As always, feel free to disregard any or all of this C&C.

      "You need to relax a little.  You're too tense.  Eat, drink,
sing.
If you're too nervous to sing, drink some more, until you're not.
Try
to have a good time.  And if you keep getting crowded, just go hang
out with some of the motor club guys."

      "Huh?"

      "It'll work, trust me."

Sure fire babe repellent. ;)

      If there was one social activity that the goddess Urd truly
enjoyed, it was that curious custom called a party.  Urd made a
habit of
attending at least one party every week, even if it meant crashing.

You may want to consider changing this. Skuld gets out of the house
more than Urd does and has a more active social life, too. Possibly
something like:

"Urd made a habit of attending every party she could, which given
Keiichi's social connections wasn't that often."

There was simply no better place for Urd to practice her chosen
craft, that of leading mortals into the holy bonds of love.

A common misconception, but Urd has only once used a love potion to
get mortals together, and then only because Belldandy was already
involved in getting the 2 mortals together - though through more
conventional means, of course.

In fact, Belldandy has played matchmaker with mortals twice, while
Urd
has done so only that one time.

      Urd smirked in amusement at the young man's reaction to
Keiichi's
sister.  He treated most of the women who approached him with
thinly-
veiled hostility, but Megumi was given a much warmer reception.  It
had
to do with body language, she decided.  Megumi suppressed her
attraction
to the boy, which unconsciously made him relax.  Belldandy, who
didn't
have any attraction to Ranma whatsoever, was treated similarly.

      Well, such behavior demanded her attention.  Time to go do a
little matchmaking.

OK, this ought to be interesting! Megumi is family (or close enough)
and of age (Urd would never even think of doing such a thing with
Skuld) so I can see where Urd would have the interest. I can't
remember a fic where Urd plays matchmaker for Megumi. This is an
neat twist, don't know why it hasn't been done before.

      Urd was a master of more than just love potions.  In fact,
for the
most part she only used love potions when she required a few
laughs, as
things never went as intended.  She could still recall that time
Tamiya
had chased Ootaki around campus, proclaiming his undying affection.

You might want to drop the part about the laughs. Testing out a new
potion for research purposes, maybe (she's done it once), but never
for laughs. Her own experiences of the heart have left too many scars
for her to treat that sort of thing lightly. 

      Urd poured a couple of drinks, adding a small quantity of her
favorite truth serum to one cup while Ranma wasn't looking.  The
two
drops she'd added to one of Keiichi's drinks earlier were enough to
remove emotional inhibitions.  Five drops would turn a person into
a
blathering idiot who did nothing but tell the absolute truth as
they saw
it, to whoever happened to pass by.  A single drop would loosen the
tongue slightly, causing a person to drop their defenses and answer
questions they normally wouldn't, which was the effect she
currently
wanted.  With practiced ease and slight of hand, Urd dosed a glass.

      She turned to Ranma, and had a sudden, inexplicable urge to
throw the drink at him. He stared at her quizzically for a moment,
then took the proffered drink.

      They chatted for a bit about inconsequential things, and
after a
short while, Ranma's answers became longer and more detailed.  The
potion was working its magic.

      "So, Ranma, tell me about yourself."

A nice device for getting a lot of background in a short period of
time. Urd's truth serums work very well, and she's not above using
them for a purpose such as this.

      Ranma rambled on for a bit about martial arts; it seemed to
be his
purpose in life.  He talked about his childhood, about the training
trip
that he went on with his father for ten years.  He told Urd about
falling into a spring called Jusenkyou, and how he'd obtained a
curse to
turn into a girl.  He talked for a while about his sixteenth year
of
life, and how he'd had four beautiful girls chasing him.  When she
tried
asking about them, he promptly shut up.

      "I don't want to talk about it," he told her.

      "I won't ask again, then."

      Urd asked several more questions, probing around the outside
edges
of the emotional block.  But she never got far before he'd stop
talking.
She managed to coax names out of him --Ukyo, Shampoo, Kodachi, and
Akane
--, but nothing else.  He never said anything directly; but Urd
suspected that he'd had a break-up with one of them.  Perhaps
worse. Whatever it was, it had hurt him deeply.

Urd would definitely recognize the symptoms, seeing as how a similar
thing has happened to her, and she reacts the same way when asked
about it.

      "Urd?"  It was Belldandy.  Of course, Bell was probably the
only one who noticed her at the moment, except for Ranma.

      "Yeah, sis?"

      "What did you give to Keiichi?" Belldandy asked.  She didn't
sound angry, just curious.

Good thing, or Urd would be comtemplating escape scenarios right
about now.

      "Just a few drops of a truth potion.  It's harmless, and
wears out in a couple of hours."

      "Well, perhaps you should give it to him more often," Bell
suggested.

      Urd choked on her drink.  Her sister, encouraging her to drug
Keiichi?  "Why do you say that?" she croaked.

Uh... yeah, why?

      "He's much more honest with himself this way.  Much more
affectionate."

      "Why, sister, there *is* a selfish bone in your body," Urd
said with a grin.  "I'm shocked, really."

Well, Belldandy does have these strange moments from time to time.

      Belldandy looked away, obviously suppressing a blush.  "He
needs to
lose his nervousness.  If you were to continue using this truth
serum on
him occasionally, it might help him to gain confidence."

      Urd smirked.  "Yes, it probably will.  Especially with
encouragement from you, little sister."

      Belldandy's self-control failed, and her face turned pink.
"Yes,
well, I'll leave you to your thoughts, Sister."  So saying, she
returned
to the side of her somewhat drunken boyfriend.

      "Well, I didn't see that one coming," Urd mumbled to herself.

Neither did I, though I suppose it works at some level? I think I'll
just wait to see where you're going with this. Of course, Belldandy
does tend to try and do too much for Keiichi, something Urd has
warned her against a few times.

Overall, a good read. I like this chapter more than the last. You
have a good handle on Megumi - curious, slightly overprotective, a
'take charge' kind of personality. Also, a talent for being in the
middle of things, sometimes through no fault of her own.

The only big fault is the amount of narration. Dialogue is harder to
write, but showing is more engaging for the reader than telling.
The amount of narrative doesn't kill the story, but it slows things
down.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

Brian W.


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