Attachments, attachments, n' attachment's loife fah me!
-------------------------------
Benjamin A. Oliver
boredcollective@aol.com
"We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
Your humor will adapt to entertain us.
Resistance is and always has been: Futile."
Collective works available at:
http://rakhal.com/florestica/ben-oliver/index.html
-- Attached file included as plaintext by Ecartis --
-- File: 1.txt
In a message dated 6/22/2002 12:27:23 AM US Mountain Standard Time, kthardin@tenchifanart.com writes:
And...onto the next one!
And a-waaaaaaaaaaaaay we go!
> think the "chapter" should end. Actually, even I'm starting to
> think of it as an odd thing that I should be calling a currently
> seven hundred and fifty kilobyte plain text file a single chapter.
Well, you could start calling them books if you want, and labeling the
individual
parts chapters. That might confuse em a bit more.
Hmm, now, why didn't I think of that? ^_^
But then I'd have to decide where each of the "books" begins and ends,
and I'd have to blackmail a fanartist into coming up with covers for
each of 'em...
Hey, NETTG webnovels. There's an idea!
> Oh well. Gotta keep people off-balance, at least for a while.
> Wouldn't be proper otherwise! I'll welcome any comments or
> suggestions anyone has to make.
Just remember...you asked for it. ^_^
Indeed I did! You don't need to focus on the positive aspects!
Go ahead and blatantly tell me what's wrong!
I might not agree sometimes, but at least I'll have a different
perspective on it.
> Terra Incognito knew intuitively that love, of one variety or
> another, is what optimally forms a family. After all, when she'd been
> kidnapped by an alien from the planet Vegita, her mother had wasted
> no time in calling her friends in to help get her back. And
> afterward, her father had volunteered to take care of any problems
> that had been left over.
...what sort of problems would have required his rather distinct skill set,
I wonder?
Well, if his daughter's still in danger, I'm sure the good ol' super soldier
will be able to help.
> The perky young redhead was sure that everyone in her family
> loved her a great deal, but for some reason, she did not particularly
> enjoy how her grandmother was looking at her. "Umm, Gramma Jenova?"
Jenova? Heheheh...that'd be about as bad as having an Uncle Hastur.
Or a Great Grandpa Cthulu. Any horrific Lovecraftian monster will do
for speculation...
> "What is it, child?" Jenova asked in a soft, penetrating,
> alien voice. Her speech came from perfect lips from a perfect face,
I always figured Jenova as more telepathic myself...course if she was, and
trying to
hide it by 'mouthing' what she was projecting, one can only wonder how she'd
cover it
up if she got out of sync? Heh.
"Umm, Gramma? You're out of sync."
"I am not. You're just imagining things. SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!"
> which itself was attached to a vaguely human, female body in front of
> the huge, bulbous sac that Terra never had the heart to ask about.
God help her if she ever watches Alien 2. ^_^
"Um, Daddy, is that what Gramma does when she's at home?"
"Er, no, child, she's far more efficient."
> She levitated a little above one of the big, comfy chairs, unable to
> sit due to her obvious lack of physical wherewithal that would be
> necessary for such a feat. "Has my dear, sweet, granddaughter grown
> tired of those that dare seek to 'pick on' her?" One of her long,
My, it's chilly in here. ^_^
^_^ Indeed. Cold Shivers all around.
> Terra could understand how someone like her mother could fall
> in love with someone like her father. She held the opinion that her
> father was quite handsome and strong. He'd never treated her with
Fangirls, do indeed, love their bishounen badguys. The sheer amount of
those type
fangirls is truly awe inspiring.
Yup! It is rather shocking...
By contrast, are there many fanboys obsessed with attractive female
villains? I'd imagine so, but I can't think of many...
> mother met her father, and she had never asked. She had once idly
> fancied them meeting at a dance somewhere and really hitting it off,
%*Whenever sang my songs, on the stage, on my own...*%
At least it wasn't due to a time travel accident with their daughter
singing, "Earth Angel" or 1960s pop songs to get them together...
> but that theory did not mesh well with her experience with them.
It's kinda like Sasami trying to figure out just who her dad and mom really
are in
the Pretty Sammy TV series. Heh.
Hmm...
"Mother?" Terra suddenly asked Kasumi. "How did you and Daddy
meet?"
"Um!" Kasumi was caught off guard for a moment. She fidgeted.
"Well..."
"We met at during a ballroom dance," Sephiroth replied in a
voice that didn't exactly sound like it belonged to an accomplished
twinkle-toes. "We, ah, really 'hit it off.'"
Kasumi just smiled, rubbing the back of her neck. Her skin
had taken on a reddish hue.
Terra nodded to herself. At least she got that one right.
> However, even given her recently-enhanced imagination, she
> could not figure out how someone like her daddy had an ancestry that
> included someone like Gramma. It was like she was from another planet
Lots and lots genetic engineering...and really cool hallucinagenics with
just a pinch
of lime.
Hoo-yeah. Plus, tons and tons of Earth/lifeforce energy...
> Still, she made a mental note never to introduce Serena or
> Raye to her beloved grandma.
<Terra> Why are there blastmarks on the walls? And where are my friends?
<Jenova> They had to leave...unexpectedly.
<Serean, Raye> *pounding on the insided of the bulbous sack* Let us outta
here!
<Jenova> *burps*
Yup, that's about right. ^_^
> Another one of Grandma's tentacles reached over and snatched
> the magical piece of jewelry. "Ah, yes. The powers of Sailor Earth,
> are they?" She held it up and examined it closely. "Barely worth
> batting an eyelash over, especially when you have part of my genetic
> background to help you along..."
I dunno...I'd think they'd be almost comparable to a certain extent. The
powers
Jenova had were derived from the very life force of her own world, and I
expect
Sailor Earth's as similar...if not to the degree Jenova's was.
As I've written the story, I've gotten the idea that Terra is Sailor Earth
in name only, more or less. In the past she held Chibimoon's capabilities
and even has the same outfit colors...
But when Terra gains access to her powers, the next thing ya know, ol' Jed's
a millionare...
> Kasumi looked like she wanted to raise her hand and say
> something, but in the end, she closed her mouth and sat back down.
> "No, better not mention it yet..."
Yeah...no need to mention the part about being the reiincarnation of the
Galaxy
Destroyer. That'd probably bring bad karma all around. Heh.
Yeah, and having to give her The Talk about not using her powers for
evil, etc, etc, etc. ^_^
> Jenova looked like she wanted to shrug. What sufficed as her
> shoulders remained immobile while her tentacles were held up in a
> gesture mimicking innocence. "Merely a suggestion."
<Terra> Grandma, you always want to inject me with your cells. What gives?
<Grandma> They're good, and good for you! Make you big and strong.
<Sephiroth> She doesn't need to start growing extra arms and legs...or wings
for that
matter just to kill off those pesky hero types that come along.
<Grandma> But you never know.
Suggestion applied.
Jenova looked like she wanted to shrug. What sufficed as her
shoulders remained immobile while her tentacles were held up in a
gesture mimicking innocence. "Merely a suggestion."
"Gramma, why do you always want to inject me with your cells?"
"They're, ah, good, and good for you! Helps you grow up big
and strong!"
"She doesn't need to be growing any extra arms or legs,"
Sephiroth shot back, "or _wings_, for that matter. There are other
ways to deal with those pesky hero types that come along, trying
to make a name for themselves."
"But you never know," Jenova added with a fanged grin.
The redhead reached for her brooch. "Can I, um, have it back
now?"
> Sephiroth cleared his throat. "There's nothing wrong with
> carrying large swords around," the black-clad man insisted,
> indicating his own sheathed blade.
<Kasumi> And I can vouch that he's not trying to compensate for something,
either!
Hmm... That'd make a good line, but where to put it...
Should Kasumi blush and comment that, "I love a man with a great, big
sword..."
Then Terra says, "Yeah, what's it called, the Masamune? It's huge."
Then Kasumi looks confused for a second and says, "What? Oh! The katana!
Well, that's nice, too." (blushes furiously)
Or should I leave the innuendo out for the time being?
I'm sort of leaning towards leaving it out...
> Atop Tokyo Tower, the Atomic Starlight Knight winced.
