Quite amuzing, but... 

--- Sean Danna <carrotglace@mindspring.com> からのメッセ
ージ：

Carrotglace's Essay on Self-Insertions!

    I use Ranma because the series is familiar too
me, but you
can basically replace any of these names to any
series or fandom.

Or because *you* dream about shooting fireballs from your
hands... ;)

 

    P2: Most fanfic authors have a fifth grade or
below reading
and writing level.

    Few can barely spell their own name, or speak
English period.
I won't even get into grammar. If I see [Note:
Notice how I
didn't use the word 'hear'.] Ranma call someone else
'dawg'
again, I'm going to...um...well, I won't hurt
myself, I like me
too much for that, but I'll do something like stop
reading that
fic.

Hey... some of them are still in high school... you have
to cut them some slack.

    P3: Most SI authors write about how they would
like to act if
they had super powers. Not how they would act.

No argument from me...

    P4: Self-depreciation for acceptance.

    This problem is somewhat new. SI authors will
often put
themselves into a fic with one or all of the
following: No
powers, no brain, and no combat skills.

If done well it isn't so bad... the problem is that they
rarely are.

    P5: Stray people.

Apparently, there is now a wide spread belief that
Japanese
people will just take in stray Gaijin that show up
on their
doorstep. None of the confused Japanese people
understand how
this happened, or where it came from.

That's only in the countryside where they rarely see a
foreign person other than on tv.

    Either I need to start looking into vacationing
more in
Japan, or something is seriously wrong here.

No... people still think that this is 1940-1950 Japan.


Or, you can tell them that you're from another dimension,
and
know everything about them, insult a few of them in doing
it, and
have them gasp and say, "Wow! He's telling the truth!"
instead of
beating the living daylights out of you and sending you to
a
mental ward.

***Let's be honest here.  You're not Japanese... you've
not even 40 years old (on average in these fics)... why
they hell are they going to listen to you?  They'll
(Japanese people) nod their heads and smile
politely...then do whatever it was they had been planning
to do anyway.

SI authors have an odd tendency to create a comfortable
environment for them to spend most of their time. Be it
the Tendo
Dojo, or the Kuno Mansion. It's a place where all those
tender
moments that don't get interrupted for comedic effect, can
happen.

***And make huge mistakes in purchasing power and prices. 
If you don't know... just ask.  There are a number of
people on the list that have at least visited Japan if not
lived there.

***Basically think San Francisco, Seattle or New York
City.  Food is ridiculously expensive...until you drive
about 30 minutes out of Tokyo into Saitama.  Housing is
the same...until you do the same.  Parking.. hahaha... if
there is any pay 100 yen for 20-30 minutes.  Again until
you cross the border into Saitama where it is now suddenly
free and every store has their own lot.  Oh... but it's
only 5-10 minutes from Nerima to Wako, Saitama?  Call it
the cost of having "Tokyo" as part of your address. 
Whatever you're thinking of in the US... in general double
the price and you're probably close.


It does seem odd that tender moments don't happen on a
date
or something more often in fanfics. Most of the other
characters
are probably still focused on Ranma, but they seek out and
destroy your date, along with the cute waitress, and her
mentally
disturbed boyfriend of the waitress, and the cashier,
along with
most of the available women in Tokyo. After all, you may
be a
gaijin, but you're a damn sexy Gaijin, that is, if you're
not
Ranma already, the God to women that he is.

***You might be a bit wrong here.  My personal experience
and that of people I know differs.  But then again I
didn't come for the women and anime.  In Tokyo... maybe
the average woman wouldn't give you her number, but if you
go to the foreigner hangouts... all the Japanese girls
there are just looking for a nice sexy gaijin like you.

***Something you've missed is the wonderful overuse of the
biker gang/thugs who accost one of your characters or a
girl...rape, violence, theft...something like that. 
Sorry... it doesn't happen that much.  Yakuza...hell yeah
they're here... they are much into the construction
industry.  But I wouldn't think that Soun would have some
kind of connection with them because he's an outstanding
member of the community.  Most people would prefer to push
them out of their area if they can... ie. Onsens and
Sentos often ban people with tatoos from entering...
meaning you you Yakuza thug with the body tatoo!


    Sorry folks, Ranma's not ugly in the manga, but he's
not
particularly handsome either. Mikado Sanzenin is supposed
to be
better looking than Ranma, and then there's Auska the
White
Lilly's 'boyfriend'.

***Sorry... Ranma is NOT the type of guy who always has
the hot sexy girls hanging off his arm.  In Japan's
current pop phase that goes to the gay-ass looking guys
with long dyed hair and are often skinnier than the girl
they are with.  Not forgetting to mention his tight
leather pants.


Everyone thinks it's cool when you smoke, wear sunglasses,
or
a leather jacket.  You don't really have to turn your fic
into a
commercial for 'Truth'. Ranma will probably smoke when he
gets
older, probably less than a pack a day. A lot of the more
traditional Japanese men do. Pipes are not rare among
common folk
in Japan.

