost in The Shell
By Battlekrome
Warning this can be considered a DARK
T-chan: [coughs into his hand] Dork.
fic reader beware!
Prologue: MIA
Dom: Wouldn't that have been a more appropriate title for the last chapter?
Dr. C: You'd think that, unless...
T-chan: Unless what?
Dr. C: Hey fuzzbutt, I guess you were wrong; this is a darkfic after all.
Battlekrome killed off Nene in that last one.
T-chan: [throws himself at the safety glass] Nene-chan, no, you can't be
dead!
Everybody, clap your hands! If you believe in fairies, clap your hands!
[gets
pelted with cuchions]
Battle: Not if you read them in the right order
Nene came to with a headache. The last thing she remembered was
being thrown through a wall by that boomer then a bright light.
Dom: Bad enough that a boomer roughed her up, but then she got tossed
through a
wall by a bright light? I always knew she was the Knight Saber's official
pantywaist, but this is ridiculous. [Nene] Ahh! He's got a Mag-lite! Run!
Dr. C: As I recall it, the boomer never laid a hand on her, aside from
helping
her up then mysteriously detonating.
Dom: I told you, boomer, burrito, stray spark, ka-boom.
Battle: You know no wonder you guys are confused reading a fic backwards
can do that
She keyed up a system and life support check. Systems read fine
with nominal damage to systems and major damage to the weapon systems.
Dom: So they weren't really fine at all then, were they?
Dr. C: How can you nominally damage something?
T-chan: Hey, she can't be dead if she's reading the diagnostic! Yeah, Nene-
chan's alive!
Battle: Nominal as in damage but nothing major is blown off
What wasn't good was the life signs read nothing. No pulse, no breathing,
no nothing.
Dr. C: Wrong again fuzzbutt. According to those readings, she's deader
than
the plot of Macross II.
T-chan: Waah!
Battle: Macross II had a plot, I'm sure of it. it only takes two seconds to
explain but it does exist
Nene rationalized the reading as a malfunction because there was no other
way that she could be reading that data.
Dr. C: Brillant deduction little Miss I-have-no-pulse.
Looking around she found herself in a hollow of rubble from a collapsed
building. "Must of collapsed after I was knocked out".
Dom: MOO.
Dr. C: Moo?
Dom: Mistress Of the Obvious.
T-chan: Hey, cut her some slack! She just narrowly escaped death at
the...err
hands of an explosively flatulent boomer!
Battle: You know this is getting old fast
Leona: Moo2: BAA Farm animals strike back
Nene pushed off the small chunks of concrete and brick off herself and
sat up. Looking carefully at herself she realized that the file for damage
assesment must of been corrupted beacause she knew that her systems
shouldn't read no armor penetration when obviously she had holes in her
hard suit.
Dr. C: Take a look, she can put her hand through her stomach and scratch
her
back.
T-chan: Waah!
Dom: [stuffs a cushion down his throat] Shut up! It's just a fic.
T-chan: [sniffling] Oh yeah, I forgot.
Battle: No no no that was in Death Becomes Her
Scanning for thickness and possible openings in the rubble Nene saw a
Dom: Brightly lit exit sign...
Battle: Where? thought you guys were locked in...
speck of light penetrating from above. Moving herself to look at the
opening she saw clear sky above. In the light she gave herself a good look
over, parts of the suit were blackened and charred and some black stains
that might be dried blood.
Dr.C: Looks like she's down a pint or twelve.
Dom: Never before have I appreciated what a shapely liver she has.
Nene realized if she was ever going to get back to the Knight Saber
hideout, she'd have to radio for pickup or disguise herself and walk there.
Dom: Or she could always-
T-chan: [stuffs a cushion in Dom's face] We know already. Let it drop
The first option was out of the question due to her comm system wasn't
working and the Knight Wing was too obvious.
T-chan: Heya Bob, ya remember that gal that plugged herself into that
phonebooth, fainted a couple ah times, then went an turned herself
invisible?
Dom: Ayep.
T-chan: Did ya see that big plane that just dropped outta the sky and
picked
her up?
Dom: Ayep.
T-chan: Wanna see what's on TV?
Dom: Ayep.
Battle: and this is completely and utterly uselessly old now and makes no
sense as well
Looking closely at the opening she saw that she'd be able to get out in she
could just push this one slab out of the way. With a quick query to her
suits strength enhancements Nene realized that she could move it but just
barely. Then something caught her eye in the HUD
Dr. C: Ouch. There's a reason why those things are usually made without
hooks.
Battle: yeah but plot hooks help with RPGing
her weapon systems in her right arm had been repaired.
T-chan: [blinks] It'd been broken?
Dom: No, we don't need the details, nosireebob.
Dr. C: If he gave us all the details then the fic would be longer.
T-chan: Ouch. Good point.
Battle: yeah major weapon damage sounds like that
Querying the system about all she was able to get out was that the weapon
on a check had said it was operational. Nene didn't know much about the
hard suits only that the mechanics of them were beyond her and the
programming was also out of her area of expertise.
