Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Mon, 1 Jul 2002 05:15:47 -0400 (EDT) Frederick Herriot
<fherriot@yahoo.com> wrote:
Ranma grunts, adjusting the straps of her backpack as she
follows Negako towards the beacon of light which seems to lay an
eternity ahead of them. Glancing to both sides, then up, then down,
she notes the stars surrounding them. There was no {discernable : discernible}
pattern to them, at least not one Ranma can recognize. It was as if
she was in some corridor reaching throughout the Universe, one lined
on all sides by crystal clear glass. The air was breathable
yet not stale, salty, misty or any other condition she might
immediately recognize as "normal." Normal for Earth, that is.
"Yes. At that moment, things become very unclear. Security
later found you and Ataru at the camp. Genma..." an icy smirk turns
her lips, then she continues, "...was nearby, {throughly : thoroughly} beaten down.
It looked as if both a person and some wild animal had their way with
him. As to who it was that dealt with Genma, no one was able to
properly ascertain."
Reading that over, she nods, then memorizes the entry...
You are using 'memorize' instead of 'save' when Ranma saves her diary
entries.
"Training in Saikoo Jinseijitsu-ryuu is going ahead. I've got
the various 'seishin' attacks -- the Psychic Laser Beam, the Psychic
Shuriken Storm and the Psychic Kusarigama -- down pat. All it takes
to do them is to visualize what you want in your mind, implant that
desire onto your chi energy, then focus it on the target. I think
learning how to do the Kusarigama is a necessary {percussor : precursor}, if not
THE necessary {percussor : precursor}, to learning the soulsword, but I haven't
asked Negako about that just yet.
"The Kunous, Oyaji and his 'friend' are definitely on the 'out'
list. The Nyu-che-zuu and Jijii aren't bad, now that I understand
where they're coming from, but I still want to keep them at a
distance. I might be able to remain friends with Ryouga. Ditto with
Akane and Ukyou {one : once} we get this engagement business out of the way.
Kasumi, too. Maybe Nabiki, but that's a BIG 'maybe.' And I'll
certainly count Doc Toofuu as a friend even if he doesn't come back
the Island. And Mom..." she takes a breath. "Well, that all depends
on her relatives, I guess. If they're out to manipulate me into
earning money just for them, screw 'em! I'll walk out on Mom so
fast, it'll make all their heads spin. Though I'll hate it..."
Ranma does not appear to realize it yet, but at this point, it honestly
looks like Nabiki is more likely to be a friend than Akane.
"Damn, I'm actually excited! I'm going to places I could've
never imagined going to not more than a year ago! Damn good thing
Negako's got a camera with her; when news of this gets out, no one
outside Ataru and his sisters won't believe a damned word I say! Oh,
well, it's their loss."
Is "no one ... won't" double negative a deliberate Ranmaism?
"Don't the Onis know what they're doing to these people?!"
"{No : Yes}. Granted, the normal Urusian would be horrified on
confronting such information. However, until this war started,
the government did as much as it could to {censure : censor} such information
in the Urusian press and public media. Do you have your translator
with you, Ranma?"
If the first sentence was "No", there would be no need for "Granted" in the
next.
"And if Uncle proves stubborn about it, that's just too bad,"
Sugoi adds. "Don't they say on your planet, 'You reap what you
{sew : sow}?'"
Unless you want to leave them in stitches.