I didn't much get a second look through on this piece because I wanted to 
peg down my initial points as they came up. This is my opinionated analysis, 
and nothing more. The tech stuff will come later.

The author made several strong points that I've not seen in Ranma too often, 
and the story has potential to be very powerful. That said...

This story is, more or less, a standard fed-up-so-I'm-leaving fiction idea, 
but differently delivered. The author goes for a brunt, harsh style 
unforgiving to the flow and the content of the story. It is a rant 
completely from Ranma's side, allowing no other character to have their say 
in the matter. That is good, since it's Ranma's actions that the reader 
should be mostly concerned about. That's bad, since it leaves gaping holes 
in Ranma's justifications for leaving. The story is a piece that limits the 
reader audience to those who are familiar with one of the pieces of Ranma 
exposure available (anime, manga, and/or fanfiction). I'm positive this 
could go somewhere, but it doesn't leave much more than an initial shocking 
impression before it becomes redundant.

If that was the intended purpose of the author, then all went well. I'd 
guess the origins were as stated; he was stuck on another piece and needed 
something to take out the extra energy on. If not, then the obvious 
questions for improvement of the story should be:

What lead to this conflict?
Where is the conflict going?
Why is Ranma getting away with his judgements with no repercussions and/or 
reprisals whatsoever?
What ARE his antagonists' reactions/reprisals?

I'm skeptic of whether this will face a revisal, so I'll not bother with 
grammar/prose corrections. If it does, then let me know, I'd be happy to 
offer what help I can.

With this overanylization is finished, I'm going to go try and figure out my 
next fiction move.


- Kenji M. (KMurasaki@Hotmail.com)

Kenji's Nexus:
http://www.geocities.com/nexuslink

Random Plug:
http://www.megatokyo.com


_________________________________________________________________
Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com


             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'