Dr. C: Is she good for anything?
Dom: She ties up boomers in a fight. They're so busy beating her up that
they
forget about the real threats, like Priss, Sylia-.
Dr. C: Mackie.
T-chan: Hey! She's their support! It's her scanners that let the rest of
the
Knight Sabers know where the weak points are on the boomers.
Dom: [snorts] At which point Priss just goes ahead and blows them away, or
Sylia cuts their head off with a laser blade, or-.
T-chan: She's useful I tell you!
Dr. C: I hear that they train combat boomers on punching bags with her face
on
them.
Battle: T-Chan really needs to see Crash. Nene with EMP cannons
She realized that she'd have to look into this 'repair system' later.
With a mighty heave Nene pushed over the slab of concrete
blocking her exit.
Dom: [wolf whistles] With those holes in her suit, when she moves like that
you
can see her-.
T-chan [smacks Dom in the head] Stop that!
Dom: [rubs his head] So you're the only one who gets to ogle her?
T-chan: Yes.
Battle: Crying out Nene-sama as you're climaxing is not a good way to keep
a girlfriend
Nene glanced around to make sure the coast was clear and then limped over
to the dumpster that had been formerly
T-chan: Known as Prince.
Dr. C: Stop that.
inbetween
the two buildings. Rumaging through the trash there she found a large tarp
that had been thrown out.
"Well this will have to do" she remarked to herself.
Cloaking herself with the tarp and pulling a pair of tattered gloves over
her hard suit's 'hands' Nene moved off toward find where she was in
relation to Raven's Garage or the Silky Doll.
Dr. C: Don't you think that the great big kaboom would've drawn some
attention
at this point?
Dom: Ayep.
T-chan: Did we ever figure out just why the Boomer exploded?
Dom: I told you, burritos-
T-chan: Enough with the flatulent android jokes!
Dr. C: Well, whatever exploded also apparently took out a city block or
two. I
think it might've been the AD Police who shot it once its back was turned.
T-chan: Don't be ridiculous, they're only allowed to die in puddles of
their
own gore. Besides, when did they start packing miniature tactical nukes?
Dom: Actually, that kinda looks like what happens when someone starts
playing
with the USSD's orbiting particle beam satellites. I think it was Cynthia,
with
the beam satellite, in downtown Megatokyo.
T-chan: But I thought she decided to monitor Nene, not blow her up.
Dr. C: Observe, vaporize, you'd be surprised at how easy it is to blur the
line
between the two.
Dom: [muttering] I'm sure I would be.
Intercom: BLATHERINGBLATHERSKITEXODATIOUSNEONSHINSKEJIPEATUNPRETTUBSKISKAM!
Battle: Wasn't that yesterday's password?
T-chan: [leaps at the airlock, and claws at the metal] Arg! I could be
running
free on the Serrengetti chasing wildebeasts right now!
Dom: Since when do tigers live in Africa?
Dr. C: What are you talking about? I caught you in Central Park, running
from
a pack of rabbits.
T-chan: [growls, leaping at Dr. C] Lies! I'm a wild tiger boy from darkest
africa! I'm a feral, bloodthirsty-,
[a ding is heard from the kitchen]
Dom: Hey T-chan, I think your quiche is done.
Dr. C: [laughs, dodging around the couch] A feral, bloodthirsty, quiche
eating
tiger?
T-chan: Take that back! [leaps over the couch and chases Dr. C into the
bathroom. What follows is the sound of splashing, then a flush, and T-chan
walks out, looking smug]
Dom. [sniffs] I think your quiche is burning.
T-chan: [runs into the kitchen and yanks open the oven, pulling out a
smoking
tray]. My quiche!
Dr. C: [emerges from the bathroom, dripping] Well if you hadn't been so
busy
trying to drown me in the toilet you might've pulled that out in time.
T-chan: [sniffling] It's ruined....
Dr. C: [grumbling] Feral, bloodthirsty tiger my butt.
________________________________________________________________________________
-Looking around she found herself in a holllow of rubble from a collapsed
building. "Must of collapsed after I was knocked out"
BGC Fic
Ghost in the Shell
By Battlekrome
Warning this can be considered a DARK fic
T-chan: So turn up the lights, otherwise you'll run into something and go
THUNK!
Battle: Dark as in containing stuff that might send you running home to
momma But ends up as a drama
anyway
reader beware!
Dom: Of a lousy fic.
Battle: Of a draft version of said fic
---------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1: KIA?
Dr.C: The status of the audience.
Leona: Looks around nope they'd be just killed
Battle: Yeah no action around here
Intro - music: Don't Fear The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult
T-chan: Ack! Only the sixth line and already the author's forcing his
musical
tastes on us.
Dom: At least it's not Dragons of Doom.
Dr.C: Are you two ever going to stop riffing D.E.L.T.A Invasion?
T-chan: Not if we can help it.
Battle: If you ever watched BGC you'd know that the few pieces I use are
nothing compared to what would
be typical
----------------------------------------------------------
Nene
T-chan: Mmm... Nene...
