I finally got around to polishing this one up. Enjoy
June
Finding the Lost
by June "KaraOhki" Geraci
karaohki@snet.net
March 31, 2002
Rev. June 30, 2002
Tenchi doesn't belong to me, but to Hiroki Hayashi, Masaki Kajishima, AIC
and Pioneer. Ranma 1/2 doesn't belong to me either, but to Rumiko
Takahashi. This tale was written to make you smile, not for commercial
purposes.
--------------------
"Young lady, when I talk to you, look at me!"
Sasami raised her head for a moment, saw her father's angry expression,
and looked down again.
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
"I'm sorry, Papa."
"And well you should be! First you 'borrow' my pet without asking, and
now you tell me she's lost?"
"Yes, Papa."
"How hard have you looked?"
Sasami sniffled. "I looked hard, Papa! But I couldn't find her. I think
maybe--" the little princess stopped to wipe her eyes and blow her nose
before continuing. "I think maybe she died when our ship crashed."
The king closed his eyes. Azusa had been quite fond of his pet ferret,
and the thought that it might have perished upset him a great deal. When
he opened his eyes again his daughter had gone from sniffles to full-blown
hysterics. He glanced around to make sure no one was watching before
gathering her into his arms. "Don't cry, dear. I'll find her."
*****
"How does one go about locating a lost pet on this planet?"
Tenchi gulped. The last thing he expected was that his great-grandfather
would come to him for advice. Fortunately, the answer was not difficult.
"Normally people hang up posters with pictures of the lost pet. Sometimes
they offer a reward."
"Excellent! I shall see to it immediately."
Azusa took Tenchi's advice to heart, and soon every telephone pole in town
was plastered with pictures of the missing ferret. What the young man was
not aware of was that the Emperor of Jurai never did anything by halves.
He had also placed an advertisement in every single newspaper in the
country.
*****
"I'm going to call her again, and if I get that damn machine this time I'm
going over there and smashing it!" The sounds of a phone being dialed
followed that muttered statement, and soon the phone on the other end was
picked up.
"Azusa, you're late! Practice was supposed to start--"
"Hello! You've reached Azusa's house. I'm very, very busy right now,
taking care of my little Philomena. Leave a message, and I'll call you
back later. Bye!"
Mikado Sanzenin hung up the phone so hard that it nearly fell off the
wall, and grabbed his jacket. Ever since Azusa had found her new pet,
their practice sessions had gone completely downhill. Either she didn't
show up, or she had that damned thing with her. It was time he did
something about it.
As the angry young man headed for the exit to the skating arena, he passed
a series of benches. Someone had discarded a newspaper on one of them,
and it was opened to an advertisement.
"MISSING! Reward!" That normally wouldn't have stopped him for a moment,
considering how focused he was on his mission, except for the picture that
accompanied the words. It was a picture of the bane of his existence: a
small ferret.
*****
"You know where she is? Wait a moment, let me get a pen! What's that
address again?" Azusa wrote frantically for a moment, and then spoke
again. "I'll meet you there in five minutes, and once I get her back
you'll be rewarded. Thank you so much!" He was out of the house so fast
that the windstorm he created ruined the hairdos of all the women present.
Tenchi came flying down the stairs.
"What's going on?"
"Papa is going after his pet!" announced Sasami.
"What's he taking? Not his ship?"
"But he's in a hurry, Tenchi!"
Tenchi sank to the floor, covering his face. "Why me?"
Mikado took his time getting across town. The phone number he'd just
dialed was not a local one, so he wasn't at all worried about getting
there first. As far as he was concerned, it would take a lot longer than
five minutes for the owner of the ferret to arrive at Azusa's house, no
matter how sincere he sounded.
He was wrong. When he arrived at the house, there was pandemonium
everywhere. A strange vehicle was parked in the middle of the street,
causing traffic to be hopelessly snarled. The police were trying to
direct cars around the obstruction, and there was a lot of screaming and
shouting.
Sanzenin ignored it. He was more interested in the sounds of screaming
coming from inside his partner's house.
"No! You can't take Philomena away! Philomena belongs to Azusa!"
"That's right! She belongs to ME!"
"No! Philomena belongs to AZUSA!"
*****
It took a few minutes for Mikado to figure out that both of the claimants
to the ferret were named Azusa. No wonder his partner was so confused.
It took him even less time to realize that 'Philomena,' or whatever the
ferret's name was, belonged to the regal-looking gentleman who had placed
the ad in the paper. The little animal was sitting on the man's shoulder,
rubbing her face against his, and looking quite content. She had never
behaved so nicely with Azusa, instead trying to run off at any
opportunity. His partner had several bite marks on her hands, received
when she squeezed the animal too hard.
"I've had enough of this. It's time to call in some backup." The male
Azusa pulled some kind of device from his pocket, and made a call.
"Kiyone? I need your assistance here in retrieving an item that belongs
to me--a lost pet. Here's the address."
*****
"Wait a moment, I don't have a pen!"
