Ginrai wrote:
An Ukyou fic!
*Ginrai drops everything else he was C&C'ing to C&C this fic*
Your reaction time is impressive. ;)
And the above was written in December... *sigh*
But, fear not! For my fanboyishness would make sure that this gets
commented on. ^_^;
Fanboy-senses... tingling!
This is early, but I might not remember to/be able to later.
Glad I get to read it now than later ^_^
You've never read it? O_o?
Plain Okonomiyaki
Ohh.... So it's a fic where Akane snaps, thinks that Ranma likes Ukyou
and so decides to kill off the okonomiyaki chef and dress up as her,
only to find her plans go horribly wrong as she can only create plain
okonomiyaki? ;)
Yea... er... no.
Christmas, as far as she could remember, was a romantic holiday.
Unless she was going by the Weird Al song...
Then it's a holidy where saxaphone players get rescued by big robots.
I think. There was a video about that at Fanime.
okonomiyaki being unromantic, but could easily understand the desire
to go somewhere nicer instead, hence the relative lack of business.
But that'll make things easier when Ranma comes along.
Ever the optimist, hmm?
This Ukyou's a little more worried and a little less hopeful.
She smiled at the image, turning about and taking down the curtain over the door. It
'image before turning about' - I think
Done.
Sliding the door shut, and placing the curtain away carefully, she
passed into her room, gathering pen and paper, then, after a moment
of hesitation, set the pen down. Rifling through a small box of
memories from her father, she retrieved a much prized and
Do you mean 'from' or 'of' here?
From.
well-tended ink-brush, a moment later adding a somewhat newer bottle
of ink.
Ah, I see where she's going. It does have a nicer effect using ink.
...he says to someone who can no longer hold a pencil or pen. -_-
I _have_ to use a computer, since the trembling in my wrists is too
pronounced when holding anything except for a keyboard and mouse.
And it took quite some effort to be able to improve my
hand-eye-coordination as much as I have.
Returning to the grill, she took a seat at one of the covered boxes
that served as stools, comforting herself with the slowly fading
heat of the grill, and pulled a small clipboard from behind the
counter. Paper comfortably in place, and ink set on the small lip of
counter that sat before the grill, she smiled. All was in readiness.
Something about the last sentence seems off, though it's probably just
me.
It is. Just you. All you.
Freak.
Seriously, actually, it's stylistic. Meant to be somewhat jarring,
but not much. Just a hair.
I think I'll leave it in.
Long years of brushing okonomiyaki lent her a small modicum of skill,
and she had tried to refine that skill as much as she could; though
she was not often taken to poetry. Yet, something about the moment
strove to be captured, prompting her to retrieve the treasured ink
brush.
The holiday's usually have that effect on people.
I've noticed that, myself. :/
Born among the stars,
they dance to Earth, and apart,
then dance close once more.
Nice.
Thank you very much.
I'm a huge fan of haiku.
I don't show it much.
;)
Done, she held the paper away from her, and studied it critically.
'her and studied'
Okay.
Still, for the time, it would be good enough. Signing it carefully,
she added a delicate, 'To my beloved Ranchan' at the top, smiling
'delicate 'To my' - I think (well, either that or there's supposed to
be a comma after 'Ranchan').
I do believe you are correct.
happily at it. It wasn't perfect, she knew, but it was also the best
she could truly hope for.
Her smile faded, as she returned ink, papers, and brush to their
'faded as' - Unless you meant it faded before she returned the items.
Yes.
proper places. A gift without a recipient was useless, though. She
spent a moment pondering the haiku, unsure what to do with it.
Sighing sadly, she carefully folded it in three, setting it aside,
and pondering.
'pondered'
Repetition. Latter instance dropped.
Of course, in her dreams, Ranma would come, and she would answer the
door, and he would shyly present her with a gift -- maybe a ring, or
a scarf, or chocolates... But then she would give him his gift, and
they would talk softly and hold hands deep into the night, which
would end with a kiss.
Yeah, that's about how most her fantasies go.
Yep.
The reality of the situation would likely be different, she admitted
to herself. Most likely there would be no Ranma at all, and were he
Ukyou doesn't think she'll end with Ranma?
Not here.
Standing in the doorway, scarf over his shoulders in the twilight,
shivering very slightly, was the very boy she had been thinking of.
Woo-hoo!
Ahem... ^_^;;
Heh. :p
"Hiya, Ucchan," he managed, smiling apologetically.
"Ranchan!" she exclaimed, hurrying him inside and closing the door
Least something ends up taking him away from her all of a sudden.
Rampaging random encounters, and so on.
"Um," he began, fidgeting and nervous. "I don't know," he admitted
after a moment. "I just... didn't want to be... there... right now."
He just can't say he wanted to be with her.
That's part of it.
"Your father?" Ukyou asked cautiously.
How'd she come up with that conclusion?
By guessing, and not wanting to talk about Akane. The implication is
both of the fathers, pressuring him to do something for/with/to
Akane. And all that _that_ entails.
Ranma paused hesitantly, and scratched the back of his neck in
embarrassment. "Well... that's a good part of it. I thought, um...
if you weren't busy, I'd maybe visit with you for a bit."