Dr. C: Is there something wrong with you? More so than usual?
Dom: He's almost as fixated on Nene as he is on Utena.
T-chan: How can I not be? Look at her: she's the cutest, most delectable
character out of the entire BGC cast.
Dr. C: Funny, I would've thought that Daley Wong would've been more to your
tastes.
T-chan: [puckers his lips] Oh Nene my love, mm-mm-mm.
Dr. C: Does he get worse than this?
Dom: Do you have any cyanide capsules on you?
Dr. C: Uh...maybe. Why?
Dom: Because you're going to want them if we ever get an Utena lemon.
Battle: A Utena lemon?? good god don't tell me someone actually did
something so hideous and wrong like
that
Leona: It's almost as bad as say Artemis's Lover or KNI
All: ::shivers::
decided to make sure she wouldn't be missed from work.
Dr. C: Because the AD Police are really loose about those silly little
things,
like showing up for your shift.
Battle: Ano.. They might get suspicious if she didn't show or called in
sick
Mega-Tokyo was a big city and walking somewhere could take
days.
Dom: Which is why when most people had someplace to go, they took the
train, or
the bus.
Battle: Which is hard to do without catching public notice and a battered
blood splattered harsuit with
holes in it isn't forgettable
Leona: you get all sorts of complications Police.. Random C-55...
Making her way over to a phone booth she used her suit
Dom: So she's trekking across the city in her hard suit? Isn't that just a
wee
bit conspicuous?
Dr. C: I suppose she might be wearing a really tekked out business suit.
T-chan: Or maybe she's wearing a really skimpy little swimsuit.
Dom: Then where would she hide the data jack?
T-chan: [grins lechoursly] Well-
Dom: [brandishes a cushion threateningly] Don't even think about finishing
that
sentence.
Battle: Ooh a hentai
to plug directly into the phone to bypass the camera and hack into
it to use as computer access.
Dr. C: So what kind of baud rate can you get out of a public phone?
Battle: Depends on the type if. it's digital you prob can get at least 1000
Kb/s
Her first thought upon accessing the AD police mainframe was that she'd
gotten in too easily.
Dom: Her second thought being, 'oh yeah, I forgot that little perk of being
a
member of the AD Police called security clearance.'
Battle: Little things like her logging in leave records
Leona: Now Nene isn't that stupid
Battle: And her back door would be coded with say a twenty syllable
nonsense world that changes due to
a set of unknown parameters taken from stocks in the TSE?
Checking her ice on the system
T-chan: She discovered that it'd melted.
Battle: Ice: Cracker term for programs and such that keep them out e.g.
Firewalls and other programs
she found she was able to crack it without trying. Curious about this ease
Dom: Is anyone getting the feeling that this is going to lead somewhere
really
contrived?
Dr. C: [pulls a tricorder out of his lab coat and waves it at the TV]
Fascinating. Plot Contrivance readings are off the scale.
Battle: Lets see the ability to communicate directly with a computer with
your mind would have some
advantages in stuff requiring large computational abilities
she tried something she'd never be able to
T-chan: Holy Crow, I didn't know that was physically possible.
Dr. C: And with a phone booth no less.
Yuri: Hentais!
hack, USSD mainframe. Within seconds she
had master sysop access.
Dom: Isn't she the least bit suspicious that she can suddenly just waltz
into
one of the most heavily guarded computer systems in the world?
T-chan: Her data line must have an incredible encryption level.
Battle: ::blinks::
Leona: Reminds me of the politician hacker
Dr. C: Coming from a public phone and all.
Battle: Public payphones are one of the most anonymous forms of
communication
Checking all the security systems for
alerts of entry got nothing. She was in and no one noticed,
also according to the readouts she wouldn't be.
Dr. C: I wish I had a Deus Ex Machina working for me...
Dom: Sorry, you don't get one of those unless you're writing a bad fanfic.
Dr.C: Now there's an idea...
T-chan: [sprouts points from five of his six ends (and his tail does a good
imitation of a spear)] No.
Nene was brought back to reality by a splitting headache.
Dom: Now if she hadn't been so busy being little miss hacker, she would've
seen
the maniacal ax wielding boomer BEFORE it stuck a hatchet in her head.
Battle: Having your entire frontal lobe rewired would hurt too
Spots danced before her eyes from the pain. Clutching her head she
let out a soft groan and still plugged into the phone booth
slumped to the ground.
Dr. C: So at this point Nene is passed out, in a phone booth, plugged into
the
payphone, in her hard suit? Doesn't Sylia have a policy about NOT being
conspicuous?
Battle: The question you should be asking is in the middle of a boomer
rampage zone there's a working
payphone?
Dom: Hold on, if Nene's wearing her plug suit, then why was she bitching
about
walking across the city? Can't she just boost her way back to the Silky
Doll?
Dr. C: Do we even know why she was hacking into national computer systems
in
the first place?
T-chan: Remember, this is a Ghost in the Shell crossover, so people are
allowed
to do inscrutable things for inexplicable reasons.
