Hmm...

What can I say?  All of my favorite authors use a lot of description.  I
guess imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!

But I am glad you liked it.

June


----- Original Message -----
From: "allyn yonge" <allynyonge0000@netscape.net>
To: ""KaraOhki"" <karaohki@snet.net>; <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Sunday, June 30, 2002 3:07 PM
Subject: RE: [FFML] [fanfic][Ranma]Father (revised)

Awwwww . . .that was sweet.
Again, some good stuff. But it's a bit on the 'fluffy' side. Could stand

to be cut by a few hundred words. Tighten it up. You show a lot of talent
in your writing and could easily write for publication. You've got a nice
smooth style. And all of your stories are simply a pleasure to read.

My single complaint is that you have a tendency to be too formal in

terms of English usage and a bit too wordy. NOT a lot, just enough to slow
the pace of your stories. It throws the timing off. BUT, this is ONLY my
opinion. Other readers will probably say just the opposite. ^)^

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