Subject: [FFML] The Value of Empathy [IY] [PG] (Second Try)
From: Vash The Stampede
Date: 6/17/2002, 9:08 PM
To: ffml@anifics.com


This is a little character piece I've done for the Friendship Duology --=
 this focuses on the oft-untouched relationship between Sango and Inu-Yasha.=
 It contains poilers up to Episodes 53 of Anime, and the corresponding=
 chapters of the manga, as well as things about Sango, Kohaku, Tetsusaiga,=
 and Inu-Yasha's little 'problemn'.=20

Definitely looking for a critque on this before I post it to my=
 site/FF.net/whatever. Thanks. ^_^

~Mandy

The Value of Empathy
Friendship Duology 1
Mandy Lever


It was the third time Inu-Yasha had gone to the pond. I don=92t think he=
 realized that I was awake, listening to him get up and move to the waters=
 we slept beside, near the village that had been ravished by Gatenmaru=92s=
 forces earlier in the day.=20

How many times would he do it? How many times would it take to get the blood=
 off his hands, from beneath his claws? How many times would it take for him=
 to finally let it go?=20

I sat up quietly; Kirara stirred at my side, letting out a tiny mew. She was=
 awake. Her two tails bobbed, and then she bounded away toward the river.=
 Only now did I realize that she vanished when Inu-Yasha did. Perhaps he=
 found company in her presence.

Perhaps he might find some in mine. Would forgiveness and understanding make=
 things any better for him? He was so distant, and oft times, yes, inhuman.=
 He was, at his worst, the things I had been trained to hunt and kill=
 without hesitation as an exterminator. At his best, he was a grumpy young=
 man I had begun to consider as a brother. He had taught me more then I=
 would care to admit in lessons of trust, loyalty, and duty.=20

I could not condone everything he did, but I could not abandon him now. He=
 had done too many kindnesses to me. He saved Kohaku from my own hand. He=
 had shown me the strength of my brother=92s heart, revealed the truth of=
 his imprisonment. He gave me hope.

I stepped over Kagome=92s sleeping form, Shippou buried in her arms. Miroku=
 leaned against a tree, his head bowed and his staff caught in his folded=
 arms. None woke as I moved past them.=20

The five of us were such a motley crew. An exterminator and a priest might=
 travel together, but with a hanyou, a kitsune, and a timelost girl? By all=
 rights, Shippou and Inu-Yasha would be my prey, and Miroku could bind or=
 banish either. Kagome was a trespasser in our country and time. But yet we=
 did more then tolerate them; we loved and respected them.

The sounds of splashing in the distance lead me to Inu-Yasha; as I rounded a=
 tree I could see him, knee deep in the water. He dunked his hands, over and=
 over again, into the water, a frenzied washing as he rubbed them beneath=
 the surface of the pond. A sound of frustration bubbled up from his throat;=
 he couldn=92t get it off. It was still on his skin, taunting supernatural=
 senses.=20

Kirara sat on the bank, her war-form imposing in the moonlight. She made no=
 sound; she merely waited, a patient presence.

The splashing stopped, and Inu-Yasha sagged in the water. Clothing soaked,=
 he simply leaned forward, hands on his knee. His long hair shone in the=
 moonlight; falling over his shoulders, down across his back, like a blanket=
 of snow.=20

It wouldn=92t come off. While he had gotten the blood and maybe even the=
 stink off his hands, his mind=92s eye saw it caked under his claws. I=92d=
 seen it before, in my fellow exterminators. It was dangerous work;=
 sometimes innocents were hurt or killed. the best let it make them a=
 stronger hunter, more careful and determined. The weak fell to grief,=
 madness and guilt ruining them as hunters and people both.

Inu-Yasha gave up. He straightened, shaking out his hair; droplets sprayed=
 from the ends. For a moment, Miroku no longer centered over my heart.=
 Inu-Yasha, when he was not aware of the eyes on him, could be a beautiful=
 creature. His youkai blood blessed him with an exotic beauty that at this=
 moment touched my heart=85 until he turned around.

He looked up toward Kirara, and I wanted to weep at the sight of him. My=
 teeth fastened on my lip to keep from making a sound, as I watched him look=
 so despondently to my long-time companion. He looked so bleak and lost; it=
 was like someone had peeled the years away from his face and he was just a=
 young, lost boy. A boy who had white hair and dog=92s ears, but still. A=
 small boy.

He plowed through the water, his eyes dropping, and climbed onto the pond=92=
s bank.=20

I was privy to a rare moment of weakness, with this single friend who could=
 not speak to anyone of his private grief. He looks a moment at Kirara, and=
 she at him, before he put his arms around her furry neck and held on=
 tightly.=20

I had never seen him hold another person in such a manner. Not even Kagome,=
 who holds half his heart, and certainly not Kikyou. Could he not trust=
 Kagome with this? If not, how could I expect him to trust me to understand?=
 Only the mute Kirara, who could never betray his trust, was privy to this=
 moment of complete vulnerability. He trusted us with so much; his=
 moon-time, his life, but not with his grief or his hurt.