>
> <Ewwww, icky Grandma kisses!>
Heh, while this is a universal statement, I expect Terra has a legitimate
complaint
in this case.
Well, yes, just a bit. ^_^
> <We can sense it too! That must mean the link's steadying!>
>
> <Finally...>
Wonder what ASK is going to do when he figures out he has the wrong girl?
Heh.
I've got something planned. It's great, big, and dramatic that involves
ASK making a decision whether or not to save Sailor Moon from the soul-
sucking ruler of a kingdom in The Horrid Chaos Dimension From Whence There
Is No Return, after ASK finds out that SM isn't really his core being.
> ASK had come to this particular locale to drink in the
> surroundings and blow off some more steam. He felt the underground
> base was too crowded, even though there were only three people
> there. The restaurant was too crowded, even though it had been
> closed for renovations, as had every other place within a three-
> block radius.
Mostly due to the fact they weren't there anymore, but hey...
Well, yes. Blasted, burned and such. Mega destruction. ^_^
> <I don't know!>
<Can't we all just get along?>
*All* <KILL THE HEATHEN!>
Hmm...
<I don't know!>
<Stupid question, silly answer.>
<What was that?!>
<Oh! Um, nothing...>
<Can't we all get along?>
<DESTROY THE HEATHEN!!!>
<Yipe!>
*BAM-WHACK-POWWW!!!*
> He didn't frequent bars, since his mentally-projected body
> had zero chemical tolerance and the brawls were far too boring.
Surprising alcohol had any effect at all.
It's an odd sort of thing. Tranquilizers seem to have a total,
instant effect on him, and any quantity of caffeinne has him
going into "I AM CORNHOLIO" mode.
As for every other chemical, I guess I'll have to burn that
bridge when I come to it...
> <I can review species in the galaxy and how to kill them!>
But why stop with only one galaxy....there are thousands if not millions out
there...all begging for a good killin'. ^_^
Well, yes, but the current galaxy is the immediate concern.
> "Subject," ASK said in a clear, eloquent voice, "Dark Kingdom
> youma. Death is inevitable with slight bodily harm. Energy attacks
> are most effective, but terminating with physical blows is much more
> enjoyable. Average time: one-point-five seconds."
<Youma> ....I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting my righteous donkey
outta
here. All those that second the motion?
<other Youma> Aye!
<Youma> And those against? ...guys...where'd you go? Guys? Guys?
^_^_^_^_^_^
Heh, I remember when the Borg did this one. ^_^
When Voyager was using Transphasic torpedoes from the future and stuff?
> "Juraian Royalty, Elite. Modified energy-breaking point to
> shatter Light Hawk Wings combined with any sword or critical blow.
> Target head or heart with projectile or blade. Five minutes."
Well, keep in mind that only Tenchi had the power to generate his own.
Tenchi was quite special in that aspect, yes.
But maybe there were a few others with that capability that nobody's
heard about, thousands of years ago...
Everyone else
has to use their Tree, who in turn draws power from their Goddess, Tsunami.
Ah.
They
don't exactly have their own power. What I'm trying to get at is that
fighting them
is the equivalent to fighting a (very) mini Tsunami...then again, you did
mention in
one of your chapters he sort of bitch slapped her back to being just a tree.
Heh.
Actually, it was the galactic destroyer, in full "playing-with-its-food" mode.
Tsunami's a Juraian Goddess, if not THE Juraian Goddess, and as such is or
was quite powerful. You'd need something that could take out a galaxy to go
up against her.
It just so happened that in the NETTG storyline, the GD (galactic destroyer)
DID go up against Tsunami, and won, maiming the poor goddess into having
to retreat to a smaller and safer form to survive.
I just figure that, in a realm where goddesses are a dime a dozen, we can
afford to severely pummel a few here and there.
Besides, we need a way to get Tsunami stark, raving mad and show up in
the Silver Millennium era, meet P.Terrifying, and start beating 'er up,
screaming, "GIMME BACK MY CAREFREE YOUTH, YOU MONSTER!!!"
And have this:
"Juraian Royalty, Elite. Modified energy-breaking point to
shatter Light Hawk Wings combined with any sword or critical blow.
Target head or heart with projectile or blade. Five minutes."
<Didn't take that long the first time we met one...>
<We had our power source and weren't split up into core being
and avatar, remember?>
<Pfft! Y'know, any idiot with Infinite Power and all that.>
<Oh yeah. I wonder what happened to that tree-lady...>
###
Somewhere, a certain Juraian Goddess rubbed her hands together
in anticipation. "Heh heh heh! Wait 'till you meet my new little
project here..."
...
In a bedroom in somewhere more definite--a nice, large home in
Okayama--a young girl named Sasami turned in her sleep, a huge grin
on her face. "Mmmm... Heh heh."
A woman with long purple hair and a kimono watched the child
with fascination. "Isn't she so cute when she's asleep?"
A male teenager beside her, whom we shall call, oh, for the
sake of argument, Tenchi Masaki, nodded. "It sure looks like she's
having a very nice dream."
###
The Atomic Starlight Knight answered a few more questions on
the electronic pop quiz.
> "Class Eight Chemical/Energy Vampire. Dodge claws and teeth.
> Watch the energy-blasting, it's heavy-duty. Some have mind-control,
> so don't bring any friends. Shatter hard palate, death is instant.
> Twenty minutes, fifteen seconds, clocked."
I don't recognize this one. Where's it from?
I just remember hearing somewhere that in some series, there are
vampires capable of stuff that looks like tac-nukes and with a
huge telepathic range...
> <Not that it matters, not now.>
>
> <A trip down memory lane! I wonder if D's still around...>
Vampire Hunter D? Don't recall anything like that from the movies...this
from the
novels?
No idea whatsoever. I'm just guessing about some horribly powerful
vampire that could do heavy amounts of damage to the planet.
> "Subject: Advanced Juraian Reaver (Albino). Point singularity
> weapons and other gravity-based attacks. Preferred: Weapons of Mass
> Destruction. Hmm, I don't know... Didn't take me long in the
> simulation. Ummm, two minutes, unless you want the planet intact.
> A couple hours if you do."
Reaver? Hmm...Reaver...Reaver...oh, yeah. Brian Randall's Ranma fic.
I'm renting a couple from Brian Randall for Sailor Stylin's fourth
installment. (I promise to return 'em in... passable condition! Really!
^_-)
Have to add a nod here and there, y'know. I used to do it all the time.
Had Zen in Chapter 7... Chris Angel in the end of Chapter 5.
Now, if only I could convince Skysaber to let me use his SI in a duel
vs. ASK... ^_^;;;
If not, maybe I can ask Danna Sean...
Sometimes, ASK is too powerful, and other times, not powerful enough.
Gotta flex some ego around here, y'know! ^_-
> <Maybe they'd be more fun to take out by now...>
>
> <Some mighty-fine take-out, I'd say!>
So come right on down to Vegita's house of Good Eats! Here we serve up
Pikachu's,
Mokona's, the occasional cabbit, and don't forget to try the daily special!
Today
it's Juraian Reaver! A bit soggy, and highly toxic, but sure to satisfy
even the
most encentric gormet connoisseur! You'll love our tasty grub!
Disclaimer: Good Eats is not responsible for any maiming, poisoning,
accidental
deaths or dismemberments due to the questionable content of our food.
(Iron Chef...)
"Your ingredient will be..."
*Dramatic pause*
"Juraian Reaver!"
What's worse: the chefs have to kill it before they can start cooking
it, like all the King Crabs that one time...
> "Galaxia-class Sailor Senshi. Disable weapon arm and target
> vital organs. Pummel senseless and laugh mockingly. Do not kill.
> She's one of a kind, heh heh heh! Eight hours."
They don't have others for other galaxies?
They might, but the closest one is for the current galaxy.
Not that it matters...I like
that laugh
mockingly bit. ^_^
I think Sailor Stylin' might have existed in the past life arena,
at least in the capacity of a temporary special unit designed
exclusively to last ONE climactic battle with Sailor Galaxia.
Terrifying must have been especially bored that time.
> <We never did last long against Luna, though.>
I'm scared to ask what she had that all the others didn't. ^_^
^_^
"AHEM! Subject: Black Magic Advanced Sorceress. Catch on the
right day of the month, no contest. Any other day, surprise attacks
or overpowering. Three minutes, unless... Nah, that'd never happen."