Battle: This guy hasn't seen Crash I assume
---------------------------
Dom: Whoa, she flatlined. No more Nene.
Dr. C: That's what happens when you stick sharp things in someone's skull.
T-chan: Nene! No!
Battle: Medically speaking having sharp things stuck in your head isn't
necessarily?? lethal, let alone heart
stopping
Nene awoke lying on the ground.
Dom: Oops, I was wrong, she was only mostly dead.
Dr. C: Tis but a scratch!
Dom: A scratch? You've got a bloody hatchet stuck in your head!
T-chan: You're sick.
Battle: As opposed to being BUNDY'ed
A flashing light on her HUD
reading search and download complete. Querying the search
brought up a huge list. Nene's eyes widened when she
realized half of these files
Dr. C: Were spam.
T-chan: That's what happens when you don't set your email filters.
Battle: Well spam is unwanted advertising and having Coca-Cola's secret
recipe is technically and advert
for Coke
came from places that she didn't
know existed.
Dr. C: Because she'd failed high school geography.
Dom: [teacher] No Nene, Chicago is not thirty miles outside of Tokyo.
Battle: Supposedly there is a Chicago in northern Japan
The she saw something that was new.
T-chan: The plot?
Battle: Plot? what plot?
UPGRADE...?
Dr. C: To Windows 2000?
Battle: Microsoft by this time has been merged with Masoku Enterprises
Leona: Forming MasokuSoft
Query. Upgrade what?
UPGRADE. Of all systems and armor to class II
Query. Current class of armor
ARMOR. Currently breached, at 75% of Max -- class .V
T-chan: I wonder what her THAC0 is?
Dom: Was anyone else able to make sense of that?
T-chan: I think the language was english...
Dr. C: Her coaxial warp drive is being destabilized by bifurcated geometric
particle bursts, and she needs a new carburetor.
Battle: For those of you not technically inclined Technobabble rarely makes
sense
Nene gasped as she realized that this 'upgrade'
T-chan: Had a pleasant ribbed texture, three vibration speed settings-
[Dom and Dr. C beat T-chan with cushions and sit on him]
Dom: That is more than enough of that.
Battle: You know T-chan is the kind of person that might enjoy Artemis's
Lover
Battle: Naah
would make her
armor four times better than the armor that was top of the line
of Sylia's.
Dom: Wow, the magic phonebooth must've been working overtime to do that.
Dr. C: Oh, silly me, that was a point vee. I can't say I've ever seen
roman
numerals used like that before
Battle: Actually the Romans used decimals but prefered fractions
Query. System status
Dr. C: SNAFUed something serious.
Dom: A lot like this fic.
Battle: You know that makes little to no sense
how can a fic SNAFU?
SYSTEM. Systems nominal
UPGRADE...?
Dr. C: Give in to Microsoft, you know you want to. Upgrade to Windows 2000.
T-chan: Mroh! Mm mrm!
Dom: He's right. You'd think that they'd be up to at least Windows 2032 by
now.
Battle: naah Windows by this time would've stopped using numbers
mostly due to that they aren't copyrightable
Upgrade. Yes
UPGRADE. Discard extra mass?
Query. Extra mass
Dom: That chunk of deadweight just above your shoudlers.
Dr. C: Certainly none of its on her chest.
T-chan: Mrn!
Dom: Might be piled onto her rear though.
T-chan: Mrmp!
Battle: Hrmm thought that was Lina...
UPGRADE. Suit has 50% extra mass
Query. Does extra mass include pilot of suit?
UPGRADE. Negative
Upgrade. Discard extra mass
Dr. C: She's going to feel pretty silly when the suit falls apart around
her.
T-chan: [finally gets his head of the couch] But if that happens, she'll be
in
her skin suit.
Battle: T-chan would like Agent Aika
Nene felt her hardsuit shift around her and then suddenly she
felt as if her skin was on fire.
Dom: Because it was. She really should've asked just how it was going to
get
rid of that extra mass.
Dr. C: Pity she didn't query as to just how it was going to change her
suit.
You have to get that alloy pretty hot in order to shape it.
T-chan: Nene-chan, no!
Battle: Composite plastics actually can be reformed at room temps
Collapsing from the pain, again she fainted.
Dom: Heya Bob, that girl in the hard suit plugged into the payphone over
there
jus' fainted again.
T-chan: Ayep.
Dom: Think we should be concerned 'bout it?
T-chan: Ayep.
Dom: We gonna do anything about it?
T-chan: Anope.
Battle: Why are the hillbillies wandering around the destroyed part of
town?
Leona: Maybe they like the broken buildings and strewn debris
Battle: Reminds them of home
------------------------------
Dom: Looks like she's really dead this time. That's a complete flatline.
Nene woke
Dom: Damn, she's harder to keep dead than Superman.
Battle: Untrue Superman is easy to kill the only problem is you have to
drain all his solar energy and then
he's a normal mortal person
Leona: Doomsday only knocked him into a regenerative torpor
with a clarity of mind she had never known.