"Oh, I have one. Just repeat it to me!"
Kiyone desperately reached for the pen in Mihoshi's hand, but her
featherbrained partner refused to give it up, and she reluctantly repeated
the address to her. "We'll be there shortly. Don't cause any trouble,
sir! Your presence on Earth is supposed to be low-key!"
Kiyone slammed the phone down and ran outside. Mihoshi was already
starting the engines on their cruiser. "Let's go!" she cried. "I know
how to get there!"
"Gods, we're in trouble again," muttered her partner.
*****
Across town from the Shiratori residence, Akane was not having a good day.
Ranma had promised to take her out for ice cream, but everyone and
everything seemed to be conspiring to keep that from happening.
Shampoo had arrived and followed Ranma all around the yard, trying to get
him to eat the 'special lunch' she'd prepared for him. Akane had watched
Ranma's ineffectual attempts to rid himself of her, and finally took
matters into her own hands. She splashed the girl with water, and punted
the cat over the wall before Ranma could react to the change.
"How come YOU couldn't handle her? Why did I have to get rid of her?"
"DAMN IT, Akane! What did you want me to do?"
"Just tell her to get lost? How hard can that be?
Ranma was trying to answer that question when Ryoga came flying over the
wall. "Ranma! How DARE you flirt with Shampoo when you're supposed to be
taking Akane out!"
"Hey! SHE was flirting with ME! And what makes it YOUR business?"
"Never mind that! DIE!"
"I don't believe this," sighed Akane. "Do they ever do ANYTHING but
fight?"
Then the unexpected happened. Some sort of vehicle fell out of the sky
and landed in the pond. Water flew everywhere. Akane's new dress was
soaked, and Ranma turned female. Akane looked down at herself in dismay,
and back at Ranma, who shrugged helplessly. Then her attention was drawn
to something else. Ryoga's sopping wet clothes were lying on the grass,
and he was nowhere to be seen. Then a lump under the clothes moved, and a
small black pig crawled out.
"R-r-r-ryoga? P-p-p-chan?" For a brief moment, Akane swayed. She was
going to faint. Then anger took over. "I'm going to KILL you, you
pervert!" She uprooted the stone lantern and was running toward the
cowering pig when a green-haired woman emerged from the vehicle in the
pond and grabbed her.
"I'm sorry, but I can't allow that."
Ranma's jaw dropped. Akane's jaw dropped. Ryoga ran for his life.
"What did you say?"
"I said I can't allow that. Someone reported a disturbance about a lost
pet, but it looks to me like you want to kill it. Would you mind
explaining yourself?"
Akane's jaw moved, but nothing came out. Ranma took over. "There's no
lost pet here, Miss. Are you sure you're in the right place?"
By this time Mihoshi had found her way out of the cruiser. Unfortunately,
her way out caused her to land face-first in the pond. She got up,
trudged out, and handed a soggy piece of paper to Ranma. "This is where
we are, right?"
Ranma looked at the note. "Nope, that's across town." Ignoring Mihoshi's
protests, he gave careful directions to Kiyone, who thanked her and began
to drag her partner back to the cruiser. In the meantime, Akane had
overcome her inability to speak.
"That, that pervert!" Then she burst into tears, and threw herself into
her fiance's arms, despite the fact that he was female. "I'm sorry!"
Ranma gestured at Mihoshi, and Kiyone released her collar so that she
could come closer. "Yes?" she asked nervously.
"Look, I gotta thank you. You guys just did me a BIG favor with that
splash landing."
The confused officers got into their cruiser and look off, Kiyone at the
controls.
*****
Azusa had gone from screaming to hitting. She began with the art book
sitting on her coffee table, and soon escalated to the brass candlesticks
from the mantelpiece. Her victim was showing remarkable restraint,
evading her blows rather than striking back. Her partner had tried to
intervene, but a few well-placed blows soon convinced him to stay on the
sidelines.
"Young lady, my pet and I are leaving, and that is all there is to say
about it!" Azusa calmly backed toward the door, being followed by the
tiny, furious woman. Then the door flew open.
"Gal--police officers here! Mihoshi and Kiyone inserted themselves
between the Emperor and Azusa, allowing him to leave the house.
Unfortunately, Kiyone took her eyes off Azusa, and received a vicious kick
in the knee. Azusa ran outside in time to see the ship rise into the air.
"Give me back my darling Philomena! Thief, thief!" Azusa sank to her
knees, weeping.
"COME BACK HERE! You forgot to PAY me!" A cloud of dust followed
Sanzenin, who was running down the street for all he was worth, shaking
his fist.
"Kwee?" Azusa looked up, and a look of joy replaced her tears. Something
was crawling out of the vehicle that the police officers had arrived in.
Something that she hadn't seen in a long, long time.
"CHARLOTTE!"
Ryoga groaned. Perhaps he should have allowed Akane to kill him.
--------------------------------------------------
http://karaohki.anifics.com
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You could turn this way,
I'm also lonely
this autumn evening
Basho
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