<Lina wasn't that hard.>
<Except for that one time when she got Giga-slave happy...>
<We never did last long against Luna, though.>
<So what?! SHE could gut an enraged black dragon with a kitchen
knife, but only _I_ could threaten it into joining the Goddess Relief
Office afterwards.>
<Still, though...>
<I'll never admit to it if you won't!>
<Deal.>
> <Well, the queens are pretty tough. Not too bad, though.>
>
> <Pummeled one to death once.>
<And the Acid blood made that Predator we found there slide down the ol'
gullet nice
and easy.>
Hmm...
<Well, the queens are pretty tough. Not too bad, though.>
<Pummeled one to death once. Well, twice, if you count that
one time...>
<And the acid made that Predator we found out there slide down
the ol' galaxy-destroying gullet nice and easy.>
<Heh. Yeah!>
> "Subject: Fashion-based Sailor Senshi. Electrical attacks to
> stun, followed by eight sword-slashes to the midsection and finish
> off with a grenade or concussive missile. Energy disruption should
> speed up the process. Total time, seven seconds."
Damn...that's one helluva spanking.
Yup. I wonder why Stylin' decided to spend her formative months on
the other side of the planet... ^_^
> <Whose yo-daddy?>
<Supa Fly> You wanna know who yer daddy is huh? It's meeee! Uh huh! I'm
yer
daddy! Uh huh! I'm yer daddy! How come I'm yer daddy? ^_-
^_^
> <Anyway, she's in England. We'll investigate later. We have
> more pressing needs now.>
Damn. Wonder what he's going to do when he finds out about her.
Ah, that is a secret.
Mwa-ha-ha-haaaa. ^_-
> "Ruler-class Demon Lord, Horrid Chaos Dimension From Whence
> There Is No Return. Hmm... That's a tough one. Target vital organs?
> Decapitate?"
>
> *BEEP!* The computer beeped mockingly.
<ASK> WHAT?! Damnit! This isn't fair! I've never killed one of those
before!
Stupid pop quizes...
Ironic foreshadowing. The ONE thing he doesn't know how to kill... ^_^
> "No, don't tell me... A Jusenkyou Curse. Drowned slug, then
> squish it."
Or pour salt over him in the hot sun. Heheheheheheh.
Yeah, that sounds better.
"No, don't tell me... A Jusenkyou Curse. Drowned slug, then
pour a whole bunch of salt on it in the dry sun."
> <Say, Jade looks a lot like Jadeite...>
>
> <Duh! She IS Jadeite.>
Hell has just frozen over. Someone figured something simple out. ^_^
Well, he had to have noticed by now. I just had to find some plausible
reason why he hasn't taken action. ^_^
> ASK froze. "Really?" he asked himself. "I didn't notice. How
> do I figure that?"
*snicker* "How do I figure that?" Heheheh, good one.
That's the fun sort of dialogue that'cha can come up with when you're
speaking to yourself.
> <Some of the genes responsible for appearance were affected
> as well, consistent with the effects of a locked 'Spring of Drowned
> *CUTE* Girl' specialized Jusenkyo curse.>
So uhhh...what other types of girl curses are there?
There's the standard, run of the mill SOD Girl,
then let's look at the fan fiction...
SOD Pregnant woman...
SOD High School Prom Date...
SOD Little Girl... (Whatever happened to "No Fair!", by the way?)
SOD Amazon...
There's a bunch of others. You'd have to ask someone that's been around
in the Ranma fanfic business longer than me. Gary Kleppe might know all
the types that have been used.
Hmm... Spring of Drowned Bishoujo Bride is popular this time of year.
Happi Days did a fascinating treatment on that one, but by far the best
treatment on the subject of weird gender-changing comprehensive population
switches would have to be Chris Jones's Virus plotlines...
But, if you can think of a variety, I'm sure it's been tried in one
fanfic or another.
> "Wait, wait. Stop right there." The tall, dark-haired, green-
> armored man waved his hand in the air. "Am I saying that 'Jade Cyte'
> is really Jadeite in disguise?"
>
> <That's about the size of it.>
It took the brainpower of about 50 personalities to figure this out though.
That's just sad. ^_^
Sure is, and I can't think of another character that could conceivably
wait that long to come to that conclusion...
He's, er, had a lot to think about lately. It's like having a slow
processor and a WHOLE bunch of memory. It was still in the buffer,
waiting to be analyzed.
> ASK processed that for a second. Then he shrugged and whipped
> out his gunblade, resting it on his shoulder. "Whelp," he beamed, "I
> guess that means I get to kill 'er."
>
> <YEAAAAAAAAAAAH, BABY!!!>
Ah! Nothing relieves stress like a good killin'. Just ask Illpalazo...he
wastes
Excel on a regular basis, and all things considered, he's a pretty mild
mannered for
a despotic tyrant with delusions of grandeur.
Well, yes. Some despotic tyrants are funnier than others, yes.
> Armored plates on his back slid away, revealing a rudementary
rudementary = rudimentary
Right, fixed it.
> sort of jetpack. Dual flames burned under his long, useless cape, and
> he blasted off toward the wreckage of his restaurant. He started
> reciting Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries and firing off missiles into
> a nearby vacant demolition site. "DAH-DAHN-DA-DA-DAAA-DAAAH!"
They used to do that in Vietnam...scared the shit out of people from what I'
m told. ^_^
A very effective technique, wouldn't you agree?
> After Grandma departed, Terra found herself feeling dazed and
> vaguely sick to her stomach. It was not so much the act of kissing
> her beloved 'Gramma' that left her feeling that way. It was more
The funny thing is, she hasn't yet asked where "Grampa" is.
^_^ I guess it just hasn't crossed her mind yet.
> "They're becoming more dangerous," Terra's father said. "You've
> made me proud so far--you're very strong, but if this continues, not
> even you will be safe."
Well, it's not like she'll be safe if she just sits by and lets the Dark
Kingdom
invade either. Or do they have some sort of escape plan should that
eventuality come to pass?
I'm sure they've thought of something and think that the rest of the
girls can handle the situation without the need to put their daughter
at risk.
> Sephiroth shook his head. "I'm not around long enough to do
> much. I barely have time to visit you and your mother."
<Sephiroth> *looking at Tux's axe as he tries desperately to lift it* ....
Mine's bigger. ^_^
^_^ Something to talk about when he comes over for breakfast sometime.
> "We can't let you go," Kasumi added. "We're very sorry, but
> it's for your own good."
Though even if she didn't go, she'd still be in much danger from the Youma,
and even
more so if the others failed. This bit of parental logic seems to contrast
a bit
with what happens later when Sephiroth tests her. More when that happens.
Yeah, I just sort of needed a reason for Sephy to fight her...
> Terra looked down, closed her eyes, and pursed her lips.
> Subtly, an unfamiliar feeling rose inside her. "I will go," she
> said in a determined voice that she knew was hers but couldn't
> recognize the tone, "whether you say I can or not." The girl gasped
> when she recognized the emotion in question as the ancient force
> known as 'rebellion.' "I mean," she amended quickly and in a softer
> voice, "they might need me some day." She trembled and looked short
> of breath, surprised at herself.
So very different from being the old Galaxy Destroyer.
I've got some plans that radically change the GD's view of things toward
the end of the Silver Millennium arc.
I mean, you don't think that her opinion would stay the same forever,
do you?
> "Father," Terra said, "Daddy. I can't promise that. I know I
> can be a big help--I can feel it!" She held a hand to her heart.
> "I _can_ be strong enough to help them out, maybe even stronger
> than Serena's become!"
Now THAT's the spirit! Now if only the rest of the Scouts could pick up
this
attitude, as well as Serena.
That could be beneficial. A little training for them would go a long way.
They really don't even need to exercise to get powerups, unlike in DBZ...
> "If I were to do so," Sephiroth continued, "or to allow you
> to fight alongside the others, the net effect would be the same."
> He pointed the tip of his exceptionally long blade at the girl's
> neck. "It would only be a question of time."
This right here is incredibly logical, if a bit fatalistic. After all, the
risk is
great, but by no means a guarantee she'll wind up dead. DAMN good chance
though.