Dr. C: Her head felt lighter, and strangely uncluttered.
Battle: yeah when you get a computer upgrade and reformat your hard drive
you usually get rid of all the
excess junk you having lying around.
Looking down at herself and her new suit.
T-chan: And? I want details!
She blushed.
T-chan: Arg! Why!
Her suit looked
as if she was wearing a purple and red spandex suit.
T-chan [leaps up, knocking Dom and Dr.C over the back of the couch] Oh yeah!
All her curves and details laid out for the world to see.
T-chan: [press his face against the safety glass in front of the TV] And I
see
them all... Oh Nene-chan!
Dr. C: He's drooling on the glass, isn't he?
Dom: Ayep.
Dr. C: [hurls a cushion at T-chan] Isn't there anything in here that'll
make a
decent weapon?
Dom: Well, we used to have some chrysanthemums...
Battle: Well I could kill someone with Bacta patches if I had to
It was modest in the fact that everything was covered but it left
very little to the imagination.
Dom: Whoops, looks like it's a bit chilly in that phone booth.
T-chan: [turns away from the TV with a feral growl and leaps at Dom] Mine!
Dom: [flips over the back of the couch and takes off running] Help! Help!
Horny
tiger boy on the rampage! [runs into the bathroom, still pursued by T-chan.
There is the sound of splashing, then a toilet flushing, and T-chan emerges
from
the bathroom looking smug. Dom emerges, dripping]
Extra armor covered her chest, crotch and shoulders. Her helmet had been
streamlined and the array of antennae and such on her back was gone.
Dr. C: [pulls a schematic out of his labcoat and looks between it an the TV
screen] So she just traded in a fully armored combat capable support suit
for a
lycra battle bikini?
T-chan: I like it- [Dom sneaks up behind him and starts beating him over
the
head with a stack of paper plates] Damn it! Cut that out!
Dom: [tosses aside the plates and sits back down] You have just seen the
full
extent of our offensive weaponry.
T-chan [rubbing his head] I don't suppose you can mad scientist some sort of
zombie/tomato mutilating machine out of that, can you?
Dr. C: I'm a mad scientist, not a magical one.
Dom: Where's Washu when you really need her?
Battle: The less an anime girl is wearing the less likely she isn't going
to be hit and the more likely she is to
be a major character
Nene wondered where her boosters had gone but figured that
worrying about that could be done later.
T-chan: Not that those are important or anything.
Dom: She's going to fell really foolish the next time she leaps off a two
hundred story building and then finds out that her new suit doesn't have
any.
Battle: Two hundred story?
Leona: Genom Tower is the only thing that qualifies for that height
Battle: highest building in the world is only about 150 stories
------------------
Newport City, Japan..
Dr. C: The city of smooth flavor.
T-chan: I know that mega-corporations own everything in Ghost in the Shell,
but
a tobacco company having an entire city to itself...
Dr. C: You know that omnipresent pall hanging over the city? That's not
just
any smog.
Dom: Newport City: where even the pollution has smooth flavor.
------------------
An entity formerly known as
T-chan: Prince.
two names sensed the activity of
another of their kind. Checking the tracks of the new one.
Dr. C: And using periods. Where commas should go. Instead.
Battle: Worse could be, Would be, Yoda, talk like
The trail led to a phone booth in Mega-Tokyo
Dom: Finally, someone notices the unconscious girl in the phone booth.
Dr. C: From half a country away... I assume that this is the point where
the
ever lovely Major Motoko Kusanagi makes her entrance.
Battle: would like to point out that in both movie and manga she ends up in
a either a small girls body or a
mans so ever lovely is a misnomer
A small girl awoke in her bedroom and sat up. Looking around
Dom: She realized that she was in a crappy fic and went back to sleep.
she moved to the edge of the bed and stood up. Picking up a
small bag on her way out the girl left.
Dom: Hold on a sec, wans't Motoko in a man's body at the end of Ghost in
the
Shell?
Dr. C: She was, unless...
T-chan: Unless what?
Dr. C: Unless this is based on the Ghost in the Shell movie.
T-chan: Arg!
Dom: Ah! I think that my eyes are starting to bleed!
Battle: For those of you who like reality of the manga
This is a DARK fic thus the manga can't be considered (it was comedy)
Battle: And besides you haven't read Birth of a Species
------------------
Mega-Tokyo, Japan..
T-chan: The city between Tokyo 2, 3, 4 and Worcester 7.
Battle: Could be worse. It coulda been Rochester
------------------
Nene decided that walking would only take a few hours to get to
the Silky Doll
Dr. C: Ignoring the fact that she could just take the bus, the train, or
since
she's wearing her hard suit, boost jumping there...
Dom: Wasn't Nene just complaining about how it took days to walk anywhere?
Battle: Hey this is orig BGC not 2040 no roof hopping in this one
>from there she could get Sylia's or Mackie's
help.