***Everyone smokes in Japan.  There are even smoking areas
in airports still... although they NOW have air filter
machines all around it.  Ranma...like Soun...will smoke
one day.  Pipes?   Unheard of.  I wouldn't say there are
0, but they are few and far between.  Cigars can be
bought, but you have to know where to look... in Tokyo. 
Forget it if you're out in Tottori, Fukui or Yamagata
prefecture.


    After all, "Japanese mans have very very small penis."

***Apparantly foreign women that are married to Japanese
men don't agree... but what you see at the Onsen tells a
different story.  I wouldn't want generalize too much
here, but...


P8: Japanese act just like Americans! After we dropped
that
bomb, the conformed completely! Huh? Two bombs?

    Cultural differences are most often not taken into
account in
fanfics. This isn't unusual, since most of the authors I
read
aren't Japanese. Neither am I, and I know I'm bad about
this
sometimes too. However, an effort to differentiate your
anime
world from Anytown USA, or wherever, must be made.


***Here is my biggest rant.  As those who have read my
posts, had me pre-read (when I had the time) or something
know that I'm not big on grammar and spelling.  I
generally suck at it and would die without a spellchecker.
 What I concentrate on are the characterization and
cultural things.  I often get told "you don't know what
the hell you're talking about... I read all the books in
the library on Japan...so you can't know more than me." 
Or "my 50-60 year old Japanese neighbor told me..."  Come
on now.  First... how much is modern day America like
America 10 or 20 years ago?   Well.. Japan is a living
society so stuff does change.  So that middle age to
elderly person you're asking who has lived in the US for
10-20 years has no idea what's going on.  Visiting once
every year or so is not enough to make up.  Ask a Japanese
person... returnees are not considered the same as them. 
Those books you read... even if it was published in 2000,
the data is two years older than that at least.  So you
are using 1998 data in your argument.  Real current stuff,
huh?  Again... try asking on the list... I know that there
are some people who at least live in Japan on the list, if
not also have degrees related to it as well.


The best way to understand, is that the Japanese are
generally about 20 years behind the US as far as Pop
Culture is
concerned. Right now, they are going through their
eighties
phases. Pop music is insanely popular, and casual dressing
is
bright colors and collars. You get the idea.

    I think it'll be kind of scary when the Japanese start
rapping more. A few artist have discovered it, but it's
not up to
the nineties level of popularity just yet.

***Perfect description of Japanese pop culture.

***Well.. actually hip hop, rap and black culture is
pretty much becoming the "in" thing now.  I wouldn't say
it's hit what will be it's peak (I think), but... as far
as dating goes... blond hair and blue eyes is giving way
to afros, locks, bald heads and baggy clothes.  Try...
Utada Hikaru, Dragon Ash, Link Park, Misia, m-flo...the
list goes on and keeps getting longer.  Actually ska and
reggae are pretty big in Japan too...  

***And yes Virginia they are dropping their cars and
putting in big sub-woofers... (you should check out a
dropped Suzuki Wagon R...funny as hell)


Tokyo, and consequently Nerima, is one of the most
expensive
places to live on the face of the planet. Ask any military
person
who spent any amount of time there in their career.


***Out of everyone on the list... I'd be the person to ask
about this one...seeing as how I live in Nerima... more
than likely the area of it that Ranma took place (you know
the river with the fence that Ranma walks on... like 1
minute from my apartment).   My answer to Carrot...
hahahahaha.  Nerima... upscale?  Hahahaha.  I moved to
Nerima, NOT because of something stupid like Anime... do
you have any idea how much moving costs in this
country??!!  I moved here because it's cheaper and no 7-10
story buildings around you to block all the sunlight and
breezes.  Yeah... there are several NICE large houses in
the area.  But only several...most are not.  If you want
the expensive upscale areas try Shinjuku, shibuya, or
better yet Azabu Juban...now that place is
expensive....$1200 a month for a one room place in a 10
year old building.



Everything else is just them muddling around the Ranma
universe, being friends with everyone. After all, they're
obviously not after Ranma. Well, everyone but Akane.
She'll most
likely beat the tar out of Ranma just because you're
around, and
he's a pervert.


***...gets really repetitive, boring, uninteresting...you
get the drift.  I could care less which character is your
favorite, but for the love of God could people stop with
the fanboy stereotyping and character bashing.

P14: General Wrongness.

    This is for you Yaoi fans out there.

***Ditto for the most part...I'd like warning before
coming across lines about "engorged members" (tm) being
stroked.  However... I suppose you are right in that a
"Ranma becomes a girl fulltime," "Ranma wants to be a
mother" fic or something of that nature... it still a
Yaoi.  But... you also need to look at it like this...
it's also not the same.  So what if he is a man in his
mind still?!  He is in a unique position to experience
life as both a woman as well as a man.  Why shouldn't he
want to experience motherhood?  Because men don't have
babies?  Sounds like a cop out based upon the shakey
foundation of the *current* cultural notions of
masculinity and femininity...which have changes and
continue to change...


P15: You are boring.

    Ah, the most basic of problems. The bane of all
humanity. You
are boring.

    There's no getting around it. You're not muscular, you
don't
know martial arts, and you're not constantly driven by
some
desire to win and become stronger.

***Maybe you are, but don't assume that everyone on the
list is a total fanboy.  Some people might be the exact
opposite of your wonderfully sarcastic description...

J



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