Shows that he cares.
Part of it.
at her in confusion. Picking up the short poem she had written for
him, she presented it cautiously, blushing faintly and biting her
lip, unable to meet his eyes in the heat of the moment. "I... I made
this for you," she managed tremulously.
Probably hoping that he'll like it.
I'd hope so. :p
He accepted the paper, unfolding it carefully and reading it,
scanning the page several times to consider the meaning before he
looked up. "Oh," he said quietly. "I... I guess I never really
looked at it that way before."
Seems he got a different meaning out of the haiku.
It took me a while to be happy with that haiku, you know.
"Don't worry about it," she laughed, smiling at the way he fidgeted.
"Have you had anything to eat, yet?"
'eat yet'
Laja.
"I, uh... um... just... whatever's easiest for you," he managed,
appearing slightly guilty.
Yeah, usually have that feeling when I'm unable to return a favore.
I know the feeling.
"Hey!" he protested. "It's not, uh, no, I mean... uh..."
Ranma's awful when it comes to a poker face.
Yep. :)
She flushed at the compliment; she received many such words
Maybe change the first 'she' to 'Ukyou'.
Good call.
"Um... Ucchan, I... I didn't get you anything, so, um... if there's
anything I can do for you, just tell me."
Words that Ranma would rarely tell a fiancee ^_^
Behold, the power of guilt.
He accepted the hand after a moment, still nervous, and she tugged
him outside, where the coat of snow on the ground had thickened to a
carpet a few inches deep. This late, even her and Ranma's earlier
'carpet few inches' - I think
Will revise.
footsteps had vanished, leaving the street bare and flawless for the
pair of them.
A very beautiful scene at nighttime.
I thought so. :)
That is, until I have to wake up the next morning and help shovel the
snow.
Ain't it always the way? I mean, rose-petals across the entire bed
look romantic, but are a PAIN to clean up.
Uh, or so I hear. �_�
Giggling, she led him through the first, clumsy, awkward steps, until
he grasped what she was trying to teach him. He led as they began
again, one hand around the small of her back, the other clasped with
hers, with no regard to being in the middle of the street.
Or the fact that they're dancing on snow.
It's only a few inches of powder. Used to have the stuff in
Washington. Come morning, they'd be falling all over the place,
especially Ranma's legendary skills concerning traction and ice.
Public place or not, the night was theirs, and theirs alone. It was
only them, the stars, and the snow, flitting down slowly to veil
everything in a mysterious, dream-like atmosphere.
Nice description.
Thanks. ^_^
I'm really proud of that scene.
Ranma reached towards her tentatively, then dropped his hands to his
sides. "I don't know," he mumbled after a moment. "I... Ucchan,
maybe. Maybe. I don't know right now. But... but someday, maybe...
maybe I'll come over, and ask you for a plain okonomiyaki." Smiling
ruefully, he added, "Besides, it was a beautiful poem about us, not
snow. I'll never forget that, Ucchan."
Only after this did I realize it could be taken in that way.
Like I said, it took me quite some time to be satisfied with that
Haiku. >_<
Very insightful of Ranma.
Note that it's the only interpetation he got, though. ;)
She sniffled then, managing a brave smile, and blinking away the
Not sure if 'then' is necessary.
Probably not.
Excess verbage lined up and ventilated.
tears as he placed a tender kiss upon her forehead, and bowed his
And, contrary to what Ukyou expected, it ended the way her dreams went
(sort of).
The suggestion is that it's much more real than her dreams is. And
considering she wasn't expecting her fantasy to come true, it's also
a lot more than she was hoping for. ;)
It wasn't until she was back in the restaurant, door securely
latched, that she realized he had left the poem there. Perhaps...
perhaps he would come for it tomorrow. And maybe, just maybe, he'd
ask for a plain okonomiyaki.
'a' or 'another' (?)
'a'. It's more than just a 'yaki, in this context, Gin. ;)
Nice WAFFY ending.
Thanks! I'm really new at this stuff, see.... :p
Joyous Yule and a merry Solstice to all. Here's to a new year of
trials, pain, growth, friendship, and maybe, just maybe, love.
As I said for 'Again We Meet':
Short. Sweet. Ranma. Ukyou. What could be better? ^_^
A: A sequel.
B: A lemon.
C: A bottle of 10 year old tawny Port.
Possibly all of the above, but I'm too prudish for B, and too poor
for C, so you'll have to settle for C. :D
Great fic! Beautifully written and a story all Ukyou (and just maybe
other) fans will like. Just sorry that I couldn't comment on this
earlier.
My goal was to write an Ukyou fic that was about her, about Ranma,
and managed to avoice both 'Saint Ukyou' and 'Demon Akane'. Some
people's opinions will never be changed, but I try to worry about
that less, and enjoy the story more. ;)
Now to C&C a recent one of yours.
'Recent'? As in, 'No longer from 2001'?
^_^;;;
I look forward to seeing it, then.
Ginrai
- Who's trying to force his muse into working on his Ukyou fics again.
Woot! If there's more Crossing the Line, maybe I won't have to ask
Mookie to have a conversation with your kneecaps. ;)