Yes, fatalistic logic, and they know something's up.
The thing here I find weird, is that he's willing to do this, which is again,
highly
logical, and yet wouldn't let her go out and fight the invading force.
However,
they'd let her go outside and continue living in this place, which exposes
her to
their dangers anyway...without the means of protecting herself. I dunno...
the logic
just seems to break down somewhere to me.
"No, no, you're just not thinking fourth dimensionally!!!" ^_^
-Doc Brown
They just don't want to put her in harm's way. After all, if Serena can
do it, why risk Terra as well?
> "I will not go easy on you."
Why do they always say something like this? Don't get me wrong; I'm all for
fair
warning, but it's almost always this phrase. One wonders about that
sometimes (kinda
like "I will never forgive you!")
It's a Tradition(tm)! ^_^
> "What?!" Terra frowned, then swiftly ducked under a slash.
>
> "Begin!"
Bit late isn't it? ^_^
Well, yes, but there's always something to be said when you win an
unfair fight...
> going on, and guided her actions. Plus, at the corner of her eye,
> sometimes she could see the edge of some weird spherical barrier
> deflecting some of the more deadly-looking forces away.
Weird spherical barrier?
A reflexive defense mechanism that she really knows nothing about at
this point.
> However, she would be hard-pressed to explain how she, in the
> tiny, cagelike space of her living room, managed to knock her father
> down, wrench the sword from his unyielding fingers, and point it at
> his neck.
I'd like to know how she even picked that monster weapon up. ^_^
She's stronger than she looks. ^_^
> Terra gasped, took a step back, and covered her mouth, dropping
> the sword in shock. For the first time, she noticed the tattered mess
> that had become of her pajamas. Beneath, her flesh had been left
> completely unscathed. "Oh my! Excuse me, Father, I must interrupt our
> battle to clean up and put something proper on." Holding the remains
> of her clothes together to retain her modesty, she fled for her room.
> "I'll be right back!"
Uhh...yeah....
Modesty's quite important!
> Kasumi walked back in. "I think I found a way to make everything
> work out--oh my!" She covered her mouth in shock when she saw the
> wreck that had once been the living room. "This could take hours to
> clean!" She immediately set about setting the broken chairs back up,
> resetting plastic vases, and sweeping the broken glass. "I heard the
> noise. Did you challenge Terra to a duel again, dear?"
And she takes this all so cheerfully.
If she's gotta be named Kasumi, we can't have her getting mad, can
we? ^_^
> Every part of Sephiroth's body burned with pain. With eyes
> wedged shut, he replied, "Possibly. Aaaarrrgghhh..." In his family,
> hitting like a girl had become rather the opposite of the traditional
> meaning. "I think she gets it from you."
I can't wait 'til you explain just what and/or who Kasumi really is. ^_^
It should become blatantly obvious as the story progresses.
> Kasumi only smiled, humming to herself while she started
> vacuuming, missing only the sections underneath her fallen husband.
Somehow I imagine her just picking him up, vacuuming under him, then
dropping him
back on the floor in a tangled heap of pain. Heh.
Hmm...
Kasumi only smiled, humming to herself while she started
vacuuming, pausing only to lift up her fallen husband to reach the
sections underneath him. Then, she dropped the white-haired man back
down, where he writhed in a tangled heap of pain. A few moments
later, she put her apron on and started pleasantly reapplying plaster
on the walls.
Like-a-dis?
> Soon, Terra came back out. In just a few minutes, she had
> managed to bathe, wash and brush her hair, and put on a darling white
> blouse with orange loose-fitting casual slacks. She also had on thin,
> short white socks with casual shoes. "I'm ready!" she announced,
> assuming a ready fighting stance.
<Kasumi> Take your father outside to beat him up this time, dear.
Good line!
Soon, Terra came back out. In just a few minutes, she had
managed to bathe, wash and brush her hair, and put on a darling white
blouse with orange loose-fitting casual slacks. She also had on thin,
short white socks with casual shoes. "I'm ready!" she announced,
assuming a ready fighting stance.
"Terra, could you please take your father outside to beat him
up next time?" Kasumi requested.
Terra nodded. "Of course, Mother. Father, shall we go?"
"Ugh. No, no, that'll be fine," Sephiroth added, sitting up and
holding his head. He glanced at his wife. "This is why we never
trained her in martial arts. I don't think we'd have been able to
take it. Speaking of which, I seriously need to start working out
more. Too much of your home cooking..." Indeed, his midsection
possessed a few more inches than a self-respecting super-soldier
ought to have.
> "Nope!" the creature replied. "Oye'z ya door-ta-door ArbyFish
> salesman." It held its tray higher. "Care for an ArbyFish? Tastes
> GREAT on a cracker!" It held up an orange thing, vaguely ArbyFish-
If an Arbyfish sells it's young to be eaten, how do they....you know
something, I
just won't ask. I won't even ask. ^_^
Arby: Oh, well, they'z resillient, they iz! (picks up one happily
squirming and squeaking little Red proto-ArbyFish) They bounce roight
back! (stretches out the thing like a rubber band and fires it off like
from a slingshot...)
*boing-boing-boing!* The little spit ricochets all around the room,
before finally landing on the table and squeaking in glee.
Arby: There, ya see? They pass ROIGHT THROUGH YA, they does!
Why do you think they call 'em 'spits?' ^_^;;;
> shaped, which squeaked. "Try an Orange one. They prevent scurvy.
> Ya can juice 'em or put 'em on a stick and lick 'em!" He tied the
> little spit to a stick and held it up for them to see.
I suppose you had to do something to get the sugar of Sailor Stylin out of
your
system before you died of saccarine overload. But you know, this is kinda
sick. ^_^
I just have to remind people on occasion just how warped the ArbyFish
psyche is.
Good job.
Thank'ya very much!
> "You're selling your young?" Kasumi asked, holding her ponytail
> and trying not to look too taken aback.
>
> "A'course!" Flanburger replied. "Roight propa' business, it
> is! Gotta sell ya young. Ow'd ya get 'em ta grow up roight if ya
> didn't? Eh? Eh?"
But then...no, I wasn't going to ask that. ^_^
Arby taught his people every warped custom he knew.
Some of them were really quite strange. He did grow up in a lab,
after all...
> "Ev'ryone knows th' First One," Flanburger replied. "E's roight
> congealed, 'e iz. 'Ad a ceremony n' a statue on 'Shroom Day, too.
> It's a Tradition(tm)." He cleared his throat. "So, 'ow 'bout n'
...how...oh yeah, Blue Arbyfish buy it a lot, don't they?
Well, the blue ones just sort of pop out of existence, then right
back in, so they're flexible in that aspect.
The thing is that Arby is the First ArbyFish, the first of the
species, therefore anything he does or did could be construed as
a tradition.
Arby: It's a Tradition(tm)!
Random person: WHO CAME UP WITH THAT TRADITION?!!?
Arby(grins): Oye did!
He's never hesitant to abuse his position of power...
> "'Ey!" the ArbyFish said in protest.
>
> "I'm only interested in Pink ones," Kasumi added.
Assuming any are still around. ^^
Well, there's a couple here and there. Quite rare. All the other
ArbyFish do their best to exterminate all they find, but they
sort of barely tolerate the ones that surpass the limits of
natural selection and actually survive.
"Terra, I'd like you to meet Michiru Kaioh," Kasumi said,
If this is the semi dubb universe, wouldn't she be named Michelle? I mean,
I
wouldn't hold it against you if you didn't want to go with the Cloverway
dubb (*looks
over my shoulder at the fusion cannons aiming powering up for a strategic
strike on
cloverway...heheheheh), but it is something to note.
Hmm... Well, when I wrote the first bunch of chapters (1/10-1), the S
and SuperS series hadn't even been done. Sure, there'd been some speculation
that Michiru would be Michelle and Haruka would be Erica, and who knows
what Hotaru ended up as (I was away and missed that part. If anyone knows
what she turned out as, go ahead and tell me!)
Sure enough. Michiru became Michelle, but Haruka became Amara. Go figure.
But... I'm sure I can accomodate that. ^_^
The woman half-led, half-dragged the new girl into the
kitchen and sat everyone down around the table.
"Terra, I'd like you to meet Michiru Kaioh," Kasumi said.