T-chan: [Nene] Oh hey Sylia, you know that hard suit of mine? Well, I
didn't
want to spring for the twenty-five cents for a payphone so I hacked into it,
accidentally downloading some strange program that made my suit four times
better than anything you could make and -. Uh Sylia, why are you pointing a
railgun at me?
As she walked Nene went over her new suits
Dom: So not only did she get a system upgrade, but an entire new wardrobe
as
well?
Battle: as the apostrophe gets missed (this is a draft ver)
abilities and new limitations.
T-chan: What limitations? This author seems to have given Nene the
official
avatar makeover.
Dom: I think that this guy is into Nene almost as much as you are.
Battle: She is not an avatar I just happen to like her you should she what
I have planned ::grins evilly::
The ECM suite had been good
before. Now Nene was sure she could hack into any system and
create a jamming so good that it would block out two city
blocks around her.
Dom: It also came with a little pine branch. You hold it in front of your
face
and everyone will think you're a tree.
T-chan: The camouflage system that only Kensuke could love.
Dr. C: You're feeling obscure today, aren't you?
Battle: ECM? as in electronic counter measures that jams sensors that use
radiated emissions to sense
stuff?
The armor not only was better but also
somehow better designed.
Dr. C: No specifics. It's just better. Trust us.
Battle: I could lecture for a half hour of the differences
but that would bore the heck out of both of us
Leona: Simply put it's like using plywood instead of particle board
The joints and such were almost as
well armored as the main sections. Somehow the armor flowed
when she bent any of her joints.
T-chan: Ah, the wonders of a lycra bodysuit.
Battle: Why does it have to by Lycra?
Then she noticed a new option
among the evasion jamming. Thermo-optic camouflage.
Dr. C: Hold it! I can see how she could've 'upgraded' her previous
equipment,
but where'd she pull an entire thremo-optics camouflage system from? [glares
at
T-chan] Don't even think about saying it.
T-chan: [closes his mouth] I wasn't going to say anything.
Battle: Thermo-optics actually is a very simple system to upgrade
considering that Nene already has a
pinpoint barrier system.
Query. Thermo-optic camouflage
SYSTEM. renders suit invisible to most visual sensors and all
thermal sensors
T-chan: Wait a second. If this is based on the movie, doesn't that mean in
order for the T.O camo to work, Nene has to strip down to the buff? Maybe
this
won't be so bad after all.
Battle: Considering what she has on stripping to the buff is not taking
much off
Nene had heard that some companies had been working on this
type of camouflage, but none had an actual working prototype.
Dr. C: Now I'm confused. Since this apparently takes place after the
movie,
you'd expect people to know about T.O. camo. It's not exactly commonplace,
but
neither is it completely unheard of.
Dom: A word of advice doc: don't think about the fic too much. It'll hurt
less
that way.
Battle: Usually most average day citzen are not aware what their secret
service uses and what current
military tech is like
Leona: For example the Aurora a top secret spy plane the US uses it uses an
external combustion engine
Battle: Officially it doesn't exist
Experimenting with it she found that her body faded out and
would blur around the edges so that she could still see where
her hands and feet were. Looking in a passing mirror she looked
as if there was a pair of gloves with a tarp floating down the
street.
T-chan: Heya Bob, ya remeber that gal that was plugged into that yonder
payphone?
Dom: Ayep.
T-chan: You reckon that she looks like she's going all invisible to you?
Dom: Ayep.
T-chan: Jus checking.
Battle: Reminds me of the old guys on the couch
Experimenting with it more Nene found to her delight
that the color scheme of her hardsuit wasn't fixed. Altering it
back to the original scheme
Dom: Bleah. You'd think she would've picked a better scheme if she had the
choice.
Dr. C: If she's invisible, how can she tell what color's she's turning?
Battle: Which color scheme don't you like? she's had three..
Nene walked onward.
----------------
Cynthia drove her car along the freeway in Mega-Tokyo.
T-chan: Is this the same girl from before?
Dom: Might be, although I have to wonder how she sees over the dashboard.
Dr. C: They have big phone books in Newport City.
Dom: Wasn't Cynthia that cute lil boomer from the first Bubblegum Crisis
OAV?
T-chan: You mean that darling little moppet with the uplink to the USSD's
particle beam sattelite?
Dom: Where there any others?
Dr. C: So she's the one whose body Motoko got? I'd think that Genom would
have
issues with that.
T-chan: On the bright side, the rest of the fic should be filled with lots
of
big ka-booms.
To her knowledge she was still unique as a species. Her birth as one
may call it was almost fated. Whereas an accidental merge was
nearly unheard of.
Dr. C: Actually, it's completely unheard. The only time it ever happened
was
the merging of Motoko and the Puppetmaster, and public phones were not
involved
in any way, shape, or form.
Battle: unless you were invloved in a bio-morphic top secret US experiment
using cybernetics and liquid
plastics
Pulling onto the off ramp she turned the
car down a side street and stopped at the phone booth. Getting
out and checking she found signs of the hack.
Dom: Nene left her datajack plugged into the phone. She's going to feel
really
silly when she hits the end of the cable.
Battle: Who said she didn't unplug it?