I felt immediately as I saw his shoulders shake once, that I was invading a=
 private moment he had not chosen to share with any of us. I turned my back=
 to the scene, hiding among the shadows between the trees. He did not weep,=
 at least not that I could hear. The only sound that reached my ears was a=
 gentle rumble from Kirara, as she had bent her head to nuzzle his.

A few minutes later, I reached up to one of the tree=92s branches, and=
 snapped it off. It was a sound to alert him to my approach, giving him a=
 few moments to compose himself.=20

I glanced just beyond the tree to see him hastily wipe at his face, before=
 dropping down into his usual =91sulk=92 position: legs folded beneath him,=
 hands tucked into the voluminous sleeves of his firerat hair haori.=20

I stepped around the trees once he was =91in position=92 as it were, and=
 began my slow walk through the shrubbery toward him. He did not speak to me=
 or I to him until I had taken up a seat beside him on the grass.

=93You don=92t have to pretend you care,=94 he said with typical sullenness.=
 =93Aren=92t I the type of youkai you=92d hunt now?=94=20

Perhaps he sought a judge, or even a jury and an executioner. I looked to=
 him from the corner of my eyes; he stared straight ahead over the water. He=
 could not, or would not, meet my gaze.

=93I cannot hunt you, Inu-Yasha,=94 I offered as an answer after careful=
 thought. =93You have taught me too much, and saved me so much pain. No=
 matter what you have done, I cannot condemn you.=94

His eyes narrowed, but still he did not look at me. =93Do you think I need=
 your comfort?=94 He snarled, lip curling to reveal a single, gleaming fang.=
 =93I don=92t! I don=92t care about what happened.=94=20

Inu-Yasha is a terrible liar.=20

=93You do care,=94 I corrected him gently. Gods know why I had to push him=
 so hard, but I could not allow himself to fester so. He is our soul, while=
 Kagome is our heart. =93Or you would have left me slay Kohaku.=94

He did not have an immediate, angry answer for that. He simply fell silent,=
 as he was wont to do.

We sat there in silence for a time, quiet and unhappy. Kirara to one side of=
 him, me to the other, as if we=92d boxed him in. And perhaps, in the end,=
 that=92s what he needed. After all, Inu-Yasha does nothing unless prodded=
 or coaxed to it.

=93You were stupid,=94 he finally said. =93I couldn=92t let you just kill=
 him. It=92d be like me trying to kill Kikyou. It=92d kill us both.=94

Kikyou. Kohaku. I wondered at the parallels, in the pair of us. He and=
 Kikyou, Kohaku and I. Two people trapped by the people we love, who are=
 already dead.=20

Already dead.

The pang of dread appeared fresh in my heart but I could not burden him with=
 my pain when his was fresh and new. I was not here for my bleeding heart,=
 but his.=20

Swallowing my hurt, I glanced to him. It took great effort to say, =93You=
 saved me from something terrible and foolish. I should have had more trust=
 in my brother.=94

He shrugged noncommittally.

Again the silence swallowed us up; I reached to touch Kirara=92s back, draw=
 some of the comfort she had shared with him to my own troubled heart. She=
 glanced at me, and then at him with crimson eyes, before standing up. Fires=
 that burned nothing flared, and she was small again, twitching her two=
 tails before mewing softly. However, she didn=92t claim my lap; it was Inu-

Yasha=92s she hopped into, curling her tails so they covered her nose and=
 closing her eyes.

He reached down and brushed his fingers over her back, before letting his=
 palm rest on the curve of her spine.=20

=93Why aren=92t you afraid of me?=94 he finally asked.

=93Because Inu-Yasha is Inu-Yasha,=94 I said after pondering my answer. =93N=
o matter what lurks in his blood, he will always be Inu-Yasha. Even if he=
 becomes youkai, he is still Inu-Yasha.=94=20

He did not answer me for some time, but when he looked up from Kirara, there=
 was a new look to his eyes; a hardness, certainly, but it was not him=
 closing himself off  rather, he looked as if he had found new purpose.

=93Na,=94 he said softly. =93Then I guess you=92re right.=94 After a moment,=
 before allowing his eyes to cut to me. His expression kept that=
 seriousness, and he nodded once. It was as close to a 'thank you' as I=
 would get from the stubborn boy.

I gave him a small smile, warmed by the fact that while he was suffering, he=
 was still strong.=20

The silence that welcomed us after that was a more companionable thing; he=
 was still tense and I was still worried, but it didn=92t seem so terrible=
 anymore. He knew what we all knew.
Inu-Yasha was Inu-Yasha. No matter what, that would never change.=20

I left him not long afterwards with only a nod and a good night. I woke the=
 next morning to find Kirara had returned to nest by my head, and Inu-Yasha=
 was no where to be found. Kagome fretted automatically, but Miroku and I=
 exchanged a glance. He knew more then he ever let on, that houshi, and=
 simply explained that Inu-Yasha had been suffering, but perhaps now was not=
 the time to pursue him.=20

I agreed. After all, Inu-Yasha was Inu-Yasha, and if I gauged him right, he=
 was going to try and make sure that would never change, daiyoukai blood or=
 not.=20



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