"But you may call me Michelle," Michiru said.
"Bernadette!" a cutesy voice outside squealed. "Come back!"
"ACK!" Michiru choked, diving under the table. "Hide me!"
Outside, a thin girl with pink hair ran by. "Come back,
please! Widdle Azusa misses youuuu!"
After nearly a minute of silence, Terra and Kasumi managed
to yank the frightened young woman out from under the table and
seat her in a comfy chair.
"Ah, yes," Kasumi continued, "where was I? Terra, this is
Michiru, call her Michelle, and she's also known as Sailor Neptune,
warrior for the New Age and Soldier of the Outer Solar System."
Michiru's jaw dropped. "Ah, I..." She was obviously at a
loss for words. She appeared to be thinking that she ought to be
offended on some level, but in the end, her expression showed more
confusion than anything else. "How did you know about that?"
^_^
> Michiru's jaw dropped. "Ah, I..." She was obviously at a
> loss for words. She appeared to be thinking that she ought to be
> offended on some level, but in the end, her expression showed more
> confusion than anything else. "How did you know about that?"
I wasn't even aware she was even a Senshi at this point...not that it
actually
matters, but I can't remember if she was or was not here.
Well, there was special part I made up in an earlier section of
NETTG 10-2. A LONG ol' time back, but it was there.
> "A little green fish told me," Kasumi replied. "Anyway,
> Michiru, this is my daughter Terra. On the side, she's an honorary
> Sailor Scout, Sailor Earth."
>
> "Honorary?" Terra whispered with a slightly raised eyebrow.
>From what I recall of the panel with Naoko Takeuchi (sp?) at Comic-con 97,
she
actually clarified that Tux boy was the 'senshi' of the Earth (nearly
shouted out
Yes, that's what I'd come to understand. Does that all the male Senshi
that came along wore tuxes?
There's been a lot of speculation on this as well. I prefer the notion
that all the Senshi were female and Tuxy holds a special place. Besides,
it makes fan fiction where Usagi or others are reborn male SO much more
fun. ^_^
loud "Have more respect for yourself!" when she said Tux was her ideal man.
She's a
bit too cute and nice for that sort of self-depreciation ^^) Funny thing
about her
definition of senshi. If you want to take that definition to another anime,
you'd
find that the Kami-sama of the world of Dragon Ball Z is actually a Senshi.
Can't
imagine the old green guy in a skirt though. ^^;;;;
Piccolo, maybe, but not Kami-sama! ^_^;;;
> Kasumi looked at her with mild distress. "So, you won't help
> a fellow Sailor Soldier to fulfil her duties?"
fulfil = fulfill
Got it!
> "I didn't say that," Michiru replied, slowly waving a hand.
> "It's just that this is hitting me a little too quickly. Could you
> please give me a minute to think about all this?"
<Michiru> And do I still get paid?
Hmm...
Kasumi looked at her with mild distress. "So, you won't help
a fellow Sailor Soldier to fulfill her duties?"
"Will I still get paid?"
"You won't help her if you don't get paid?"
"I didn't say that," Michiru replied, slowly waving a hand.
"It's just that this is hitting me a little too quickly. Could you
please give me a minute to think about all this?"
> Kasumi nodded and smiled as she stood. "Of course! Why don't
> you two talk and get to know each other. I need to go take care of
> something."
Seems like you're missing something here. Like an explanation that Kasumi
knew that
something needed done, but had forgotten what...or something of that nature.
Kasumi nodded and smiled as she stood. "Of course! Why don't
you two talk and get to know each other. I need to go take care of
something."
"The living room's still a mess," Terra explained.
"Ah, the living room," Kasumi whispered. "Yes, yes. That's it!"
She glanced around furitively, then picked up a feather duster,
pointedly smiled at the two, then walked out.
> Michiru scooted back as if hit in the sternum with a three-
> pound shot put. "Ahhhh," she began, gasping for breath, "I prefer a
> strong _companion_ who isn't afraid to voice their opinion."
It's a terrible shame you know. Michiru is quite pretty, but no man will
ever be
able to attract her interest...unless he did something drastic and dunked
himself in
the spring of cute drowned girl..........I'm not writing that one. You can'
t make
me! Nooo! Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts!
(chanting, swaying back and forth) DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!!!!!!
> Jadeite was dreaming--he knew he had to be dreaming. He was a
> he, for example, and the sparkling bubbles floating in the distance
> were a dead giveaway. So was the slightly brighter-than-normal edge
> to his vision. Either that, or he had died, but the Terran Guardian
> felt sure that someone would take a moment and inform him if such an
> event had taken place. Or so he liked to think.
<Death> HEH HEH HEH HEH!
^_^ Indeed.
> His current surroundings were quite familiar. They consisted
> of the stone architecture found in the Lunar Palace on the Moon. He
> felt as if only a few scant days had passed since he had gazed upon
> it last. Yet, at the same time, he knew that the structure had lain
> in ruins for thousands upon thousands of years and the inhabitants
> thereof had been slain.
Actually, by this point, wouldn't they be little more than lunar rocks,
considering
the heavy bombardment of meteors they'd have been under for the last few
thousand
years or so?
Yup! That's why it's in a magical dreamscape.
> Serenity reached down and ran her hair through the child's
> short hair. "Isn't she pretty?" She looked across the bed at Jadeite
ran her hair = ran her hand
Oops... Fixed it. ^_^;;;
> and said, "I trust you will be able to explain how this happened?"
> It wasn't so much a question as a suggestion--a rather motherly
> suggestion that promised a spanking whatever the response might be.
Odd. Why would she be even the remotest angry about this. Puzzled, yes,
but angry?
Hmm...
"Who will marry Sailor Mars now?" the Queen asked, folding
her arms and looking a bit miffed.
Jadeite sadly, but lovingly caressed the little girl's cheek.
"Not me, I guess..."
Serenity glanced away, then stared into the man's eyes,
suddenly much more calm and concerned. "Doesn't it bother you at
all?"
> "I always woke up to the same, unwavering appearance for
> centuries. I'd say a little change was in order by now, wouldn't you
> agree?" There was more than a hint of irony in Jadeite's voice.
Heh, a lot of agreement going on here.
I checked for other turns of phrase that might be found repetitive,
but I couldn't find any... Oh well.
> The Queen shook her head. "Your bid for freedom did terrible
> things to the enchantment placed upon you. Before, it was such a
> simple and straightforward thing. Now, it's so bent and battered
> beyond recognition that it would take considerable effort with
> the Ginzuishou to get rid of it, and I do not have that Crystal
> with me right now."
Is she dead or something else? I recall seeing her pop up and give Usagi
different
power ups from time to time in the initial series, but I know she died on
the moon
thousands of years ago...and that seems a bit too...I dunno, PHYSICAL for
her to be
giving out the occasional power up here and there. So, the question becomes,
if she
did die, what did she become after the fact?
In the original, she did die as the result of her using the Ginzuishou.
But in NETTG, it's anyone's guess as to what happened to her...
Jadeite raised an eyebrow at the feather duster the Queen was
motioning with. Serenity blushed briefly, hiding the cleaning item
behind her back.
> "How about: is this just a dream, or are you really sending
> me a message this way?"
>
> "Yes. However, I think we should ask the most immediate
> question."
Heh, I like how she didn't answer his questions.
It's a Tradition(tm)!
> That gave Jadeite pause to think. "That's right, I am sort
> of weak, outnumbered, outpowered, outgunned..."
How can he lose? ^_^
Good point!
> "Oh, come on," Serenity urged brightly and mischievously,
> "you'll look good in a sailor suit! We'll call you Sailor Chibi-Chibi
> Jadeite!"
BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Think we should go that way when Jadeite tries to activate his
powers?
> Queen Serenity sat down beside the young girl. "Well," she
> said slowly, "there _is_ a slightly less pretty, but more convenient
> option." She held out her hand, above which a large golden, jewel-
> encrusted bracelet appeared, shimmering in the soft light. "The
> Cutie Moon Rock Bracelet. On loan from a friend."
<Jadeite> Where do you get these wonderful toys?
^_^
She's like an ethereal arms dealer. ^_^
Yup, sure seems like it sometimes.