Her tracking optics found tracks leading northward. Cynthia realized that
the trail was only a few hours old. Getting back into her car
she followed the trail.
T-chan: Description please? Just how is she doing all this tracking?
Dom: Nene's new hard suit has day-glo pink paint dispensers in the heels.
Dr. C: No Cynthia's using tracking optics. [points at the screen] See, it
says
so right there.
T-chan: I like the paint dispenser better.
Battle: By following heat left behind from hot soles of the feet. Due to
the reforming of the suit her external
temp is higher than normal
Five blocks later the trail petered
out as rush hour pedestrians obliterated the trail.
Dom: Apparently everyone has day-glo paint dispensers in their heels these
days.
Battle: No but sneakers and loafers don't hold heat well
Cynthia decided
T-chan: That now was as good a time as any to start blowing stuff up.
to find a place to stay while in town and monitor for
the new entity's movements.
Dr. C: What new entity? The only thing that I've seen so far is a
mysterious
set of files that gave Nene upgrades up the ass.
T-chan: [smirks] U-.
Dr. C: SILENCE village idiot!
Battle: anyone want to clue him in?
Leona: I wonder if we should send him Birth of a Species
Mega-Tokyo she decided was much
worse with Genom and their grasp of the city but there was much
she didn't want to do that wouldn't call attention to her
existence.
Dr. C: I'm sure that the language was in english this time....
T-chan: I think that she said that Mega-Tokyo was worse off for being in
Genom's grasp and there's a lot that she wasn't going to do, because by
doing it
she would not call attention to herself [clutches his head].
Dr. C: Now who's thinking to much about the fic?
Battle: not my fault she thinks in Technoese
------------------
It wasn't long before Nene wondered why none of the people on
the street noticed her unusual appearance. It was if she wasn't
even there.
Dom: Maybe its because she's...invisible?
T-chan: [sniffling] And she didn't even strip down...
Query. Why are the people around me not able to see me?
Dom: [SYSTEM] Because you're still invisible.
Dr. C: [SYSTEM] Dumbass.
SYSTEM. SEP is active do you wish to deactivate?
Query. SEP field?
SYSTEM. Somebody else's problem field renders object
psychologically invisible.
T-chan: How is that different from regular invisibility?
Dr. C: People see her, they just don't know she's there.
T-chan: But she's invisible!
Dom: Nene's currently on a crowded thoroughfare, right?
T-chan: Yeah.
Dom: So since she's supposedly really invisible, why don't people keep
trying
to walk through her?
Battle: Psychologically invisible: You saw it but you forget you saw it eg
what color was the 63rd car you
went by on the road to work?
what make was it? etc.. you had to of seen it or you would of run into it
but you don't consciously remember
anything afterwards about it
It was during a musing over what new things her suit still had
hidden in it when Nene bumped into a large man.
Dom: Like that fellow right there.
"Sorry," Nene mumbled and pushed past the man.
Dr. C: Who was quite surprised to be spoken too, and then pushed aside by
absolutely nothing at all.
The man turned to watch Nene make her way through the crowd on
her way along. Turning he followed.
Dr. C: Arg! How can he follow her, much less see her when she's got the T.
O.
camo and that SEP whatchamadinger!
[Dom and T-chan start slapping Dr. C.]
Dom: You're thinking about the fic! Snap out of it!
Battle: Electromagnetic emissions
------------------
<BGM Look a like by Riu Konaka from Sonic the hedgehog>
Dr. C: [starts hitting himself in the head]
Dom: What are you doing?
Dr. C: I've got this damn ringing in my ears.
Dom: So do we; it's coming from the fic.
Battle: Tintinitis
Yuri: That has something to do with ears doesn't it?
Battle: wow Yuri how'd you know that?
Yuri: After I blew up Tokyo Tower again the doctor said that was the cause
of the ringing in my ears either
that or the telephone needed to be answered
SYSTEM. Boomer approaching, ready combat systems.
Query. Boomer?
Dom: [System] Yeah, you know, androids, produced by Genom, go berserk on a
regular basis, principal foe of the Knight Sabers? Did I go and delete
you're
head or something?
Dr. C: That's what this fic is missing, a digitial version of Batou.
Battle: Hrmm maybe that's who ended up getting splashed by the tomatoes
SYSTEM. Man twenty meters back.
It was then the C-55 boomer split it's skin and went on a
rampage.
Dom: Because random destruction is what being a boomer is all about.
Battle: Identity compromised
Leona: Thus go on rampage kill target and other random bystanders
Running to a nearby alley Nene considered her options.
T-chan: Well, I could always run away, call for help, or take on the boomer
single-handedly with whatever massively overpowered weapons the Deus Ex
Machina
provided me with.
Dom: A 35mm handgun?
Battle: 35mm hand gun?
Leona: That would be bigger than the desert eagle at 25mm
Battle: but who would be nuts enough to carry one of those things you'd
never be able to hit anything
with that and the recoil would throw itself out of your hands unless you had
both hands on it and were
braced
Query. what weapons systems are available for use?
