Bert Miller wrote:

Heh.  This chapter struck me as the best yet; really
clever plotting, among other things.

Thanks. Of course there was only a brief prologue and one chapter preceeding
this, so... :)

After all, hadn't there been a point in Kasumi's own
life where she had acted horribly out of character,
perpetrating Loathsome, Terrible, and Unspeakable
acts upon her family and those around them?

changed to 'around her' BTW.

<clip>

Kachiko Tendou had been possessed by an oni.

Heh.  All that buildup, to come to this conclusion?
Inspired characterization.

Thanks. People draw on their own experiences, no matter how silly they are.
:)

Shaking her head, Kasumi said, "No, it isn't. It's an ofuda
to drive the oni out and make you feel better and more like
yourself. Do you feel more like yourself?"

"If you put an ofuda on someone's forehead in act one, scene
two, then you have to use it to exorcise a demon by act five,
scene one."
- Chekhov

Wow. Not only could he pilot starships, but he was a literary expert as
well. :)

...though, honestly, I never dreamed the ofuda would be used
later.

Glad I caught you a little offguard then.

at which point she lashed forward with a kick, shouting,
"Ailuropoda Melanoleuca Bloody Assault!"

She's better educated than I gave her credit for, to
know the scientific name of the giant panda.

I thought it would be a cute touch.

"That's not a real... Why is there an ofuda sticking to your
head?" Ranma asked.

...and you even courteously remind us that it's there...
(Well, actually, you kind of have to, for the full effect
when its trigger is actually pulled.)

Yeah. Agree. Thought it a good place to mention it again. Also is quite the
image of walking around with a piece of paper sticking to your forehead.

This is a rather amusing digression of Ranma's, though; and
SO in-character.  Might want a "Ranma asked curiously",
though.

Hmm. I could. Not sure if it's really needed.

As was our wont on such days, we ended up embroiled
in an intense discussion on matters of a deeply
philosophical nature...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"...And I'm telling you Speed and Trixie were made for
one another!"

LOL!  The choice of anime series for them to be debating
is just icing on the cake here, I thought.

Thanks. Poor Speed doesn't get much fanfic exposure. I'm proud to have used
him once in a fic myself. :)

"What's this computer keyboard doing in here?"

"I found it in a cave in Norway," Gosunkugi explained.

Heh.  Much better than finding a war hammer in a cave
in Norway, I am thinking.

Already did that once. Wouldn't want to repeat myself. It's hard enough to
do with the jokes. :)

another dimension that traveled here to Japan in
ancient times and was buried so that someone would wake her
up in the future. If I'm right, then all I need to do to make
her mine is find her, awaken her, and she'll be loyal to me
and me alone.

Actually Gos would need to wind her up with her key...

Yes, but he doesn't know that little detail. I almost had someone ask how he
knew she was artificial and he could have shown them the ancient Ifurita
User's Manual, but decided I had enough there as is.

guys with no self-esteem suddenly appears out of nowhere
and asks me out."

There was a tapping on Gosunkugi's shoulder.

Of course...

Original version actually had him make a comment about an Angel from heaven
instead of 'out of nowhere' and then have everyone look up, waiting for the
girl to decend from the heavens 'since that's what always happens'. this
worked better, I think.

"Hello, I am to be introducing myself. I am foreign exchange
student from Sweden. My name is Ingrid Thorlson. I am to be
new here and wish to make friends."

How about "Thorsdottir" as the surname?  Of "Sifsdottir"?

Going to go with Hans Holm's idea here. Honestly, I just used the name on
the spur of the moment. I thought I had remembered it in connection with a
Swede, but it was from a long time ago.

"Effendi, I have found something," one of the foreign
laborers shouted to Gosunkugi.

Actually using "effendi"... you ARE lacking in shame. ;)

Hey, if they're good enough for Indy...

'Whosoever dares to release the insanely powerful,
immortal Arch-Demon, Pandamonious

Ack!  HORRIBLE pun...

Now the quesition is, did you actually expect a panda demon from that name?
:)

"Kachiko Tendou, the day of your doom has finally arrived!"

"Oh, hey, Wakaba! What's shaking?" Kachiko gave a casual wave
of her hand.

You know, for all that we've seen this type of scene before,

it is quite cliche, I'll admit.

in various manifestations, this may be the single most blase
attitude ever done on the part of the hero.

Thanks. I couldn't recall seeing it before either, although I might have and
just forgot about it.

That's just Wacky Wakaba.  She's harmless.

Infuriating her still further, of course...

Yep.

"And she is always to be coming to school riding the back
of pandas of collosal proportions?"

(sp) colossal

You're correct. I'll have to see what 'collosal' means now. :)

....Beautiful and vivacious girl in half. It was a tremendous
battle that lasted well past third period.

Heh.

Again, thought it would be a cute touch.

One of the large rocks in the yard exploded in spectacular
fashion, sending shards of granite shrapnel all around.
From the smoky ruins left behind, a formerly beaten and buried
panda emerged. The eyes of the beast had taken on
an unearthly golden hue, and the pupils had become vertical
slits fill of malice and hate. "FREE AT LAST!"

Magnificent.  Sheer genius.

Thank you. Now it all comes together, from Genma beating to flashback (and
other things I needed to show in it) and back to the present, in conjunction
with the spirit ward from Kasumi's little attempt at 'curing' her mother. I
was lucky to get all the various factors to come into play at the same time
and not make it look too forced.

Sighing, Akane removed the piece of paper between Kachiko's
eyes and walked over to where the Pandamonious was deeply
embroiled in conversation with Kasumi.

and here the ofuda, in plain sight since the beginning of
the story, is fired.  Heh.

Yep.

Akane went inside the house to store the box in a safe place
until they had a chance to give it to Cologne.

...guaranteeing that someone will free it in the next chapter...

No. No plans for the Panda demon in the near future. Could always come up
with an idea for it again, but it's unlikely.

"No. Well, there's the remains of a vampire buried under the
back porch. But you don't have to worry about that, just so
long as you don't remove the stake from its rib cage.

Genma, who had finally recovered, held up a sign.

...made just a moment before, from a loose board and a stick
he'd found stuck in the ground under the back porch.

Heh. No. That would have been too obvious.

Akane wanted to protest, but what her mother was saying made
sense.

Heh.  Doesn't it just?

Yep. That was where the message ended. Seemed abrupt, so I just wanted to
double check and make sure that was the end.

Thanks mucho for the C+C. It's greatly appreciated.

D.B. Sommer

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