> "How can I know that?!" Jadeite called into the nothingness.
>
> "Because if you do not, _you_ will shortly perish."
>
> "WHAT?!"
This conversation was just beautiful man. I was smiling with my tongue in
my cheek
the whole way through it. ^_^
That's definitely one type of humor worth doing. It seemed the most
appropriate for the backstory areas.
> "Oooh, nice move, General!" an overconfident, mocking voice
> shouted through the grey smoke. "Glad to hear you've decided to make
> this a bit more interesting. I'd hate for you to have a _boring_
> death."
<Jadeite> Yeah...that'd be a terrible shame. It'd be almost as bad if I
were to get
sealed up in a crystal, exorcised of Metallia's control, so I might howl out
the rest
of eternity in pity and self loathing, and quite unfairly I might add.
<ASK> Hey....that sounds like a damn fine plan! ....ehh, I'm not in the
mood.
*zap!*
Hmm... Has merit.
"Oooh, nice move, General!" an overconfident, mocking voice
shouted through the grey smoke. "Glad to hear you've decided to make
this a bit more interesting. I'd hate for you to have a _boring_
death."
WHO ARE YOU CALLING BORING?
"Yeah," Jadeite breathed, "that'd be a terrible shame, wouldn't
it?! It'd be almost as bad if I were to get sealed up in a crystal,
exorcised of Metallia's control, so I might howl out the rest of
eternity in pity and self loathing--and quite unfairly, I might add!"
Her voice had progressed beyond shock and beyond irony into the vast
forests of cynicism and the deep desert wastelands of sarcasm.
"Nah," the deep voice shot back, "that'd take too long!"
> He was six-foot-six, wore green and black chamouflage armor,
chamouflage = camouflage
Right! Got it.
> "Computer," the Atomic Starlight Knight said in an overly
> cheerful voice, "deactivate the EMH and the forcefields."
>
> "But!" His mouth agape, the doctor vanished and the barrier
> blinked off.
*evil laugh*
Poor EMH. ^_^
> Jadeite's lower jaw literally hit the floor. "GWAAAH!"
>
> *BLAM!!!* "TEN!!!" The Knight in Shining Armor absorbed the
> massive recoil, his boots digging an inch into the metal deck.
Portrait of a man who really really REALLY wants to kill someone.
Yup! Kind of obsessive in that aspect...
> "No, I haven't," ASK affirmed, idly pointing toward the cute
> young blonde girl with his gunblade. "Sorry, but this is business."
> He leaned down and kissed Ukkyo on the forehead and pulled the
> trigger.
Why not just go for the full on kiss on the mouth? It totally immobilizes
anime girls. ^_^
Could work...
"Yes he is," ASK replied. "I figured it out all by myself.
He's just cursed with something. I think I did that, too, but I
don't remember how."
"Yes, you do that a lot." Ukkyo put her hands on her hips.
"This is what we were talking about! You've gone insane again."
"No, I haven't," ASK affirmed, idly pointing toward the cute
young blonde girl with his gunblade. "Sorry, but this is business."
He leaned down and kissed Ukkyo on the lips. She froze from the
conflicting emotional impact while her boyfriend aimed at Jadeite
and pulled the trigger.
> "If you kill her, I'm breaking up with you!" Ukkyo warned.
>
> ASK frowned. He clicked on the safety and put away the sword.
> Looking quizzically at her, he said, "Why would you go and do a
> crazy thing like that?" He looked aside, as though someone else
> was speaking to him.
Well, all things considered he is kinda two-timing the poor Youma lady. ^^
Well, he hasn't yet, but the night is young. ^_^
> "No it isn't," ASK said. "This is war--sublime war! There must
> be no retreat! Mwa-hah!" He seemed to _really_ be enjoying this.
<ASK> And surrender is not an option. Especially not when I'm klling them! ^
_^
Hmm...
"No it isn't," ASK said. "This is war--sublime war! There must
be no retreat! Mwa-hah!" He seemed to _really_ be enjoying this.
"And surrender is not an option! I've blocked off all exits and
the white flag rule has just been repealed!"
> "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease don't hurt meeeeeeeeeeee!" the girl
> pleaded, tears flowing from her eyes and her hands held together in
> deep supplication.
<ASK> You, who are without mercy, now plead for it?! Eehh...*blam* Request
denied!
ASK glanced at her. "You who are without mercy now plead for
it?!" Tears started welling up in Jadeites big, blue eyes. "Eh?!
Don't think being cute will help. _I_ know that method better than
_you_ possibly could." To Ukkyo, he said, "There you go again. You
don't seriously think that this is General Jadeite, do you? Well,
I do."
> "Listen to her! Listen to her!" Jadeite urged.
Ack! Too much cute girly pleading! Ack! ^_^
It's required!
> "I'm a doctor!" the EMH complained loudly, "not a replicator!"
.....BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHH!!! DeForest Kelly...we'll miss you always. ^_^
Ah, yes.
> And so it was that the dark knight, the cook, and the ex-
> general got together and had a nice, calm pre-mortem conference.
> Each party in question was allowed to argue their point without
> interference from the other party. As the plaintiff, ASK went first,
> insisting that the girl was really General Jadeite in disguise and
> must therefore die in the most messy and excrutiating fashion. Ukkyo
excrutiating = excruciating
Fixed it.
One gets the impression, he's really not happy with Jadeite. Just an
impression
though...not too terribly blatant. ^_-
Nope, not too obvious at all. ^_^
> ASK smiled broadly. "Sure!" He grabbed the blonde's free hand
> and started shaking it roughly. "Any friend of Serenity's is a
> sure-fire friend of mine!" Then he frowned. "Does this mean I don't
> get to kill you?"
Now that's a serious one-track mind. ^_^
I plan on improving the argument a little later...
> Then the sickbay doors opened and Paracite ran in, his clothes
> as rumpled as ever. "Cousin Jadeite! Cousin Jadeite!" Short of breath,
> he ran toward the young girl and wrapped his arms around her waist.
Ack! Where'd I put that insulin?
You ran out from the Sailor Stylin' episodes, remember? ^_^
> "I'm SO glad you're okay! Hey, wait a second." He patted her back and
> shoulders a little. "You're a little smaller than when I last saw
> you."
*fondle, fondle* And what's with these weird soft things on your chest?
Ermh... Well, Jadeite kind of got reduced in age as well, so there's not
much there anyway...
> There, that wasn't so bad, now, was it?
I think I'm still alive, so it's all good. ^_^
Excellent!
...
Wait, he survived! Gotta make it tougher next time...
> I only have a few more loose ends to tie up and then I'll be able to
> advance the story along. I just _had_ to dump so many different
> plotlines into it, didn't I?
Awwwe...you're just like the rest of us fanfic writers. We're all just a
bit
masochistic on the inside...and some of us on the outside. Heheheheheh.
^_^;;;
> Besides, I've gotta get to the Ranma/Pluto stuff soon. Wouldn't
> be proper otherwise! Plus, there's the four other series I need
> to work on as well...
<Dr. Arby> An' in dis room of da roight lovely Sanitarium, oui'll see we '
ave a
rather good looking gal by the name o' Sailor Pluto. Don't ya get too close
ta da
bars, she's been known ta bite people's arms off, roight nicely. Told ya so.
Anywoay, 'ers is a terribly tragic story of 'ow 'er various fianc�s drove '
er
absolutely, toys 'n de attic, truly gone fishin', bugfuck, psycho 'nsane.
Might
wanna put some pepament bubblegum 'shrooms on dat der bloody stump, or yer
likely ta
start feelin' da effects of da venom she's a got. T'all started a long long
time ago
'n a Moon Kingdom far far aw'y with 'n Admiral Tim, 't did...^_^
Now THERE's an idea. But for later. ^_^
> If anybody noticed anything amiss, I would like to hear about it,
> so that I may take the proper actions and cover it up before anyone
> else notices, etc. ^_^
Well, not really amiss, but for the most part, this chapter didn't have
quite the
amount of slapstick, kill 'em all, Evil Dead type humor that was in most of
the other
chapters. I mean, the conversations between Terra and her parents (and
grandparent)
as well as the conversation between Serenity and Jadeite, while humorous (
especially
when you consider just WHO is having these conversations, heh), were almost..
