Awwwww . . .that was sweet.
Again, some good stuff. But it's a bit on the 'fluffy' side. Could stand to be cut by a few hundred words. Tighten it up. You show a lot of talent in your writing and could easily write for publication. You've got a nice smooth style. And all of your stories are simply a pleasure to read. 
My single complaint is that you have a tendency to be too formal in terms of English usage and a bit too wordy. NOT a lot, just enough to slow the pace of your stories. It throws the timing off. BUT, this is ONLY my opinion. Other readers will probably say just the opposite. ^)^


__________________________________________________________________
Your favorite stores, helpful shopping tools and great gift ideas. Experience the convenience of buying online with Shop@Netscape! http://shopnow.netscape.com/

Get your own FREE, personal Netscape Mail account today at http://webmail.netscape.com/


             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'