At 16:18 6/20/2002, Ranma Saotome wrote:

The Cryptkeeper : The Hand of Goddess PT I
by Michael "Ranma13" Cerda

         <snip>

"Please feel free to sue the library whenever you
want.  I have books in all topics and subject matter.
I just have one rule, please be respectful.  I do a
lot of work in here that requires great
concentration."  Waiting for everyone to nod his or
her heads, "Now follow me please."

         Hmm.. I've never "sue"'ed a library before.
Do you need a lawyer for that, or can you represent
yourself? ^_^

         I think you mean "use", don't you?

         You've a number of other typos like this, the
sort that a spellchecker can't catch because they
form actual words in a spellcheck dictionary.

         Example: you use "feint" (any distracting
move) where you meant to use "faint" (to pass out,
a spontaneous loss of consciousness).

         Here's another case.

"Great, I love to cook."  Soun, Nabiki and Kasumi fell
over in shock.  Akane just scowled at her family.  She
knew what the problem was.  She was working with
shotty equipment.

         That _should_ be "shoddy".

         Also, some spots seem unclear. Such as this:

Concentrating, Akane
jumped s she landed on the pole.  Smiling, she started
to lose her balance.  Falling into one of the pools
below.

         The "jumped s she" bit.. I don't think you intended
that, did you? It doesn't make sense.

         Either a stray letter you forgot to delete, or
something you didn't spell out completely.

         They're scattered all through your chapter. I
shan't bother quoting them all, as I'd end up cutting
and pasting perhaps a full ten to twenty per cent of
your work. Not much point to that, as it would annoy
people.

         As for the _story_, however, it's interesting.
Interesting enough that I ignored the typoes and went
on to finish it. I found it entertaining. Keep writing,
I'll keep reading.  However, I'd strongly suggest that
you find someone with an editorial bent who would
enjoy being both a pre-reader and a PROOF-reader.

         Ed Becerra

         "Dreamers may die, but the Dream is eternal..."



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