.serious
at points.
Yeah, I guess I feel I have to sort of build up to the big jokes. If I were
to blow up tux-boy twice in every scene, would the joke get old?
The humor involved was more subtle, tongue in cheek, snicker all
the way
through it humor, vice the evil laughter one gets while watching Tux get
vaporized by
Kakkarot (Pure magic that one. ^_^). This is not a bad thing mind you, (
Sailor Chibi
Chibi...hehehehe) but it is a bit different than the other chapters for the
most part
and is worth saying I did notice this.
Well, as long as it wasn't unfunny. There's all sorts of humor, and this
type seemed the most appropriate to get the humor across...
There were only a few misspellings and odd word placements here or there
that I could
detect.
Good. Not too terribly distracting, then.
Not much else I can think of to comment on. This seemed to be a more...
sedate (if
that word even applies ^^) chapter than most of your others, but still quite
a fun
read.
Well, can't have the same level of explosions each time. Gotta give 'em time
to build back up and such.
Besides, this is part of the section which I consider the "wrap-up" of
NETTG 10-2...
Here's another scene, just since you spent so long reviewing these ones:
^_^;;;
After a long day of being dead, meeting deceased friends,
enemies, and ancestors he had no clue about, and then literally
fighting for his life through the fiery depths of hell, Darien
Shields thought a bit of relaxation was in order.
Much like several of his acquaintances, who had just managed
to stumble out of a taxi and find their respective bedding, the
man slumped down upon his unmade mattress and went out like the
last wretched, soggy match in a desperately-needed mountain survival
kit.
A few hours later, a bony finger prodded him awake. "Unnnhhh!"
AWAKEN. I AM COME.
"Fivemminutshhhheerrshumthin," Darien slurred, wrapping his
pillow around his head. "Wha?"
UNLESS YOU WISH TO DIE IN YOUR SLEEP.
*Shhhick!*Shhhick!* Darien slowly, cautiously opened his eyes
when he heard the slow sharpening sounds of a whetstone against a
not-exactly-metal blade. "What?!" he asked, sitting up, just as his
pillow was cleaved in two.
TIME'S UP.
"GWAH!" the college student choked as his inborn Tuxedo Mask
reflexes forced him to roll away from another strike.
VERY LIVELY FOR A DEAD MAN, BUT...
The hooded figure suddenly paused when the city light from the
window illuminated Darien's face. Death's heavy tones grew slightly
annoyed. EH? WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK AGAIN?!
Darien gulped loudly. "I--I can't die! I just got back!"
I CAN SEE THAT, Death said, shaking his skull and turning away,
holding up his skeletal hands in a gesture of frustration. THIS IS
HIGHLY IRREGULAR. NOBODY WISHES TO STAY DEAD AS OF LATE.
"I fought for my life," Darien explained hastily, "against
impossible odds, and I won!"
Death didn't seem to be paying attention anymore, caught up in
his own world-weariness. NOT LIKE IN THE OLD DAYS. I CAME KNOCKING
AND EVERYONE KNEW THEIR PLACE.
"I'm alive!" Darien added.
OH, CERTAINLY THEY COMPLAINED, BUT IN THE END, THEY REMAINED
THERE. He glared at the man with the blue fires glowing in his empty
sockets. NOT LIKE _YOU_.
Darien recoiled at the word 'you,' which had as much force and
weight to it as the dropped lid of a giant stone sarcophagus.
Death started pacing around.
AND THERE'S THIS OBNOXIOUS KNIGHT THAT'S BEEN GIVING ME TROUBLE
FOR AGES. I'LL HAVE HIM, YOU KNOW. MAKE NO MISTAKE. IN THE END, ALL
MUST ANSWER TO ME.
"Um, yeah," Darien added uncertainly. "I'm alive now. I went
through Hell to get my life back and I think I've earned it, and I'd
appreciate not being killed again anytime soon..."
YOU SAY IT AS IF YOU HAD A CHOICE.
"Actually, I think I do in this matter."
HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?
"I'm alive. You only take away dead people. And if I were to
die, it would have to be of _something_, wouldn't it?"
NORMALLY, YES. HOWEVER, YOU COULD DIE OF TERROR...
"You're not that frightening!"
Suddenly, the phone rang. Instinctively, Darien picked it up.
"Hello?" Then he frowned and looked at the clock. "Who are you and
what are you doing, calling at three o'clock in the morning?!"
The Imfamous Split-Screen Phone Conversation(tm) came back,
and on the other side was the familiar friendly face of Kasumi
Incognito. "Oh my! Were you sleeping?"
"Oh, hi. Terra's mom, right? No, I'd already gotten up. Why
_are_ you calling this early?"
"I was just a little worried about you," Kasumi replied.
"Are you feeling all right? You're not sick or anything, are you?"
"I'm feeling fine, actually. Just a little tired."
"That's very good! I thought you might be dying."
WHO IS IT? Death asked, peering over the man's shoulder.
Covering up part of the receiver, Darien looked at him and
said, "It's Kasumi, the mother of a friend of mine." He turned his
attention back to the phone. "What would make you think I'm
dying?"
Death idly twirled his scythe in the air for a moment. I'M
WAITING...
"I just had a feeling," Kasumi said. "You're certain you're
not even the _slightest_ bit ill?"
YES, Death added, placing his fingers on the man's shoulder,
PERHAPS YOU FEEL MY ICY GRIP UPON YOU OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT?
HA. HA. HA. HA.
Death sounded as if he'd heard of laughter, but hadn't gotten
the basic tenets down. However, one could not argue about the effect
it had on the hair on the back of Darien's neck, which was rather
like what happens when you take a live cat and tie its tail to a
pair of charged high-tension power lines, minus the smoke and the
yowling. Well, some of it, anyway.
"Mister Shields, why are you groaning?" Kasumi asked in the
thoroughly probing tone that only a mother can possibly hope to
manage. "Please tell me, are you feeling ill? Should I call an
ambulance?"
"I've just got an unwelcome guest," Darien replied, glaring
at Death, who shrugged, obviously not considering the remark worth
commenting upon.
Then someone else picked up the line and started dialing.
After an uncomfortable moment, a scene with Terra jammed itself
into the split-screen conversation. "Hello?" she asked in a
slightly surprised voice.
"Terra?" Kasumi whispered, rather puzzled herself. "Who were
you calling?"
"Mother?" Terra replied, "I was feeling a little lonely and
was going to call Serena." Her expression and tone showed that she
also noted something odd about the situation. "Who were you talking
to?"
"She was talking to me," Darien said. "She was worried that
something might be wrong and called. But nothing's wrong,
everything's completely under control." He looked uneasily at the
blade which the robed figure brandished.
ALL'S WELL HERE, Death said, doing a particularly good job
of looming over the man. ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL.
"Darien! That's good to hear," Terra replied brightly. "How
did the battle with all the other Sailor Scouts go?"
"Er," Darien began, trying to move away from Death as best
he could, "It went well. It looked rough for a while, but then the
Starlight Knight showed up and finished off most of the youma."
"There were a lot of them?" Terra continued.
Darien nodded lopsidedly, his forced smile indicating that
he was about to generate a very large understatement, "Yeah, a
couple."
"And one more came back to life," Kasumi said, "but Sailor
Moon gained her powers back and finished it off."
Listening in close to the phone, Death nodded. AH, YES, I WAS
THERE.
Darien glared at Death and leaned away. "Why don't you leave
me alone?" he whispered, covering up the receiver. "I told you: I'm
alive!"
NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.
"Are you sure there's nothing we can do for you?" Kasumi asked.
NO, IT'S TERMINAL.
"SHH!" Darien hushed Death before replying to Kasumi, "Umm, I
don't think there's anything I really need right now, just a little
more sleep."
YES, SLEEP. SLEEP THE ETERNAL DREAM AND PASS ON TO THE NEXT--
"Quiet!" Darien half-yelled.
"Oh! Do you have company?" Terra asked.
"Yes, he does," Kasumi said calmly. "Darien, can I talk to
him?"
"What?!"
WHAT?
Darien looked at Death. "They want to talk to you."
ME? WHY? Death asked with a confused grin as he was handed the
phone and held it uneasily to the side of his skull. HELLO?