SYSTEM. one
Query. What weapon is that?
Dom: A 45 mm silencer.
T-chan: No gun, just the silencer.
Battle: A 45mm silencer?
Leona: Does 45mm refer to length or barrel size?
Battle: logically it's a barrel size cause silencers and the same size for
almost all the same barrel sizes
Leona: So a very expensive club then
SYSTEM. micro-plasma inducer.
Query. clarify
Dr. C: Palm mounted weenie roaster.
SYSTEM. plasma machine gun
Query. effectiveness against boomer c-55 armor?
SYSTEM. medium to high.
T-chan: As long as the target's armor is made of processed meat products.
Query. effectiveness depends on?
SYSTEM. amount of times target hit.
Dr.C: [system] Dumbass
Query. what would one hit do?
Dom: Irk it something fierce.
SYSTEM. minimal damage.
Query. rate of fire on inducer?
Dr. C: 20 WRPS
T-chan: What does that stand for?
Dr. C: Weeneies roasted per second.
SYSTEM. 200 spm
Query. Arm inducer and bring targeting online.
SYSTEM. inducer online... power to 100%... targeting....
Nene watched as her left forearm distended slightly and a
muzzle formed near her wrist.
Dr. C: Apparently it meant 'arm inducer' quite literally.
T-chan: She's better be careful about how she scratches her head from now
on.
Battle: Press to Arm makes as much sense as push to leg does out of context
Looking around the corner for the boomer she saw it had ripped
into the side of a nearby building
Dom: [hulk] Arrgh! Boomer smash!
T-chan: [boomer] Must destroy Knight Sa-! Oh, a china shop!
Battle: Most boomers have circuits that tell them the quickest way to bring
AD police and KS around is to
set a store alarm off
and had decided that the ADP
down the street
T-chan: It's Vicks and Wedge!
Dom: Ensign Redshirt and Johnny Throwaway to the rescue.
Battle: Wow half ADP must wear red shirts then
Yuri: Ensign Expendable to the rescue!
were more a threat that whatever she could do.
'How dare IT think that!'
Dr. C: Aw, you can't blame the boomer for its programming.
T-chan: 1: Cause as much incidental property damage as possible. 2:
Slaughter
any and all AD Police redshirts on the scene. 3: Then go after any knight
sabers that are trying to blow you up.
Raising her arm she opened up. The small blue bolts ripped
small chunks off the boomers back.
Dr. C: I do believe that she's annoyed it something terrible.
It turned and jumped toward
her with its fist drawn back for a punch.
Dom: Ayep.
Nene involuntarily
took a step backward. A bit of garbage caused her to lose her
balance.
T-chan: All of that other kick ass stuff and she doesn't even get a gyro-
stabilizer? Boy, her Deus Ex Machina really sucks something fierce.
Battle: Gyro stabilizer you mean like the things in our ears? that help us
keep balanced? and also require us
to have a stable support structure
With a roar the boomer the boomer swung its fist down
at her. Nene closed her eyes and waited for the pain to start
again. It didn't.
SYSTEM. Target neutralized.
Query. How?
Dom: [System] I just gave it a good smack upside the head with a P.C.
Field.
T-chan: Query. Huh?
Dom: [System] Plot Contrivance Field.
T-chan: Query. Oh, okay.
Dom: [System] Dumbass.
SYSTEM. Main database in boomer head hacked.
Dr. C: [boomer] Daisy, daisy...
The boomer's fist had stopped about a foot from Nene's chest.
It now offered this hand to help Nene to her feet.
Dr. C: Little known fact about Boomers. Deep inside, all boomers are
perfect
gentleman. They also like cooking and needlepoint. It's just that nasty ol'
Genom programming that makes them want to BSU all the time.
Dom: BSU?
Dr. C: Blow Shit Up
Battle: C-55 class boomers are bodyguards and thus would be like butlers in
some way and if you
reprogrammed a boomer to consider you a priority to be defended..
Nene reluctantly accepted it and stood up. It was then that a large
blast blew her off her feet
T-chan: Why burritoes and boomers don't mix.
Dr. C: My bad, it BSUed anyway
and into unconsciousness and the boomer to component parts.
-----------------
Who hoo chapter 1 finished!!
T-chan: [hopeful] That's it?
Dr. C: For the first chapter. Now we have chapter two.
T-chan: Drat.
MST notes: Well, that's the second fic in the bag. A bit more of an effort
than the first, because I didn't have the same wonderful inspiration that I
did
for the first part of Hellstorm, nor was this one as rife with sheer badness
as
Hellstorm was. To everyone out there reading this, I hope that it meets with
your approval, and any and all C&C is appreciated.
Msted by: Douglass Weeks
Stop by and visit Wonder Central, home of Doug's Fanfic Review, The Gospels
of
Malachel, and soon to be home of Itinerant Press Productions:
www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Gulf/4127/Welcome.html
Battle: That's it? half of the fic was mutilated into two parts the last
half first and the first half last
now If this guy had gotten the final copy it might of made more sense
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