"Hi," Kasumi said, "I hope you don't mind us talking to Mister
Shields while you're visiting."
EH? OH, IT'S NO PROBLEM. ONLY A MINOR INCONVENIENCE, REALLY.
"I'm sure you're quite busy, aren't you?" Terra added.
I AM EVERYWHERE AT ONCE, WHEREVER THE HEARTBEAT ENDS OR THE
FRAIL BODY FAILS, I AM THERE.
As Darien listened in disbelief, Terra continued, "What do
you do, exactly?"
I USHER SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD.
"Have you been at it for long?" Kasumi asked.
WHERE THE FIRST PRIMAL CELL WAS, THERE WAS I ALSO.
"Do you have an office somewhere?" Terra inquired with great
interest.
I AM NO FURTHER THAN THE THICKNESS OF A SHADOW. WHERE MAN IS,
OR WOMAN OR CHILD, THERE AM I.
"Don't you plan on retiring, ever?" Kasumi pressed.
WHEN THE LAST LIFE CRAWLS ITS FINAL INCH ON LEECHED SOIL UNDER
FREEZING STARS, THERE WILL I BE.
"Then you must love your job to dedicate so much time to it,"
Terra noted.
IT HAS, ER, ITS PERKS, IF YOU MUST KNOW.
Kasumi nodded. "Oh, very nice! And what is your business with
Mister Shields?"
HE HAS TRANSGRESSED THE LAWS OF NATURE AND, IN DEFIANCE TO THE
GODS, RETURNED TO WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HIS CAST-OFF MORTAL COIL.
Kasumi held her hand to her face in concern. "Oh my..."
ON REPEATED OCCASIONS. NOT THAT IT MATTERS TO ME WHAT THE GODS
SAY, MIND YOU. IT JUST GETS A BIT ANNOYING AT TIMES, ESPECIALLY WHEN
I WENT TO THE TROUBLE OF TAKING HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE.
"I'm sure he didn't mean it," Terra said innocently. "Can't you
give him the benefit of a doubt just this once?"
WHAT?
"You know," Kasumi said, "let him off with a warning this time?"
Death glanced at Darien, who still had his arms folded and was
looking defiant. I DON'T THINK A WARNING WOULD SUFFICE IN THIS CASE.
"Could you at least go easy on him?" Terra requested. "He's
a friend of ours."
Death paused to consider that. I WILL SEE WHAT I CAN DO. NOW,
IF YOU COULD FINISH YOUR CONVERSATION WITH HIM QUICKLY, I WOULD BE
EVER SO OBLIGED.
"Of course," Kasumi replied.
Death returned the phone.
"He seems like a reasonable fellow," Kasumi said in her typical
cheerful and overly optimistic tone. "Maybe you could talk it out
with him."
Darien glanced at the robed skeleton, and with raised eyebrows,
eloquently said, "Er..."
"And then," Terra added, "you could come over in the morning to
have breakfast with us and tell us how it all went. Would you like
that?"
"Yes," Kasumi agreed with a nod, "would you care to drop by
in the morning, around seven? I could make pancakes and I'm sure
you'll have all sorts of interesting things to tell us."
In the corner of Darien's range of vision, Death shook his
head. NO, I DOUBT YOU'LL HAVE TIME FOR THAT.
"Uh, sure!" Darien replied in a sort of forced cheerfulness.
"I'd be glad to come over. See you in the morning."
"See ya!" Terra said, even more cheerfully than her mother.
"Bye!" Kasumi said.
"Bye!"
BYE.
*Click!* Darien hung up the phone, just in time to duck another
swipe from Death's scythe. "Hey!"
SORRY, COULDN'T RESIST.
"I'm alive right now," Darien insisted, "and you're not going
to make me die of terror, okay?!"
Death nodded. YES, I SUPPOSE TERROR IS TOO MUNDANE. PERHAPS
YOU SHOULD DIE OF BUBONIC PLAGUE...
The man gagged. "Bubonic plague!? There hasn't been a case of
that around here for ages!"
YES, Death said in agreement. I WAS THERE WHEN IT HAPPENED,
YOU KNOW. HOW ABOUT CANCER? CANCER'S IN STYLE NOWADAYS.
Darien's mouth hung open in horror. "Cancer?! That's a horrible
way to die!"
INDEED. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT, THEN SIMPLY JUMP OUT THE
WINDOW. IT'LL BE QUICKER.
"No!"
THEN HOW DOES DERMATITIS SOUND?
"Dermatitis?!" Darien asked incredulously. "Nobody dies of
dandruff! How about old age, years and years from now?"
Death paused, scraping a finger against his jawbone as he
considered that.
WELL...
"Well, what?!"
Death tilted his head at the man.
WOULD YOU PROMISE NOT TO COME BACK AFTER THAT?
Darien threw up his hands. "Uh, sure! I mean, I would have
lived a long, full life and everything. What more would there be to
do after that?"
GOOD. I EXPECT YOU TO ABIDE BY THE TERMS OF THIS AGREEMENT IN
FORTY YEARS. WILL YOU?
"Forty years?!" Darien asked incredulously. "You've got to be
kidding! I'll barely be past my prime by then!"
MOST PEOPLE DON'T GET THIS SORT OF OFFER. I SUGGEST YOU TAKE
IT.
"I've had dreams and seen the future, though! I'm almost
completely convinced that I'm the Prince of the Earth, and I'm
supposed to live for thousands of years!"
YES, RATHER INCONVENIENT, THAT.
"Good, it isn't a delusion," Darien whispered to himself
before adding, "So, I'll need a _lot_ more time than just forty
years!"
THAT'S A BIT TOO LONG AND INSPECIFIC. HOW ABOUT TWO HUNDRED?
"Oh, come on! For Pete's sake, that wouldn't even get me
through the Great Ice that's supposed to happen! Four thousand, and
not a century less!"
THAT'S TOO MUCH, EVEN FOR ONE OF YOU STUCK-UP PRINCES. FIVE
HUNDRED YEARS.
"I have to fulfil my Destiny! Three thousand seven hundred
years."
ONE THOUSAND YEARS AND NOT A DAY OVER.
"At least give me three thousand! The kingdom's supposed to
last forever!"
TWO THOUSAND AND YOU STOP YOUR SNIVELING.
"How about two thousand five hundred?"
TWO THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY.
"Two thousand three hundred and seventy five?"
YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A DEAL!
Darien and Death shook hands, supposedly sealing the agreement,
but halfway through, the more bony individual paused.
ON SECOND THOUGHT, COULD I GET THAT IN WRITING?
"Oh, fine!" Darien muttered, scrambling around for a pen and a
piece of paper.
Death positively beamed at this turn of events. HAVE TO MAKE
SURE OF THESE THINGS, YOU KNOW.
"Yeah, yeah," the aforementioned Mister Shields muttered, half
in relief, half in exasperation.
A few minutes and a signature later, Death grinned down at the
man before departing, and after that, Darien Shields never felt more
alive.
...
While Death departed, something occurred to him about one of
the women whom he spoke to on the phone. TERRA INCOGNITO? WAS THAT
WAS HER NAME? I WONDER IF THAT COULD BE...
Atop his floating white horse, the black-robed figure pulled
out a very large hourglass, about a foot and a half high and seven
inches in diameter. Parts of it had strange and ugly symbols scrawled
across it, but over those, large pink and red bows had been tied.
Inside, a dull pile of black sand on the receiving end was topped by
a few sparkling grains of gold. A very, very tiny patch of brightly-
colored specks slowly trickled down from the top.
AH, YES. HER. NOT LONG NOW, AND IT'LL BE ABOUT TIME. NOT EVEN
MOST GODS LIVE THAT LONG. TOO BAD, REALLY. SHE WAS JUST GETTING
INTERESTING.
Death spurred his flying steed onward. There yet remained a
great deal of work for him to do this night.
@_@;;
Hope THAT one was worth wading though the C&C response to get to. ^_^
> Until later, then!
Later. Hope this helped a bit.
Sure, it did! Thanks a bunch!
-------------------------------
Benjamin A. Oliver
boredcollective@aol.com
"We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
Your humor will adapt to entertain us.
Resistance is and always has been: Futile."
Collective works available at:
http://rakhal.com/florestica/ben-oliver/index.html
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